This Heart Still Feels

Three days had passed by since my visit with the doctor, four days since the rape, meaning I had three days until the trial. I really wanted to have those results in by then, so that if there was anything wrong with me, it could help put him in prison. I missed only two days of school, and I really felt like I should go back, but a part of me wanted to stay home. Not only would the rumors be spreading, but I was just not in the mood to leave. And if rumors weren't spreading now, they would be once the press got a hold of the story.

So now I was laying on my bed, under the covers, just like I had been doing yesterday, and the day before. I thought of myself as pathetic for letting this whole mess control my life, but until I got some news I didn't want to step foot outside of my home. Dan was being completely wonderful through all of this. It was him that took care of the house, tackled down the press, and made sure we had enough food in our fridge. I really started to feel bad about making him do all of this, but he insisted that it was fine.

"Deana," Dan knocked while I was reading a book in bed. I looked up to find him walking over with the phone in his hand, "You have a phone call,"

I closed up my book and set it to the side, hope filling my eyes,

"It's Teresa,"

I could feel my hope falling just as fast as it came,

Dan walked over and sat down on the edge of the bed, "I need to go run a few errands," He told me,extending outthe phone, "At least talk to her,"

I nodded, taking the phone from him. He leaned over and kissed my head, and with an attempted smile he left,

"Hey, Tree," I said, with a lack of enthusiasm in my voice,

"Hey Deana," she spoke back. From the tone of her own voice she sounded just as depressed as I was, "How are you feeling?"

I took in a deep breath, "Better," I told her, "but not by much," Before she could say anything else, I said, "Look, if you called to tell me that you're sorry for leaving me and not doing anything, don't bother. Dan already has that covered,"

"Gotcha," Teresa said. After a moment of silence she said, "But I can't help but be sorry,"

I groaned, "Please don't,"

"Why not?"

"Because you didn't do anything,"

"Which is exactly what I shouldn't have done," Teresa insisted,

I groaned, "Look, there was nothing you, or Dan, or anyone for that matter could have done to prevent this. Derrek had everything planned,"

"I should have seen this coming, though," Teresa argued,

I groaned even louder in fustration, "Tree, you are not making me feel any better,"

Teresa was beginning to get just as fustrated as I was, "Look, Deana, I know you're sick of everyone telling you how sorry they are about all of this like they know exactly what you're going through,"

You got that right, I thought bitterly

Teresa continued, "But no one can help but feel like they could have done something. The situation has nothing to do with it."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

Teresa sighed, "It means, that whether you were raped, or attacked, or whatever, no one wanted to see you get hurt, and we're just trying to figure out why this happened,"

"This happened because my ex-boyfriend is a psycho!" I snapped. I clenched my fist and took in a deep breath, "I'm sorry I snapped like that,"

"It's fine," Teresa said, "Anyway, can you blame us? We were all there when Derrek crashed your wedding. We all can't help but feel like we should have suspected something,"

I closed my eyes, now remember that awful moment that almost jepordized my relationship with Dan. "I guess not," I said, more calmly this time, "I'm really sorry,"

"We all love you,"

I smiled, for the first time in what seemed like awhile, "I love you guys too," I leaned back against my propped up pillows and let out a long sigh, "Really I just want Derrek in jail and for the doctor to call with my results,"

"You have been taking your medicine, right?"

I rolled my eyes, "Yes mother," Suddenly I heard a beep from the phone. Pulling back I read the caller ID and recognized my doctors number, "Speaking of the Devil," I held up the phone again, "I got to go. I'll call you later,"

"Promise?"

"Promise," I swore.

"Okay, I'll talk to you later,"

"Bye Tree," I said to her, "And thanks," With shaking hands, I pressed the flash button on the phone, and then nervously I spoke into the phone, "Doctor Berns?"