I Won't Say I'm in Love

I walked into the last period of the day.

Math.

I sighed when I saw the teacher writing notes about the syllabus on the board. What teacher would want us to take notes on the syllabus? That’s just dumb, I thought to myself as I walked all the way into the room, carrying my books. I scanned the room for a seat when I saw Jacob frantically waving his hands in the back, an empty seat next to him. I had been avoiding him in all my classes and was still a little upset with him for ditching me this morning. I knew I joked about it at lunch, but only because the guys would have teased me if I said how I really felt. I knew how to hang with boys, and being sentimental was not it.

I sighed, rolled my eyes and started toward the seat when I saw a blond streak fly by me and before I knew it, Jennifer was sitting in my seat, flirting with Jacob. She was touching his leg and his hair and his muscles…my train of thought trailed off right about there.

Wow. I’ve never really noticed his muscles before, I thought to myself. I mean he’s been topless in Emily’s kitchen plenty of times, but…I’ve just never really noticed… The room suddenly became kind of hot which was surprising considering this was Forks, Washington.

I tore my eyes from Jacob’s impressive biceps and scanned the room for a seat. I saw a cute kid with glasses sitting by the window. I walked over to his table and I was surprised by how attractive he was. He had long black hair and sun-kissed skin—how it came to be sun-kissed was beyond me—and he was wearing a short-sleeved, gray “Green Day” t-shirt, which showed off his very toned arms and chest.

“Do you mind if I sit here?” I asked timidly. He pried his eyes off of his book to look at me, and my breath caught in my throat when I saw his eyes. They were a stunning purple. I had never met anyone with purple eyes before.

“Hi. I’m Kyle,” he said, holding out a hand for me to shake as I sat in the seat next to him.

“I’m Calypso,” I breathed, staring right into his eyes.

“The whole school is buzzing about you,” he said, taking his hand from mine to close his book and put it aside. I smiled and looked down at the table.

“Oh yeah? And why would that be?” I asked, making circles on the desk with the tip of my finger.

“Maybe it’s ‘cause you’re so charming,” he said. I looked up at him and was caught off-guard again by his eyes.

“Charming, huh?” I asked. He smiled at me and I felt my heart lift a little. “You’ve hardly been talking to me a minute and I’m already charming?” He shrugged and grinned. “I could be a crazy serial killer. You don’t know,” I teased.

“You are very right. You very well could've charmed your way out of prison,” he joked. I glanced down at the table and laughed. He was the first guy all day that actually had a sense of humor.

Looking him back in the eyes, I took a deep breath and asked, “Has anyone ever told you that you have amazing eyes?” He grinned in a sexy sort of way that made my heart pound.

“A few people, yeah,” he admitted, leaning forward so that his face was closer to mine. “Has anyone ever told you that you’re beautiful?” he asked, narrowing his eyes slightly so that they seemed to become intensified.

“No, actually,” I breathed looking into his eyes. He grinned at me.

“Oh,” he said. He slowly leaned closer to my face until his nose was only three inches from mine. “Well, you’re beautiful,” he murmured.

“Thanks,” I said softly, smiling. Right then, all I wanted to do was kiss him.

“I hope you all like your new seats, because these will be your seats for the rest of the semester,” announced Mr. Burns from the front the class. “Now, if you would turn your attention to the front, we can get started.” Kyle stared into my eyes for a few more seconds, before we both leaned away from each other. He crossed his arms and looked at the front of the room, grinning and I leaned forward in my chair with my elbows on the table. I couldn’t help myself from sneaking another peek at Kyle, so I glanced over at him.

He apparently had the same feeling, because he was already staring at me when I had looked over at him. He winked at me and I just looked at him, smiling. I took a deep breath, returned my attention back to the front of the class and, judging from my peripheral vision, he did too.

Throughout the class period, we kept sneaking glances at each other and making silly faces. It was really fun actually, probably the most fun I had had all day. The bell finally rang, so I grabbed my books and stood up. “Mr. Burns is a real charmer, huh?” he said, standing up and walking out with me.

“Totally! He’s like, the coolest teacher ever,” I replied sarcastically. He laughed.

