I Won't Say I'm in Love

My eyes slowly fluttered open to the minimal light that was coming in through my window. It was, of course, raining. I glumly watched as raindrop after raindrop hit my window, and rolled down the windowpane. Sighing, I rolled my head on my pillow and when I saw what was on my bedside table, I immediately grinned. Smiling at me and brightening up the room immensely was the large colorful bouquet of flowers Nate had gotten me two nights ago. I smiled as I reminisced about our perfect date. Glancing over at the clock, I saw that it was 5:58 and even that made me smile. Precisely sixty hours ago, Nate picked me up for our rendezvous.

Turning off my alarm, I got up, showered and got dressed. Because I was sure I was going to see Nate today, I made sure to look extra hot. I put on a black lace crop top that stopped just below my ribcage, and exposed most of my belly, not caring that today was going to be chilly. I pulled on purple skinny jeans that rode low on my hips and made my ass look amazing. After throwing on black ankle boots with a cute heel on them, I added purple lightning bolt earrings and a faded jean jacket. I applied thick black eyeliner and purple eyeshadow, making my eyes look as dramatic as possible. When I was finished, I straightened my hair, added a deep red lipstain and stepped back to admire my handiwork in the mirror. (Calypso's Outfit).

I looked H-O-T.

After squealing with glee and dancing to my own spontaneous cover of Beyonce's "Naughty Girl," I headed downstairs. I was greeted with quite a surprise though: all six of the boys were sitting at the table eating omelets and bacon. “Good morning!” I trilled cheerfully, setting my coat on the back of an empty chair between Paul and Seth. I quickly pecked Jared on the cheek before walking over to the cabinets, pulling out a jar of Nutella and a spoon.

“Excuse me, ma'am, but I think you left half of your shirt upstairs,” Jared said, twisting around in his chair to look at me wide eyed.

"Yeah, well I think Paul left his jaw on the floor; aren't you gonna yell at him?" I asked. All the boys laughed.

"God damn!" Seth exclaimed. "You're hot!"

"Thanks!" I giggled, opening the jar of chocolate.

"I mean, shit! If Sam wasn't sitting right here—" Embry was quickly interrupted.

"Alright, that's enough!" Sam ordered crankily. Embry's mouth snapped shut, but everyone was staring at me, taking in as much as they could without facing the wrath of Sam. Even Jacob, who was still pouting at my date last night, looked like his eyes were about to pop out of his head.

“Did you have a nice date?” Quil sing-songed. Sitting up on the counter with the spoon full of Nutella still sticking out of my mouth, I nodded happily.

“Did you use the condom I provided?” Paul asked in a serious tone. Taking the spoon out of my mouth with a popping noise, I smiled.

“No need for it!” I shouted excitedly. All the boys whooped and clapped as if this were the happiest news they had ever heard. I laughed and set down the chocolate-hazelnut paste for a moment to pour myself a glass of milk.

“There better not have been any need for it…” Sam huffed as he poured his coffee, cutting his eyes at me. I smiled a charming smile at him.

“There wasn’t!” I assured him, never unlocking my eyes from his as I took a sip from my milk. He grunted in approval before stumbling to the table and sitting in my chair.

“You look awfully pretty today, Calypso. Seeing Nate again?” Emily asked as she prepared another large plate of a dozen omelets because the boys had already finished the first two and were quickly making their way through a third.

“Hopefully! Plus today just felt like a Be Pretty day. It’s so glum outside and I’m always up for making the world a happier place via fashion,” I said, settling myself on Jared’s lap and snuggling my face into his warm shoulder. He laughed and stopped eating for a moment to put his arms around me.

“Such a saint,” he joked before kissing me on the forehead. I smiled and wrapped my arms around him.

“What would the world do without me?” I sighed.

“And modest to boot!” he laughed as he went back to eating.

“Jakey-poo! You haven’t said a word all morning!” Embry teased.

“A word,” he muttered before eating again. Paul sucked his teeth and rolled his eyes.

“Whatever. He’s just mad that Calypso was dating someone other than his whiny ass last night."

"Nuh-uh—" Jacob whined.

