Told Me You Hated My G n' R Shirt. Shoulda Known Better, This Was Never Gonna Work.

"Jackie, I need a refill!" I yell to Jackie who's in the kitchen making more margaritas.

Tonight we decided to have a girls night in, which we do at least once a month to keep us at home and out of trouble on the street. We watch movies and paint our fingernails, and make a game plan of what shows are going to be in the area soon, and which ones we all want to go to.

Jackie comes in the room holding a pitcher of margarita's, so I hold my glass out for her to fill.

"Thank you, doll," I tell her, taking a sip.

"You're welcome," she says, filling Madison's glass before sitting down on the floor in front of the coffee table, leaning her back against the couch where I'm sitting.

"OK," Madison says from where she's sitting in the chair across from me. "Since October is playing on Tuesday, which is ladies night at The Roadhouse. Definitely have to hit that one. And, Finger Eleven is going to be at The Ballroom the next night."

"I'll pass on Finger Eleven this time around. But, I do want to go to the acoustic Three Days Grace show at the House of Blues," I say.

"We know! We're already planning on going to that one. I have to have the tickets overnighted to us tomorrow, though, but that's no big deal."

Jackie picks up our calender and looks at all of the shows that we have marked down, then takes a sip of her margarita.

"It's going to be a busy month," she says, setting the calender down and picking up some nail polish.

"Yeah it is. Is Jason going with us to any of these?" Madison asks me.

"I have no idea, you'd have to ask him. I'm sure he'll go to the House of Blues with us, but other than that I have no fucking clue. We'll get extra tickets for him just in case he decides to show up."

"It's always hard to say with him, what he's going to show up for and what he's not," Jackie says, brushing some shiny red polish on her fingernails. I grab some DVDs and look through them, trying to find one to watch.

"Almost Famous?" I suggest to the girls.

"Sure," Jackie says, not taking her eyes off of her nails. I get up and put the DVD in the TV, and push some buttons to make it come on. Once it does, I sit back down on the couch and watch as Jackie paints her nails. The phone starts ringing about half way through the first scene in the movie, and Madison answers it.

"Yeah she's here, hang on one second," she says into the phone, then hands it across the coffee table to me.

"Who is it?" I ask her, covering the mouthpiece with my hand.

"Jason." I nod at her, and put the phone up to my ear.

"Hello?" I say.

"What are you doing?" he asks, sounding like he has something on his mind.

"Hanging out at the house with the girls, why? What's up?"

"Go into the other room."

"What? Why?"

"Just go into the kitchen," he says. I pick up my margarita glass and go into the kitchen, wondering what the hell is wrong with him that he won't talk to me when he knows the girls are in the same room. I lift my leg up to step over Jackie, where she's sitting on the floor, and when I do she smacks me on the ass and I laugh.

"OK, I'm here. What is going on?" I tell Jason when I'm in the kitchen.

"I have to tell you something," he says. I immediately get a pit in my stomach.

"Oh God. You're dying aren't you?" I say, feeling tears welling up in my eyes.

"What? No, I'm not dying. Why would you think that?"

"Because, you're acting all serious, like someone died or something. Are you sure you're not dying?"

"I'm pretty positive." I wipe a tear from my eye.

"OK, then what did you want to tell me?"

"I wanted to tell you that your mother is in town," he says. I'm silent for a second, taking in the information he just told me.

"Shayna?"

"I'm here. How do you know she's in town?"

"She just left my apartment." I take in a deep breath, then release it slowly out my mouth.

"What did she want?"

"She just wanted to tell me that she was in town for a while, and she said that while she was here, she would like to see you. She said that she figured I was the only one who had any control over you, and I told her that was the farthest thing from the truth. No one controls you anymore, I just have an opinion. Whether you listen to me is your prerogative, you know?"

"So she wants to see me? Did you ask her where she's been for the last six years?"

"I told her that parenting doesn't end at age eighteen, and that it would probably take some time for you to come around to the fact that she was even here, let alone want to talk to her."

"What did she say?" I ask, my voice not showing a lot of emotion. I look down at my hand on the counter, looking at my fingernails and my ring.

"She asked me if I would talk to you about it, kind of be a moderator or something. I told her that I wasn't going to get in between you and her. I only get in between you and the ground if I see you going down, that's it, you know? I told her that I wasn't going to be a middle man, and that that was probably the last way that she was going to get in your good graces again."

