Night Songs

As I slid out of my shower, I walked slowly trying to balance on my tile, trying not to slip, which I’m accustom to doing.

I got stuck in my closet trying to find something to wear…again.

I’m trying to find an article of clothing that’s “concert, backstage,” like.

Well, again, I find something from my good ol’ youth days. Of course I’m still living them.

It was another dress, but this one was floral. It was a black cocktail dress, with a sweetheart neckline. It had green, pink, yellow, and blue printed flowers, that faded into the black. The length was to my knee, and it was pushing “the girls,” up. I’m sure Tom would love it. I was gitty at that fact.

I patted back to the bathroom with my black flats. I didn’t really want to seem taller compared to other girls, but I can’t really help with my height. I let my hair down, without doing anything to it. I just let it naturally wave into place. It was always a pain to curl because it was so thick.
I got my hair, luckily, from my Father. He was the one with the long straight hair. My mother’s curliness gave me the thick trait to my hair. I’ve gotten my green eyes from my father instead of my mother’s dark brown eyes. She had the Russian genes, and my Father had the Spanish. Our family was Jewish, well, my Mother was, but my Father always took me to his concerts to blow off “Temple time.”

I applied my usual routine make up on my face, and grabbed my purse, coat, and scarf. Before I went out the door, I spread my fingers through Fauna’s fur, and patted her head goodbye.

My bus was late, which means I’m going to be late to the concert. Shit, not enough time to talk to Tom beforehand.

Forty five minutes later my bus finally arrived. This night is starting to turn out the way I expected it too. Dreadful.

I finally arrived to the stadium. It was jammed packed. Cinderella and Bon Jovi were going to play together.

I carried a little sheet of paper with Tom’s scribbles. It said to go in the back with the laminate he gave me. I did as instructed.

Girls were lined up from the side of the building, that led up to the backstage door. I had no chance in hell that I was going to get in easily.

I walked up without anyone noticing. They were all bracing themselves for the front door to eventually open. I saw that a bouncer was right at the door. He was looking like he was having a bad night just like I was.

I walked up to him, with girl’s eye’s burning holes in the back of my head.

He looks at me, arms crossed.

“I, uh, have a pass to see Tom?”

He smirked.

“And where is your pass, lady?”

I fumbled through my purse and found the laminate.

“Huh, alright, step right in…” He opened the door for me.

“Thanks.” I smiled.

I walked in hearing dissatisfied screams and hollers.

“Why the hell does she get to-“ The door slams shut.

Again, I find a whole bunch of girls sitting around, waiting. Groupies. This is starting to look like a cult to me.

I found a seat, and sat straightly up. I placed my purse on my lap, and crossed my hands. Stupid polite habits. It looked like I was dining at the Queen’s table.

Two girls came up to me. They both looked like the expected generic type of groupies you see all the time at concerts. TV was spot on. One had black hair, that had a poof of teased hair on top of her head, and the rest of it was tied back. The other one was a blonde, she just had her hair down and teased up to the point of curious questioning. They both had on Cinderella t-shits, and short–shorts with key board print leggings. What the hell are they trying to pull off?

“You a manager or somethin’?” The blonde one smacks her gum.

I look up as I’m sitting down.

“Pardon me?” I smiled.

“She said, you a manager or somethin’?!” The black haired one was annoyed.

“Umm, no, I’m not.” I look at them intently.

“We’re askin’ because we want to see Tom!” She folds her arms like I’m holding her up.

“Yeah, um, sorry, I can’t help you with that…” I looked forward, not looking at them. I wanted them to get the hell away from me!

I felt a hand on my shoulder behind me.

“You wanted to see me?” said a familiar voice.

The girls screamed and climbed all over Tom. He was shy and modest, and signed whatever they handed to him.

He probably was thinking how the hell they got in here.

Once they were gone, which was not an easy task to do; Tom came over to where I was and laid a big wet kiss on me.

“Wow, I think I needed that.” I looked up at him.

He smirked. “You look beautiful as always…” He took my hand and kissed it.

I felt playful. “Oh, stop…” I flapped my hand.

“I don’t think I will.” He smiled. “Come here…” He grabbed my waist and tugged me towards him. We had a moment until-

“Ahem…”

A man with big, frizzy, dark hair was staring at our displays of affection, while tapping his foot. He was shorter than both of us.

Tom pulled away embarrassed.

“Uhh, Faye, this is Fred, our drummer. Fred, this is Faye, my girlfriend…” He still held my waist.

Fred smiled. “Oh, so you’re Faye?” He grinned to Tom.

I looked at Tom too, curious as to why this man is grinning.

“Uh, yeah, so what did you need Fred?” He quickly changed the subject.

“We got fifteen minutes. I suggest you get ready, now.”

Tom looked back to me. “I got to get ready, but I’ll see you after the show, okay? I’ll come back. Stay right here, you’ll get lost.” He kissed my head and un-wrapped his arm from around my waist.

“Yeah, Tom’s a victim to that fact, honest to god, couldn’t even find the door to our dressing room, with big letters spelling “CINDERELLA.”” Fred smirked to Tom, nudging him.

Tom whispered something in Fred’s ear…

”You wouldn’t!” Fred shouted.

Now Tom had the upper hand it seemed.

Tom walked off while smiling and waving back to me, as Fred was chasing after him.

“Not cool, man!” He whipped back around.“Oh, nice meeting you!” He waved.

I waved back, watching them disappear in the crowd of roadies, and groupies. I never thought I would ever have to say that.