"Even more upset she’s falling for the boy—”

"Shut up, Paul—"

"Even angrier that her hot ass belongs to somebody else—"

“I am not, Paul! I’m just tired. I was afraid that Nate kid was gonna kidnap her or something. I couldn’t get to sleep…” he defended. Jacob had spit out Nate’s name like it was a hot pepper that he couldn’t believe had been in his mouth for even a moment.

“Why are you guys all here anyway?” I asked, trying to change the subject.

“It’s our last meal here before Freak Week,” Seth said simply before beginning to eat again. I noticed that both Emily and Sam became stiff and tense.

“What’s Freak Week?” I asked.

“It’s sex week for Emily and Sam,” Embry said helpfully. I almost spit my milk across the table in horror/amusement. “I think the basic idea is that they refrain from doing the deed all month until Freak Week where they can have wild, unhinged, unadulterated, NC-17, nasty, freaky, shameless—”

“EMBRY!” Emily and Sam shouted in unison, stopping him there. Embry sunk down slightly in his chair under their intense glares.

“Sex.” He then went back to quietly eating his breakfast. There was silence, but only because everyone but Sam and Emily were trying hard to keep from cracking up.

“So…erm…I’m not gonna be around for Freak Week, am I?”

Before I could barely finish my sentence, Sam and Emily both yelled, “NO!” I bit down on my lip hard to keep from falling out of my chair laughing and everyone else around the table was stuffing food into their mouths, tears in their eyes from trying so hard not to laugh.

“No, sweetie,” Emily sighed exasperatedly. “You will be staying with Jacob and Billy for the week.” I nodded, but for some reason unknown to me, couldn’t make eye contact with Jacob. It was as if I was ashamed to look into his eyes after acting so giddy and lovestruck about Nate; as if I was afraid of what hidden feelings I would find there.

“I’ma go pack…” I said. I then climbed off of Jared’s lap and headed upstairs to my room. Grabbing a duffel bag, I packed a week’s worth of cute outfits, pajamas that simply consisted of a few pairs of sweats and too small tank tops, some shoes, toiletries, my Marilyn Monroe photo—I wouldn’t go anywhere without it—and my Chanel No.5. After I had gotten it all packed and ready to go, I realized that I had a problem…

“JACOB!” I shouted from my bedroom. I don’t know why I yelled his name; I’m sure it was just instinctual. But sure enough, a few seconds later he appeared at my doorway. I hadn’t even heard him coming. It was strange how he—and all the other boys along with Sam—could do that. They were so big and menacing looking, but glided so quietly and gracefully. They were almost as poised as Alice Cullen.

“Yes?” Jacob said, looking at me with his hands in his pockets.

I put on a mock frowning face, kicked the bag and growled childishly, “It’s too heavy.” Jacob smiled and walked over to me.

Mocking me, he put on the same frowning face, tipped his head down the same way I had done and growled, “Okay. Do you want me to carry it downstairs for you?”

“Yes,” I growled back, touching my forehead to his. We laughed and I hit him playfully in the chest, taking a step back. Jacob, with no trouble at all, lifted the duffel bag that I could hardly budge. Then, hiking down the stairs, we decided it was time to go.

“We’re heading out,” Jake said, grabbing my coat. Like a gentleman, he held it out for me to put my arms into. I kissed Sam on the forehead and Emily on the cheek, saying my goodbyes.

“See you in a week. Have fun!” I trilled walking out the door. Jacob and I hiked up the driveway to his truck. He opened my door for me and I slid in, throwing my coat in the back. He climbed into the cab and threw my bag, his backpack, and my overnight duffel bag into the two cramped seats behind us. Before turning on the car, a loud growling came from somewhere deep inside me. We both looked at my stomach, which soon growled again.

“Hungry, huh?” Jacob asked, cocking an eyebrow at me before starting the car and backing out of the driveway.

“Well, I guess when you think about it, I only had a few spoonfuls of Nutella with some milk.” He laughed.

“Well, we’re early. We can stop by a coffee shop I found a few years ago. It’s small, quiet and cheap,” he contributed.

“Oh, so you can’t take me to an expensive restaurant?” I teased, pretending to be upset.

“Shut up,” he laughed.

“I guess I’m just not worth more than a cheap, crumbly brownie to you then.”

“Calypso, you’re worth more than, quite literally, anything to me and, if I could, I would give you all you could possibly want from the world and more,” he stated as simply as if he were telling me that one plus one is indeed two.

