A Hard Headed Woman

I ran top speed not bothering to use the steps but instead just jumped to the ground skipping them completely. Once in the forest I stopped running and slowed to a jog as I listened carefully to the sounds of the horrible singing and guitar strumming.

“Take me to Portugal take me to Spain. Andalusia with fields of grain, I have to see you again and again!” the voice sang out of key. My eyes focused on the far away figure with short dark wild lion’s mane hair that strummed the guitar skillfully.
“Take me, Spanish Caravan. Yes, I know you can,” I sing. The playing stopped and the person I knew too well turned around looking at me completely confused.
“Amber?”
“No it’s fucking Janis Joplin, yes it’s me. Are you stuck here too?”
“Stuck where? Hey did you eat those shrooms too?” she pauses then looks down at me, “Hey that can’t be right you’re living in Arizona again. How come you are in my hallucination man?”
“God you are worthless sometimes Paulie, I’m not high and haven’t been though I wish I were, what the fuck is going on? Ugh!” I reply frustrated with the whole situation.
“What in the hell do yew think yer doin’ by runnin’ off like that?” Aldo says breathing irregularly showing up at my side. Paulie’s eyes went wide and looked at me.
“Is that?” Paulie inquires unable to finish her question.
“Yup, we are stuck in World War two Nazi occupied France.”
“Oh my Janis I think I had some bad shrooms, you aren’t fucking with me are you Amber?”
“Who are yew?”
“This is Paulie, she’s harmless and apparently in the same situation as I am,” I answer for Paulie who gulped like a fish out of water as she stared at Aldo in shock. I pinched her arm.
“Ow! Pinche Amber what’d you do that for?” she exclaims glaring at me.
“You need to get sober,” I scold her.
“Bah I don’t wanna, this shit is too intense.”
“Did you find her Lieutenant?” Utivich inquires then stops to stare at Paulie, “Who is that?”
“Apparently Amber’s friend,” Aldo answers scrutinizing us with his stare. Paulie was wearing a knee length Mexican dress with bright colorful flower embroidery and my eyes trailed to the ground next to her only to see my brown heels.
“Paulie why do you have my shoes? You never wear heels.”
“Oh you left them at the apartment and I had a date or something, man your eyes look so green and glittery right now.” Paulie replies reaching out to touch my face but I moved away, “You’re fast.”
“How is it that you—you know what never mind I’ll ask in a few hours when you are somewhat useful,” I say rubbing my temples feeling a migraine coming on.
“Is something wrong with her?” Aldo asks as Paulie began busying herself trying to touch Utivich to make sure he was real.
“Uh she’s on some drugs, it should pass in 3 to 8 hours,” I answer trying to keep my eye on Paulie as she molested Utivich by grabbing his ass.
“Hey Amber he’s real, I grabbed his nalgas,” Paulie announces after Utivich gave her a shocked look.
“Ugh, Paulie stop molesting the poor man before he gets aroused.”
“Hey that doesn’t too bad,” she responds wriggling her eyebrows at Utivich suggestively.
“I’m half tempted to let you go for it but the other half says it’s a horrible idea,” I comment.
“Oh look at that flower!”
“Tough luck Utivich,” I laugh as I grab my shoes and Paulie’s hand to lead her back to the house.

Once inside the abandoned house Paulie was introduced to the Inglourious Basterds and being on mushrooms she greeted them a little too kindly. I didn’t want her to get stabbed so before she began molesting Hugo because lord only knows that things she’d do to that man unsupervised although I’m sure I’d do the same if I were in that state of mind. The man was one sexy son of a bitch but I grabbed her guitar and thrust it in her hands before things got inappropriate.

“Here, play the pretty guitar,” I say sitting her down on the couch.
“Yea! You have so many good ideas Amber!” Paulie replies enthusiastically.
“Uh huh,” I reply as I was about to walk away but Paulie grabbed me and forced me sit next to her on the couch.
“Sing and I play.”
“Paulie just play I’m not singing right now.”
“Hey he looks like the Keebler elf maybe he has cookies,” Paulie giggles about to get up to head towards Hirschberg. I pulled her down by the arm.
“Fine I’ll sing a fucking song,” I sigh.
“Janis time,” she announces as she began to play her guitar. I knew the tune and began my task at singing Janis Joplin’s ‘Me
& Bobby McGee.’

Busted flat in Baton Rouge, waiting for a train
And I's feeling nearly as faded as my jeans.
Bobby thumbed a diesel down just before it rained,
It rode us all the way to New Orleans.

