Name Game
One
“Jasmine, and I’m jumpy.” Nervous twitch of the hands as they flutter, interpreting her word.
“Carly, and I’m cool.” Complete with a metal smile and glasses covered eye squint.
“Ryan, and I’m rewarding.” Wink.
“Cassie, and I’m caustic.”
Cue laughter from the scattered circle of people as Cassie announces that, a smile on her face. The kind of smile that says ‘Um, yeah. I am cool enough to say that.”
People shift slightly in the release of giggles, trying to ease the monotony of the first day of school. Also known as the day of icebreakers, the day where all anyone cares about is schedules and names.
The teacher smiles tolerantly, the look in her eyes spelling out that she’s pegged a ringleader for classroom antics. She nods to the next person, indicating that they should go.
“Maria, and I’m mellow.” Slow, easy tone…soft, pendulous body. Staring anywhere but Cassie’s taunting glare.
“Leah, and I’m lesbian.” Wait…what?
Cue shocked looks from the scattered circle of people. Cue edging away, cue looks of ‘Are you serious?’. Cue a whisper from Cassie “Fagggggg.” Fat girl isn’t her victim anymore; she’s found someone who fits in even less.
The only person who doesn’t move is Lily, standing next to her best friend. Her ‘girlfriend.’ Literally.
The teacher coughs slightly, looking down for a second before she looks back up, fake smile pasted on her face. Usually, she doesn’t have to resort to that till the first Wednesday.
All eyes are on Lily now, as they wait for her to speak. Leah stares expectantly, expecting to hear the same words flow out of her mouth.
“Lily, and I’m…I’m le-lethargic.” Shoulders slumped, eyes to the floor. Eyes anywhere but the best friend she’s just betrayed.
The name game ends. The students file back into the classroom. Leah sits in the corner, shunned by the rest of the crowd. Paper balls and whispers find her, courtesy of Cassie. Lily sits as close as she can without actually appearing to be close.
When class ends, Leah does not talk to Lily. Lily does not meet Leah's accusing eyes as she rushes out
Up on the third floor, Leah is cornered by a mob. By laughter and jokes that aren't really jokes. By cruel boys with smiling eyes, that say they can 'teach her how to be straight.'
Lily is in that crowd. Trapped not by a press of bodies, but by her fear. If this is what happens to lesbians...Lily doesn't wanna be a lesbian.
For the next four years of high school, Leah is shunned. Hurt. Forgotten.
Lily is not shunned, quite exactly...just not taken notice of. She is not hurt, quite exactly...though lacking for human (Leah's) company. She most definitely is forgotten...even by herself.
Lily will grow up denying herself. Denying the way she truly feels. Marry a middle class, ordinary man. Live a typical life.
Leah will grow up telling the world who she is. She will grow up with thick skin, ignoring the ignorant. Ignoring the Cassie's, and the cruel boys with smiling eyes.
Maybe she'll meet a woman just like her.
Maybe they'll live together.
Maybe she'll be happy as herself
Not as a miserable imitation like her first girlfriend and her ex best friend
It's funny, how much of a difference...a ninth grade name game can make.
“Carly, and I’m cool.” Complete with a metal smile and glasses covered eye squint.
“Ryan, and I’m rewarding.” Wink.
“Cassie, and I’m caustic.”
Cue laughter from the scattered circle of people as Cassie announces that, a smile on her face. The kind of smile that says ‘Um, yeah. I am cool enough to say that.”
People shift slightly in the release of giggles, trying to ease the monotony of the first day of school. Also known as the day of icebreakers, the day where all anyone cares about is schedules and names.
The teacher smiles tolerantly, the look in her eyes spelling out that she’s pegged a ringleader for classroom antics. She nods to the next person, indicating that they should go.
“Maria, and I’m mellow.” Slow, easy tone…soft, pendulous body. Staring anywhere but Cassie’s taunting glare.
“Leah, and I’m lesbian.” Wait…what?
Cue shocked looks from the scattered circle of people. Cue edging away, cue looks of ‘Are you serious?’. Cue a whisper from Cassie “Fagggggg.” Fat girl isn’t her victim anymore; she’s found someone who fits in even less.
The only person who doesn’t move is Lily, standing next to her best friend. Her ‘girlfriend.’ Literally.
The teacher coughs slightly, looking down for a second before she looks back up, fake smile pasted on her face. Usually, she doesn’t have to resort to that till the first Wednesday.
All eyes are on Lily now, as they wait for her to speak. Leah stares expectantly, expecting to hear the same words flow out of her mouth.
“Lily, and I’m…I’m le-lethargic.” Shoulders slumped, eyes to the floor. Eyes anywhere but the best friend she’s just betrayed.
The name game ends. The students file back into the classroom. Leah sits in the corner, shunned by the rest of the crowd. Paper balls and whispers find her, courtesy of Cassie. Lily sits as close as she can without actually appearing to be close.
When class ends, Leah does not talk to Lily. Lily does not meet Leah's accusing eyes as she rushes out
Up on the third floor, Leah is cornered by a mob. By laughter and jokes that aren't really jokes. By cruel boys with smiling eyes, that say they can 'teach her how to be straight.'
Lily is in that crowd. Trapped not by a press of bodies, but by her fear. If this is what happens to lesbians...Lily doesn't wanna be a lesbian.
For the next four years of high school, Leah is shunned. Hurt. Forgotten.
Lily is not shunned, quite exactly...just not taken notice of. She is not hurt, quite exactly...though lacking for human (Leah's) company. She most definitely is forgotten...even by herself.
Lily will grow up denying herself. Denying the way she truly feels. Marry a middle class, ordinary man. Live a typical life.
Leah will grow up telling the world who she is. She will grow up with thick skin, ignoring the ignorant. Ignoring the Cassie's, and the cruel boys with smiling eyes.
Maybe she'll meet a woman just like her.
Maybe they'll live together.
Maybe she'll be happy as herself
Not as a miserable imitation like her first girlfriend and her ex best friend
It's funny, how much of a difference...a ninth grade name game can make.
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