The Rarely Rested Lives of the Dallas Sweet Talkers

For guilt to churn in my gut harshly was a feeling I had been waiting on, a feeling I had been expecting to shoot up through my veins to my heart, to my stomach, to twist my nerves into bundles of shaking and screaming, having been desolated so easily, left in the darkness, abandoned at the very moment I needed someone to be the foundation that would keep my feet on the ground, usually you would have expected for me to feel betrayed, angry at the fact Baylee had walked out on me when I needed to get everything straight with her, and myself. Yet even as that was so, I couldn't truly feel said feelings for the soul fact that I had no right to. Baylee had a reason to be angry, and I had a reason to feel guilty, a reason to feel terrible even more so then I felt right at that moment. I'd been dubbed a liar and a cheater under my own will without even noticing. To be found out was inevitable, yet I just hadn't seen it this whole time, was so confident we'd be a secret until we could be together, yet I had to go and make a mistake, and even as I wanted to be with Frank, I also had to admit I wanted to be with Kyle as well, even if only for the fact that everyone wanted me with Kyle, yet I still held feelings for him too. Frank was the bad guy in this situation, I was the naive puppet, and Kyle was the innocent victim who didn't even have a clue. And Baylee, well, she was the witness, the bystander, the girl who knew too fucking much, the girl whose eyes had seen the truth after so long.
Even as I had been alone for long periods of time in the past and survived, I'd only survived just barely at that, and now as I sat cross legged on my messy matress, the matress that now actually felt like home in the worst sort of way, because it felt like home because of Frank, as I reached pathetically for my phone for no real reason, considering I knew there was really no one I could turn to now without revealing the secret passion that Frank and I held for eachother disgustingly, I knew that all I could do now was only hopelessly stare at that phone in my hands, loneliness inevitabley ever so clearly making itself known as I groaned and refrained from throwing that very phone across the room at the wall with difficulty. Instead, I'd only tossed it to the floor near my matress and fell over onto my bed, laying down and tugging the Frank scented blankets up over me, curling up into a ball underneath them as I lay on my side, staring at the old small blackberry phone that taunted me now from where it sat on the floor, my eyes watering up yet not releasing tears. I wouldn't cry, I was in no place to cry, I was the one in the wrong, I was the one that had made my trouble and gotten myself into this, and yet to be honest, I wasn't even sure if I wanted to actually get myself out of this.
I suppose I'd fallen asleep after laying there for seemingly an eternity, eyes glued to the phone, because my alarm went off the next morning early like it usually did, music playing out in my ears, and even as yesterday I'd planned on sleeping in again today, even though usually I didn't, I'd somehow managed to urge myself out of bed, smashing the palm of my hand down against the button on my crappy, cheap little iPod dock. Only after the first day of school and things were already going wrong. It was now the second day of school, and I already wanted to skip.
Evidently enough the first thing I did was shower, scrubbing at my skin to get rid of the remains of any sort of lust from last night, rubbing away any evidence of Frank from my skin, washing away his scent and sweat, washing away the memory of a bad night that I secretly knew I'd never forget, forcing myself not to cry at the very same time, bottling it up though I knew that'd do me no good. Honestly, I could care less in doing myself any justice at the moment, only wanted to leave and forget the mistakes I've made.
Needless to say I was slightly glad that I didn't have Frank as a teacher for any of my classes today, and tomorrow hopefully I'd gain enough guts to actually skip, but I wasn't all too worried about that part. And in first period I wasn't all that surprised that my attention span was almost nonexistent, which was obvious, considering I had other things on my mind. By the time lunch came around, though, as I collapsed down onto the grass under a tree near the football field, dropping my bag down and falling onto my back, staring up at the branches and leaves of the tree that towered above me. Someone had given a laugh at me a moment later, that laugh seemingly oh so familiar, and it only took me not even a second to figure out who it was, and as I propped myself up onto my elbows and my eyes met with their face, I was proven right as I looked up at the smile that Kyle held down at me before he sat down, joining me on the grass.
Leaning over, he pressed a kiss to my forehead, that kiss burning my skin, only worsening the guilt by a surprising amount, "What's up, baby?" He smirked a little, getting a sigh from me as he slipped a finger under my chin, gently turning my head toward him in which he pressed a little kiss to my lips, and after he'd done so, the only thing I could taste was the sting of his now poisonous taste mixing into the nicotine flavoured venom of Franks that still permanently lingered on my lips as he burnt himself into my mind deeper.
"Nothing, I'm just... not in a good mood, I guess." I murmured to him, and thankfully he let that go and went on talking about something, and as he seemed to warm my heart, my mind continuously trailed back to the situation at hand, and not to mention Frank.
