I Won't Say I'm in Love

I spent more time than usual getting ready this morning on account of Kyle. I threw on simple makeup, consisting of eyeliner, really good mascara and black and gray shadowy eye shadow. I wore a fitted, short-sleeved white t-shirt with a fairly low scoop neck, paired with a long black necklace that had a bow tied to it. I had tucked it under a high waisted black pencil skirt and I borrowed a pair of Emily’s black pumps. I curled my hair very slightly, and applied bright red lipstick to my lips, contouring it to make them appear fuller than usual. (Calypso's Look).

Spritzing on Marilyn Monroe’s favorite perfume—Chanel No.5—and mine, I walked down the stairs to the kitchen. When I got there, Sam was frowning at me slightly.

“Emily, is she allowed to wear that?” Sam asked, scanning me up and down. Emily looked at my outfit again, and then back at Sam as if he was a little slow.

“Yeah. I helped her pick it out last night. What’s wrong with it?” she asked him. He sighed and looked at me again, frowning.

“Well her skirt, it’s—” He stopped mid-sentence, closing his mouth once again. My skirt came down to graze the tops of my knees; it simply clung to my hips quite well and tightened at the waist, making my middle look tiny, and therefore my bust and hips appear bigger. His eyes lit up as he looked at the neckline of my shirt, but then he realized it wasn’t inappropriately low. He opened his mouth to say something about my makeup, but realized I was hardly wearing any. When he couldn't find anything concrete, he just grumbled incoherently and grumpily returned to his crossword puzzle.

One thing I loved about Sam was how much he loved crossword puzzles. He would work on one for the whole day, never finishing it because he was so bad at them. Then, he would just recycle it and start on the next morning’s crossword puzzle. He got a crease in the middle of his eyebrows when he was concentrating hard on a question and always refused everyone’s help but Emily’s and mine.

“Finish the lyric: ‘Blank, blank, here I go again,’” he quoted, not looking up from the paper. “The first word is five letters, the second is three.

“Mamma Mia,” Emily and I answered at the same time. He sighed.

“I get it, I’m bad! Can you please just give me the answer?” he demanded. Emily and I exchanged a loving look and shook our heads.

Walking behind Sam, I put my arms around his neck and leaned forward so I had my chin on his shoulder. “That’s the answer Sam. ‘Mamma Mia, here I go again’,” I sang in his ear. He raised his eyebrows and nodded.

“Ohhh, I seeee,” he understood, scribbling the answer in the corresponding boxes. I laughed and kissed him on the cheek just as Jake walked in. I straightened up and he stopped in the doorway as he saw me, swaying a bit. A dreamy look occupied his face for a few moments and I didn’t think he was breathing. I found it quite amusing actually. His face then became angry and worried. It kind of reminded me of Sam’s face earlier this morning.

He pointed his finger up the stairs and shouted, “Go upstairs and change!” I laughed, but then realized he was not kidding.

“Jake, let’s just go to school,” I said, grabbing my cropped, long-sleeve black leather jacket.

“Sam, are you gonna let her walk out the house like that?” he whined, gesturing to me from the doorway as I walked to his truck.

“It all checks out,” I heard him say. “Sorry, kid.” Jacob rolled his eyes and sighed.

“Some dad you are,” Jake taunted, placing his hand on the doorknob. “If she’s alone today, she’s gonna get assaulted you know!” Jacob yelled before closing the door. He walked to the car and opened my door for me, muttering to himself.

I shook my head and slid inside the car at the same time he did. Before he started it up, he glanced over at me, but got caught up in the essence that is Calypso Kinnear I guess. His breathing became uneven and his eyes seemed to light up as they hungrily scanned me. I sincerely hoped that he wasn’t haven’t naughty thoughts about me…

...Or maybe I sincerely hoped he was.

“Jake,” I murmured, snapping him out of his trace and forcing him to drag his eyes back to mine.

“Hmm?” was all he was able to conjure up as he started up the car, slowly coming back to reality.

“What did you mean when you told Sam ‘some dad you are’?” I asked. He frowned at me as he backed out of the driveway and headed toward school.