“FINALLY! A girl who gets sarcasm here,” he exclaimed. I smiled. He reached over and gently took my books from my hands.

“Here, lemme get those for you,” he offered.

“Thanks,” I said, pushing a piece of hair behind my ear.

“So I haven’t seen you around here before—trust me, I would know,” he started. “Where are you from?”

“Brooklyn,” I answered as I walked to my locker and I began opening it.

“Brooklyn, New York?” he asked, specifying. I nodded and glanced at him as I opened my locker. He let out a low whistle.

“That’s a long way from home, girly,” he said as I took my books from him and loaded them into my bag. “What brings you out here? Family on business?” I stood up and walked with him to his locker, throwing my big, chunky black bag into the crook of my elbow.

“More like what pushes me so far from the place where my relatives live—I don’t call it home,” I explained. “And no. Not on family business,” I informed him. He frowned at me as he opened his locker.

“What do you mean?” he asked. I sighed and leaned up against the locker next to his, looking hard at his profile, trying to decide whether or not to tell him why I was so far away from “home”.

“I ran away,” I explained simply as he closed his locker.

“Oh,” he said. “Is everything okay over there?” he asked as we headed out the doors. I looked at him as if he was a little slow.

“Well, I did runaway…” I reminded him. He laughed.

“Right. Sorry,” he apologized as we turned a corner. He patted the handles of a black Harley-Davidson. “So whaddya think?” he asked smiling. My eyes widened as I saw the motorcycle shining in the limited sun.

“This is yours?” I breathed, stroking the motorcycle. He nodded and sat down on it.

“I assume you have a ride home?” he asked, pulling on his helmet. I sighed and looked toward the parking lot at Jacob’s truck. He still wasn’t there yet.

“You would assume correctly,” I informed him, faint notes of disappointment audible in my voice. He nodded again.

“Is there any way you could get out of it and let me take you out?” he asked hopefully, looking at me with bright eyes. I scrutinized him for a few moments, but I was finally broken down due to his stunningly purple eyes.

“What the hell,” I responded with a smile, deciding on a whim to throw my concerns out the window and take his offer. I then saw Jared walking by with Kim, hurrying to his car.

“Jared!” I shouted. He turned around, holding Kim’s hand, watching as I jogged over to them.

“Yeah?” he breathed. He obviously wanted to get to his car so that he and Kim could begin making out. I laughed.

“This won’t take long. Then you two can go kiss each other or whatever,” I promised. Kim blushed and grinned at the ground. “Could you tell Jacob that I’m getting a ride home?” I requested. He frowned and looked around at the school doors.

“Why don’t you tell him yourself?” he asked me. I looked over at the doors and saw Jacob smiling and walking out of the school with all the other boys.

I struggled with a sufficient response, scratching the back of my head. “’Cause, ah…um, you—you got this? You got this! You got this? Yeah, you—you got…this. Yup.” He and Kim stared at me with confused, but amused expressions on their faces.

Deciding that this conversation was over, I abruptly ran back to Kyle and took the helmet from his outstretched hand. Shoving it onto my head, I hopped onto the back of his bike and threw my arms around his waist. “Go, go, GO!” I squealed into his ear. He laughed and started the motorcycle.

“Off we go!” he shouted as we zoomed out of the parking lot. There was a line of cars waiting to get out of the school parking lot. We flew by Jacob’s truck out onto the street and towards Port Angeles.



When Kyle saw Emily and Sam’s house, he began to drive extremely slowly. I took off my helmet and shook out my long, wavy black hair. “What are you doing?” I giggled as he drove at about three miles per hour.

“I’m driving very slowly,” he said, turning around on the bike to look at me.

“I can see that,” I laughed. “May I ask why?”

“Because I really don’t want this date to end,” he explained sweetly. He smiled at me softly and looked back around to the road. I felt my heart skip a couple beats as I replayed what he just said in my head.

“Was this a date?” I asked him simply, not able to say much more.

“If you want it to have been, then definitely,” he started. “But if you’re uncomfortable with that…” I thought about it. I wasn’t sure how I felt.

