Dreams

I grip the steering wheel so hard my knuckles are turning white. Brenna's front door shuts quietly as I turn around in my driveway and call Conrad, telling him that I'll meet him at the party.

He asks whats wrong, why my sentences are short and I'm so quiet, but I just ask for the address and he unwillingly gives it to me with a defeated sigh.

When I pull up, the sun is setting and the party is pretty much already in full swing. I pull down the sun visor with the mirror and wipe away the smudged mascara under my eyes and make sure the redness from crying isn't too noticeable.

I plaster a smile on my face and get out of the car, waving to people I haven't seen since graduation back in June. Once I'm inside the house, the bass practically making the windows vibrate, Conrad comes up behind me and wraps his arms around my waist. "Hey beautiful."

I laugh, even though it's a bit forced, and turn around to face him, "Who, me?"

"No, the other beautiful girl in my arms right now." Conrad grins and kisses my forehead, "You make me laugh."

Someone taps his arm and he slowly turns his attention toward them, sharing a few words before groaning and pulling away from me. "Be right back. Grab yourself a drink, there's some stuff in the kitchen."

I nod, curious as to where he was going, but head off to where I can just barely see the entrance to a kitchen. A few people bump into me, sloshing beer or whatever drink they happen to have all over themselves and partly over me, before I finally brace the counter and grab a seemingly empty cup and begin to fill it with room temperature beer.

"Excuse me, but that's my cup," someone says and I look up only to see Tyler.

Bringing the bright red Solo cup to my lips, I raise an eyebrow. Taking a sip and fighting the urge to wince at the warm taste, I shrug and say, "Oh well."

He rolls his eyes and steps closer to me, my back hitting the edge of the counter, "Why do you act like you still hate me?"

"Because I do," I respond quickly, staring at the golden colored liquid spin in my cup as I swish it back and forth. "Obviously."

"Why do I find that hard to believe?"

"Because you have an IQ of 25, that's why."

Tyler glares at me, "That would make me legally mentally retarded, Sara."

I pause, asking myself how I ever loved this disgusting guy in front of me. "That's the point you idiot."

Conrad comes up behind him then and pushes Tyler aside, but only looks at me. "Sorry 'bout that, Sara. I had to talk to some guy about the apartment. He wants me to sell and move in this place near him, but..." He shrugs and pulls me back into the living room, where everyone's dancing.

"You're not going to, right?" I ask hurriedly, resting my half full cup on the coffee table before resting my arms around his neck.

He laughs and pulls me closer to him, "I never would, but if I did, it'd only be so I could live in New Hampshire." I raise an eyebrow and he rolls his eyes, "To be with you, smarty."

I grin and feel a blush cross my cheeks, "You're cute. I think I'm gonna keep you around."

Conrad fist pumps the air, like this is such a big success, and I laugh at his childishness.

If I could keep him around, even when I'm away in Dartmouth, I would. Without question.

*

It's getting later in the night and Conrad was getting slightly tipsy, but I was one to talk. At one point, I rose from the couch we had taken respite on and went in search of a bathroom, my beer bottle dangling precariously from my finger tips. I wasn't usually one to get drunk, but when it made me forget about the possibility of losing a best friend, I welcomed the mental blur it came with.

Once I located the bathroom, I took a few minutes to fix my hair and make-up, even though both were pretty far from repair at this point in the night, and to check my phone and make sure my mother hadn't tried to check in.

By the time I came out, there was an angry line of people leaning against the wall waiting to use the toilet. I rolled my eyes, finding it hard to believe that there was only one bathroom in a house the size of three of mine. They were just too lazy to look any further than what was in front of them.

I sauntered into the living room, through the swaying mass of dancing bodies, only to stop dead short in front of the couch. My muscles froze. I became numb. My mind blanked, and it wasn't just from the alcohol this time.

Conrad was kissing Helen. In the spot I had just been sitting. And it wasn't like she was forcing herself on him; he welcomed it, his hands entangling themselves in her hair.

Someone walked by and tripped over the edge of the coffee table, jostling the happy couple and they broke apart, Conrad appearing dazed before he saw me standing there. Broken.

A mess.

Torn apart.

His chocolate brown eyes, glazed with the slightest of alcohol, widened and he shoved Helen off of him, stumbling toward me. "Oh, shit -- Sara, it's not what it --."

"It's not what it looks like?" I say, my voice cracking. "How can it possibly be not what it looks like?"

"S - she came over to me, and we started talking and --."

"Her lips just magically landed on yours?" I ask, my voice so quiet it was a wonder he could even hear me over the music.

"Yes! Wait, no that's not what I meant." I turn around and Conrad continues to stumble after me, grasping a part of my shirt sleeve, "Please, Sara. I'm half-drunk --."

"Which means you're half lucid, Conrad. You could have made the right decision. But you didn't. You decided I'm not good enough for you by myself. You needed her, too. Well, I hope you two are happy together!"

I slam the front door closed and he doesn't come after me. At first the thought startles me, but after what I just saw, I shouldn't be surprised.

I see Tyler walk out the front door, looking down both sides of the sidewalk before his eyes land on me. Digging my keys out of my pocket, I make my way toward him and plant my lips on his, trying to imagine what Conrad would do if he saw me with him right now. The jealously, the deceit that would well up inside him -- the feelings that are eating me up right now.

"My apartment?" He asks, his breath heavy and voice husky.

I can't believe I'm doing this. The logical part of me is screaming at me to stop, to say no. That this isn't the way to get back at Conrad.

I nod anyway.

*

The sun gleams through the window and the first thing I think is how much of a freaking monster of a headache I have.

Someone moves beside me and almost instinctively, I move to curl into a ball against them, assuming it's Conrad. But then I remember last night. And I know it's not.

I rocket out of the bed and sigh in relief when I notice my pants are, in fact, still on. Tyler rolls over and looks up at me, squinting. "Leaving so soon?"

I turn my back toward him and find my flip flops in the mess that is his room. "This was a mistake."

"Last night begs to differ, Sara." Tyler taunts and I stand straight once my shoes are finally on.

"No," I say, a tone of finality in my voice. "It was a mistake. I was stupid. You're still an asshole. Last night meant absolutely nothing."

I open his room door then and walk out, my head still whirring from thinking about the events of last night and the massive hangover I have.

The drive home was a blur, the sun rising just over the tree tops lining the streets and the daytime, summer heat replacing the cool, nighttime air.

When I unlock the front door, I ignore my mother's questioning where I am and head straight upstairs, locking my own door.

I collapse onto my bed, letting my eyelids fall shut.

I thought he promised we'd never be like my parents. He was wrong. So very wrong.

Shaking this thought away, I let sleep over come me and let my dreams be the place where I can act like everything's okay.

Because everything is just a dream and nothing more.