“Well, I mean, he’s kind of like the father figure in your life right now, just like Emily’s the mother figure,” he said simply. I smiled a little and seemed to become warmer inside. Do they think of me that way? I wondered. As their daughter? It made me feel special to know—or at least think—that there were at least two people out there who wanted me to be theirs. I had wanted to be wanted for a long time.

At night, when I couldn’t get to sleep due to the homewreckers and my dad gettin’ busy in the next door room, I pulled out my hidden ear plugs, popped them in and fantasized not about being rich or having sex with a hot celebrity. I simply dreamed about what it would be like to have a family that loved me unconditionally. And friends who I actually liked and kept for more than a day.

And the perfect guy. In my dreams he wasn’t mind-blowingly handsome or rich or perfect in any sense of the word. But he was mine. Utterly mine. He would willingly crawl to the ends of the earth and back for me on cut glass if I asked him to. He was just someone I could call mine without a doubt in my mind or a fear in my heart. That’s all I really wanted. Was someone to call mine.

“Calypso?” I heard Jake mutter. I snapped out of my daydream faze and looked over at him. “I’m sorry,” he apologized, keeping his eyes glued to the road. I saw that he had his hands clenched tightly around the steering wheel and his biceps were flexing and un-flexing.

“For?” I asked, taken slightly off guard by his sudden apology.

“For leaving you for Jennifer yesterday. You needed me. It was your first day in an all-new school with all-new people. I promised that I would be yours, and I didn’t even take the time to make sure you got to your first class okay,” he explained as I listened. I felt the butterflies in my stomach start up as I realized how sincerely sorry he was. He must've felt really bad all day yesterday.

We parked in his designated parking spot. After putting the car into park and turning it off, he put his hands on his thighs and looked at me. I gave him a reassuring smile. “Jacob, it’s okay. It was ridiculous of me to expect you to be there every waking moment of my first day,” I promised, but he shook his head.

Placing a warm hand on my face and leaning over so his face was closer to mine, he put his other hand on my waist. Cocking his head to the side and looking at me with those twinkling brown eyes of his, he began to speak. “No. That’s all you should expect from me. I didn’t deliver and I’m sorry,” he breathed. I suddenly wanted so bad to close the three-inch gap between our lips and kiss him.

Swallowing, I simply nodded and tuned away so he had to let go of me. It was weird, because as soon as his hands stopped touching my body, it was as if an electrical circuit was turned off. He got out, closed his door and opened mine for me. I graciously took his hand, grabbed my bag and began walking toward the school. Right after I got out of the car, the lustful stares began. I saw Jake tense up next to me and saw his fists clenching and un-clenching as we walked.

After about thirty seconds however, he protectively put his arm around me and held me close to his warm body. The obviousness and suggestiveness of the looks immediately ceased. Jake grinned proudly as we walked down the hall and gave intimidating looks to anyone who seemed to even be thinking of me in a less than gentlemanly way. It was a different story once we had reached the guys though. They weren’t intimidated by Jake’s size and bulk considering they all either matched him or were bigger than him. They were all chatting against my locker when Embry was the first to see me.

“DAAYUM!” he exclaimed, getting up from the lockers. He swaggered over to me, a desirous look in his eye as he wrapped his arms around my waist. “And may I put an emphasis on the 'yum,'” he murmured, pulling me in close, smiling now. I rolled my eyes and Jacob grabbed Embry by the shirt collar and pushed him into one of the nearby lockers with a loud bang, all without letting go of me. I noticed however that he had actually left a dent in the poor locker.

Embry laughed and walked beside us as we caught up to the rest of the guys, apparently not suffering any pain. Paul let out a low whistle as he slowly scanned me up and down. “In case I haven't told you, you're welcome to have sex with me anytime,” he joked, checking out my backside. I picked up and abandoned pen from the floor and chucked it at his head. Jacob just growled at him.