By the time the bell had rang for the end of the lunch hour, Kyle was walking me back into the school at my side, my feet dragging against the concrete as we walked on the ground of the parking lot toward one of the entrances of the school as I adjusted the strap of my bag on my shoulder, sighing, "Want me to walk you to class?" Kyle had offered as I walked in through the doors of the highschool as he held the door for me, following in after me, catching up to walk at my side, only receiving a shrug from me, and to my dismay I hadn't really realized we were about to pass Franks classroom, hadn't realized until a moment later when Kyle had sighed and grabbed my hand, stopping me in the hall, that Frank was coming down the hall just at that moment, approaching us but not really, heading to his class. "I guess I'll talk to you later then?" Kyle inquired, and I stared up at him, nodding a little silently as I felt Franks eyes burning into Kyle and I together as he came closer, his stare darkening into a glare as Kyle pressed another one of his kisses to my forehead, and then down onto my lips, where it held, and automatically, my eyes shut, and only moments later was Kyle somewhat bumped against by someone, his lips breaking from mine quickly as he tore himself away from me in general before I heard Franks voice like sick music to my ears.
"No kissing in the halls, Ador." And his voice almost hissed it at Kyle, jealousy deep in his voice so evident to me as I blinked after him blankly as I watched Frank continue to walk down the hall, shoulders tensed as his arms crossed and a bad vibe radiating from him, a trail of anger following behind him in the air he walked through, guilt beginning to burn in the pit of my gut as I bit my lip, eyes falling to the floor as Frank didn't even give me a glance of acknowledgement as he shuffled into his classroom.
I was snapped out of my stare at space down the hall as Kyle sighed and scratched the back of his head, my eyes imediately falling to the floor before I willed my gaze up at Kyle, hoping for him not to trace the guilt and pain that made itself known in my eyes as they became glassy, "Man, he really doesn't like me, huh?" He stated in curiousity, "I wonder what I ever did for Mr. Iero to dislike me so much. I mean, I don't think I ever did anything too bad, did I?" And at that, I could only shake my head in silence, perpetually biting down on my lip because I knew the very reason Frank hated him so much. It was safe to say that Frank wanted me, and I wanted him, but he couldn't have me for a few pretty tense reasons; Kyle, the fact he was my teacher, and the very fact that I wasn't even legal. It was obvious to me that Frank was jealous, was even more angry at the fact of knowing that I knew that he knew I had sex with Kyle as well even though Kyle himself didn't know I had Frank more then just once or twice a week as well. Frank may be being greedy, but I don't think any sort of person would want to share the person they care for with another.
Relief eased my nerves only the slightest bit as the bell rang out loud and clear through the entire school indicating the end of the day, and even as I was glad the day was over, my nerves weren't fully eased, considering the fact that during last period I'd gotten a text from Frank to come over tonight at eight. The worst part of it was, though, that I didn't know wether it was to talk, to have sex, or to just spend time with eachother. A part of me knew very well that it was because he wanted to talk to me about Kyle, and I wasn't surprised, was only dreading it. I'd talked to Frank about Kyle a billion times before, and never was it something good. It never turned out well. Frank held a passionate hate for Kyle, if that wasn't obvious already.
Ever so reluctantly had I stepped in through the front door of Silver Snail and slumped my way down one of the aisles, hoping to avoid Jude and any questions, because hopefully Baylee hadn't cracked and told him about Frank and I, even if she had promised not to tell. I couldn't know for sure, considering Jude was like an older brother to both of us, and Baylee always talked to him when she came home from school. And thankfully I'd managed to sneak passed the front desk of Silver Snail while Jude was in the back of the store, quickly getting into the stairwell and closing the door, climbing the stairs and getting into the complex only to come in to be met with Baylee watching the crappy little television that was set upon a cardboard box filled with old forgotten things in the living room.
I stopped short once I'd shut the front door as she glanced over at me, our eyes meeting for only a second before I quickly broke my gaze from hers, quickly shuffling off to my bedroom, the door staying open only slightly as I dropped my bag the messy floor of my bedroom near my matress, pulling off my long sleeved shirt and kicking off my jeans so I was left in only a pair of black boy shorts and a white tank top as I quickly reached for my old black pullover hoodie, pulling it on over my head in a matter of seconds. It was raggy, but considering how long I've had it for it's still in pretty good shape.
Swiftly I also pulled on a pair of black jeans and the usual studded belt, plopping down on my bed as I tugged on a pair of plain white ankle socks, grabbing the brush from the box beside my bed that I used as a night table and running it through my hair a few times, brushing out the knots and all before tossing it back onto the box, only momentarily glancing around my messy room as I sighed. It was almost always dark in my room, I kept the blinds of my window closed all of the time. Keeping my bedroom dark always helped me nap after school, not to mention it always kept it cooler as well, since our air conditioner was a piece of crap and only worked sometimes. I didn't mind though, I liked the dark better anyway.
