Shattered Secrets

I stared at Brian like he was insane, the two of us caught at the bottom of the stairs. I stared into his eyes as he froze at the sound of his name. “Brian, where are you going?” I questioned, reaching out to grasp onto his wrist.

He was shaking nervously as he spoke, “To Michelle,” he stuttered, “she wants me home.”
 
It seemed that Brian had reverted back. That as he stood frozen in my house, only shaking, that he didn’t know how to take this news and frankly, neither did I. “Brian,” I murmured, yanking on his wrist to try to get him to relax, “I’m just guessing… I don’t know for sure but I just wanted you to know that it could be a possibility.”

Brian’s shell seemed to crack and he swooped me up into his arms quickly, his fingers getting tangled in my hair as he nestled his face in my shoulder. I sighed and wrapped my own arms around him, knowing that this was a lot to take in and that it could change both our lives drastically if it were true. His, more so than mine.

“Nissa,” he whispered, “This is a big deal.”

I nodded my head, my light colored hair mixing in with his, “I know. But don’t say anything to anyone, alright? Just… let me find out first.”
 
We stood there together for a minute, the silence enveloping us as reality and realization set in. It seemed that this was a disaster for Brian and I. Our month long adventure would crash and burn and our secret would shatter a lot of people. The metaphors that were flying through my head couldn’t compare to the trouble that we might be in, the hearts we’d break and the people that we’d hurt if it were true.

“How is this possible?” Brian asked, although he knew the answer and the day that it might of happened.

“We were careless,” I replied monotonously, “We were too caught up.”

Brian shook his head animatedly. “I really care about you, Nissa.”

I sighed and pushed away the way his words made me feel. “Brian, this isn’t the time.”

“When is the time?” he questioned, his voice loud despite the two boys who were eating breakfast in my kitchen. “We might have a baby, Nissa, we need to talk about things!”

I shook my head, nervous for my son or brother to overhear. “Not now," I warned, touching my thumb to the side of my mouth.

Brian sighed and licked his lips, the slight glare disappearing. "Okay," he murmured, "It's okay."

I sighed and moved to the couch, hoping he would follow. I leaned back against the armrest and covered myself with the blanket that my brother used last night. Brian came over too and sat at the other end, facing me like I was face him. Our feet were together, and it was a simple touch, but it was also a show of solidarity.

After a moment with just our thoughts, Brian moved over and pulled me to him, wrapping his arms around my waist as he placed a kiss to my shoulder. There was so much to consider and think about, and I wondered what was running through Brian's mind as he sat there comforting me.

It felt like a long time before Brian's cell phone rang and he cursed under his breath, shifting to pull the little machine from his pocket. The name on the caller ID pulled him away from me and he paced the floor in front of the coffee table. I watched him like a train-wreck, wondering how either of us could survive this.

He pressed the phone against his hip after a few minutes and turned his gorgeous eyes to me. "I really have to go now," he said, sounding guilty, "I'll call you and we'll figure this out together."

I nodded. "Alright, bye, Bri ba-" I stopped myself before I could finish the nickname that I'd somehow adopted for him. "Bye, Brian. Thanks for all your help," I said, the thought of Michelle stuck in my head. Brian told his fiance that he would be home soon and the hug up. I hung back as he hugged my son goodbye and told my brother that he would see him around.

Then I walked him to the door and lead him to the edge of the driveway. He turned around and enveloped me in his arms. "I'll see you," he whispered, lips against my ear.

I watched him drive away and imagined a future that would only repeat this moment.