Putting his hands up in surrender, he laughed. “Alright, alright. I can take a hint,” he promised, nodding his head, but still greatly appreciating my backside once again. Jacob rolled his eyes and placed me in front of him so that Paul could no longer drool over my ass. He, Jared and Seth eventually went their separate ways, so it was soon just me walking to class with Embry and Quil, Jake my voluntary escort.

Eventually we got there and Embry and Quil walked in. I tried to go, but Jacob pushed me up against the wall of the gym, his hands on either side of me, right above my head. He was glaring down at me, his eyes narrowed. “I told you that outfit was gonna cause problems,” he murmured. I smirked and snaked my arms up around his neck.

“You were right, I’m sorry,” I apologized, stroking the nape of his neck. I hadn’t noticed the little wisps of hair there. They were soft and baby like. It was comforting to know that there was some souvenir of his childhood left on him. It was nice to be reminded that he was definitely a child at one point or another. As big as he was, it was hard to be sure sometimes.

He sighed, softening a little, but not enough. I smiled playfully at him. I moved my hands up to his actual head and grabbed two handfuls of it and pulled his face to mine so our foreheads were touching. I was about to say, “I’m sorry,” when his eyes went wide and gleamed with excitement. He took his hands from the wall behind me and pulled me into him, clutching desperately at my shirt.

Panting, he placed his mouth to the scoop between my neck and shoulder, but simply breathed in and out very fast. It was as if he wanted so badly so kiss me there, but he couldn’t. Why not…? my conscience whined. My heart began beating uncontrollably and I wanted him to take me into the woods and please me more than I had wanted anything in my entire life. It was like a fire in my chest that slowly spread, making my whole body tingle on the verge of bursting.

I felt just about ready to combust and crumble when he straightened up stiffly, his eyes wide. He didn’t seem to be able to look me in the face just at the moment. A light tinge came to his cheeks, making his face turn a darker shade of brown. “I have to go,” he muttered simply. He then did an about face and sped off toward school, holding his books in front of his crotch.

I wondered about this sudden leave and the strange way he was holding his books and put two and two together. “Oh dear God,” I murmured to myself as I entered the classroom and walked to the dressing rooms as realization hit me:

Jacob had gotten a boner.



Jacob’s Point of View

I was walking to the lunchroom, replaying my excuse to Calypso about my little friend this morning. God, I’m such a screw up. What guy gets a boner from a girl clutching his hair? I thought to myself. And then I realized that any reasonable male in my position would. The way she smelled, the eagerness in her eyes…the way she held my hair. Oh god, I couldn’t even describe how it felt to have her fingers tangled in my hair and dancing there. It was one of the greatest feelings I think I’ve ever experienced.

So I guess my untimely hard-on was perfectly reasonable.

But I couldn’t tell Calypso that. I decided I would just say it was the wind. That happened to guys all the time, right? It’s completely normal for a seventeen-year-old male virgin to get an erection due to the wind. All of a sudden, I felt myself being slammed up against a locker.

“Shit!” I cursed out loud and squinted up my eyes as my back collided with one of the deep blue lockers on the wall. Pain exploded in me, starting from my mid-back and radiating through the rest of it. Opening my eyes, I saw Paul glaring at me, his hand still clutching the collar of my gray t-shirt.

“Why?” he growled simply.

“ ‘Why’ what?” I snapped, rubbing my now aching back.

“Why did I all of a sudden get a boner while making a move on Penelope Terra?” he growled. Prying his hand off of me, I sighed and rolled my eyes as I began walking down the hall to the lunchroom again. Penelope Terra was known as the second—well, now third, since Calypso came—hottest girl in school. She was also a girl who liked to have sex and was known for being good at it.

“What do you mean?” I asked, now frustrated. I knew he could have been reading my mind during the incident, but how did that explain a common physical reaction as well?

“All I know is I was telling Penelope how beautiful her eyes were or some other crap like that when all of a sudden, I saw Calypso naked and clutching onto your hair while grinding on you for dear life,” he explained. I smirked. That was exactly what I had been imagining, word for word. Except for he left out the fact that I was naked as well.

“I was sexually aroused. That’s how erections occur, Paul,” I said, as if explaining this concept to a fifth grader as we entered the lunchroom.

