There She Goes

Natasha was starting to notice that Kailynn’s boyfriend was hanging around more often.

It wasn’t even while they were out – Tim, a senior in the music marketing department of the school, had taken to hanging out with Natasha and Kailynn in their dorm room, watching movies with his girlfriend or occasionally striking up a conversation with Natasha. She always felt, however, that these conversations were forced – she felt like he knew something about her, something Natasha hadn’t even told him.

Eventually, one of their conversations led to the topic of hometowns and friends back home.

“Yeah, I’m from Tempe, too!” Tim said, a smile on his face, and Natasha nodded neutrally, her attention solely focused on her homework. “That’s so cool. Hey, wait, did you know my brother?”

“Who’s your brother?” Natasha asked, and Tim replied, “Well, I have a few brothers, but Pat’s your age. Pat Kirch?”

Natasha felt her hand freeze, and quickly lifted the pen from the page as to prevent ink from forming a giant inkblot on her page. “Yeah, he’s one of my best friends.” Natasha said slowly, and Tim blinked, “No way, dude. That’s so weird – two degrees of separation.” He laughed, a strange look flickering across his face for just a moment before returning to the topic of Tempe.

After that incident, Natasha couldn’t help but feel a little… Uneasy around Tim. He knew something that she didn’t want him knowing about, and, she forcefully reminded herself, she’d only come to Tucson to escape people from her hometown.

After another three weeks of intensive burying-of-self in class work, reading and watching movies, Kailynn announced that Natasha was required to come out to another party. Natasha didn’t even bother fighting this time, accepting a tunic shirt and a pair of what seemed to be leather leggings (Natasha didn’t even know where Kailynn got all these clothes from – a better question, how did she know what size Natasha was?) and slipping them on, along with a pair of flip flops, and walking out the door to the party.

It was the same old, same old. Kailynn had wandered off to get a drink, when Tim suddenly approached her.

“H-hey.” He slurred – he seemed to be uneasy on his feet, his face a little paler than normal as he clutched a cup of beer. Natasha lit up her third cigarette, and nodded. “Hi.” She replied, taking a long drag off her smoke, a curt puff of smoke rising from her mouth as he stood next to her, wobbling slightly.

“So I have a confession.” He said, turning to face her, his knees shaking a little. Natasha raised her eyebrow, eyeing him with her head turned fully. “J-John. He… he’s in a band with Pat… And you guys were like… Married.” He stopped talking all of a sudden, and Natasha froze, slowly turning around to face Tim fully now, who looked dangerously close to collapsing on the ground.

“I manage them, you know.” Words were just free-flowing from his tongue now, and he didn’t even realize it, as Natasha took the longest drag off her cigarette, burning off nearly half of it. “And John – he’s just miserable. His mind keeps wandering and he’s forgetting all the words.” Tim seemed to be tripping over his tongue as Natasha started backing away, her eyes boring holes into him.

“And he keeps talking about some gir-“ Tim slurred, each syllable tangled into the next, before Natasha finally ran away.

She needed to get out.

--

Natasha was now officially a hermit.

She holed up in her room – she now only left to attend every other class, and food was brought to her by Kailynn, which Natasha didn’t consume in the first place in fear of throwing up. She felt sick to her stomach, and she knew exactly why.

John.

Just hearing that name, even just thinking about him, made her feel physically ill. She felt embarrassed and weak thinking about the last time she saw him, him walking away with his back facing her, his kiss still burning a hole in her, and she had to close her eyes to make the world stop spinning around her.

This continued for the rest of November and midway through December when Kailynn finally woke her up one afternoon.

“We’re going out.” Kailynn declared, and before Natasha could protest, picked her up with surprisingly strong arms.

Natasha was plopped onto a chair, and Kailynn decided her outfit for her – slim-fitting grey slacks and a opaque white lace bodysuit with a navy blue blazer. Natasha followed along, rather slowly, and let Kailynn do her makeup, eyes closed as her roommate dusted powders, spread concoctions and did other things to her now pale face.

When Natasha opened her eyes and stared into the full-length mirror Kailynn had dragged her in front of, Natasha noticed everything – how the slacks were slightly baggy, held up by a brown leather belt, when she knew the pants were probably size 2, her normal size. How her pale skin’s sallow undertone was hidden, now, by the layer of foundation and blush Kailynn had applied. How her dry lips had been painted from a pale skin-tone color to a shiny magenta.

They walked out the door, and Natasha stumbled slightly in what was once her favorite pair of black heels.

Kailynn drove, and there was a comfortable silence between the two as they drove, and Natasha didn’t have the heart to ask where they were driving – but once they hit the highway, Natasha knew Kailynn was driving towards Phoenix, and something in her heart sunk to the very pit of her stomach.

They finally stopped, after two hours of speeding along the highway, in front of a seedy looking dive bar with a white van and several other cars parked out front. Natasha followed Kailynn and they walked in without paying, a sign that should have alarmed her, but didn’t really bother her.