“How ‘bout it was just two new friends going out and getting to know each other,” I negotiated.

“Cool,” he said plainly. I smiled at how easy that was, and so I wrapped my arms around his waist and lay my head on his back. Even though it was cold outside, I could feel his warmth through the soft, well worn leather of his jacket. I closed my eyes and waited for the horrible moment when I heard gravel crunching underneath the wheels, meaning we had arrived in the dreaded driveway.

That sound had come all too soon.

“We can go out again. I’m still kinda hungry,” I mumbled into him as he parked without opening my eyes. I heard him laugh his magnificent laugh—which I had grown accustomed to in the last few hours and could probably pick out from a crowd by now—and felt his body shift. I looked up without moving my head, and before I knew it, I was staring right into his brilliantly violet eyes.

“The guys can see us,” he chuckled. I could feel the vibrations of his mirth caressing my cheek. It made me feel safe. “And besides, it’s almost eight,” he added. I just stared at him, losing myself in his eyes, and eventually, the humor faded from his face as he watched mine. He reached a hand over and stroked my cheek gently with his soft knuckles. I sighed and closed my eyes as I felt his hand glide over my face. “You should get inside,” he murmured. I opened my eyes again and found myself staring right into his.

I could get used to this…

I grinned at him, and he returned the favor.

I got up off the bike and handed his helmet back to him, looking at the ground as he gazed at my face. C’mon, look at him ya big dummy! I convinced myself. I finally looked up at him and nearly swayed a bit due to the sudden collision of our eyes. “I had a great time tonight,” he breathed. “So…thanks.” I grinned.

“Thank you,” I said back as I bit my bottom lip. “I had a lot of fun.” And I really wasn’t lying. I looked back down at the ground, running my fingers through my hair.

“I’ll see you tomorrow?” he asked, bending over a bit to look me in the face. I nodded and smiled, straightening up. “Great,” he said. “Sweet dreams,” he wished, right before he put on his bicycle helmet.

“You too,” I said. I immediately regretted it once it came out of my mouth. You too?! my conscience shrieked. I just smiled at him and hurried inside, mentally kicking myself the whole way there.

Really? That was the best you could come up with? I know you haven’t had much experience, but C’MON! Even Claire would have done better than that, hun, I scolded myself. Huffing, I ran into the kitchen, closed the door behind me and leaned against it, closing my eyes and tilting my head back.

“How’d it go?” I heard Sam’s deep voice ask. I opened my eyes, and all the guys plus Emily were in the kitchen just staring at me.

“YOU TOO!” I shrieked out loud, flailing my hands in the air and standing up of the door. “I ruined the whole night with two words that can be spelled out in a text containing three characters.” I began to tick the characters off on my fingers as I said them aloud. “U. Space. 2. With those three characters I BLEW IT!” I squealed, rushing past the table of guys.

“The date was FINE until you just had to go run your big mouth, Calypso! I should have kept it shut! I should have nodded and smiled! That’s every guy’s DREAM DATE!” I shouted as I headed up the stairs and stormed off to my room, shutting the door after my last word. I flopped onto the bed as pathetic and miserable as a drama queen who know she’s a drama queen and is kinda sad about it, but can’t seem to care enough not to be one.

In shorter words: me.

I heard my door squeak open and a feminine voice say, “Calypso?” I peeled my eyes off the ceiling to see Emily’s beautiful scarred face peeking through the wooden door.

“May I come in?” she requested. I nodded and sat up.

Jacob’s Point of View

We all listened for the closing of Calypso’s door meaning Emily had disappeared in there with her. Then all the boys looked at me. “What?!” I demanded, near growling. Was it possible to be so angry you could punch a hole in the wall, but still feel heartbroken enough to cuddle up to a vampire if offered?

On the one hand, I was ready to chase after Kyle’s piece-o’-shit bike and tear him and it to pieces, give the blood to the Cullen’s, let the animals of the forest eat the flesh, and then use the scattered motorcycle parts to rebuild another motorcycle meant just for driving Kyle’s bare bones off a cliff.

