This Heart Still Feels

"There's Dan," Brie pointed as you stood outside of his house. It was really cold outside but with all your shaking you felt a little too warm. Brie looked over at your shaking, "Are you okay?"

You shook your head, "No, I'm not. It's almost five degrees out here, and yet I feel like I'm standing next to the sun. What does that tell you?"

"It's okay to be nervous," Brie conforted

'Easy for you to say you thought, 'You're not about to tell your boyfriend you might love another man,'

"You know you don't have to do this yet," Brie told you, "I mean, if you really don't-"

"I don't want to," you cut her off, "but I have to," you turned back to face the house, It's now or never,"

"You want me to go up with you?"

You shook your head, "No," you turned your head, "I'll be okay. I'll meet you at home,"

Brie nodded and without a word walked off. When she was gone you took a deep breath and stepped up to his door. Slowly you raised your hand and knocked on his door and waited anxiously for him to answer. It seemed like an eternity before he answered.

"Hey, Deana," he greeted, gloomly

"Can I come in?" you asked seriously,

Dan nodded without a word, opening the door to let you in. Not speaking you walked in and took off your jacket. You stood there for awhile across from him in an awkward silence "Did you do a little redecorating since I was last here?"

"Just moved some furnature around," Dan muttered,

"Interesting,"

"Look, De. About what happened,"

"Let me talk first," you said first, "Dan, I understand that you were angry. I know if I found out you were secretly meeting with your ex I'd be mad too,"

"That was still no excuse for me-"

"Dan, Please," you stopped him, "To tell you the truth, I've met with him for about three weeks, and it was wrong to do so without telling you."

Dan nodded,

"I know that it's not that long , but it's long enough to see that he's proven to me that he's changed." you paused, "In some ways, at least,"

"What happened," Dan asked

You took in a deep, quivering breath, "Couple nights ago, the night after we had that fight, I went to talk to him...and everything was fine, until..."

"What?" Dan asked in fear

You turned your head to face him, "He kissed me Dan. And though I didn't kiss him back, I didn't fight back either,"

You waited for the screaming, but Dan turned his head. He was speechless.

"Dan, please say something,"

"What am I supposed to say," he said in a low tone, "I've just been told by my girlfriend that she kissed another man-"

"I didn't kiss him-"

"Well you didn't stop him either," Dan snapped,

"I'm sorry," you said slowly, "I really am sorry,"

He looked into your eyes, "I know you are," he said softly, "But that's not the point. You didn't stop him, so you must have some feelings for him,"

You looked to the floor without a word,

"Well do you?" Dan asked, "Do you have feelings for him?"

You nodded shamefully with tears,

"Deana, why?" Dan asked in distress, "How?"

"I don't know!" you shot back, "I don't know! It's hard to explain. He kissed me, he said he was in love with me, and all of a sudden I saw the boy who didn't pressure love on me, and I started falling for him again."

"And how do you know he really means it?" Dan snapped, "How do you know he's just not trying to get you in bed like before?"

"I'm starting to question if that was his intention,"

"Do you listen to yourself talk?!" Dan yelled

"Dan, when he said it, it was the same look he gave me the first time!" your lip quivered, "And it's also the same look you give me when you tell me you love me,"

Dan wanted to shout something back, but the words in his mouth were dry. By this time tears were streaming down your cheek like a waterfall. He turned and stepped away.

"So you love him," Dan finally said, "Does that mean you don't love me?"

"No," you said almost instantly, "I still love you,"

"Then you're going to have to chose," Dan snapped around, "You can't have both of us,"

You gazed at him, "You're right,"

"So who is it?"

You shook your head, "I can't say right now," you put on your jacket, "I need to think hard about this," You walked to the door and opened it, but then turned back to Dan, "but until I make my decision, could you please give me a little space?"

Dan nodded,

"I'll see you later," and with that you slammed the door.

Dan looked to the floor. He never thought this would happen to him, especially at a time like that. After awhile he walked over to the couch and sat down. Moments after he reached into his pocket and pulled out a little black box. With the lid open, he let his tears fall on the little diamond ring inside.