This Heart Still Feels

I wish I could throw myself into the flames, I thought grimly as I stared into the fire. The warmth of the flames had brought little comfort to me after what had happened that day. Derrek was barely able to make a run for it, but the cops had arrived just in time to catch him. A trial was schedueled for next week, which for me was a week to long.

"Deana,"

I slowly rolled my head around to find Dan standing up with a steaming mug, "Hey,"

He held up the mug with a weak smile, "Thought this could help,"

I reached up and grabbed the mug, "Thanks," I murmered before taking a sip as Dan sat down on the couch next to me. I returned my gaze back to the fireplace. For awhile we just sat there in silence,

"Dan," I whimpered out,

He turned his head to me, "Yes?"

"How did you know to find me?"

Dan sighed, "Well I came a little early to come and wait for you, and when your teacher came out saying you never showed up, I figured something was wrong,"

I gave a nod of understanding. It was silent again for another minute or two.

Dan finally spoke up, "I'm really sorry," He placed his hand softly on my shoulder, "I really am,"

I faced his distressed expression, "For what,"

"For not getting to you in time." He finished.

"Dan," I set down my tea next to me, "You didn't do anything wrong. In fact you saved me,"

"But not in time," He went on, still in his hushed tone. "I should have gotten there sooner..."

"And did what?" I asked in a harsh tone, "Dan, how could you have possibly known that Derrek was going to be waiting at my school for me? How could you have known he was planning this?"

Dan was silent once again,

I took in a deep, calm breath, "Look, I'm sorry I snapped at you," I apoligized, "But blaming yourself for this is not going to make me feel better. It just makes things worse,"

"I just don't know what to say," Dan said despairingly,

I shook my head, "There's nothing to say. I was raped,"

Saying it out so bluntly seemed to hurt him.He simplyslid his fingers around my shoulder and pulled me into him, "I'm sorry,"

"And please stop saying that too," I beseeched, more politely this time, "That doesn't make me feel much better, either,"

"Alright."

I rested my head on his chest as took let out a long, meloncholy sigh, "I'm scared, Dan,"

"Of what?" He mumbled,

"What if we lose the case?" I said, my fingers in which began shaking, "What if Derrek get free?"

"He won't," Dan assured me, "I've hired the best lawer in London,"

"But I know Derrek," I reminded him, "He's a sly, cunning son-of-a-bitch. He always manages to talk himself out of anything,"

"Not this time," Dan stated protectively, "I won't let him,"

I didn't respond. I knew there was no use in debating the issue anymore. Dan was thickheaded, and in this case, more determined than ever to have Derrek put behind bars.

"Look," He sighed, "I know right now there's nothing I can say to make you feel any better, but Derrek will pay, even if I have to make him pay myself,"

"Don't say that," I protested, "You'll only get yourself into trouble,"

"I don't care," Dan went on, "If the court can't do anything to punish him for this, I'll find a way to do so."

I looked up at him sadly, "Please don't..."

"Don't try and talk me out of it," Dan argued, "I know this is hard for you to deal with, Deana, but this isn't exactly easy for me either," he moved his hand and began stroking my cheek, "He violated my wife," the way he said it sounded like he was about to cry, "And I just can't stand here and do nothing about it,"

I gazed into his eyes, "I understand that, Dan," I told him, "but that doesn't mean you have to go out and do something stupid,"

Dan leaned forward and gently kissed me, his lips trembling against mine, "He won't get away with this," he promised me,

Trembling in his arms, I reached up and wiped away the tear that was trickling down his cheek, "I love you,"

He smiled up and wiped away the tears forming in my eyes, "I love you, too,"

Having enough of this emotional breakdown, I turned my head and laid it down on Dan's muscular chest, and listened to the soothing rhythm of his heartbeat. My gaze once again returned to the fire, inwhich I began thinking about everything again; the rape, Dan, what could have been done to prevent it, and most of all, Derrek. Not only were his actions not seen as reasonable, but also not him. And the rage, that beast like rage that terrified me just thinking of it. It was like another side of Derrek had been unleashed.

But as I drifted off on his chest, my mind began racing with other situations this rape had caused, and by the time I was asleep, Derrek wasn't the biggest thing I had to worry about.