Status: Completed.
Little Girl, Scream, And I
One
"Thwack. Thwack. Thwack."
Little girl is beating her palms against her head.
All fifty pound four feet tumbling ringlets eight year old beautiful girl of her is beating her palms against her head.
"Stop. Please, stop!"
I am grabbing her hands, tugging them down.
All one hundred pound five feet soft curls fifteen years old depressed teen of me is grabbing her hands, tugging them down.
"What is WRONG with you?"
Scream is standing in the kitchen doorway, condemning.
All one hundred twenty pounds five and a half feet forty nine years old dyed waves worn out mom of her is standing in the kitchen doorway, condemning.
My pleads mix with little girl's howls mix with Scream's sneers. And I am screaming too, screaming inside.
Get
Me
OUT.
I can't handle this.
Too much, too much, TOO MUCH.
My head is hurting bouncing remembering fearing
Running
Back to Outside
Inside is exploding Inside is scary haunting memories.
Outside I tug long legs thrashing body dark brown eyes up carpeted tear stained stairs.
She fights she howls she screams she begs I back away.
I come back I hug I kiss I soothe I hold
All of her
Cuddled into me.
Scream starts again.
Scream has my name now.
Scream wants to know why the dishes aren't clean.
Murmur answers back.
Murmur is mine.
Murmur dares to whisper
"Because I'm doing your job!"
Brain
My brain
Dares to think
"A lot better than you."
Little soft skinned hurt girl is
Swaddled in soft sheets.
And my smiles my love my work
My thoughts
I am never going to have kids.
Scream has calmed down.
Scream is sitting at the kitchen table
Eating tuna.
Scream becomes Whisper
Whisper tells me
Thank you
thank you for doing my job for helping my child for being caring not condemning for knowing what little girl needs when you do not when you are the reason she needs it.
I prefer Scream. Scream is scary. Scream has something I can hate. Whisper is just pathetic. Pathetic empty with a Scream hiding inside.
Breathe. Breathe. I chant. Breathe. Breathe. Sit down eat. Stay up do homework. And try not to think about tomorrow night. When this all happens again.
I can listen hear feel it destroy my heart already.
Thwack. Thwack. Thwack.
Little girl is beating her palms against her head.
All fifty pound four feet tumbling ringlets eight year old beautiful girl of her is beating her palms against her head.
"Stop. Please, stop!"
I am grabbing her hands, tugging them down.
All one hundred pound five feet soft curls fifteen years old depressed teen of me is grabbing her hands, tugging them down.
"What is WRONG with you?"
Scream is standing in the kitchen doorway, condemning.
All one hundred twenty pounds five and a half feet forty nine years old dyed waves worn out mom of her is standing in the kitchen doorway, condemning.
My pleads mix with little girl's howls mix with Scream's sneers. And I am screaming too, screaming inside.
Get
Me
OUT.
I can't handle this.
Too much, too much, TOO MUCH.
My head is hurting bouncing remembering fearing
Running
Back to Outside
Inside is exploding Inside is scary haunting memories.
Outside I tug long legs thrashing body dark brown eyes up carpeted tear stained stairs.
She fights she howls she screams she begs I back away.
I come back I hug I kiss I soothe I hold
All of her
Cuddled into me.
Scream starts again.
Scream has my name now.
Scream wants to know why the dishes aren't clean.
Murmur answers back.
Murmur is mine.
Murmur dares to whisper
"Because I'm doing your job!"
Brain
My brain
Dares to think
"A lot better than you."
Little soft skinned hurt girl is
Swaddled in soft sheets.
And my smiles my love my work
My thoughts
I am never going to have kids.
Scream has calmed down.
Scream is sitting at the kitchen table
Eating tuna.
Scream becomes Whisper
Whisper tells me
Thank you
thank you for doing my job for helping my child for being caring not condemning for knowing what little girl needs when you do not when you are the reason she needs it.
I prefer Scream. Scream is scary. Scream has something I can hate. Whisper is just pathetic. Pathetic empty with a Scream hiding inside.
Breathe. Breathe. I chant. Breathe. Breathe. Sit down eat. Stay up do homework. And try not to think about tomorrow night. When this all happens again.
I can listen hear feel it destroy my heart already.
Thwack. Thwack. Thwack.
♠ ♠ ♠
First drabble I've ever done...first time I've ever written about something this way. First time I've written about something this personal, too. Feedback is lovely and much appreciated. :)