Saying Goodbye.
one of one.
Jack frowns through his car windshield and watches as the sun starts to rise over Chicago. He’s still miles away, and he’s driven the whole night already just to get to where he is.
He’s about to pull over into a truck stop and maybe take a nap or buy enough energy drink to keep him awake for three years, when he remembers why he’s spent his night driving to Chicago.
Alex.
He bites his lip, tries to focus a little better on the road and carries on driving.
Because he is going to fix this.
He guesses the feeling is worsened by the fact that whenever he thinks of Alex, he remembers the last time he saw him.
Alex had been sobbing at the train station, tears streaming down his cheeks as Jack told him ‘I’m sorry; this long distance thing isn’t working.’
“Jack, please.” Alex whimpered, hands reaching out and grabbing at Jack’s sleeve, fingers twisting into the fabric.
“Alex, I’m so sorry.”
“Please!” Alex sobbed desperately, eyes wide with fear and upset, and Jack shook his head a little.
“I’m sorry, Alex, I can’t.”
And so Alex had gotten on the train in tears and Jack hasn’t heard from him since.
This was two months ago now, and it had struck Jack two nights ago that he and Alex needed closure, or something, because this was hurting both of them whether it was obvious or not.
And so Jack’s driving through the streets of Chicago, hoping to God that Alex hasn’t moved house.
Soon enough, he’s knocking nervously on the door of Apartment 132B, hands shaking a little as he awaits an answer.
The door opens a few seconds later and a confused nineteen year old boy stares at him.
“Jack?” He asks in shock, eyes wide and tearing up. Jack nods, watching as Alex bites at his lip softly and runs his fingers through his recently bleached hair.
“What... Why?” Alex asks, voice shaking as much as Jack’s hands and the tears threaten to fall down his cheeks.
“I... I just realized yesterday, after two months of not speaking, that we can’t forget the past. No matter how much you want to.” Jack starts, and Alex blinks, tugging at his hair.
“And I... I realized that it was stupid of me to throw everything away. Stupid of me to let you go.”
Jack hears Alex’s breath hitch, and Jack kind of wants to reach over and take hold of his hand, but he doesn’t. He’s too scared to, in any case.
“So... If you’re willing to forgive me, and forget about how stupid I was -how stupid I am- I promise that I’ll be everything you ever want, everything you need. God knows, you should just slam the door in my face and never speak to me again, but, hell, Alex, I still love you. And I can’t stand to know that I had you and I let you go.”
Alex stares at him, honey eyes shocked and filled with tears for a few seconds, before shifting his hair from his eyes.
“Just answer me one question.”
“Anything.”
“What changed your mind and brought you back?”
Jack bites his lip and buries his hands in his jacket pockets.
“I guess I just started thinking about summer. You know that one night we spent on the beach, just us, because you wanted to watch the sunset? I kept thinking of that.”
From the way Alex blushes, Jack knows he remembers.
“Come on, Jack. The sunset’s supposed to be gorgeous tonight.” Alex said, grabbing hold of Jack’s wrist and dragging his younger boyfriend down onto the sand.
“I bet it’s not as gorgeous as you are.” Jack replied, and Alex blushed fuchsia, resting his head on Jack’s shoulder as the sun begins to lower on the horizon.
The wind picked up a little, and Alex brushed his dark brown bangs away from his eyes.
Jack smiled at him, leant in and kissed him, and it was so cheesy-Disney-movie romantic, but Alex didn’t care because it was with Jack.
“And then we broke up the next day.” Alex says flatly, fingers twisting around the hem of his shirt and tugging at it gently.
“I know... Because I was so colossally stupid and thought I’d be okay without you... Yeah, I was wrong.” Jack laughs a little, watery and from the back of his throat.
“I thought we were forever the first time... I’m not sure I’m ready to put myself through it all over again.” Alex whispers almost guiltily, eyes trained on the floor.
“That’s okay. I understand.” Jack says quietly, not bringing himself to look at Alex. “If I was in your position I wouldn’t take me back either.”
He’s about to turn away and head back to his car when Alex’s hand on his arm stops him.
“Did you fly here?” He asks softly. Jack shakes his head.
“No. I drove overnight. I didn’t stop, because if I stopped it’d be longer until I got to see you.” Jack answers tonelessly, but in a whisper nonetheless.
Alex sucks in a breath, and before he really knows what he’s doing, he’s pulling Jack into a hug.
“You remember that time, years ago, when I told you on the night before I left for college that I was scared of losing you more than anything else?” Alex says into Jack’s hair. Jack nods.
“I feel like that now.”
Jack swallows, looks up at Alex with his huge brown eyes.
“I feel like that too. Except worse, because I had you then I lost you.”
Alex tightens his grip on Jack, almost stopping the younger from breathing.
“I’m never letting you go again. I don’t ever want to have to say goodbye again.” Alex says, voice urgent and hurried. “I still love you too.”
A month drags by and Jack’s half-asleep in his college dorm when he’s awoken by a phone call. He’s about to throw his cell across the room and at a wall when he notices it’s Alex calling.
“Hey baby.”
“Hey, Lex.”
“How are you?”
“Terrible, actually. You woke me up.”
“Sorry. I was just calling to remind you that I love you.”
“It’s okay. I love you too.”
“Good. I get to see you in a month; I hope you’re ready for the peroxide of my hair.”
“I always am.”
“I can’t wait to see you.”