"Some things never change, I see. Did she say where she's been all these years?"

"Not really. It kind of sounded like she'd been all over the place, but I didn't ask her a lot of questions. She told me that she had assumed that you two weren't on very good terms, because she sent you some cards and you refused to reply to her."

"She sent me two cards last year, that was it. That's the only contact she's made with me in six years, Jason. Why would I reply to something like that? After she left here when I turned eighteen. I mean, did she really think that I didn't need her anymore? She just left, making me assume the worst all these years. Like she didn't want me to begin with, she left as soon as I got my inheritance because that's when her money supply ended. That's the only reason she stuck around to begin with, Jason. To get as much money as my father's will would supply until I could get my inheritance."

"I know, Shayna," he says quietly.

"Now she wants to come back here? I mean what, did she run out of money where ever the fuck it is that she's been? She needs to come back here and suck up so she can get some more from me?"

"I don't know. It sounded like she came here for some work thing that she's doing now."

"So seeing me was an after thought. Of course," I say, slamming my hand on the counter. "Goddammit, why couldn't she just stay gone?"

"I don't know, Shayna."

"I didn't want her to come back here, Jason. I've moved on from all that pain that she caused when she left, now its like she's gonna come back and bring all of that back up again, ya know?"

"Do you want me to come over there?"

"No. It's girls night. If I need something they're here for me. Besides, it's raining, and you're at home. You don't need to come all the way over here in the rain."

"I would in a second if you needed me, you know."

"I know, but I'll be fine."

"If she comes over, call me and let me know, OK?"

"OK. I'm gonna go now and watch this movie, and get drunk on margaritas." I hear him laugh a little.

"Have fun, baby girl."

"I will. Bye."

"Bye." I hang up the phone and stand in the kitchen for a second by myself. Then I go back into the living room.

"What's up?" Madison asks me as I sit back down on the couch, filling my glass again.

"My mother's back in town," I say. They both look up at me with stunned faces.

"What?" Jackie says.

"Yeah. Apparently she was just over at Jason's place, trying to get him to put in a good word for her or some bullshit."

"How long has it been since you've seen her?" Madison asks.

"Two days after the day I turned eighteen. She sent flowers and a card on my birthday last year, and a Christmas card the same year. That's it."

"Wow. So what does she want, why is she in town?"

"Jason said it sounded like she was in town on some work thing, so seeing me was an after thought, as usual."

"Are you OK?" Jackie asks me.

"I could use a hug," I tell her. She smiles and both her and Madison get up and come over to the couch, hugging me tightly. Madison practically lays on top of both of us, and squeezes us tightly. Jackie lays between my legs on her side with her face on my stomach, and I stroke her hair back on her head. Madison sits next to me with her head on my shoulder, and we all watch the movie together just like that.

I try not to think about my mother, and the things that I've wanted to say to her all these years, and try to just watch the movie with the girls. This is not really what I needed. I don't really know what I needed, actually. My life has been going just fine without her, after I came to a bunch of realizations about myself after she left.

"So where are we going tomorrow? What are we doing?" I ask them when the movies over.

"Holidays, Atom Smash and American Bang," Jackie says, looking at the calender. I nod.

"OK guys, I'm going to bed. I'll see you guys in the morning," I say, getting up from the couch.

"Night, " they both say as I walk back to my bedroom.

********************************************************************************

Three days later, I hear my doorbell ring. When I go to answer it, I see a delivery man, with an envelope in his hand.

"Shayna Clark?" he says.

"Yes."

"I need you to sign for this."

"Oh OK," I say, taking one of those automatic scanning things from him and signing my name on it. He gives me the envelope with a smile.

"Have a nice day," he says.

"Thank you. You too." I look at the envelope and see that it's my Three Days Grace tickets for tonight. I tear into the envelope excitedly and look at the four tickets.

"Woohoo! We're going to Three Days Grace, bitches!" I yell to the girls, who are in the kitchen eating dinner. I run into the kitchen waving the tickets around above my head. Through my screaming I hear the doorbell ring again.

"I'll get it," I tell the girls, still holding the envelope in my hand as I go to answer the door. I answer the door with a smile on my face, still excited about going to see my favorite band tonight. The smile soon vanishes when I see my mother standing on the other side of it.

