This Heart Still Feels

"Get out, Derrek!" you repeated, your finger pointing to the door, "Now!"

"Deana," Derrek pleaded, "Just let me talk,"

"I don't think so," you snapped

"Deana..."

"Did I stutter when I said I wanted you out?!" you shouted, "No, so I suggest you leave,"

"I just want to talk,"

"I've already had enough talking with you!" you snapped, "Now get out!"

"Come on, De,"

"I think she said she was done talking to you," Teresa said, struggling to get up from her spot,

"I thought I said I didn't want to hear it from you," Derrek yelled

"And I thought I warned you not to talk to her like that!" you pushed him

"I'm sorry," he said, "but I really want to talk about us,"

"And I really wanted it to be anybody but you getting fucked so hard in the hotel room right next to me," you came back at him,

"Come on, Hazelnut,"

"Stop calling me that!" you smapped, "I hate that name as much as I hate you,"

He frowned, "Be reasonable,"

"She is," Teresa spoke up for you, "Considering the shit you put her through, she's extremely reasonable,"

"Would you just please stay out of this?" Derrek raised his voice, "This is between me and Deana,"

Brie stepped forwars, "She's made it clear that the only thing she wants you to do is leave,"

"Did you ask her?"

"I don't need to,"

He turned to you desperetly,"De, please?"

You turned your back, "I don't want to hear it,"

He grabbed your arm, "Deana, please,"

Brie immediatly snatched his hand and swipped it away, "Don't you dare touch her!"

"Who put you in charge of her?" Derrek argued

"Not you," Brie sneered, "In fact, you should have nothing to do with her!"

"Why don't you butt out!"

"Why don't you leave!"

"Why doesn't everyone just shut up!" you screamed. Everyone looked at you,

"De," Derrek finally spoke, "I only ask for a few minutes, and then I'm out of here,"

You thought for a moment with your head down low, and when you finally raised it, you turned to Brie and said, "Take Teresa home,"

Brie took a step forward to you, "You're not serious, are you?"

You nodded, "Yes Brie, I am,"

"Come on, Deana,"

"Don't give me this," you stopped her, "I've had enough of that for one night. Just take Teresa home and by the time you get back, Derrek will be gone," your eyes skimmed back to Derrek, "I'll make sure of it,"

Brie turned her head to him and glared, "Are you sure you can handle this?"

You sighed, "If not, this is a good time to learn,"

Brie nodded and went to help Teresa out, "We'll be back soon," She turned back, "Very soon," and she was out the door with Teresa.

Derrek sighed, "Glad they're gone,"

You crossed your arms, "Me too. Now there will be no witnesses in case I have to kill you,"

Derrek chuckled, "You haven't changed,"

You remained serious, "Do you think I'm joking?"

His smile faded, "Sorry, no joking matter,"

"Derrek," you said sternly, "What are you doing here anyway? I thought I left you back in the U.S."

He shrugged, "Well after we broke up I got a job at this photography place and I got sent an assignment that needed me to get pictures of London,"

"What a coincidence," you said sarcastically with a glare

"Anyway," he continued, "I knew you had moved here so I thought I might as well stop by and try to fix things between us,"

"Well it is going to take a lot in order to do that," you said in a low tone,

"Yeah," he agreed, "I know, but I thought it would be worth a shot,"

"Pretty small shot if you ask me,"

"Look," he snapped up, "I didn't come here for your sarcastic comments,"

"Really?" you asked, "I thought you came here for sex,"

"I'm serious,"

"I am too," you shot back at him, "When you told me you loved me I thought you really meant it. But that was all you were really after, the sex,"

"Why are you being like this?"

"Have you forgotten what happened?" you reminded him, "Remember? I caught you in bed with another woman,"

"I know," Derrek groaned,

"And not just any woman," you added, "I lost you to a prostitute!"

"You keep reminding me,"

"And don't you think I have every right to?"

"De-"

"Don't you De me," you cut him off, "You don't think I never heard those rumors about you, did you? I heard almost every bad thing about you there was to tell. Some of it you admitted to, but when you told me you were different and that you had changed I believed you. When you told me you loved me, I believed you, because for once I thought that if I held on, you could turn out to be the one. For once I wanted to give love a chance at being born, and you crushed it all." You shook your head, water now slowly coming from your eyes "Everything you said to me was a lie,"

"That's not true,"

"Then tell me what was true,"

Derrek stood up, "Look, I'll admitt that everything everyone said was true about me. Yes, I did drugs, yes I was a player, yes I basically went around looking for sex. But I was young, and I was stupid-"

"You still are," you commented harshly,

He continued, "But it changed when I met you." he put his hands on your shoulders, "When I said I loved you, I did mean it. Everytime I said it to you i meant it with all my heart. Meeting you was the best thing that ever happened to me. I was a changed man,"

"Then what about that night at the hotel?" you asked,

He sighed, "The changes that I went through scared me. I was used to having three to five girls around me at once, and me always looking around for the next potential girl. But after I met you, all of a sudden I wasn't looking at other girls because the only one I wanted to look at was you. Sure, other girls were throwing themselves at me, but for the first time I was pushing them away because I didn't want them, just you." he turned away, "So when I realized this, I wanted to make sure this was for good and that I was willing to give it all up for you. So that weekend it was decided I would rent the hotel room and get my last few days in to see if I really was ready for this," He paused to look back at you, "And then you caught me, and everything fell apart,"

You shook your head, "If you expect me to buy that load bull shit, then you are far more messed up in the head than I ever thought you were,"

"Don't believe me," he said, "I don't care if you do, but that's the truth."

You sighed, "So what happened after tha?"

Derrek shook his head, "Nothing,"

You blinked, "Nothing?"

"Nothing," he repeated, "I never went out with anybody, I never got married or went back to the way I was before. After you left, something happened to me that never happened to me before." he stopped, "I cared. You caught me red handed and left me, and for the first time in my life, I cared, and I was crushed."

"You're lying,"

"Deana," Derrek pleaded, "Please trust me,"

"How am I supposed to trust you?" you snapped, "First you cheat on me, then almost three years later you come back with a lame ass excuse to why you did,"

"What else am I supposed to say?"

"How about 'I was a jackass. I cheated on you and I'm sorry for hurting you,'"

"Alright," he said, "I was a jackass. I cheated on you and I'm sorry for hurting you."

You looked into his eyes, "How do I know if you really mean it?"

"I'll prove it," Derrek took a piece of paper off of the counter and wrote an address on it, "Meet me here tomorrow at two-thirty," he handed you the paper, "And then you'll see that I really am sorry,"

You took the paper suspiciously, "What do you have planned?"

He smiled, "You'll have to wait and see," he looked down at his watch, "Well I should go before your friend gets back," he grabbed his jacket, "Will I see you tomorrow?"

you bit your lip, "I'll think about it,"

He smiled again, "I'll wait for you," and then he was gone.

You groaned and fell back onto the couch. He still had that same smile that made you want to die. You knew the moment you realized who he was that this was not going to be good. You couldn't have your ex-boyfriend be in the same town as you and your current boyfriend. Especially after you told Dan about him. You groaned, this was not going to be good. And how did you know that Derrek had really changed, or even that he had changed before? All you knew was that he was going to have to do something really big in order to convince you.