“Well, what was she doing to sexually arouse you? Blowing in your ear?” he asked, grabbing a tray and getting in line behind me.

I wish, I thought. When I didn’t answer, he frowned at me and went on.

“Grinding on you?”

I WISH.

“Give you a blowjob!?” he shrieked, now lost.

God, what I would do for that…

I sighed and told him the real reason for my little accident.

“She grabbed onto my hair.” Paul stopped in the line, staring at me as if I were the strangest creature to ever walk the face of the earth.

“While grinding on you and blowing in your ear?” he squeaked, still confused. I shook my head.

“Nope,” I confided. “That was it.” When I didn’t hear him answer, I stopped placing fried chicken on my tray to see him gaping at me like I was the stupidest person he’d ever met, which it felt like.

“What the hell is wrong with you, Jacob Black?” he asked. I shook my head and went to pay for my food, Paul right behind me. “We seriously need to get you laid, man,” he concluded. I just rolled my eyes and went to sit down at our table. When I sat down, everyone there was staring at me.

“What?” I demanded. Jared just raised an eyebrow at me.

“You’re gross, dude,” he stated, returning his attention to his food. I understood why he was upset by it. He and Calypso had formed an extremely tight knit bond while she was here so that they now called each other siblings. I could see where he would be grossed out by seeing his little sister having sex with his friend.

“Dude, you can’t let your imagination be so big,” Embry said. “I got a bit excited too,” he said unenthusiastically. “I’m just lucky I was hidden by a desk…” he added.

“Same here,” Seth said.

"How did you guys all see it?" I asked, rather confused.

"I guess we were all within 400 feet of at least one other person. I think it made a chain reaction," Embry stated,

“What are you thinking about?” I asked him warily. I looked over at Quil, who was smirking evilly into his food.

“If we all saw it, guess who else is going to see it?” he riddled, looking up from his food to teasingly smile at me. I thought about it for a second, and then realization struck me. I groaned and lay my head in my arms.

Sam.

Everyone began laughing at the table when they heard my thoughts. My head snapped up suddenly. "Wait! No he won't! His house is way farther than 400 feet." I was suddenly filled with hope. The hope that tonight wouldn't be the night I died. Paul shrugged.

"I'll just make sure he sees it. Won't be a problem. Don't worry about it," Paul replied.

"Thanks," I groaned, leaning my head in my hands.

I wasn’t quite sure how Sam was going to react. And honestly, I wasn’t sure I wanted to know.

“Hey, there’s your girl right there,” Seth said, nodding his head toward the lunch line. I looked up and saw Calypso in the lunch line. She seemed to be listening to her iPod, because it looked like she was humming and bobbing her head along to the music. It was hopelessly adorable and immediately made me smile.

Then, once I realized what I had to talk to her about, I sighed and my face became solemn once again. Getting up from the table, I began walking over to Calypso. “Hey,” I murmured, tapping her on her shoulder to get her attention. She looked around abruptly, but as soon as her eyes collided with mine, she smiled, making my heart beat faster than it already was.

“Hey,” she greeted happily, pulling the earphone out of her ear closest to me.

Did she notice?

“So, um, about this morning—” She immediately cut me off.

“Oh, God, don’t worry about it,” she insisted, waving a hand at me before scooping some overcooked carrots onto her plate.

“Really?” I asked, surprised at how nonchalant she was about this.

“Yeah!” she said. “I mean, that’s normal, right? If the wind blows the right way, then…accidents happen and it was just…” She sighed as she handed her money to the cashier lady, looking for the right words to use.

“It was just bad timing,” she concluded, smiling at me as we walked back to the table. I gazed at her face for a few more seconds before answering. Even in this harsh cafeteria light, she seemed to glow, like the angel she was. And the way her lips curled when she smiled…it was perfect. Her white teeth next to her brown skin made everything stand out even more. Her nose was perfectly shaped for her face, as well. I didn’t even know how to describe it really. It was just…..

perfect. She was perfect.

