Maybe Our Relationship isn't as Crazy as it Seems.

"I don't understand why you're even moving into this place, you were just fine at my place" Johnny grumbled while coming into my new apartment with a box in his hand.

I smiled lightly at my friend "Johnny I was already there for two weeks I think it is defiantly time for me to get my own place, I couldn't live off of you and Lace forever."

Johnny sighed and nodded his head "I know that its just with you here I won't be able to protect you especially if Matt tries to get physical with you."

I went over to him and gave him a hug then patted his shoulder
"Johnny you and I both know that if Matt wanted to beat my ass, you could not stop him." I said with a chuckle.

"I don't have a clue how you talk about that shit so lightly" Zacky said as he walked into my apartment with two boxed pilled on top of each other.

I shrugged my shoulders slightly "I think talking about it makes it easier to comprehend plus if I don't want to be always depressed and down about this shit. It's not worth it."

Zacky put down the boxes and then hopped onto my couch "Speaking of shit, have you talked to Matt lately?" He questioned.

I nodded my head "yeah we talked a few days ago, not for long once I told him I was getting my own place and lets just say words were exchanged when I wouldn't tell him where it was." I said, rolling my eyes.

Zacky nodded his head "Have you guys talked about therapy more?"

I walked over to the couch and plopped next to him putting my head on his shoulder.

"Yeah, were going in for our first session in two days" I said bitting my lip a little.

"Are you nervous?" Johnny asked putting the box down and sitting in my recliner.

I shrugged my shoulders, "I mean a little, part of me is nervous about what's going to happen and the other part of me is just nervous to see Matt. I haven't seen him since I moved out and he came to Johnny and Lacey's house and then we got into the fight the other night on the phone." I sighed

Zacky gave me a side hug and kissed my forehead lightly "it'll be alright Kellie, Matt is an ass and a lot of the shit he's done hasn't been good but we all know he loves you and is going to do anything in his power to make this better."

"She shouldn't be giving him the time of day if you ask me" Johnny muttered from the corner of the room.

That comment made me frown and let out a sigh before I spoke.

"I don't want you to think that this was all Matt. I did a lot of shit to him to, I'll admit to throwing things at him or hitting him first. He's your band mate and a brother to you guys, the last thing I want you to do is blame all of this on him because it wasn't. This thing isn't all of his fault."

Johnny sighed "Yeah I know it's just you're like a little sister to all of us and all of us, including Matt grew up knowing that you don't hit girls. So to know that all this shit went down between the two of you for as long as it did is just mind blowing to me."

"I'm sorry for keeping this from you guys, maybe if I would have talked about it earlier it wouldn't have gotten this bad" I said frowning slightly.

Zacky bumped shoulders with me "I wouldn't apologize Kell, I'm just glad you guys are getting help now. I wouldn't know what to do with myself if something happened to the pain in my ass sister" he said chuckling lightly.

I smirked at playfully punched his shoulder "You'd guys would be fucking lost without me" I told him and Johnny playfully.

Johnny and Zacky laughed and nodded their heads.

"Now get the fuck out and go back to your girlfriends" I said to them smirking.

They both laughed again before getting up and saying their goodbyes, both making me promise to call them tomorrow.

Once my apartment door closed I let out a sigh of relief. Those two boys could be a little too much at times but I loved Johnny and Zacky. I loved all of the guys but out of all of them those were the two I was closest to. Johnny I grew up with because our parents were friends and Zacky was the cooler older neighbor boy that I followed around until he no longer saw me as a nuisance. The other three guys came into the picture later. Together we were the perfect group of friends, those guys were my rock back then hell they still are.

Going to the kitchen and opening up my fridge I grabbed the left over pizza from lunch with that the guys and I shared. I quickly grabbed two slices and put them on a plate before turning around and walking back into my living room sitting on the floor instead of my couch. I don't know why but sitting or laying on the floor calmed me.

I laid down on my back, closing my eyes and ate my pizza trying to unscramble my thoughts, something I hadn't been able to do in weeks now.

I was trying to figure out where my aggression came from. I hadn't been an aggressive child or teenager, I was nice to everyone. The only time I became angry or violent was when I was with Matt and I don't know why. From the beginning of our relationship it had been sweet but the smallest things made me angry. It was like everything he did just rubbed me the wrong way but I loved him. I think even when him and I were just friends I loved him. He truly was the only man I have ever been in love with.

Dropping the crust on the plate, I just laid there listening to the silence.

What if I am only with Matt for the wrong reasons? What if I don't love him anymore and I am just hanging on to what we had?

I let a groan out. This was so fucked up, my life had spiraled out of control and I couldn't stop it and I certainly didn't know how to fix it.

I sighed and sat up opening my eyes and grabbed the other slice of cold pizza before I shoved it into my mouth.