Sequel: You Are Loved, Baby.

Shattered Secrets

29.

Mandi decided to hang around for awhile. Together we made Bronx a big dinner, hoping that the little boy would soon forget about wanting Brian to come over and stay forever. The three of us stood at the counter, Bronx on a chair, as we cut and cooked, and in Bronx's case, mixed things.

My iPod played music from it's speakers that were set up on the island in the middle of the room. It played everything besides Avenged Sevenfold, which was hard for me. Pushing Brian out of my life meant pushing away the band that I based most of my life on and that was difficult.

Bronx had a smile on his face as I sang and danced dramatically while popping the pan of barbeque chicken into the oven. Bronx stuffed a ham-roll into his mouth when he thought I wasn't looking and then he grinned at Mandi.

Bronx hopped off of his chair and into my arms as I continued to dance to My Chemical Romance's 'Save Yourself I'll hold Them Back.' He slipped his purple sweatshirt off and tossed it on the floor before he started to sing along animatedly, even though he didn't know all the words to the new song. Soon enough he settled for just head banging dramatically, his mohawk falling down with every move.

The door bell ringing caught me off guard. I stopped moving, the music still ringing through out the house. "I got it!" Bronx yelled, racing off towards the living room.

I reached out and wrapped my arms around his waist, pulling him back. "Stay here Bronx," I demanded, sending Mandi a look so that she'd know not to let him leave the kitchen.

Mandi nodded and grabbed Bronx's hand as I walked away, towards the knocking on the door. I peaked out of the living room window and groaned theatrically when I saw Brian standing at my front door.

Bronx, who had heard me, shouted, "Is it Brian?"

I didn't reply to Bronx, instead, I took a deep breath and pulled the front door open. I watched Brian as I stepped out and shut the door behind me. Brian had a breathtaking smile on his face but it soon disappeared when he noticed the frown on my own.

"Hey Brian." I murmured, wringing my hands out in front of me nervously.

"Hey Nissa," Brian greeted reached forward and placing a kiss on my cheek, "Where have you been, I've been trying to get a hold of you."

I shrugged. "We've been busy."

Brian nodded. "Yeah well, If you're not doing anything tonight, do you want to hang out?"

I groaned to myself at how awkward things had gotten. Even when I first met him and the guys it was never like this, it was instant chemistry between us all. "I can't tonight Brian. I don't think that it's a good idea for me to be around you or you to be around Bronx."

Brian looked at me with shock in his eyes. He reached up to pull the skull hat off of his head, revealing his messy hair before he questioned, "Why not?" simply.

I shrugged even though it was obvious and demanded more a committed gesture. "You're getting married and Bronx is just a kid. He'll get confused and then he'll get hurt."

Brian continued to shake his head in disagreement as I spoke. He glanced behind me and a small smile came on his face as he waved. I peaked over my shoulder and Bronx stood in the window waving frantically. "I would never hurt him," Brian murmured, running his fingers through his hair before he put his hat back on.

I nodded, knowing he meant it, but also knowing that there were no guarentees in life. Relationships were messy enough, ours was a war-zone. "I know you wouldn't hurt him on purpose, but it'll happen unintentionally, Bri. The only guarantee that we have is that you'll be around long enough for him to love you, but not long enough to really be anything stable in our lives. I can't do that to him."

Brian shook his head again, stepping close enough for me to smell him. "Niss, don't do this," he pleaded, reaching forward and running his fingers over my cheek, "I really care about you both."

I pulled away and looked into Brian's eyes. They were filled with a substantial amount of hurt. I looked at the ground. I counted the cracks in the sidewalk while I thought of what to say and how to word it.

"Brian, what happens when you get married and have children? Are you still going to come here to be with me and my son when you have kids at home waiting for you? And what about Michelle? I promised her that I wouldn't do anything with you and look, I already broke that promise. I don't want to be a home-wrecker. It's not who I am, so I think that it'd be best if you just stopped coming over."

"Nissa," Brian coaxed softly, shaking his head as if it would help him explain, "I'm not at that point with Michelle yet and I don't know if we'll ever get there. She's not the kind of person to settle down and raise kids. She's not the mommy type. She would rather be out shopping with her friends and my credit card than spending any of her own money on a child that needs new clothes and school supplies. She'd rather be in Hollywood then at home watching movies with her son on a Friday night."

I sighed and looked up at Brian. I noticed the tired look on his face, the way his eyeliner was smeared just right. That his nose ring was the loop again instead of the little ball that he had been wearing lately. I noticed the way he stood. How he was turned towards me just slightly. I watched how his eyes would wander over to my living room window and how a smile would dance on his lips.

"Brian," I said, my voice strong. He looked back to me. "Which are you?"

Brian faltered for a moment, his stance drooping his smile leaving as he thought it over. "I-" he stuttered, "I used to think that partying every night was the best life could have. I never thought about kids and when I did I got images of dirty diapers and myself tired and worn out, wishing that I was still Synyster Gates instead of 'daddy'. I used to think that having Michelle around was an easy future. She wouldn't want to have kids because they would change her life and that meant that I could be Synyster Gates forever. I used to think that drinking a beer whenever was so much better than having to worry about feeding a kid or fending for someone else." Brian stopped for a moment when he realized that he was rambling.

"But then," he continued, "Then I met this incredibly sexy young woman. She yelled at me out of car windows. She wasn't shy. In most ways I thought of her as younger, it seemed that she was living life the way that I was. And I liked that. But then she announced that she has a son. A huge fan. So I agreed to meet the kid, but really I wanted to see how she would interact with him. How this wild young woman who seemed out to have some fun, would act around a little boy." Brian shrugged and I smiled, finally figuring out why he had decided to meet up with me.

"Go on," I coaxed, smiling at him slightly, eyebrows pushed together, thoughts in my head that he needed to explain. He looked back at me with that Syn smirk and then continued, knowing he'd hooked me.

"I met up with you guys and I was blown away. You seemed to be having so much fucking fun with the little boy. And even though I'm the rockstar. I'm the famous one with all the money and the huge house, I realized something. You have more than I do and I want it so desperately nowadays." Brian shivered at his own words, sharing his revelation with me. "I want this, Nissa. I want it so bad. I see your son and I see a life that I hadn't even considered for myself. And then there's you. You're this strong and incredibly amazing woman and somehow you remain yourself even while being someone else's mom. I have no idea how you do it, but I'm practically in love with you."

I stepped forward and studied his expression, wondering if the honesty was just something he'd learned to create after years of interviews and being in the spotlight. But he looked honestly honest and his eyes stared right back at me, open completely to the idea of letting me read him.

I grabbed his hand and turned towards my house. "Come on, then," I said, looking over my shoulder at the man who'd some how ended up in my life.
♠ ♠ ♠
:D
It's not over.
Oh no, there's a bunch more drama.

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