“I can’t wait until you’re done with college.”
“Why?”
“So you can move in with me and we never have to say goodbye again.”
He’s about to pull over into a truck stop and maybe take a nap or buy enough energy drink to keep him awake for three years, when he remembers why he’s spent his night driving to Chicago.
Alex.
He bites his lip, tries to focus a little better on the road and carries on driving.
Because he is going to fix this.
He guesses the feeling is worsened by the fact that whenever he thinks of Alex, he remembers the last time he saw him.
Alex had been sobbing at the train station, tears streaming down his cheeks as Jack told him ‘I’m sorry; this long distance thing isn’t working.’
“Jack, please.” Alex whimpered, hands reaching out and grabbing at Jack’s sleeve, fingers twisting into the fabric.
“Alex, I’m so sorry.”
“Please!” Alex sobbed desperately, eyes wide with fear and upset, and Jack shook his head a little.
“I’m sorry, Alex, I can’t.”
And so Alex had gotten on the train in tears and Jack hasn’t heard from him since.
This was two months ago now, and it had struck Jack two nights ago that he and Alex needed closure, or something, because this was hurting both of them whether it was obvious or not.
And so Jack’s driving through the streets of Chicago, hoping to God that Alex hasn’t moved house.
Soon enough, he’s knocking nervously on the door of Apartment 132B, hands shaking a little as he awaits an answer.
The door opens a few seconds later and a confused nineteen year old boy stares at him.
“Jack?” He asks in shock, eyes wide and tearing up. Jack nods, watching as Alex bites at his lip softly and runs his fingers through his recently bleached hair.
“What... Why?” Alex asks, voice shaking as much as Jack’s hands and the tears threaten to fall down his cheeks.
“I... I just realized yesterday, after two months of not speaking, that we can’t forget the past. No matter how much you want to.” Jack starts, and Alex blinks, tugging at his hair.
“And I... I realized that it was stupid of me to throw everything away. Stupid of me to let you go.”
Jack hears Alex’s breath hitch, and Jack kind of wants to reach over and take hold of his hand, but he doesn’t. He’s too scared to, in any case.
“So... If you’re willing to forgive me, and forget about how stupid I was -how stupid I am- I promise that I’ll be everything you ever want, everything you need. God knows, you should just slam the door in my face and never speak to me again, but, hell, Alex, I still love you. And I can’t stand to know that I had you and I let you go.”
Alex stares at him, honey eyes shocked and filled with tears for a few seconds, before shifting his hair from his eyes.
“Just answer me one question.”
“Anything.”
“What changed your mind and brought you back?”
Jack bites his lip and buries his hands in his jacket pockets.
“I guess I just started thinking about summer. You know that one night we spent on the beach, just us, because you wanted to watch the sunset? I kept thinking of that.”
From the way Alex blushes, Jack knows he remembers.
“Come on, Jack. The sunset’s supposed to be gorgeous tonight.” Alex said, grabbing hold of Jack’s wrist and dragging his younger boyfriend down onto the sand.
“I bet it’s not as gorgeous as you are.” Jack replied, and Alex blushed fuchsia, resting his head on Jack’s shoulder as the sun begins to lower on the horizon.
The wind picked up a little, and Alex brushed his dark brown bangs away from his eyes.
Jack smiled at him, leant in and kissed him, and it was so cheesy-Disney-movie romantic, but Alex didn’t care because it was with Jack.
“And then we broke up the next day.” Alex says flatly, fingers twisting around the hem of his shirt and tugging at it gently.
“I know... Because I was so colossally stupid and thought I’d be okay without you... Yeah, I was wrong.” Jack laughs a little, watery and from the back of his throat.
“I thought we were forever the first time... I’m not sure I’m ready to put myself through it all over again.” Alex whispers almost guiltily, eyes trained on the floor.
“That’s okay. I understand.” Jack says quietly, not bringing himself to look at Alex. “If I was in your position I wouldn’t take me back either.”
He’s about to turn away and head back to his car when Alex’s hand on his arm stops him.
“Did you fly here?” He asks softly. Jack shakes his head.
“No. I drove overnight. I didn’t stop, because if I stopped it’d be longer until I got to see you.” Jack answers tonelessly, but in a whisper nonetheless.
Alex sucks in a breath, and before he really knows what he’s doing, he’s pulling Jack into a hug.
“You remember that time, years ago, when I told you on the night before I left for college that I was scared of losing you more than anything else?” Alex says into Jack’s hair. Jack nods.
“I feel like that now.”
Jack swallows, looks up at Alex with his huge brown eyes.
“I feel like that too. Except worse, because I had you then I lost you.”
Alex tightens his grip on Jack, almost stopping the younger from breathing.
“I’m never letting you go again. I don’t ever want to have to say goodbye again.” Alex says, voice urgent and hurried. “I still love you too.”
A month drags by and Jack’s half-asleep in his college dorm when he’s awoken by a phone call. He’s about to throw his cell across the room and at a wall when he notices it’s Alex calling.
“Hey baby.”
“Hey, Lex.”
“How are you?”
“Terrible, actually. You woke me up.”
“Sorry. I was just calling to remind you that I love you.”
“It’s okay. I love you too.”
“Good. I get to see you in a month; I hope you’re ready for the peroxide of my hair.”
“I always am.”
“I can’t wait to see you.”
“I can’t wait until you’re done with college.”
“Why?”
“So you can move in with me and we never have to say goodbye again.”