When I walked out of my bedroom though, I tried to ignore the awkward tension circulating in the air between Baylee and I, even as it worsened by the second as I shuffled to the small kitchen area of the complex, going into the old refrigerator and boredly letting my eyes scan across the few things inside of it before giving up, shutting it again and shuffling off back to my bedroom to escape the discomfort I was being put under. Though before I was even halfway across the room Baylee's eyes fixed onto me, "You should think about what you're doing, you know." She told me, her tone in all seriousness almost scaring me a little too much, my feet stopping midstep as I froze from her words.
My hands balled up into fists as I gritted my teeth ever so slightly, "I can love whoever I want, Baylee Ray." I rejoindered harshly, a tad meaner then I'd intended, but I'd forgotten of that, walked off into my room before she could say anything else. Out of the both of us, to be honest, Baylee was the one that was more mature, or atleast more responsible. I partied hard, did what I wanted, didn't really stick to some of my responsibilities, easily forgot about some of them, could be a let down sometimes, while she always followed through with her promises and words. Baylee went to church, where as I didn't even believe in any sort of god. Baylee volunteered and helped out, while I stayed home and slept. Baylee was a do gooder, but not a square, where as I was the teenage rebel, who really couldn't give a shit.
The hours seemed to fly by before I was grabbing my cell phone, my iPod and a bit of money, shoving those things into the pockets of my jeans before pushing myself up and off of my matress, urging my feet to lead me on out of my bedroom door and to the open area, where Baylee sat now, doing the bit of homework I'm sure she had, and as I stood there staring at her quietly she only glanced up at me silently from the textbook in her lap, our eyes locking together. "I'm going to Franks." And that was all I said to her before I left, receiving a tensed and slightly angry look from her, the dislike she held for Frank evident in her eyes a little too much for my liking, and I hoped tomorrow for them wouldn't be too horrible, considering not only did I have Frank as a teacher for a class tomorrow but she did as well.
Taking the bus was something I never really did enjoy, but the experience of taking the bus to Franks house thankfully went by faster then expected, and soon enough I was stepping off of the bus, earplugs in my ears, music ringing through my head in hopes of calming myself, yet once I was even just on the floor of Franks apartment I was calm, and yet as nervous as hell at the same time. That feeling only worsened when I knocked on the door, only taking seconds before the door was opened and Frank stood there, black jeans and a dark grey shirt, rubbing the back of his neck slightly and gesturing me in, in which I quietly stepped in and he shut the door gently behind me, locking it and sighing. We both stood there in silence for a few moments before he broke it, "I hate seeing you with him." And his tone was solid, a normal volume, words nothing but a statement of the truth.
A sigh made it's way from my lips, "So? What do you want me to do about it?" I inquired in a solid tone right back at him, crossing my arms, my eyes locking themselves onto his as he stared straight back at me, his eyes neutral, and I couldn't help myself from feeling safe as he looked at me, couldn't help myself from feeling calm and loved, I felt at home when I looked at Frank. In some cases, that was not a good thing.
What I feared most was exactly what came from his lips, and it had echoed into my ears a million times, "Break up with him." And he said it as if it were the most simple thing ever, which I could only bite my lip at, because I didn't want to leave Kyle, I liked Kyle, everyone thought we were perfect together, but I didn't want to tell Frank no, because I didn't want to lose him.
Sighing, I groaned quietly and crossed my arms, pacing over near the couch for a second before my feet glued themselves to the floor as I glanced back up at Frank, who stood closer now to where I stood again, staring back, "I can't." I squeaked to him, biting my lip yet again afterward.
Frank ran his hand back through his hair in slight frustration, "Well, why the fuck not?" He groaned unhappily at my words, and I gave another one of my sighs and plopped down on the couch, slumping over onto my lap, arms crossed.
"... I don't want to talk about this." I mumbled childishly, as my eyes stared at my shoes.
"We can't avoid it forever!" Frank raised his tone, the sound of his frustration paining my ears, and my heart ached for a single moment at his unhappiness, only aching permanently another second after that. "You fucking know we can't, Kat." He went on, his tone serious, his anger making itself known now, and I didn't want to hear it, didn't want to hear what he had to say when he was talking like this, but had to. After all, I didn't just take the bus this late to get here only to storm right out after. "It hurts, you know?" He groaned at me upsetly, "Having to see you with him all the time. I have to stand there and fucking watch him kiss you." He pointed out to me as if it weren't already obvious, "I don't like sharing you with him, Kat. I don't like it one single fucking bit, because it makes me feel like you're fucking using me."
"Frank, I wouldn't fucking put my social reputation on the line if I didn't actually fucking like you, and you better fucking know that." I rejoindered seriously, my eyes narrowing a stare at him from where I sat.
"Yeah well, you don't give me the feeling that you fucking like me when you go ahead and fucking have sex with your little boyfriend." He hissed back angrily, automatically making me jump up from where I sat and glare at him.