Is it just me, or did that sound like a declaration of love?

“Jake…I was just kidding,” I said shakily, trying unsuccessfully to laugh it off.

“I know,” he admitted. “But I’m not sure you really know how special you are or how much you deserve from the world. I just think it’s nice to put it out there.” We were silent for the remaining minute it took him to get to the coffee shop, park and get inside.

As soon as Jake opened the front door for me, tiny bells went off above my head. The walls were made of wooden panels in varying shades of brown. Each panel had some type of Native American word or symbol or drawing carved in them. The floor was a plush, deep brown carpet, with orange, brown, yellow and red loveseats scattered around it instead of the traditional tables and chairs. There were about six other people in the shop, all drinking coffee and doing work on laptops or in journals.

Corrine Bailey Rae’s voice drifted peacefully through the rafters, mingling with the warm scents of wood and vanilla and aroma-therapeutic candles and coffee. We walked to small bar setup in the back corner of the room. It was illuminated by a soft yellow light that hung directly above it. A long brown wooden counter on top of a glass display case curved from one wall to another, trapping the cashier in a small corner save for a door in the top of the counter that lifted to let the cashier out. It was flanked by a few red cushioned bar stools. The person manning the station was a tall black boy with a pretty, but masculine face. His black hair was cropped short and a little bit of stubble could be seen growing on his jaw as we got closer. He looked to be about nineteen, but not older than that.

“Jacob! My man, what’s up?” the boy greeted. Jacob smiled at him, they exchanged an elaborate handshake over the counter and we both sat down.

“Not much. Just grabbing a cup of coffee for me and a brownie for my girl before we get to school,” he said. My heart and stomach jumped when he introduced me as his “girl.” It just felt right for me to be introduced as “Jacob’s girl.” To be known as that. It made me deeply content.

“Can I get some coffee too, Jacob?” I asked, putting my chin on his shoulder and resting my head against his as he took out his wallet. He looked through the pockets and sighed.

“Sweetie, I don’t have enough,” he apologized. He sounded truly sorry too. It made me feel bad for even asking him in the first place.

“Hun, I’ll pay for myself. It’s no problem,” I said, taking my head from his and sitting up straight. I began to pull out my Invader Zim wallet and take out the money when Jacob put his hand over it.

“You wanna just share?” he suggested, wrapping his arms around my waist and pulling me onto his lap. I smiled and snuggled closer to him while nodding.

“You know what? You guys can just have it free,” Jacob’s friend offered

“Oh, dude, you don’t have to do that,” Jacob insisted, though I could hear the appreciation in his voice.

“Nah, man, it’s my pleasure! Just think of it as me paying you back for all the tips you’ve been giving me these past few years,” the boy persisted with a dazzlingly white smile over his shoulder. “So you’re Jacob’s ‘girl,’ huh?” he asked as he pulled a large, chocolate-y brownie from the display shelf, placed it on a small white plate and set it in front of me. I shrugged as I broke off a piece of it and ate it. The chocolate chunks melted on my tongue and the brownie seemed to fall apart with just the slightest provocation.

“Not really. He calls me that. We’re just friends,” I informed the guy after I was finished savoring my brownie chunk.

“Well in that case…” he purred. He stuck his hand out for me to shake. “I’m Damon.” His brown eyes glinted mischievously as my hand made contact with his.

“I’m Calypso,” I introduced myself.

“Calypso? Like from The Odyssey?” I nodded. “You like to read?” I shrugged.

“I guess.”

“She reads all the time,” Jacob piped up. “It’s kind of nerdy actually.” I reached behind and playfully punched him in the shoulder. “In a cute way!” he added quickly. Damon laughed, shaking his head and handing us our coffee.

“So you go to school at La Push?” he asked me.

“I just transferred from New York this year actually,” I told him.

“And you’re a senior?” he tried to clarify, raising his eyebrows at me. I nodded. He sucked in a quick breath through his teeth and frowned. “That’s gotta be tough. What college are you planning on going to?” I took a sip of coffee, set my cup on the counter and adjusted my seat on Jacob’s lap.

“I don't really know yet. I'm not even sure what I want to do. I might just chill for a couple years til I figure it out. What about you?” I questioned. He shook his head.

“I’m not going to college. I’m an artist. A tortured soul,” he joked dramatically. I smiled and nodded.

