My Toxic Valentine

Alex stood in front of Jack, wringing his hands nervously. Realistically, it had only been a couple of minutes since he’d basically declared he was in love with the younger boy, but it felt like it had been a couple of years ago.

He wasn’t one to use cliches, but he was beginning to understand what people meant when they say the tension was so thick you could cut it with a knife. He felt a little nauseous because... what if Jack didn’t feel the same way?

Sure, they’d had some intimate moments lately but there was never a defined relationship and Jack had always seemed kind of hesitant. What if Alex had been pushing him into something he didn’t want? He really did feel sick to his stomach now.

“Um,” Jack said quietly after a few moments.

Alex felt his heart skip a beat as he looked up to meet Jack’s eyes. Before the younger boy could even say anything, Alex began speak; seemingly unable to stop himself.

“It's okay. You don't have to... I shouldn't have... I was... This is... I'm so sorry,” he rambled, sincerely wishing he could go back about 10 minutes and stopped himself from professing his love for the younger boy. Not because what he'd said wasn't true, but because Jack didn't want that. He'd said that from the start and it was unfair of Alex to give him an ultimatum like that. He really was a selfish, spoilt brat, Alex mentally berated himself. He couldn't even leave the best thing he'd ever had as it was, because he wanted everything on his terms.

“Oh,” Jack said quietly, looking down at his feet, blushing scarlet.

“I'm sorry.”

Jack shook his head before standing up and shrugging, trying to appear nonchalant. “It's fine. You didn't mean it, you shouldn't have said it, it's fine. We can just pretend this never happened,” he said with a forced smile.

Alex frowned, the sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach returning as he noticed obvious hurt in the younger boys eyes. “But I did mean it.”

“Then why did you just apologise and freak out about it?”

“Because... I... I don't know. Because it's not what you want and I shouldn't have said it because I don't want to hurt you and I think you're great and I'm just-”

Alex's explanation; which was sincerely lacking coherency anyway, was cut short as Jack took a step towards him and, with a look of extreme nervousness on his face, pressed his lips to the older boy's.

“I like you. A lot. And... And I do want this. I mean, us. I want us. To be together. Like, as a couple. In a relationship. With love and stuff,” Jack said quickly, face as red as Alex had ever seen it.

“Really?”

“Yeah. I'm not very good at being a boyfriend, but I can try. I want to.”

Alex grinned, wrapping his arms around his boyfriend's waist and nuzzling into his neck.

“I bet you're the best at being a boyfriend ever.”

Hesitantly, Jack returned the older boy's hug and the two stood like that, silently holding each other, for a few moments.

“I won't hurt you. I promise,” Alex said with such sincerity that Jack couldn't help but smile contentedly into his boyfriend's shoulder. He finally felt safe; like he'd finally found home.

He'd certainly been searching for it long enough.