I sat backstage, where he left me, and sat on a black leather couch. I couldn’t see what they were doing. I tried before to jump up above a lot of girl’s heads, but I only got a peek of the crowd. My angle of view was way off.

I sighed. This was no ordinary sigh of mine. It came from beneath my diaphragm. It was hard and heavy, and filled with disappointment.

I sat on the couch, while my legs and feet vibrated from the crowd and the instruments. I wish I was there, watching Tom from afar. I guess Tom was worried I’d be toppled over by big burly men. It was nice of him to care.

My smiled glowed from across the room to a broken mirror that was still hanging from the wall. I caught myself from the corner of my eye. I noticed I didn’t, at all, look like I fit in here. I looked cleaner than most of these women that are here, littering the floor. They all sat on men’s laps, drank until their cheeks filled up with their dinner, and I watched as they ran outside to spew out their dignity.

I was not at all, like these people. I squirmed in my seat.

Cinderella’s set was over. I got up and waited from where I was left.

Waited for fifteen minutes.

Thirty.

Forty five.

An hour?

Where was he? Did he forget about me?

I sat back on the couch. I was anticipating his presence, but he wasn’t there. I got up and walked towards the back door to get home. But then… a strong hand grabbed my arm. I turned around in shock.

I saw Tom glistening in hard earned perspiration. His lips seemed pinker, and his eyes blazed with color.

“I’m sorry, babe!” He shouted.

“Where were you…?” I frowned. I was going to hold in my feelings until I got home, but my eyes filled with tears right then and there. I felt like a little girl lost in a department store.

He pulled me towards him for a hug. He was shirtless, and wet. His scent made my hormones go haywire. I hugged around his chest, and squeezed for him not to go anywhere. He didn’t.

“I’m sorry, hun. I had to help with the equipment.” My hair stuck to his sweaty palms as he stroked my head.

I smiled in relief that he didn’t forget about me.

“That’s okay.” I wiped my tears as I pulled away from his embrace.

He smiled back, and gave me a kiss. I turned it into fifteen minutes.

Am I falling hard for this man?

Again, the crowd’s volume heightens, and I noticed that people were crowded around the curtain, shoving heads to see a glimpse of the well known singer of Bon Jovi. I was only interested in Tom.

Tom drove me back home in his black Camaro. I just eyed him throughout the whole half hour car ride. I loved how his hair feathered away from his eyes, and those lips made his profile look even more luscious. He smiled every now and then at me, as he could when he’s driving.

We both got out of the car. He took off his seat belt and darted towards me. His kisses were slow. I guess he was tired from the concert, I would think.

He walked me up to my apartment, and we said our goodbyes for the night.

“How would you like to go on a date? Like a date date, not like tonight…” He holds my hands.

“Uhh, sure. When?” I smile.

“Tomorrow afternoon. We can go catch a movie or something?” He smiled back.

I turned my head to stare at my calendar in the kitchen from the doorway. Shit.

“I have work til’ 6.” I lower my head.

“It’s okay, we can go around 6 then.” He kissed my head, and I looked back up.

“I’ll see you tomorrow, hun. I hope you have a good night’s rest.” He releases his grasp from my hands, and walks down my building’s green carpeted stairs.

“Bye…” I quietly spoke.

I closed my door.

Man, I wish we could’ve had more time together tonight. Just seeing him being jumped on by different women makes me sick to my stomach, and crushes my heart. So this is the life of a rock star’s girlfriend? This sucks.

I got ready for bed, as I squeezed out of my dress, and took my bra off. I draped my night gown on, washed my face, and brushed my teeth. This was my nightly routine that I live by. I grabbed a book, and got in my bed. Fauna joined me.

“What would you do Fauna? Having a rock star as a boyfriend, when you’re just a lowly convenience store clerk?” I scratched her back.

She said nothing, and just purred.

“Yeah, me too…”

I was falling off to sleep when the phone began to ring. I knocked down my alarm trying to get to it.

“Hello…?” I rubbed my eyes.

“Faye? Faye is that you?” A high pitched voice spoke.

“Who is this?”

“It’s your sister, Jessica!”

I thought about it. Oh, yeah. I have a sibling.

“Jessica?”

“Yeah, that’s me…” She sounded relieved.

“What’s going on?” I sat up.

“I’m…” she paused, “I’m in jail, Faye.”

I turned my table lamp on.

”I heard from mom…” I slouched on the edge of the bed. Fauna didn’t move from her nap.

“Mom visited you and you didn’t even come and try to get me?!” The phone crackled as she shouted.

“What was I supposed to do, Jess? I don’t have any money to get out there, or even bail you out-“

“That’s bullshit! You're a fucking liar!”

Even if I did bail her out, she wouldn’t have even lifted a finger if I was in her situation. I knew that for a fact. She was always selfish, and couldn't take no for an answer.

“Listen, Jessica, I’m sorry, I-“

“I hope you fucking die.”

I ignored what she said.

“What are you in for, Jess?”

“I was at the wrong place at the wrong time.”

“Huh, that sounds reassuring.”

“This is not a time for fucking jokes! Are you going to get me out or not?!”

“I’m sorry.”

A long pause arose.

“When dad died that night, I wished that you would’ve taken his place instead.”

Her statement gave me goose bumps.

The phone left my ear for a moment. I never knew my sister hated me to that degree. Tears ran down my face.

“Jessica, I’m sorry, I wish I could help you. I really…really wish I could.” I tried to hold back my tears, it just wasn’t working. “Hello?” She had hung up.

I placed the phone back, and picked up my alarm.

That night, I cried myself to sleep.