The music was already pumping over the PA, a live band playing on stage. It wasn’t a band that Natasha recognized – neither John or Eric were on stage, meaning it was probably one of their friends. A blonde with mussed-up, spiked hair and blue eyes with alarming amounts of stubble was playing a guitar and singing, and she spotted a few faces she recognized – Pat and his brother Tim were sitting side-stage, Kennedy was talking up a girl by the bar, and Jared and Garrett were sitting at a table, both drinking a beer.

This meant John was here.

Surprisingly, Natasha was relatively very calm.

She followed Kailynn to the bar as Kennedy was writing down his phone number for the girl, a blonde with bottle-green eyes and a tiny waist, ordering a coke and rum and watching the stage.

“Hey!” Kennedy finally sidled up next to Natasha as she started up on her drink. “Hey.” Natasha replied, taking the first sip and grimacing slightly at the taste of hard liquor – something she hadn’t enjoyed in a long time. She took the second sip slowly, letting the taste of diet Coca Cola and Captain Morgan rush over her taste buds.

“Didn’t think you’d show up.” Kennedy noted, and Natasha rolled her eyes. “Do you honestly think this was voluntary?” she asked dryly, wondering if someone would make her leave if she lit up – she took a look at her surroundings, and decided, since it was a seedy dive bar, no one would give a shit, and therefore, conjured up her pack of cigarettes from a pocket, lighting up with ease.

“Yeah, Kailynn’s pretty persuasive.” Kennedy agreed, and started talking – Natasha, however, was a little preoccupied, and nodded and muttered her agreement at all the right moments as her eyes scoured the club, before her eyes met with the green eyes of the one she’d been dreading seeing all night long.

John O’Callaghan stared her down with the same intensity as the time they saw each other last.

Natasha had braced herself for some kind of impact, a sweeping punch to her guts, but instead, she felt calm. She almost felt indifferent. She could have sworn she could have laughed right then and there, but instead pulled herself back into the conversation with Kennedy, laughing when he finished his story about Moose nearly getting hit by Jared’s dad’s pickup truck at three in the morning.

After a couple stories traded, Kennedy said goodbye, and Natasha stood at the bar, watching as the show wound down and people were just chilled out, a kind of club-party going on. She said her hellos to everyone else – Pat, Jared and Garrett – and she watched as John approached, closer and closer, until they were next to each other at the bar, and John finally mustered up the courage to speak.

“Two rum and cokes, please.” His voice wavered just slightly, betraying his nervousness. Natasha surrendered what was now a glass full of ice to the bartender for a new drink. John motioned for Natasha to sit down next to him, and Natasha silently sipped at her drink, staring straight ahead at nothing in particular. John was the first to speak, again.

“Your hair’s getting long.”

Natasha blinked, paused for a split second – she hadn’t even noticed her hair much. He was right, though – it had grown out from the short, wavy bob to a manageable shoulder-length do, the waves in her hair just soft enough to suggest she hadn’t really messed with it… Which she hadn’t.

“Yeah.” She finally agreed with him, turning to face him. “Yours, too.”

His hair had definitely grown out from the brow-length shaggy mess – the hair in the front of his face had been swept to the side, the back of it mussed up in the way she knew he had probably spent forever on. It framed his face, his face looking longer and his featured framed softly, in a shielded way.

“I know.” John replied simply, and the two returned to silently drinking their drinks, and when Natasha finished hers, she rose from the bar stool and walked away from John, not sure how to feel anymore.

She didn’t know how she was going to get home – it seemed Kailynn had left with Tim, and she couldn’t ask anyone else for a ride – until she saw Eric.

He’d grown his hair out, as well – from the slightly bobbed, young-looking haircut to a similarly shaggy, side-swept hairdo, sunglasses perched on the bridge of his nose in a slightly pretentious fashion, especially as it was nearly eleven at night.

“Hey!” Natasha called out, and Eric looked up from his phone, and smiled.

“Didn’t expect to see you.” He said, as Natasha walked up towards him.

“Yeah, it’s been a while.” She replied softly, and smiled for the first time in a long time, hands in her pockets. “Hey, can I ask you a favor?”

“Yeah, shoot.” Eric said, putting his phone in his pocket, and Natasha continued. “I know it’s kind of in the opposite direction, but I was hoping you could give me a ride to Tucson.”

He hesitated, and Natasha felt her smile falter. “I mean, if you can’t, it’s not a big deal, it’s just that my roommate kind of ditched me here.” She explained, and Eric shook his head. “No, no problem. I can drive you there.” He nodded, and Natasha let out a sigh of relief. “Thanks, Eric.” She sighed, and he nodded. “No problem, hop in.”

The two-hour drive was mostly quiet, the soft tones of Death Cab for Cutie filling the car as they drove southwards, and when Eric finally pulled up in front of the dorms, Natasha turned to face the boy.

“We should really hang out for real some time.” She spoke, and he nodded. “Call me when you’re in town some time?” He asked, and Natasha nodded. “Definitely… I miss you.” She said, and he smiled softly, leaning in to kiss Natasha on the cheek softly. “I miss you too. Call me whenever.” He said, and Natasha got out of the car, waving him goodbye.

She’d averted disaster.