“Any work you’d be interested in letting us see?” I asked casually. I felt Jacob shake his head from behind me.

“Damon’s no good at sharing his work. I’ve been coming in here the past few years and he still has yet to show me a doodle,” Jake piped. I was going to give it up—I didn’t want to make him share if he wasn’t comfortable with it—but Damon was looking at me with his eyes narrowed, as if he was considering something.

“I’ll be right back,” he said vaguely. He then disappeared through a door in the wall behind the counter. I looked around at Jacob who did nothing but shrug. A few seconds later, Damon emerged from the dark room, closing the door behind him. He stopped in front of us, clutching a large white portfolio to his chest. His pretty brown eyes darted suspiciously between the two of us as if he still hadn’t decided if we were worthy yet.

“This is very important to me. It is my girlfriend, my life, my family…it is me,” he began seriously. “I would like you to please remove your food and sanitize your hands—” Jacob and I scurried to follow his directions, pushing our food aside quickly and rubbing hand sanitizer into our skin. “And please, just…be nice,” he finished. And with a deep breath, he placed the portfolio in front of us.

Opening the cover the slowly, the first drawing that I saw, I was breath taken. It was a simple up close view of an apple on a tree, but it was the most beautiful drawing of an apple I had ever seen. It was done in oil pastel and I was sure almost every single color you could possibly use to draw an apple was used. The shine on the apple was just right and the red—perfectly blended with oranges and yellows to reflect the color of the surroundings that we couldn’t see—made the apple look delicious enough to lift off of the page and bite into. The leaves on the tree were dark green with other shades of green swirled through out and I could tell that each stroke, each color, each vivid line was there for its own special purpose. I could see Damon’s artistic dedication shining through the picture as blindingly real as the sun.

Turning the page, sad to leave the apple but eager to see more, there was a drawing of a woman. She was an average looking woman, nothing special about her, sitting at the kitchen table in pale blue nurse’s scrubs. She looked to be in her early to mid-forties and was slumped tiredly over a small table in a ramshackle kitchen. She had her head in her hands and looked ready to cry or sleep or collapse, but she also looked determined to finish whatever was on the table, which looked like bills.

She seemed to have some of Damon’s face—his nose, his cheekbones, his forehead—and I came to the conclusion that this woman was his mother. But I didn’t only think this because of the physical reasons, but because of the way he had depicted her. The setting sun outside the dirty window illuminated her, making her glow and appear somewhat angelic. The lines in her face were drawn with such precision and care for detail that I had to wonder about the story behind each one. The way she held herself, although she was exhausted and obviously stressed, was fierce. It was a way that let you know not to mess with her because she meant business.

And, one last thing I couldn’t help but take note of before Jacob and I turned the page were the fluffy pink bunny slippers that were on her feet under the table. They were so out of place and cheerful in this picture that they seemed a key point in the drawing. I reminded myself to ask Damon about them later.

Picture after picture, story after story, Jacob and I couldn’t get enough. Each portrait was made with just as much thought and care and refinement as the last, making the viewer want to think about it for just as long as it had taken Damon to draw it. I’m sure Jake and I would have stayed there all day if Damon hadn’t reminded us that school started in thirty minutes and we should probably start heading out pretty soon.

“Dude…these are amazing,” Jacob breathed, closing the portfolio.

“Damon, you are quite possibly the greatest visual artist of our generation,” I added, swirly, vivid colors from the pictures still floating in front of my eyes.

“Do you really think they’re that good?” he asked, scratching the back of his head and leaning on the counter. “I mean, it’s just oil pastels.”

“I promise you, I will never look at oil pastels in the same way again!” I vowed. Jacob and Damon laughed.

“Well…” Damon started, cocking his head and looking at the closed portfolio. “There’s one exhibit coming up at the SAM art museum in Seattle for young artists. I just have to send in an application and a couple pieces of work—”

“Send the mom!” I shouted before I even knew what I was doing. Jacob and Damon looked at me skeptically. To explain, I flipped open to the second picture of the tired woman at the table. “The picture of your mom,” I repeated quietly. “Send that one in.”

“How did you know that was my mom?” he asked incredulously. I shrugged.

“The way you drew her, it just…the precision and delicacy…the love just flew off the page and hit you in the face,” I explained insufficiently.

