Shattered Secrets

I walked through the front door of my house and called out to Brian. When I rounded the corner I noticed the man standing in the kitchen with a bowl of Recess cereal in his hands. He was clad in only his shorts and his hair laid messily on his head. A grin overtook his features when he noticed me enter the room and he placed his bowl on the counter before he reached his arms out so that I could fall into them lazily.

"I missed you," he murmured, placing a kiss on my neck.

I chuckled and wrapped my arms around his waist, hands on my elbows. "I was only gone for a half an hour, Bri," I said, my chin on his chest.

He grinned and answered, "I guess I'm not used to having people leave me alone in bed."

I rolled my eyes playfully and took his hand. I led him up the stairs, kicking my shoes off as I went. The T.V was on but it made no sound. The sheets on the bed were in total disarray and our clothes from yesterday still laid scattered on the floor, covering the cool wooden floors.

Brian's hand was linked with my own. His fingers felt rough and calloused as they rubbed against mine. His hands dropped to my waist and slid up under my t'shirt, causing goosebumps to ripple through me and down my arms.

My body was flush against his. I leaned forward and rested my head on his shoulder as he ran his fingers up and down my spine comfortingly. My own hands were on his waist, tracing circles on his bare yet warm skin. Brian grunted and pulled me tighter against him and then he loosened his grip and pulled his hands from under my shirt slowly.

"No sex," he murmured with his lips against my ear.

I looked up at him with confusion as he cupped my cheeks and leaned down to place a kiss on my lips. "Lets just... hang out..." he whispered, a cute and slightly shy grin on his face.

I smiled back validatingly and pulled away from Brian. I raced over and tossed myself onto the bed. Brian laughed at my childish attitude before he started to walk over to the T.V stand that was against the wall at the end of the bed. There were two cabinets full of movies and Brian began to pick through them.

"What do you want to watch Niss?" he questioned, tossing a couple of cases onto the bed. 'Chuck and Larry' and 'A Walk To Remember' were the ones Brian had chosen and I watched him as he stared at the first with his fingers secretly crossed.

I laughed at this, making Bri look at me strangely. "You don't have to pick out a movie you think I'd rather watch," I giggled, tossing A Walk To Remember to the floor next to Brian's discarded shirt, "We can watch Chuck and Larry, Bri."

Brian leaned in to kiss me quickly as he grabbed the DVD off of the comforter. He put it in and then hopped into bed beside me. I laid on my back with my head on his chest as he laid on his back as well. He wrapped his left arm around my waist and his right folded behind his head.

"Bri?" I questioned half way through the movie, giggling as Adam Sandler cracked yet another joke. I tilted my head so that I could look up at Brian while he played with my hair absently.

"Yeah?" he replied, turning his gaze to me.

"What are you doing here?" I whispered softly, the question ringing in the air.

He was silent for a moment. We both knew the question was coming, but neither us wanted to answer it. Brian shrugged finally. "You're beautiful, and smart, and you make me feel normal. You take my breath away," he continued "and being around you and Bronx makes me feel like I can have everything. I know it's wrong, but I can't help it. I don't want to be anywhere else right now."

I had to focus on my breathing as he finished talking. My hands were shaking as I realized that there was no answer that could morally validate us, but we didn't actually need it. Just existing like this was more than enough to make us overlook how we felt about it.

"Why do you let me stay here?" Brian asked cutely, grinning as he copied my words.

"Because," I stated, "I adore you, Brian. I thought that maybe, at first, it was because you're Synyster Gates and I adore your band, but when you're with me, you're not Syn, you're Brian and I love that."

"And now that you've found my soft side what are you going to do?" Brian asked with a chuckle, running his fingers through my hair once again.

I shrugged in response, taking his hand in mine. "Covet it."

"Well," Brian murmured seductively, his mouth curving into a smirk as he moved to hover over me, "I'm right here." His mouth dipped to mine.

I chuckled. "What happened to 'no sex'?"

Brian shrugged noncommittally and said, "I lied," but he moved to get off of me anyway, knowing that this wasn't the time. There had to be more to us than that.

I rolled out from under him and shifted so that we were side by side again. "I didn't know you were such a loser," I said, grinning at him.

He chuckled and rolled his eyes at me. "Yeah, I don't know how that happened."

Brian and I finished watching that movie before we moved onto another. But we didn't stay interested in that for very long. We talked about music, our favorite things. We talked about Bronx, kids, our families. We talked about everything that passed through our minds yet we didn't even go near the subject of Michelle or reality because we were too afraid that it would come crashing down on us.

Around one o'clock Brian and I wandered to the kitchen to make some lunch, our stomachs growling with anticipation as we stepped onto the cold tile of the kitchen floor. "What sounds good?" I questioned, riffling through the contents of the fridge only to frown when I saw nothing of interest.

I glanced over my shoulder as Brian shrugged in reply, hopping up onto the counter with the his hand buried in the box of Recesses that he had left discarded on the counter earlier that morning.

I chuckled and moved to stand in between his legs. My fingers went up to trace his cheeks and run over the familiar scruff on his face. He leaned down slightly, his own arms wrapping around my back and pulling me closer as he buried his face in my hair.

It was moments like this that had my heart beating in my toes, my blood rushing yet cold in my veins. My thoughts went haywire and I thought about a thousand things at once yet nothing comprehendible at all. My toes curled, my grip tightened and the hair on the back of my neck stood straight up as Brian's breath hit, leaving the air thick around my face and warm with moisture and confidence.

"I really like you," he whispered into my hair, "Maybe more than I should."

I nodded, fully understanding what he was saying, "Because this is taboo. Because we're not supposed to be together right now. Because you have Michelle and I have responsibilities. I like you more than I should because you're you and I'm me and that's the only reason that's even explainable in this universe, in this time and this life," I whispered, humming with sincerity.

"For right now," Brian concluded boldly making my heart leap, my eyes shut, and my palms sweat with the realization that 'right now' could mean right now or forever