The Adventures of Gerard Way Vs. Soulja Boy

The next show went by without a hitch, despite the fact that Mikey was barely able to stand upright. However, Gerard was getting more and more pissed off with every hour that went by. Walking around the festival, he had seen at least a dozen kids doing the Crank That dance. Slowly, but surely, Gerard Way was starting to crack. Some of the other bands on the tour had even started to place bets on how long it would be before he finally murdered someone, or, at the very least, was thrown in a mental institute.

They didn't even have to wait a full day. Not even half an hour after My Chem had finished their set, Gerard just happened to see Cobra Starship performing the hated song as part of their set and he flew completely off the handle.

"This has to end!" he yelled sky-ward, vocal cords vibrating. He stomped back to the bus, pushing aside both fans and band members. When he reached the bus, he slammed the door open, banging it against the other wall.

"I've had eno-" Gerard stopped mid-sentence. The entire bus was covered in gardenia scented candles and the place was as warm as the inside of an oven. A strange humming sound was emitting from the bedroom area and Gerard followed it, tiptoeing quietly.

He found Frank sitting in the lotus position on his bunk with his eyes closed. His fingers were curled into an O shape and he was the source of the humming. He alternated between that and muttering gibberish under his breath.

"Dola lacta fick minkie bapple wapple."

"Uhm. Frank?" Gerard asked. Frank cracked one eye open, although he continued to mutter. "What are you doing?"

"Wacha ma nova."

"What?"

"Wacha ma nova," Frank repeated, sighing and shaking his head.

"What the hell does that mean? Speak an actual language!"

"Je médite."

"English!"

"Jesus Christ, I'm meditating!" Frank screeched, both of his eyes flying open. "What is so important that you have to interrupt my quest for peace?" Gerard stopped and cocked his head to the side. Why had he came to Frank anyways?

"Right," he murmured, slapping himself upside the head, "now I remember. Do you know the location of he who they call... Soulja Boy?" Frank stared at the ceiling of his bunk thoughtfully, singing the first five lines of Crank That quietly. He repeated the lines before, almost instantaneously, resuming the perfect lotus position.

"Nope. Never heard of him." He shut his eyes and the stream of gibberish also resumed. Gerard growled angrily, his hands formed into fists. He was going to get Soulja Boy's location out of Frank, even if he had to beat it out of him. He reached into his pocket to survey what he had that could be a useful weapon. After feeling something promising, he pulled it out, revealing a very bewildered looking chicken. After staring at it with equal bewilderment, he sat it gently on the ground before reaching back in.

"Mumba wapi ida tiki ow!" Frank's 'meditating' was interrupted when Gerard smacked him in the ear with a frying pan.

"Ow! What the fuck Gerard?"

"Where's Soulja Boy?" Gerard screamed, wielding the frying pan with both hands.

"I don't know!"

Thwack!

"I'm not fucking around Frank, where's Soulja Boy?!"

"I can't tell you or he'll kill me!"

"Would you rather me kill you?" Frank stopped hiding behind his hands and stared at the ceiling again.

"Well, you are prettier..." Gerard stared at him, one eyebrow raised.

"What the hell?"

Thud!

"Ow! Stop hitting me and I'll tell you!" Gerard tossed the frying pan on the floor, narrowly avoiding the clucking chicken. Frank fell onto his side, waiting to catch his breath.

"He's in a castle at the top of Soulja Hill... roughly thirty and a half miles from here."

"Thanks Frank, " Gerard said, patting him on top of the head like a puppy. "You've been real helpful. Now, do you happen to have the key to the tour bus?"

"Yeah." Without thinking, he reached onto his bunk shelf and handed it to Gerard.

"Thanks. Now off the bus!"

"What?" Gerard sighed, shaking his head.

"I'd hoped that it wouldn't come to this." He leaned forward slightly and poked Frank in the eye with the key.

"Ow!" Frank screamed again, clutching his rapidly blinking eye. "Now I'm definitely not leaving!"

"Yes you are!" Without further adieu, Gerard yanked Frank from his bunk and threw him over his shoulder. His back was immediately attacked with Frank's fists and his stomach was attacked with Frank's feet.

"Oi! Put me down!" he screeched, the noise making Gerard's eardrums wince. Gerard carried Frank to the door and tossed him out onto the concrete. Frank landed hard on his ass, sending pain up his back. Before he could even move, Gerard had locked the door, blown out every candle and sped away. When he could finally sit up, Frank saw Zacky standing above him, arm in a cast, staring off in the direction Gerard had gone.

"Well, that sounded interesting," he commented, not offering to help Frank up. "Why did Gerard toss you off the bus?"

"Zacky, can I stay with you guys tonight?" Frank asked, answering a question with a question.

"Why?"

"Because I think we just lost our spot on Warped Tour."