But on the other hand, I was devastated. The love of my life, my one and only, my reason for living, the bane of my existence, ditched me after school for some four-eyed, wannabe bad ass with purple eyes and an old motorcycle.

“Aw, cool your jets,” Paul said aloud, trying to mold his abnormally large Rice Krispy Treat into a person of some sort. “You ditched her this morning for Barbie’s Spawn. She ditched you this afternoon for Future James Bond. It’s completely fair.” I sighed inwardly. I had forgotten that all these bastards could hear my thoughts. I felt my heart squeeze a bit. Was that supposed to happen when you were guilty?

“It happens to me when I forget to get Claire blue flowers instead of red since she recently changed favorite colors,” Quil admitted out loud.

“And when I eat eggs in front of Kim, forgetting that she’s trying to be vegan for a month,” Jared added.

“And to me too when I—” I cut Sam off.

“Alright, I get it. It’s just a freaky imprinting side effect,” I snapped. And I felt really guilty for leaving Calypso for Jennifer this morning. Now that I thought about it, that may have been the biggest mistake in my life. I hopped from my chair, realization hitting me.

“Shit, you guys! Don't you see?” I started. All the boys stared up at me, including Paul who stopped working on his strange amalgamation of a human and a blob thingy. “By me leaving Calypso this morning for Jennifer, I pushed her into the open and welcoming arms of Kyle Wakefield who will then make her fall madly in love with him, they’ll get married, have children and I really will be alone!” I explained. Silence.

These guys had given me some weird looks in the past, but these definitely took the cake. I had to stop myself from patting my head to make sure that Paul’s weird dessert sculpture hadn’t jumped on my head and started braiding my hair.

“Dude,” Embry breathed, squinting his eyes at me as if he were looking for an explanation for my erratic behavior in fine print on my face. “Are you PMSing?” Everybody laughed but me.

“It’s because he has purple eyes,” Seth said simply.

“No, Seth, you don’t understand—” He ran right over me.

“No,” he said firmly while still laughing. “It’s his eyes. Trust me. All the girls in my year are always gushing about Kyle Wakefield and how guys with purple eyes are sexy and mysterious and rare. The senior girls of course have the sense not to say that crap out loud in public. But I promise you, that that is what caught Calypso’s attention. Not you going for a make-out session with America’s Next Top M.I.L.F.” Everyone laughed again, not including me.

Didn’t they understand that my life—my future—was crashing around my ears as fast as Kyle could ride off with Calypso into the gleaming sunset? Sam, laughing and shaking his head, pushed me down into my seat by my shoulders and sat next to me. “Jacob, Calypso just has a little crush. It’ll pass, I promise,” he said, keeping a hand on my shoulder and looking me in the eye. His gaze became serious now. “But in the meantime, you have to keep your head. No random outbursts about how much you love her or hate Kenny—”

“No, Sam. Kyle. If he was Kenny, I would have killed him by now. Because no one would miss him. Not even his friends,” I joked. This time, everyone but Sam laughed. He obviously didn’t get it.

“You killed Kenny!” Embry said in a high-pitched voice, mocking Kyle from South Park.

“You bastard!” Quil finished, mocking Stan. We all laughed again. Sam just smiled and shook his head.

“You okay kid?” he asked me, patting me on the shoulder. I nodded.

“Yeah, I guess,” I reluctantly agreed.

Sam took his hand off of my shoulder. “Now you kids need to GO HOME!” he ordered, pointing to the door. We all got up, our chairs scraping the floor and we filed out as we did every night, to our cars. I hopped inside my truck, but realized that it smelled…intoxicating. I breathed in and realized that the smell was just that of Calypso’s shampoo. It smelled like lavender. I sat and thought about the times when I swore up and down I would only like the smell of strawberry shampoo and only on Bella…

But lavender was so much more…everything. It could be seductive or innocent. Daring or calm. Hopelessly feminine or powerfully feminist. Lavender had so many different uses; I couldn’t even name them all, while a strawberry is just that. A strawberry.

It kind of made me sad to think that I had almost passed up labyrinthine lavender for simple strawberries.