How To Save A Life

Axel's Point Of View

I should have known that in saying what I really thought Mr. Shrink-My-Head would have a million questions. I shouldn’t have trusted myself or my mother whith that little tastes of honestly. I was almost home free, almost able to escape this stupid place, when this set things back.

“We were considering letting you return home full time, but after this breakthrough, we think there might be more that we can do to help you,” said Mr. Shrink-My-Head. The we in this was him and my mother. “We also think there is more you are keeping bottled up.”

I had spent some much time being so careful and giving them just enough to get off of my back and for them to call is ‘progress’. That evolved sharing more then I wanted but I felt it was necessary to get me out of here. And now that I let out a little too much I find out that they were about to let me go. If I had just kept my mouth closed…

“I had a moment of depressed thats all,” I said slowly. “I’m really not hiding anything, you can trust me.”

Mr. Shrink-My-Head looked at me with a level stare. “I should be telling you that you can trust me, not the other way around. You are supposed to just share as much at you can. We have time.”

No we don’t! I wanted to scream. No! I don’t have time for this. I’m not going to be here for the rest of my life. I want to go home. This place is shit total and complete shit. Even though inside my head I was screaming through out the office, flipping things over and smashing his oh-so-beautiful diplomas from the wall, in reality I sat with my back perfectly straight and my face completely relaxed.

I smiled. “Sorry, It’s a habit. Everyone is so upset with my father leaving-“ I started.

“Because you told him you were gay,” Mr. Shrink-My-Head said nodding, as he scribbled on his infuriating yellow legal pad. He was interrupting me to see if he could upset me, saying the statement. If I get upset he will think we are working through my problems.

Knowing this tactic well I approached it just the way he wanted. Lie, lie, lie. “No,” I said shaking my head. “He left for the conference. I had no part in that. He will take the news however he wants, all I can do is just be me.”

Mr. Shrink-My-Head smiled. He was proud; this was just what he wanted to hear. “I’m glad to hear that you finally came to terms with that,” he said, scribbling at his pad some more. “Please continue.”

“Anyway, everyone is more upset and emotional with my father’s absence so I’m trying to help lighten everyone’s load some. I still go out and party-“ I started again, when Mr. Shrink-My-Head interrupted me again.

“That’s normal for most kids you’re age,” Mr. Shrink-My-Head said smiling and nodding. “I mean, its not that we encourage it, it’s neither healthy nor a good environment for growing adolescence, but I’m happy to see that you can see the flaws and the bad and still function well.”

I nodded, pausing to make sure he was done. When I saw he was writing on his legal pad again I continued. “I still go out and party sometimes, but I also try not to stay out too late and to spend more time with my mom. I’m taking all my pills, and eating healthy, and I’ve been spending time with my mom and some close friends,” I said. The close friend’s part was a lie. Occasionally my ex best friend and his mom would come over. Our parents are oblivious to the fact we are no longer friend. But right now I could use his dinner visits as an advantage.

“How do you like all of that?” Mr. Shrink-My-Head asked. He looked up at me, removing his glasses he peered into my eyes, searching them.

“It’s hard some times. I mean, I still want to go back to my old habits, but I also want to get better, and be closer to my mom,” I said, honestly. “I’m feeling like I’m getting more out of life spending time with people who I care about and who care about me as well as working out appointments and still being a kid and doing schooling. The medication is helping too, so all in all I see nothing but things getting better.” The last statement I made was a bold face lie, but I hardly thought Mr. Shrink-My-Head would notice considering all the good truth sharing I had just done.

Mr. Shrink-My-Head put his glasses back on and started to write on his pad. I was quiet, looking out the windows and at the walls and he wrote. All that I could hear was the tick of the hands on the clock moving around, and the sound of his pen scribbling at the pad. After a while he cleared his throat.

“You can go. I’d like to talk to you more tomorrow though,” Mr. Shrink-My-Head said, and he walked around to his computer, starting to enter everything I had just said into a word document.

“Thank you for you’re time Mr. Simes,” I said, standing up, having almost called him Mr. Shrink-My-Head. I crossed to the door before I got a response from him.

“Axel,” Mr. Shrink-My-Head said. When I turned he smiled. “Thank you for sharing. We’ll see what happens by the end of today.”

“Thank you sir,” I said, and yanked to door open, I inhaled my next breath long and slow before exhaling slowly. The first breath of freedom you breath is always the best.