"He's my fucking boyfriend, Frank." I growled back at him harshly, "You don't seem to realize that you're the other fucking guy, not him -- you. You're the one I'm cheating on him with, I'm not cheating on you with him."
"Well, I don't know what fucking dream world you're living in, because you should know by now that you can't fucking keep both of us." He yelled back, snapping at me in frustration and anger, and even as my heart swelled, it swelled with aches and pains, my gut churning, "I'm fucking sure that I don't want to have to wait around for fucking years to be with you when you're still with this other guy, so you better fucking choose. It's either me, or him." He told me angrily, his fists balling up, "You have to love one of us more. You do, don't you?" He inquired accusingly, "You feel for him more then you do me. You love him more, don't you?" He accused upsetly, hissing at me, hurt making itself known now in his eyes, a pain that was now mutual between us, and I choked back crying, bit back tears.
"It hurts that you think that, you know." I whispered sadly, "It's like you don't want me."
"Shut up." He demanded now, angry but only saying this because he was hurt by my words, "You know I fucking want you, don't you dare lie. You can't turn this shit around, Kat. This is all your fucking fault!"
"My fault!?" I yelled back, outraged with his words imediately, "You're the one that started it all! I fail one fucking test, get a detention, you argue with me about it for no fucking reason, and the next fucking thing I know your shoving your tongue down my throat! Fucking idiot!" I told him loudly, my voice clearly filled with anger as I was enraged, and he gritted his teeth angrily, both of us standing there in silence now as we glared at one another bitterly.
Things seemed to happen all in one fucking moment too, even as we both shoved ourselves at eachother in some sort of lust driven way, because even as we were angry with eachother, I suppose it was all some sort of cliche turn on for either one of us. I wasn't sure how either, wasn't even sure how we got down the hallway of his apartment into his bedroom, all I knew now, though, was that we were on his bed, tangled together in a hot mess, anxiously pulling at eachothers clothes, anticipation radiating from us as hands lingered and wandered underneath clothing, my tongue shoving through his lips only to run across his now as my heart raced against where his did the same inside of his chest, my arms wrapping tight around his neck as his hands shoved down the back pockets of my jeans, his hands grabbing and squeezing my behind as I roughly shoved him back and down onto the bed, his head hitting the pillow, our lips breaking, tongues leaving eachothers mouths, only his eyes fixed up onto me, reflecting the tiny bit of light that came in from a street lamp outside the window now as I straddled his hips, hurriedly pulling my hoodie off over my head and tossing it to the floor beside the bed, after only ridding myself of my undershirt as well. Hurriedly, he pulled off his own shirt, revealing that tattoo covered torso that I oddly loved, and tossed it to the side where it fell somewhere on the floor before he quickly almost lunged up at me, lips smashing against mine with an urgency as his hands wandered across my hips, up my sides and onto my back where they began to play with the clasp of my bra, and he bit my lower lip as he pulled away before he'd pressed his lips against the side of my neck, sucking hard on the skin, surely leaving a pretty dark mark at the aggresiveness of his teeth nipping on the skin as he growled playfully at me, emitting a giggle from me under my breath that blew into his ear. My hands almost automatically curled hemselves around his belt buckle when I felt something hard press into the inside of my thigh, biting on my lower lip and smiling in anticipation ever so slightly.
Wasn't long before I finally had Frank naked down against the bed, pinning his hands down above his head as I straddled him still, now bare naked ontop of him as well, and a gasp left him when I'd rocked my hips against his, a little moan coming from him as he leaned his neck up closer to me, giving me the initiative to give him a kiss as I aggressively crashed and crushed my lips down on his, his hands squirming underneath my own though I'm sure if he wanted to he could have just pushed my hands off -- he was alot stronger then me, after all. And I released his hands only to have them take a firm grip on my hips, his own hips shifting underneath me as he broke his lips from mine and whined at me, making me laugh under a pant of excitement, pressing a little kiss down on his forehead that he smiled at before I rolled my hips down against his hard, inducing a moan from him that sent my heart going crazy.
And I'll skip through the rest of the heavy touching if only to tease, to leave it all to the imagination just for now, because after a while there was only silence as we both layed passed out beside eachother on the bed, naked and covered in sheets and the comforter, panting heavily in some sort of attempt to get down from the high we were both shoved into, and as I stared at the ceiling from the corner of my eye I saw as Frank turned his head in my direction, watching me as I stared at space on the ceiling of his bedroom, "... Gimme some time to get my shit straight?" I panted quietly to him, in hopes that he'd now be willing to hold on for a little while longer.
He only continued to pant along with me, nodding his head after a moment even as he turned his eyes up at the ceiling to stare at it just as I was, "Okay," He panted in a whisper right back at me as he nodded still, "You're more convincing then I thought."