“Yeah,” I finally agreed to her earlier question. She smiled wider at me before we sat down at the table.

“So. Has anyone tried to jump your bones yet?” Quil asked, tossing a chicken bone at a boys’ head from across the lunchroom. It hit its mark, and the boy rubbed his head and turned around to glare at Quil before returning to eating his lunch.

Calypso, in turn, tossed a chicken bone from Paul’s plate at Quil’s head before beginning to eat her lunch. “A few guys, but I told ‘em to get lost. I don’t think I’m gonna be wearing this outfit again though,” she admitted.

“No!” Embry exclaimed, making everyone look up at him. He looked around at all of us. “I mean, why punish everyone if a few of us guys can’t control ourselves?” he asked. Jared rolled his eyes and snickered.

“Embry, you practically attacked the poor girl this morning,” Jared pointed out, taking another bite of his chicken.

“But what about the majority of guys here that aren’t like me and can control themselves,” he said as if he had a valid point. I laughed and shook my head.

“Embry, just eat your food,” I ordered, doodling on my napkin.

Calypso grinned and put her iPod away, beginning to eat her food. “I just don’t want to be sexually harassed all day again. I need a bodyguard,” she sighed. I looked up from my napkin.

“I thought I was your bodyguard,” I said, hurt.

“Well, unless you’re planning to transport me from class to class, that’s not gonna work out,” she concluded.

“Well I can if you want,” I offered eagerly. I wanted to kick myself for acting so much like a hopeless puppy, but I wanted to show her that I was willing to protect her.

Too bad you can’t tell her you’re a werewolf. Then she’d really feel safe, Seth pointed out.

I will soon, I countered. Just a few more months. I just need her to trust me…

“Oh, Jake, we only have one more class before we both have Mr. Burns. Its really not necessary, I swear,” she promised.

“Right,” I nodded.

One more class until she gets to see Kyle… I mentally noted bitterly.

Calypso’s Point of View

One more class until I get to see Kyle… I thought to myself.

He was the whole reason I had dressed the way I had today. Who knew a simple black skirt and white tee could induce so many raging hormones? I was hoping that he wouldn’t be a pig and drool all over me, but wouldn’t try to be so gentlemanly that he would pretend not to notice my ultra sexiness either.

I glanced over at Jacob staring at me, very concentrated. It was almost as if he were trying to figure out what I was thinking. “What do you want, Jake?” I asked him jokingly.

“I’m trying to figure out what you’re thinking,” he admitted, still squinting his eyes at me, his chin in his hand. I'm a friggin' genius. I smirked.

“You’re extremely easy to read,” I informed him. He frowned and sat up straight.

“Really?” he asked, shocked at my confession. I shook my head and smiled as I stood. Grabbing my tray, I stooped to kiss him quickly on his forehead before I left. He closed his eyes and sighed, his hands shaking. I couldn’t blame him. I was surprised I didn’t drop my tray after the electric current that raced through my body immediately after I placed my lips to his forehead.

Reluctantly, I pried my lips away from his warm, smooth skin and began to walk over to the trashcan. Right as I left however, I stumbled a bit, still a little disoriented from my goodbye kiss. “Dammit,” I muttered quietly as I walked silkily across the lunchroom. Tossing my white paper tray into the trashcan, I hurried out the door, eager to get out of Jacob’s line of sight.

I just wanna see Kyle and go home… I thought as I walked to the library.

Grabbing a book, I went to go sit down to read it. I liked reading. It was nice to sink into someone else’s life. Their mind. I was fully absorbed in the story and completely detached from the real world, sinking into my own.

That is, until Oliver Matthews came over.

“Hey, cutie,” he hummed, sitting next to me. I sighed and plastered on a fake smile, once again surfacing to the real world, where I had to experience my own problems, and try to figure out how to cope with them each day.

“Hi, Oliver,” I greeted simply.

“I told you to call me Ollie,” he gently reminded, putting a hand on my thigh. It took all my resistance not to punch him in his smug, pompous face. If there was one thing I couldn’t hate more, was an entitled ass.

Take Oliver Matthews for example.

