A Hard Headed Woman

The tickle fest did not last for the door burst open to reveal Kagan and Zimmerman holding two women at gun point, two women I happened to know. One had short dark hair cut into a bob, the other with dirty blonde hair and glasses.

“Calm down Batman and Robin, peace is love,” the one with dark hair states putting a flower in the barrel of Kagan and Zimmerman’s guns.

“Nora stop they’ll kill us,” the blonde with glasses says trying to stop Nora from touching the men with guns.
“We found these two coming towards the house,” Kagan states slapping Nora’s hand away.
“Nora!” Paulie exclaims with a big smile as she leapt into the air and attacked the brunette with a hug.
“Where have you been Paulie we got separated,” Nora says then starts to look at her hand like it was the most interesting thing in the world, “Fuck these shrooms are out of this world.”
“I know right?”
“Holy shit Amber, what’s up? I haven’t seen you in ages since you moved, did you take the shrooms too?” Nora smiles as she began twirling my hair, “You’re hair is all straight, did Amber have a fancy date with your boyfriend Darren.”

“No, I’m not on any drugs, Gwen you didn’t take anything did you?” I respond turning to Gwen who actually looked straight as an arrow as she gawked at the Basterds.
“I’m starting to think I am, but no I’m not on anything, what is going on?” Gwen counters giving me a questioning look.
“Paulie, she’s deflecting questions about her hot piece of man again.”
“She’s always deflecting questions about that hot piece of man lately, maybe she’s hiding him from us or they secretly got married and she’s pregnant with his baby. Oh that’s it! Amber we can have a baby shower,” Paulie rambles.
“I’d rather fall down a flight of stairs,” I counter giving her a look of disgust.
“Aye no! What about the baby?!”

“There is no baby and no secret marriage.”
“But that’s so boring,” Nora complains.
“I think there is a rainbow in here you should go check it out,” I say as I opened the decent sized room that was hidden under the stairs.
“It’s a Harry Potter room!” Paulie says excitedly as she ran into the small room with Nora following closely behind. I shut the door behind them then turned to Gwen.
“They should come down in a couple hours,” Gwen states.
“They better before I’m tempted to push them down a well.”
“I know Nora and I have been walking around for hours and she’s been such a pain, the mad woman tried to pet a bear claiming it was Winnie-the-Pooh,” she replies taking off her glasses and pinching the bridge of her nose in annoyance.
“Yeah you two would have been ripped apart and eaten, Eurasian Brown Bears are extremely carnivorous,” I comment thoughtfully, “Maybe you should have let her go for it.”

“Vous êtes horrible (You’re horrible),” Gwen chuckles in French.
“Yeah I’ve heard that one before.”
“So what do we do now?”
“I don’t know wade it out try to keep out of trouble, because I’m not really into this whole ‘we’re not in Kansas anymore’ shit,” I answer honestly.
“Amber is Dorothy! And Gwen can be the Scarecrow!” Paulie yells from the tiny room.
“Paulie you’ll be the lion because you got crazy mane hair and I’m the Tin Man because I’m a sex machine,” Nora adds excitedly.
“Oh my god there’s something in here,” Paulie says frantically.
“What the fuck is that?”
“AHHHH IT’S A MONSTER!!!!”

“God damn it Paulie get over here,” I curse grabbing her by the shoulder as her and Nora were running out the closet.
“Amber there is some crazy shit in there that’s gonna eat us,” Nora says wide eyed.
“Gwen get Nora and come on,” I say calmly as I led Paulie to one of the rooms upstairs.
“Alright,” Gwen replies leading Nora along.
“Where yew goin’” Aldo demands.
“Lady business,” I state simply knowing what makes men uncomfortable and ask no more questions.

Once we got into the room, we shut the door behind us I turned to Paulie.

“Give me the bag,” I order Paulie.
“What bag?”
“The bag,” I counter pointing to her boobs.
“Oh that bag….why?” she replies reaching into her dress to pull out a small knitted bag that was stashed between her boobs.
“To smoke,” I state as Gwen gave me a sideways glance.

