Is This Love or Merely Lust?

I avoided the studio for a few days. I needed time to think about Jyrki and let Bam talk to him to try to knock some sense into him. If Jyrki was prepared to treat me with some respect, then I was going to return to the studio and help him and his band out. If not, I could easily do other work for Dad. When I finally returned, the band was in the large rehearsal room, setting up their equipment to run through a new song they had come up with. Jane was in there too, talking to Jussi as he sorted out his drums and got comfortable on the stool. It seemed from afar that they had a real genuine connection, and that things weren’t going to be just sex, but then again, my sister could easily turn that around. I took a seat as Jane walked out of the music room to let them prepare. The music technicians were all ready to start recording.

“Jess! You’re back!” Jane exclaimed as she saw me. “You know, a certain someone really misses you and feels extremely guilty, I can tell.”

“Good. Hopefully he stops sending mixed signals now,” I commented with a growl in my voice as a guitar played a note and let it ring out for a while before Jussi counted everyone in, starting up a simple beat with the guitars, the bass joining in shortly after. It was quite catchy and I started moving my head slightly to the beat.

“Now listen, God gave a singer a second chance. You’ve got the blues but you can’t have the romance. Ain’t mucha a sinner, baby, not a saint. The ghost of Elvis told me how to get the girls faint,” Jyrki sung, his voice so deep and captivating. He moved his arms around and clicked his fingers to the beat sometimes, making sure he looked around at his band members as they rocked out. He was enjoying himself, and that was something a lot of musicians were lacking these days, unfortunately. “I’m going down, down the line. I’m a rocker, yeah, baby I’m a rocker, that’s right.” The other guys joined in on backup vocals, really emphasising the ‘rocker’ part.

“I think he’s trying to make it up to you...” Jane murmured while glancing at me.

“How?”

“Well, listen. He’s singing about how he has no romance because he’s a rocker. He can’t help it. But to me, it feels like he wants to change that,” my sister explained and I looked back over at the band. Jyrki was now singing about sex, which made me roll my eyes. It was always about sex when it came to men!

“I doubt it! Listen to him now!” I retorted, determined that Jyrki hadn’t changed. Jane sighed and rolled her eyes at me, looking back at the band too. The rest of the song passed, and I must admit that it was a good rock song.

“Have mercy on me now,” Jyrki said deeply to end the song, a guitar wailing a few seconds later to finish the song off.

“I swear this is his way of making it up to you,” Jane said in a singsong voice. Jyrki then said something in Finnish and everyone stood and walked out, Jyrki the last to leave the rehearsal room and enter the room where I was.

“Just because you have a hubby and everything’s working out for you...” I groaned as I leaned back in my chair. This never happened. Somehow, me and my sister had swapped roles in life. The band strolled in through the door and I watched as Jyrki entered, first looking slightly bored, but then his face lit up when he saw me. He then pushed past his friends, almost sending the petit Jussi to the ground as he walked over to Jane, and eventually came to a stop in front of me.

“Jessica, I’m so glad you’re here. I really need to talk to you,” Jyrki pleaded. I raised my eyebrows when he didn’t start talking. “Alone.”

“Fine.” I stood and followed the Finnish man outside the studio and into the hallway. Jyrki continued, walking back to the room where we had first met, and he sat down on one of the couches, getting comfortable. To be polite, I sat down next to him, but kept my distance.

“I want to apologise,” he began. “I know I was a dick towards you and was being confusing and I just really want to make it up to you somehow, if you were willing.”

“You expect me to believe that?” I questioned. I wasn’t convinced. He could easily just be saying that so he could get into my pants for all I knew.

“No... But Bam talked to me and I understand that I wasn’t being me towards you; I was being a rocker, the person my fans see. Please let me at least try to make it up to you,” Jyrki begged. I hesitated, trying to evaluate how genuine he was being.

“How do I know you’re not just saying this? How do I know you mean it?”

“I guess you can’t know that…” he sighed. “But that’s why I want to try to prove it to you. Just let me show you that I can be a nice guy, please. And then after that, you can do whatever you’d like, whether that be give me a chance or leave me on the side of the road.”

“I- I can’t…” I breathed.

“Why not?”

“You wouldn’t understand…”

“Try me,” he challenged me in a voice that was also supportive and encouraging. One look from his kind eyes and I gave in.

“I’ve just been tricked into relationships before, similar to this, and they’ve ended up being abusive and I couldn’t get out… I can’t do that again… I don’t care if you’re Bam’s friend, I don’t care if my sister is dating your friend… It doesn’t matter,” I explained, Jyrki’s face seeming more and more saddened and disappointed as I spoke. “There’s no way to trust you…”

“What if I had a record deal with your father and wouldn’t dare do anything, like hurting his daughter, that might put that in danger?” Jyrki suggested, his voice full of hope.

“So work is more important?” I teased a little, a smile finally on my face again. He grinned back.

“I’m not saying that. I’m just saying it’s important enough that I wouldn’t ruin an opportunity like this for me and my friends,” he quickly replied. His accent became more obvious as his pace quickened. “The point is, you can trust me, I promise. Just let me take you out on one date, but more as friends, so you can get to know me, okay? And we can take it slowly from there.” He was really fighting for me… Maybe I could trust him? Besides, it’s Bam’s friend, and if Jane thinks Jussi is nice enough…

“Fine.”