I pulled my harpoon out of my dirty red bandanna,
I was playing soft while Bobby sang the blues.
Windshield wipers slapping time, I was holding Bobby's hand in mine,
We sang every song that driver knew.

Freedom's just another word for nothing left to lose,
Nothing don't mean nothing honey if it ain't free, now now.
And feeling good was easy, Lord, when he sang the blues,
You know feeling good was good enough for me,
Good enough for me and my Bobby McGee.

From the Kentucky coal mines to the California sun,
Hey, Bobby shared the secrets of my soul.
Through all kinds of weather, through everything we done,
Hey Bobby baby? kept me from the cold.
Mid way Paulie began playing a different song and I shook my head at her no longer singing Janis Joplin’s all time classic then started singing what Paulie was now playing and that was Castles Made of Sand by Jimi Hendrix.

Down the street you can hear her scream you're a disgrace
As she slams the door in his drunken face
And now he stands outside
And all the neighbors start to gossip and drool
He cries oh, girl you must be mad,
What happened to the sweet love you and me had?
Against the door he leans and starts a scene,
And his tears fall and burn the garden green

And so castles made of sand fall in the sea, eventually

A little Indian brave who before he was ten,
Played war games in the woods with his Indian friends
And he built up a dream that when he grew up
He would be a fearless warrior Indian Chief
Many moons past and more the dream grew strong until
Tomorrow he would sing his first war song and fight his first battle
But as my mouth began to grow dryer with every word sung Paulie changed the song again this time to Bob Dylan’s ‘Blowin’ in the Wind.’ I was done and ready to smack her in the face.

“Hey! You have to sing Dylan.”
“Ugh you can’t keep changing your damn mind with the songs. Go look at the floor boards or molest someone I’m done singing,” I retort annoyed as I got up to go find a drink of some sorts.
“You should keep singin’ you got a nice voice,” Donny states cheekily.
“I should shove that rifle up your ass but I don’t,” I reply making Hugo laugh heartily.

But his laughter ended when Paulie began feeling his face and studied him like he was some sort of specimen. I didn’t even care anymore, I was sure he didn’t know how to react so he wouldn’t stab her. So I entered the kitchen and searched for something to satiate my thirst. Luck be have it there was a bottle of whiskey hidden in the back of one of the cabinets. I swear I felt like I just won the lottery finding that bottle.

I took a swig making a face as the warm alcohol burned my taste buds and slid down my trachea just like it should. As I was about to take more a hand stopped the bottle from going any higher and my eyes followed the hand up to who the arm was attached to only to meet Aldo Raine’s deep blue eyes.

“Yer supposed to share,” he says taking the bottle from my hands and takes a gulp of the liquid fire.
“Well pardon me,” I respond sarcastically as I rolled my eyes and took the bottle back to drink more.
“I never knew a woman to drink whiskey.”
“Then you don’t know enough women,” I smile leaning against the counter lazily.
“Yew ain’t like yew should be,” Aldo comments in a strange manner.
“What’s that supposed to mean?” I chuckle.
“Yew just act different, how is it that yew got here?”
“I don’t know how I got here so you can imagine my frustration.”
“What sort of things do yew know?”
“I know a lot of things that question isn’t entirely clear though, I’m not a spy and I just know things, if something bad’s gonna happen I’ll do my best to warn ya and help out but I honestly don’t know what’s going on,” I ramble offering the whiskey back to Aldo again.
“I guess I believe ya,” Aldo says taking another swig of the whiskey. Our eyes met for a moment and then I stared off ruffling my hair slightly.
“I’m gonna check and see what Paulie is doing now,” I say moving from the counter and headed back to the main room. When I got into the main room Paulie was sitting on the couch listening to Wilhelm Wicki and Hugo Stiglitz speak in German. I sat down next to Paulie and she turned to me.
“Nora was right he has the kind of voice women and gays can masturbate to,” Paulie commends softly. I burst into laughter not only because Paulie’s comment was hilarious but the fact Omar and Utivich heard made it so much funnier because their faces covered in shock. Literally I could not stop laughing my ass off and tears of joy formed in my eyes. Composing myself I wiped the tears away and gave one last giggle before turning to where Paulie was sitting only to see she was gone.
“I don’t have cookies I swear!” Hirschberg exclaims as Paulie tackled him to the ground.
“Tickle the Pillsbury Dough Boy time,” Paulie laughs as she pinned him down with her wrestling skills put to practical use. I should have been helping Hirschberg get Paulie off him and to stop tickling him but the whole ordeal had me laughing hysterically again.

Lord I hope the Basterds weren’t going to kill us for our ridiculousness.