“No we always fall asleep when we smoke that while on shrooms,” Nora argues.
“No, I promise this is time it’ll go great and you’ll be singing Bob Marley watching the walls breathe,” I reply with an innocent reassuring smile as I began rolling a joint for the two to smoke.

“Promise?” Paulie inquires looking at me with her big puppy dog eyes.
“Scout’s honor,” I answer putting my right hand over my heart.
“Light it up you take the first hit,” Nora responds with a big goofy smile.
“Fine.”

I took the lighter from Paulie’s hand and placed the joint on my bottom lip lazily then lit it gently with an orange flame singeing the edges of the paper on the joint. Inhaling to light the joint more the sweet skunky smell of weed filled the air as I exhaled the smoke. Afterwards I handed the joint to Paulie who took a hit then passed it to Nora. Nora and Paulie seemed to want to out smoke each other. Soon the joint was reduced to the size of a roach and the pair were lying on the bed looking at the ceiling with tired eyes. Gwen and I were sticking out heads out the window hoping to avoid letting the thick smog of weed it creep its way into our airways and make us high.

Seeing that both Paulie and Nora passed out Gwen and I exited the room to get out of the skunky room. We crept down the stairs only to get stares from the men.

“Bloody brilliant idea to smoke them out Amber,” Gwen comments before we reached the bottom step.
“It smells like those funny cigarettes,” Utivich comments scrunching up his nose.
“What do you know about funny cigarettes?” I reply with a smile.
“I know what I saw in that movie, they make you crazy and murder your girlfriend.”
“Aye dios mio, you watched Reefer Madness, let me get to playing the piano manically,” I laugh seeing his serious face. Gwen tried not to giggle but it escaped the confines of her covered mouth.

“Where’d the other two of yew go?” Aldo inquires.
“They are fast asleep.”
“What was wrong with them?” Wilhelm Wicki questions in his deep sexy voice.
“They ate some mushrooms that are highly acidic and have certain psychoactive compounds that pretty much intensify your senses and increase visual activity as well as cause hallucinations,” I answer almost scientifically then added, “It makes you want to touch everything so excuse their inappropriate touching.”

The guys just nodded obviously not really knowing what to say or think to what I had just explained so I decided to just drop it and not give a shit. Gwen and I just sat down on one of the open areas in contemplation trying to figure out what we were going to do about the situation. By the situation we didn’t mean the overly tan six pack bearing Guido from Jersey Shore.

“Lieutenant we can’t have all these women with us, especially crazy ones,” Utivich mutters turning to Aldo. Obviously it was supposed to be quiet but I heard it and it pissed me off to no end especially since I hate being in places where I was not wanted.

“Who’s to say we are going to stay with you lot anyways?” I retort narrowing my eyes.
“Obviously yew can’t be alone by yerselves there’s a war goin’ on, I don’ want some Nazis killin’ ya or worse,” Aldo disputes.
“Obviously YEW don’t know women are perfectly capable of fending for themselves,” I snap back emphasizing on mocking Aldo’s Southern accent as I stood up in an angry fashion.
“Are yew mockin’ me?” he retorts giving me a look.
“I thought that were obvious.”
“You can’t talk to the Lieutenant like that,” Utivich argues.
“I don’t need some assholes to tell me what I can and cannot do. He’s not my Lieutenant so I can say whatever the fuck I want.”
“Maybe you should just stand and look pretty while the men talk,” Donny suggests putting his hand on my shoulder.

My blood broiled and I heard Gwen mutter something along the lines of ‘oh shit’ before I took Donny’s hand and twisted it behind him then thrust it upwards to cause him some pain. Afterwards I kicked in the back of Donny’s legs and made him go on his knees as he growled in pain.

“I’m sorry what was that? Were you suggesting I should stay out of the decision that is not yours to make?” I question.
“Fuckin’ let go,” he growls back.
“Fine,” I respond as I let go and gave a little shove in the meantime. Donny got onto his feet and gave me a look that could kill.
“Bottom line is if you do not want us around don’t fucking pussy foot around it, we can make our own damn way,” I state fiercely.

I stood there unwavering and not about to back down. This bitch wasn't about to let another man make her decisions.