We stand there for a second, just staring at each other without saying anything. She looks good, I will say. Her blonde hair is healthy looking and is hanging just below her slim shoulders. She doesn't look as rough as I pictured her to be at this age. She's wearing a pair of dark colored jeans and a white top with a black blazer over it, and some black high heel boots that are tucked under her jeans.

"Hello, mother," I finally say to her.

"Hello, Shayna."

"Jason told me you were in town."

"I figured he would. May I come in?"

"I don't see why not, we're just eating dinner," I say, moving to the side so she can come in. She comes in and stands in the front hallway looking around at the condo.

"It's very nice in here. You've done a good job," she says.

"Thank you, but most of it was here when I moved in. Can I get you anything?"

"I'm fine, thank you." I motion for her to follow me into the living room, and I sit down on the chair Madison had been sitting in the night before. She sits on the couch and folds her hands into her lap daintily.

"So, Jason said that you were in town on something work related?" I say, sort of detached from the topic.

"Yes. I've been working the last three years as an A&R rep for Arista Records, and we had some business in Manhattan, so I volunteered to come up." I raise an eyebrow and nod.

"So, what is new with you?" she asks.

"Really mother? You leave without a word and go who knows where doing who knows what for six years, and now you want to know what's new?" I say, leaning back into the chair. I notice Jackie and Madison standing at the edge of the kitchen and the living room, looking in at us and I wave them away.

"Jason warned me that you might not be receptive to seeing me right away," she says.

"You don't say?" I say sarcastically, leaning forward and dropping the concert tickets, which I still had in my hand, onto the coffee table. She watches me do this and sighs.

"I don't understand why you're acting like this. I'm your mother, and yes I've made some mistakes with you, but I'm the only who's ever raised you after your father died. I deserve a little respect."

"Don't talk about my father to me. And don't go on like you're the victim, here. You only stuck around as long as you did so you could get my father's money until it ran out."

"That's not true, and you know it, Shayna."

"How would I know it, mother? I found out some things after you left. I found out that the whole time up until I was eighteen, you were getting money from my father's estate. I found out that you slept with Joe, after my father died, too. Now, why would I believe that you're such a great person that I need to respect? It seems all too coincidental to me that you would leave after the money ran out."

"Don't raise you voice at me, Shayna. I don't care what you say, I'm still your mother and that is unacceptable." I roll my eyes and sit back in the chair. "Like I said, I've made some mistakes in my life. Being with Joe was one of them. He was your father's bandmate, and we crossed a line and we knew it after it happened. As for the money I was receiving while you were growing, that was my money. Your father gave me that in his will. When you turned eighteen, I just figured that I had raised a child for eighteen years, I needed to go out and find myself again. I needed to go do what I wanted to do."

"Yeah, well parenting doesn't stop the second your kid turns eighteen, mother."

"I know that. But, you don't understand the way I was feeling back then. I felt absolutely trapped. I felt judged by everyone, including your beloved Jason."

"Oh so now you're going to bash Jason to me. I'm sure that will get you in my good graces faster."

"He's not the perfect angel that you seem to think he is. You have him on this pedestal, and no one else will ever live up to that. He always hated me, and he turned you against me after I left." I feel my face turn about ten shades of red. I feel like my head is going to turn into one of those thermometers that blows up when it reaches it's limit.

"Jason is the only person in my mother fucking life, that has been there for me. He's the only one, who I know loves me, for me, mother. Unlike you, who left as soon as you had the chance. So, don't you fucking dare say a fucking word about Jason," I scream, standing up from the chair.

"I've gotten way the fuck over your leaving, mother. I don't need you. You weren't there back when I needed you, so you know what, the fuck if I'm going to be around for you. And the fuck if I hang around and let you back into my life so that you can leave again when I need you. Fuck that," I scream, not letting her get a word in edgewise. She's still sitting on the couch with her hands in her lap like a perfect little lady.

"I should go now," she says quietly, standing up from the couch.

"Yes you should," I snap. She starts walking towards the front door and I follow her. Jackie and Madison look up when we walk past them, and my mother notices them for the first time.

"Hello," she says to them.

"Hi," they both say at the same time. I roll my eyes and keep moving towards the door. I open the door and she walks out, stopping just outside of it.

"I'll be in town for a week, then I'm going back to Boston. If you change your mind and you want to talk, here is my number at the hotel and my cell," she says, handing me a small piece of paper.