“Hm,” he muttered, scrunching his face up and looking at the picture.

“Well, we should probably get going,” Jacob said, starting to get up. I hopped off his leg and stood, him following my lead. He and Damon exchanged their handshake, I said goodbye and Jacob and I headed out. School was only five minutes away, so we still got there quite a bit before the first bell rang. Jacob parked the car, but made no motion to get out.

“What?” I asked, turning my body so I could look at him. He turned his eyes to me.

“How did you get him to show us his pictures?” Jacob seemed thoroughly puzzled, what with his eyebrows scrunched and his confused tone of voice. I shrugged. “I guess he just trusted me…or…thought I was cool…or…something?” I kept faltering under his intense gaze because I couldn’t be sure if I was answering in the way he wanted me to. Jacob shrugged, his face becoming passive once again.

“Maybe he just thought you were pretty,” he concluded as he hopped out of the car.

“That can’t have been it! He would’ve shown his art to every pretty girl who walked in there!” I protested as he helped me out of the car. Jacob smiled at my childish behavior and let his arms encircle my waist.

“That could very well be his default portfolio for all the hot girls he meets,” he teased. I wrapped my arms around his neck and pulled myself closer to him so that I could feel his heat penetrating my skin.

Smiling up at him, I said, “He probably just fell in love with me at first sight.”

“Well that’s not unbelievable. I’m sure plenty of guys have fallen in love with you at first sight. In fact, I know one,” he murmured. My heart began to beat faster, almost ready to fly out of my chest.

Swallowing, I asked, “Do you know him well?” Jacob, whose breathing had gotten a bit shallower, nodded slowly.

“We’re pretty much one person,” he exhaled.

“Who is it?” I questioned, my voice barely above a whisper. I was shaking now, almost ready to collapse, waiting for his lips to form the name I wanted—needed­—to hear.

“It’s—”

Just before he could say the name, he was cut off by a loud honking noise from behind us. We both jumped apart and looked around to see a shiny red convertible pulling up to the curb. Once I saw Nate’s smiling face, I couldn’t help but turn all my attention to him. Grinning, I jogged toward the car. Beaming like crazy, he stepped out of the vehicle and caught me happily in his arms when I reached him. I giggled as he spun me around and buried my face in his neck to keep from getting too dizzy.

Once he set me down, he crashed his lips against mine and kissed me gently, but passionately, making me swoon. After he pulled away, the world seemed to spin. “Hi,” he whispered weakly, as if the kiss had affected him just as much as it did me. I chuckled softly, burying my face in his chest.

“Hi,” I greeted him as I breathed in the fresh smell of his body wash.

“I dreamed about you,” he whispered into my hair, his warm breath tickling my scalp. “I hope that’s not creepy,” he added with a nervous laugh. I laughed along with him and the sound of our voices seemed to mingle and create a beautiful melody that only we could hear.

“HEY! Can you guys try and make me puke from your adorable-ness later?” we heard a voice behind us say. Looking around and without letting go of Nate, I saw Konstantina standing there with a bored look on her face.

“Shut up, Tina. Go inside,” Nate ordered playfully. Konstantina crossed her arms and stomped her foot.

“No! I’m waiting for Calypso!” she shouted.

“Well she’s with me right now, so you’ll have to wait,” he reprimanded as calmly as if she were a stubborn three-year-old. Then, returning his attention to me, he asked, “Are you free after-school tomorrow? I convinced my uncle to consider hiring a new roller-girl for the diner.”

“Are you serious?!” I shrieked, hopping backwards and bringing my hands up to my mouth to keep from screaming.

Here in Forks, Washington—actually, in both Port Angeles and Forks—the best job for an attractive girl between the ages of sixteen and twenty-one was becoming a roller-girl for Lenny’s Diner. The roller-girls were considered to be the prettiest and friendliest girls in both cities. The diner was known for it’s good service and even greater food. It was a retro diner on the water themed around the eighties. The girls wore high waisted short-shorts, tight, short sleeved shirts with plunging scoop necks and they delivered orders on roller skates. Every girl had her hair tied back in a high ponytail and had several songs they must learn to remember, the most popular of them being “Happy Birthday,” Marilyn Monroe style.

