There She Goes

Junior year came and rolled around Natasha in lazy circles. She’d stopped sitting at the group’s table permanently, and John was too preoccupied by girls dressed in skimpy skirts, band practice and agonizing by himself to really do anything about Natasha. Soon, the only two that really kept in contact with Natasha were Garrett Nickelsen and Jared Monaco. However, the two were usually preoccupied themselves, so Natasha was left to fend for herself.

Natasha didn’t mind the solitude. In fact, she embraced it. She never showed up to class, but no one knew who she was, so the teachers stopped bothering after the first two weeks. She usually walked the twenty minutes to a nearby Starbucks, getting a Venti white chocolate mocha and sitting outside, smoking and usually doodling in a notebook. No one paid her mind, especially in the early mornings, and Natasha could sit in peace and organize everything in her head, filtering it all with a little nicotine.

Natasha sat in classes, sometimes, just for the hell of it. Normally, teachers didn’t pay her much attention anyways, and as long as she passed quizzes and tests, they didn’t fail her from the courses. It was at these moments where she realized she was crushingly lonely, and tried not to pay mind to the increasingly uncomfortable twitches in her chest reminding her that she was completely alone in this classroom full of people.

Sometimes, if she came to the cafeteria to buy something for lunch, Natasha could hear the whispers, could feel the glares at the back of her head. “I can’t believe she used to be friends with him.” Whispers pierced her through the back of her head as she picked up a carton of chocolate milk. “She’s such a bitch, she never talks to anyone, and she has no friends.” She knew it was about her – How could it not be about her? – but she ignored them all, picking up her baked potato and exiting the cafeteria swiftly, sitting down in the green lawn of the empty football field, as Jared came up next to her, sitting down in the grass with a cigarette already lit and dangling from the end of his lip.

“Hey.” Jared said, exhaling smoke from his nose and Natasha nodded, picking apart her potato. Jared withdrew his cigarettes from the pocket of his pants and offered Natasha one, and she took one with a bare smile on her face, plucking it in between her lips as Jared held up his lighter, lighting it for her. The two sat on the lawn silently, smoking and eating food, before Jared spoke up.

“It’s killing him, you know.” He sighed out smoke, closing his eyes and falling backwards onto the grass.

“What is?” Natasha asked, playing dumb for just now.

Jared rolled his eyes. “You know… Him and that whole slutty girl and you and him breaking up thing.” He waved his hands to articulate the point, sticking his cigarette in between his lips.

“Were we ever together in the first place?” Natasha shot back, picking apart the potato to hell as she sucked on the cigarette long and hard, finally exhaling a long plume of smoke.

“You guys were practically married, god dammit.” Jared argued back, as he popped a bite of potato in his mouth. “He misses you a lot, more than he lets on… And he’s a guy. Don’t give him grief for getting attracted by girls who show off more skin than the average stripper.” Jared added, earning himself a smack from Natasha over the head.

“I don’t care what he does anymore.” Natasha lied through her teeth, eating the remaining bites of her baked potato and taking a last drag on her cigarette, holding the smoke in her chest before expelling the smoke from out her nose, stubbing the butt out. “If he wants to fuck every girl in the school, let him. He can fuck himself up however he wants. He could be a heroin addict and start smoking crack, for all I care.” She ranted, sitting up properly now. “Give me another one.” She said, pointing at Jared’s pack of smokes.

He sat up sighing, tossing her the whole pack. “Take it. I should quit, anyways.” He told her, and watched as she lit up. “You can’t tell me you don’t miss him at all.” He argued, and she shook her head, blowing smoke out. “You can’t tell me how to feel.” She snapped, and he finally dropped the conversation, smoking on the lawn and staring at the sky until the bell rang and everything returned to normal.

-

The summer had begun.

The dry Arizona heat was making Natasha drip sweat down her back, lying on the hard wood floor as she flipped through TV channels, too drained by the heat to get up to do anything. It wasn’t until the doorbell rang in the empty house that Natasha peeled herself off the floor to go answer the door.

When she flung open the door, John was standing there in long jeans, a long-sleeved raglan, and a scarf, sweating bullets and holding a box of cake mix, food coloring and icing. “Let’s bake.”

It was John’s birthday. Natasha hadn’t forgotten, but the heat and not-talking-to-John thing had affected her ability to go to the phone.

John stepped inside the house, first fiddling with the central air conditioning in the house. “Let’s get it icy cold so we can bake and drink hot cocoa without dying, okay?” He asked, and Natasha shrugged, ambling over to the kitchen to pull out bowls and spatulas.

They ended up making a rainbow cake in a giant cake pan, icing it all over with vanilla icing and putting candles in it, and by the time the cake was out of the oven, Natasha was shivering, so John made hot cocoa with the mini white marshmallows, and they ate cake and drank hot cocoa quietly, before the cake was all gone, Natasha was cold, and John was putting the dishes in the sink.

“That was fun.” John finally proclaimed, as Natasha curled herself into the couch with a blanket wrapped around herself. John crashed down on the couch next to her, wrapping his arms around the shivering girl, pulling her onto his lap and Natasha momentarily let herself melt into John’s arms, warm and comforting like an old quilt or her old favorite jacket, and they sat there, watching the Simpsons together, until the episode was over.

Natasha stood up quickly, turning the air conditioning back down. “You should go.” She said hastily, and John stood up. “See you later.” He said, and Natasha watched as he opened the door, getting out to his car and driving away.

The taste of hot cocoa and cake lingered in her mouth, and wondered if there was still any hot cocoa mix left in the fridge.