"Fine," I say. She steps into me and takes the back of my head in her hand and pulls me to her, kissing my forehead gently.

"Bye," she says. I don't say anything. I just slam the door shut as she walks away.

I stand facing the closed door for a second, collecting myself a little. When I turn around I see Madison and Jackie staring at me.

"We have to get ready, the show starts at eight," I tell them, moving towards my room to get dressed for the show.

"Are you OK, babe?" Jackie asks me.

"Yeah, I'm fine. Why wouldn't I be OK?"

"You were just screaming at your mother bloody murder. I thought you were going to pop a vessel or something."

"Was I screaming? Huh, I think I just need to go out and have a drink or something. The concert, the concert will help," I say, nodding to myself. "For sure."

Madison and Jackie look at each other, then look back at me.

"Do you want us to call Jason?" Madison asks.

"You can call and tell him to start getting his ass over here to go to the show," I say, shutting my bedroom door. I start to dress in the outfit that I picked out for the concert earlier, my mind still reeling from the things that my mother said to me. Oh well, nothing a few drinks won't cure.

I pull the tight leather mini skirt up my legs, then put on the shirt that I picked out that is cropped in the front, showing off the little dove tattoo that I have on my hip. When I'm done dressing, I go out to find the girls in the living room, dressed and waiting for me.

"Jason said that he was on his way up, he's in the lobby," Jackie tells me.

"Good. Do you guys have the tickets?"

"Yes, here's yours," she says, handing me two. One for me, and one for Jason. I hear a knock on the door, then Jason walks in.

"Hey, ladies," he says. I hand him his ticket and he shoves it in his jeans pocket. He takes my hand in his and kisses the top of it.

"Ready?" he asks.

"Yes, lets go." We all walk out the front door and down the hallway to the elevator. Just before we go outside to walk to the show, Jason grabs me and pulls me close to him as we walk.

"You OK?" he asks me.

"Better now." I pull away from him and go up to where Jackie and Madison are walking in front of us. I loop my arm through Madison's and walk faster to keep in stride with them.

When we get to the House of Blues, we give our tickets to the attendant and the four of us literally run to the front of the room so we can be on the rail. This earns some looks from some of the other concert goers, but we ignore them. Jason stands directly behind the three of us so that no one messes with us during the show, just like he always does.

About an hour and a half later, the lights go down and the whole crowd starts screaming. I see the members of the band start to enter the stage, then a second later they start playing the opening riffs of I Hate Everything About You, which earns more screams from the crowd. Two spotlights go on over the lead singer and lead guitarist while they play and sing the intro of the song.

They sing about 6 songs, then the lights go down again, and when they come back on, the band plays a little acoustic set. I reach up towards the stage, and the lead singer grabs my hand and holds it for a second. I look over at Jackie and Madison and scream. They both laugh at me and we all continue singing. The band closes their set with Animal I Have Become, and afterwards we leave the arena.

"What do you say, ladies, go out and get some drinks at Pontiac's?" Jason asks us as we start the walk home.

"Hell yes, I could totally use a drink," I say. He laughs and we walk to the bar which is quite crowded, like usual after there is a show close by. We go up to the bar and order drinks, then decide to walk around a little to try and find a booth to sit in, since there is no way in hell we'll find a seat at the bar.

As we walk past one of the biggest boothes in the bar, I hear familiar voice call out my name. When I turn around to see who it is, I see Cody, the guy from the other night. I raise an eyebrow at him.

"You again," I say to him all flirty. He smirks.

"Did you guys go to the Three Days Grace show?"

"Yeah, it was amazing."

"Awesome."

"Jackie!" Austin yells to Jackie from where he's sitting in the booth with the rest of the band. "Come sit with me, baby," he tells her. She laughs at him then goes over and sits on his lap. The rest of the guys all make room for us and we all manage to squeeze into the booth with them.

Cody sits with his arm around my shoulders, which I find a little odd, but I don't say anything. They all talk to Jason about music and touring, and a bunch of other music related things. I look over at Jackie a little while later and see her kissing Austin. I motion to Madison to look at her, and she rolls her eyes at them. I make kissy faces at her and she laughs.

"Get a room, you two. Jesus Christ," Jason says to them.

"So what's new with you, baby?" Cody asks me. I look at him blank faced.

"Please don't ask me that."