The girls got extremely good pay too. No one knew quite why; some people thought it had to do with parading around in skimpy outfits and some thought it was for putting up with all the nasty truckers that came into the diner. But the roller-girls got paid thirty bucks an hour. That was the main reason I needed it. I had a little cash saved up, but if I was expecting to go to college anytime soon, I needed lots of money and fast.

“Nate, that’s AWESOME!” I shouted, tackling him with another hug. He nearly fell over when I launched myself on him, but once he caught himself, he laughed with me and put his arms around my torso.

“Well you’re obviously excited,” he stated. Beaming, I pulled my face back just enough so that I could nod and speak, kissing him between words.

“Yes! Thank you—thank you—thank you—thank you—thank you—thank you…” I kissed him hard and long before shouting “THANK YOU!” With that, I grabbed Tina’s hand and ran with her to the school.

“You’re welcome!” Nate shouted after me, laughing. I saw Jared and Kim waiting for us at the by the door, hand-in-hand.

“You and Nate sure do kiss a lot for such a new couple,” Jared pointed out. Letting go of Tina’s hand, I pounced on his back, knowing he would catch me.

“I’M GONNA BE A ROLLER-GIRL!” I yelled as he walked with me down the hall.

“THAT’S EXCITING!” he shouted, spinning around really fast while I giggled.

“Oof,” I huffed when my butt hit the ground because I accidentally let go of Jared’s neck.

“Do you have the job? Or is it just an interview?” Kim asked. Scrambling up, I ran to catch up with the others and grabbed her hand with both of mine.

“It’s actually just a interview, but I’m so excited and determined that I HAVE to get it!” I exclaimed, jumping up and down beside while holding her hand as we walked. “Plus, Konstantina’s my best friend and I’m currently dating Nate, so that has to count for something—”

“Wait,” I heard a voice say from a few feet behind us. We all stopped and looked around. And there, standing in front of her locker mirror applying coats of shimmery pink lipgloss was the one, the only…

Jennifer Keelan.

“You’re dating Nate Katsaros? The Nate Katsaros?” she asked.

“Yeah…what’s it to you?” I asked, calming down as narrowed my eyes, crossed my arms and took a few steps towards her.

“Are you a virgin?” she asked.

“Yes…” She gave me a quick once over, let out a light laugh and returned to glossing her lips.

“Well, you won’t be for long. He’s notorious for being a hit-it-and-quit-it kind of guy,” she said ending with a pop of her mouth, the capping of her gloss and the slamming of her locker.

“Hey!” a voice shouted from our right. Konstantina was glaring at Jennifer quite fiercely. “That’s my brother you’re talking about!”

“Sorry. Forgot. But the history speaks for itself,” Jennifer said, not sounding sorry at all.

“History?” I snorted, becoming upset. “Last time I checked, Nate’s sex life was never mentioned in any textbook. What you’re basing your claims off of are rumors. I'm not sure that would fly in a legitimate debate."

“Oh! Well, whooptie-doo! ‘Cause that’s useful information for captain of the cheerleading team,” she said sarcastically. “Whoops! And I almost forgot!” she added cheerily. Pulling three pieces of paper out of her chunky pink Prada bag, she handed two to Konstantina and me. “Party at my house on Wednesday. See you there!” She air-kissed each of us once with a loud “MWA!” sound before shouting, “Love you!” She then walked to Jared, placed the paper on his chest and held it there with her perfectly manicured hand.

“I’ll see you there,” she purred seductively before winking at him.

Once Jared shook of the shock of just being flirted with by a girl he couldn’t care less for, he turned around said, “You forgot one for Kim.” Jennifer stopped, spared a glance over her shoulder and gave Kim a once-over. Based on the disgusted expression on Jennifer's face, Kim didn't pass the visual test.

Then, without addressing Jared, but Kim herself, said, “No, I didn’t.” And then she walked on, happily handing out flyers to people she deemed worthy enough to step foot in her beautiful house.

“Well that party better be so magical that there’s a chocolate fountain coming out of a unicorn’s ass and is being dee-jayed by a fucking leprechaun because this bitch sure is being extra selective about her shit,” Konstantina stated. What I thought was magical was the way she so smoothly used four different curse words in one sentence. At the same time, Jared, Tina and I all crumpled up our party invites and tossed them in the nearest wastebasket.