I firmly grabbed his hand and placed it on his knee. “Oliver,” I whispered, patting him reassuringly on his hand. “I’m really not comfortable with that,” I told him, taking my hand away from his knee.

He gave a curt smile. “Ohhh, playing hard to get I see…” he muttered, as if I were totally transparent. Instead of dignifying him with an answer, I sighed and tried to return to reading my book, but it became quite a challenge to fully sink back into the character with Oliver eying me like a large protein shake right before a big game.

“You know, it’s really sexy that you’re so into books,” he started, naughtily eying me. I was starting to become extremely agitated. Setting my book down with a little more force than necessary, I clasped my hands together and looked at him, wide eyed and sarcastically smiling.

“Is it really?!” I screeched as if it were the most exciting thing anyone had ever told me in my life. He smiled mischievously, obviously being either too dim or blind to comprehend my obvious sarcasm to his stupid statement.

“Yeah,” he replied, his eyes scanning me hungrily. “I can like, picture you wearing a white button up shirt undone low enough so that I can see some kind of…black, lacy satin push-up bra and…”

He kept going on even as I turned my head away and looked out the window. Is he really talking dirty to me in the school library? I almost wanted to cry for Oliver’s stupidity. God help me… I pleaded silently. Just then, my cheap T-Mobile phone rang. I immediately fished it out of my backpack and answered it, not even checking to see who it was. “Hello?” I eagerly whispered into the receiver.

Looking over at Oliver and holding up a finger as if to say, This will only take a moment, I listened intently as I heard Jacob’s smooth voice murmur, “I’m in the Quileute legends section.” I knew it was his voice based on the simple fact that it gave me goose bumps all up and down my arms and legs.

“Dear God, Jake, I love you,” I whispered hurriedly into the phone. He laughed, sending a shiver through my body.

“Yeah, well hurry,” he ordered before hanging up. I smiled at the phone as I pulled it away from my ear, almost wishing that I could hear Jake’s voice from it again even though I knew he was only a few yards away. Then, pretending to be thoroughly disappointed to leave Oliver, I turned to him frowning.

“What?” he asked sadly.

“My friend is desperately begging me to help him with his math homework,” I lied smoothly, packing up my things. Oliver’s face changed. He became really deep in thought.

“But…we don’t have math homework yet…” he mumbled, obviously confused.

Wow, maybe he’s more advanced than I gave him credit for, I admitted. But I easily came up with another lie.

“Well, he got the homework early so that he can hurry and finish, just to be ahead,” I told him. He nodded, as if that explanation made sense.

“Oh. Well, I’ll see you around?” he asked eagerly, standing.

I really hope not… I wished inwardly.

“Totally!” I piped externally. Waving as I walked away, I headed to the Quileute legends section. Seeing Jacob smiling and holding his arms wide open at the end of the row, I couldn’t help but smile as well.

“You’re like my knight-in-shining-armor!” I screeched, pitching myself into his tan, toned arms. He hugged me close to him making me feel safe and welcome, as his hugs usually did.

“Glad to hear it,” he responded with a final squeeze.

“So how did you know I needed your help?” I asked, folding my arms and cocking my hip.

“I’m stalking you,” he replied simply with a smug smile. I laughed and turned to the bookshelves.

“For some reason, that’s not hard to believe…” I muttered just loud enough for him to hear. He chuckled and shook his head as he came to stand next to me. I pulled a leather bound book off the shelf and, looking at the front cover, turned to him. The title was written in golden calligraphy on the front and spine.

“Werewolves?” I questioned, raising one eyebrow and turning my gaze to him. He closed his eyes, nodded slowly, and then reopened his eyes. I laughed a little. “So...what? Are you trying to tell me that the Quileutes came up with the whole idea for ‘man who changes at the full moon, only dies with a silver bullet to the heart?’” He shook his head and shrugged.

“No. That’s the white man version of that legend,” he explained, coming to stand next to me. Opening up the front cover, the picture filled the very first page with a mass of brown hair and right in the center was the deep brown eyes.

I took these to be the piercing eyes of a werewolf.