A Hard Headed Woman

I woke up in a daze, looking around I could not recognize my surroundings. The lush green environment was a complete change from the desolate desert I was so used to. I remembered falling asleep at my home in Arizona but this had to be some sort of dream because if not I was kidnapped for some bizarrely pointless reason since I didn’t come from a rich family.

“She awake?” I heard a strangely familiar Southern accent question.
“Looks that way, hey you speak English?” an obnoxious Boston accent inquires. I looked up to see the familiar looking Donny Donowitz. Startled I moved away from him wide eyed as I saw the rest of the Inglourious Basterds surrounding me.

“What the fuck?” I say as my heart rate continued to speed up faster.
“Take that as a yes,” Aldo states.
“This is a joke right? You guys aren’t real,” I respond looking around some more.
“Yew speak pretty good anglish are ya American?” he inquires.
“This is ridiculous, I can’t honestly be talking to Aldo Raine or seeing any of the Basterds, fuck did someone drug me? I was in Arizona sleeping peacefully on the couch after watching some good old reruns of I Love Lucy,” I ramble as I began to pace back and forth frantically.

“Arizona? That explains those cowboy boots, but who the fuck is Lucy?” Donny retorts.
“Fuck my life!” I exclaim throwing my hands up for emphasis.
“What’s yer name?” Aldo asks.
“Amber, my name is Amber,” I answer with a sigh.
“Amber is a unique name,” he states.
“Not really,” I counter.
“You got a real attitude problem,” Donny comments.
“Wait isn’t there a book out called Forever Amber?” Utivich questions.
“Yes, actually Kathleen Winsor named the book after me,” I say sarcastically.
“Really?” he replies looking at me with his big blue eyes.

“No not really Smithson, I was being sarcastic you dumb ass,” I retort.
“Hey how do you know my name?!” Utivich demands.
“Maybe she’s a spy,” Hirschberg suggests.
“I don’t have the attention span to be a spy, Hirschberg,” I state.
“Then how do you know our names huh?” he counters narrowing his eyes at me.
“I just do okay?” I snap putting my hands on my hips.
“What else do ya know?” Aldo questions.
“You guys don’t think I’m a Nazi do you?” I ask suddenly seeing that they looked a bit manic.
“You could be,” Donny states gripping his baseball bat.

“I’m not, those Nazis put my grandfather and his family in a concentration camp, took away everything they had and they weren’t even Jewish, not to mention my mother is Mexican, I don’t think they take in people like me,” I rant.
“What in the hell are ya doing in the middle of France then?” Aldo asks.
“I don’t fucking know okay? This is conversation is one big cluster fuck!” I say frustrated.
“You sure curse a lot for a woman,” Utivich comments.
“What do we do with her?” Donny questions Aldo in a hushed tone.
“I guess keep her maybe she has more information,” Aldo answers.
“She ain’t bad to look at either,” Donny replies with a devilish smirk.

“You do know I can hear you right?” I retort giving them both looks.
“Well what are we waitin’ for lets get walking, try and keep up Princess,” Aldo states. At that everyone started trekking through the woods. It was getting cold and I tried to keep up with the men whilst I cursed myself inwardly for my lack of exercising. Somehow I found myself walking alongside of Wilhelm Wicki.

“I’m Wilhelm Wicki,” he introduces himself in his deep smooth voice.
“Have a really great voice,” I respond.
“Thank you?” Wilhelm replies a little flustered.
“Sorry sometimes I just say things that are a little out of the blue,” I state with a smile.
“That’s alright you must be a little nervous,” he says returning the smile.
“I’m more so unnerved right now, I have no clue how I got here, I mean look at me do I look like I came from this time?” I counter shaking my head.

“Your clothes seem a bit different but I dunno how people dress in Arizona, are you cold?” Wilhelm inquires noticing that I was shivering slightly. I was only wearing a fitted black v-neck tee shirt and skin tight dark wash skinny jeans which hardly kept me warm in this cold weather.

“A little,” I admit sheepishly.
“Here, I’ve got two jackets on,” Wilhelm says taking one of his layers off and handed it too me.
“Thanks,” I reply with a thankful smile as I put the already warm jacket on that smelt like cigarettes. It reminded me a bit like home because my dad was an avid smoker.
“So do you know anyone else?” he asks.
“Not personally, but I feel like the more I say the less you guys will understand you know?” I state honestly.
“That means you do know more, but you are afraid to say anything,” Hugo says joining in on the conversation.
“Let me put it this way Hugo, if I tell you lot everything, I would make you look completely sane,” I say with a chuckle.

“Have you killed anyone before?” Hugo counters.
“No, can’t say that I have, though I am positive you all have killed plenty of people. You more so do it in creative ways which in some sadistic way I found absolutely entrancing,” I state all at once.
“You are one strange woman,” he responds.
“I know,” I say with a shrug.

We kept walking and then all the sudden we were being attacked by Nazis. Bullets were flying everywhere and I was utterly helpless being that I had no weapons to defend myself. Somehow in the muck of it all I found myself being grabbed by the hair by a Nazi soldier. I could not understand him one bit as he yelled in German as he held onto my body like a shield whilst he backed away from the Basterds whom took down most of the Nazis already.

In my head I figured this was just a dream so I might as well do something about this situation and be somewhat badass while doing so. With this in mind I threw my head back while simultaneously stepping on his foot causing him to groan in pain and let me loose. After I was loose I kicked him right in the testicles causing him to fall to the ground holding his bloody nose and possibly bloody testicles. The mild pain I felt in the back of my head from slamming it into the Nazi soldier’s face made me realize that this possibly wasn’t just a dream because you aren’t supposed to feel pain in dreams right?