Dreams

Conrad - December
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"Conrad, I'm not letting you leave this apartment before Sara comes," Tom said to me, raising a threatening eyebrow and pretending to barricade the door.

"Tom, I really don't care what you say or do, but I'm moving out. Tonight if I can, even if I have to sleep in the goddamn U-Haul truck. I'm not seeing Sara again."

He slams the bottle of Jack on the counter and starts heading to the door, "Do what you will, I've told you how stupid it is. But do not come whining to me when you're still heart broken and pining after a girl you refused to go after yourself."

"Tom, that's not going to change my mind," I say, closing my eyes and massaging my temples. But maybe it will.

"Sara is a fantastic girl, and if you hadn't found her first, I would've gone after her myself, and you know what? I may still do it anyway!"

I shot off the floor like a rocket and get chest to chest with my brother, seeing red, "Don't you dare. I know you. And she deserves more."

"She does deserve more. More than me, and sure as hell more than you."

I watched him turn, throw the door open, and slam it shut behind him. I grabbed the bottle of Daniels by the neck, and rose it above my head, aiming for the wall in rage.

But I couldn't do it. I sighed, my muscles going limp and and fell to the floor, taking a sip and studying all the boxes around me. I kicked one of them, and instantly regretted it, realizing it was the box completely full of books.

Should I stay? I flipped open my phone and listened to Sara's message again. I still love you. I could stay for that alone, knowing that she loves me. Hell, I could stay simply because her voice is...perfection. Because she's beautiful. Because she's smart. Because she's fearless. Because she's hilarious.

I should stay. I will stay. I have to. I can't believe I ever considered otherwise.

Someone knocked on my door, and foolishly, I thought it could be Sara already, when her flight probably hadn't even left yet. I pulled myself up and off the floor, in a kind of drunken stupor, and flew the door open, my arms open wide.

Instead, my landlord looked back at me over his half-moon glasses, an eyebrow that could pass as a caterpillar raised at me, and a humbug just waiting in his throat. "I need the apartment, Conrad. You're moving out tonight, no?"

"Actually..." I started, thrilled with my new decision.

"It may have sounded like a question, but I can assure you, it was not. You're moving out. Tonight." He pushed his glasses up the bridge of his nose, turned on his heel, and turned away.

I leaned against the door jam and closed my eyes in frustration. But maybe...it was fate. I wasn't meant to see her again. It was my chance to leave, to forget her completely - if that were possible.

But I was going to try to. If the universe had said anything, it was that Sara simply did not belong in my life anymore.