Second Life
Foreshadowed Funeral
"What made you change your mind?" Ellen's question pulls me away from the vision and back to the reality I must face. Soon we would arrive at the cemetery, the setting of my funeral. Ellen wears a long, satin gown. I wear a plaid skirt and blouse. I am holding a
bouquet of red roses. My grip on them is tight. I press on the foil so fucking hard their delicate stems bend and break. One by one they snap, soon the shrivel up and die.
"This is my last chance to say goodbye," I say lamely.
"Terra, I know this is difficult. You two were so close, but wherever you go, a part of Allie will always be with you."
"You have no idea," I mutter.
"What?"
"Nothing."
From the point of our arrival, everything seems to pass in a blur. Unlike those I'd witnessed before, this funeral was plain and simple. Only a few people attended. I can't focus on any of their faces long enough to match a name. There is no service, or words of hope. The final fair well takes place outside, at the site of the grave. I shudder as I stare into the gaping hole where the body soon will lie.
My new home. All of the blood drains from my face.
Ellen seems distracted. She shifts her head from side to side, then stares blankly into space. She's looking for someone, I realize.
"Kim," she says at last. "Where's Kim?"
She refers to my mother. My mother and betrayer. For the first time in days I think of her. I haven't seen her since before the accident. I know she hadn't paid a single visit to my bed side, I know she isn't here. Why hadn't she come to see me? Where had she been? More importantly, where is she now? Why isn't she here? At her own daughter's funeral.
"...wouldn't even come to say goodbye to her own child..." Ellen croaks as tears soak her face. She is grief stricken, and angry. She blames my mother. I can read it in her thoughts;
If she had been there, Allie might still be alive. She was all that Kim had, and now she's lost... dead at fourteen...
Everything has always been my mother's fault, up until now. This was my fault. I had been in the perfect position to save two precious lives, and I hadn't. I deserve every ounce of pain this curse has brought me and is yet to bring.
We line up sullenly by the casket. I feel numb inside and out. Painless and emotionless as we wait. The foil around the roses crinkles in my quivering hands. Snap. The last rose dies. The thorns of the delicate flowers press into my thumb. Each step I take, my legs seem to get heavier. My breathing is shallow, and I am dead in more ways than one. Moisture blurs my vision, until finally I see a girl. Her skin even paler than before her death, making her jet black hair seem even darker. The body is arranged in no special way. It looks as if she's been carelessly dropped there. Hair sticks to her cheeks, her arms are at her sides. She's still dressed in a hospital gown. The girl is me. The girl was me...
Some how I manage to pry my stiff fingers off the bouquet and watch it drop. The bare stems scatter over her relaxed face, but no one seems to care. My legs give in and I drop to my knees. The damp grass makes me shiver.
My life, and that of my best friend, were both taken in a tragic accident only I had foreseen. And only I had been in the position to stop it.
bouquet of red roses. My grip on them is tight. I press on the foil so fucking hard their delicate stems bend and break. One by one they snap, soon the shrivel up and die.
"This is my last chance to say goodbye," I say lamely.
"Terra, I know this is difficult. You two were so close, but wherever you go, a part of Allie will always be with you."
"You have no idea," I mutter.
"What?"
"Nothing."
From the point of our arrival, everything seems to pass in a blur. Unlike those I'd witnessed before, this funeral was plain and simple. Only a few people attended. I can't focus on any of their faces long enough to match a name. There is no service, or words of hope. The final fair well takes place outside, at the site of the grave. I shudder as I stare into the gaping hole where the body soon will lie.
My new home. All of the blood drains from my face.
Ellen seems distracted. She shifts her head from side to side, then stares blankly into space. She's looking for someone, I realize.
"Kim," she says at last. "Where's Kim?"
She refers to my mother. My mother and betrayer. For the first time in days I think of her. I haven't seen her since before the accident. I know she hadn't paid a single visit to my bed side, I know she isn't here. Why hadn't she come to see me? Where had she been? More importantly, where is she now? Why isn't she here? At her own daughter's funeral.
"...wouldn't even come to say goodbye to her own child..." Ellen croaks as tears soak her face. She is grief stricken, and angry. She blames my mother. I can read it in her thoughts;
If she had been there, Allie might still be alive. She was all that Kim had, and now she's lost... dead at fourteen...
Everything has always been my mother's fault, up until now. This was my fault. I had been in the perfect position to save two precious lives, and I hadn't. I deserve every ounce of pain this curse has brought me and is yet to bring.
We line up sullenly by the casket. I feel numb inside and out. Painless and emotionless as we wait. The foil around the roses crinkles in my quivering hands. Snap. The last rose dies. The thorns of the delicate flowers press into my thumb. Each step I take, my legs seem to get heavier. My breathing is shallow, and I am dead in more ways than one. Moisture blurs my vision, until finally I see a girl. Her skin even paler than before her death, making her jet black hair seem even darker. The body is arranged in no special way. It looks as if she's been carelessly dropped there. Hair sticks to her cheeks, her arms are at her sides. She's still dressed in a hospital gown. The girl is me. The girl was me...
Some how I manage to pry my stiff fingers off the bouquet and watch it drop. The bare stems scatter over her relaxed face, but no one seems to care. My legs give in and I drop to my knees. The damp grass makes me shiver.
My life, and that of my best friend, were both taken in a tragic accident only I had foreseen. And only I had been in the position to stop it.