Seize the Day

“I cannot believe you've done this to me!” My throat was already sore and scratchy, my voice hoarse, from screaming. I slammed my fist on the counter and knocked over the vase of purple rannuculous flowers I'd gotten as a test run for my wedding bouquet.

I saw him flinch as the glass shattered on the floor. “Baby, wait,” Matt pleaded.

“Matthew, I can't be in this house with you right now.” I shrugged away from him and stared at the floor. “You know, I think I'm going to go hang out at Jess and Zack's for awhile. I need to think.” I pushed past him, slinging my hand away from his.

In tears, I jumped in my car, and threw it in reverse. I had to purposefully calm myself down and force myself to pay attention. I called Jess as soon as I was calm enough to do so.

“Hey, bitch,” she laughed into the phone.

“Jess,” I sobbed. “Can I come there? Please? Matt and I had a fight.”

“Oh god, V.” Her tone changed immediately. “What's going on? Of course you can come here. You know that.”

“Ok, good,” I tried to laugh. It only came out as a choking noise though. “I'm in your driveway.”

Zack had already opened the door and was walking toward me, arms open. I saw Jess in the doorway, and hung up.

“First fight, huh?” he said, gathering me into his arms, and squeezing tightly.

“Yeah,” I sobbed. We'd made it through to this far without any kind of fight. I'd almost started to think we were invincible. I couldn't say anything else, so I just buried my face in Zack's shirt.

“Come on,” he said, ushering me toward the house. “You can talk to us.”

-------------

Two Hours Earlier

“Hello?” I said into the phone, answering a call from a number I didn't recognize.

“Hey, V, good,” the voice whispered. “It's Jamie.”

I laughed at her. “What the fuck, Jamie. Are you incognito, or what?”

“Sort of,” she said, still barely above a whisper. “Look, I need to tell you something, and I need you to promise that you won't shit or won't hate me.”

“What's going on, dude?” I was starting to get impatient with her now.

“Ok, I met with a couple of friends I have out here for lunch today, downtown,” she started. “Well, we're at the restaurant now, and Matt's here.”

“Yeah, he was meeting with some of the guys for lunch. Big deal.”

“Um, well, there aren't any guys around him, Vivienne,” she sighed.

“What are you talking about?” I demanded.

“He's here with a chick.” She paused either watching what was going on, or waiting for me to answer.

“Ok, so it's a girl. Do you know her?” I asked, hoping.

“No, I've never seen her before,” she started. “But if I had to wager a guess, the extreme resemblance she bears to Michelle leads me to say it's Valary. I thought it was Michelle at first, actually.”

I relaxed. “Oh, Val! It's fine. They're on really good terms.”

“I gathered that,” Jamie said. “That's actually why I called you. Looks, to me, like they're on too good of terms. V, she keeps touching his hand, and he's blasting those dimples at her, full force.”

My blood started boiling. “I'm sure that you're exaggerating, Jamie.” I was trying to convince myself, rather than her.

“Vivienne, you know I wouldn't even call you and say anything if I wasn't pretty damn sure what was going on.” I heard her move. “Shit, they're leaving. Oh, goddamnit, Matt!” She was still half-whispering. “V, he just kissed her.”

“Jamie, I'm going to hang up now,” I said through my teeth.

“V, I'm so sorry,” she breathed.

“Ok, fine. I'll call you later.” I hang up the phone and tried to breath. This cannot be happening, I thought to myself. There's got to be an explanation.

Once I was mostly calm enough to talk, I called Matt. “Hey, sweets,” I sang as he answered.

“Hi baby, what's up?” he answered.

“Oh, nothing. Just hanging around. Wanted to see how your lunch was going.”

“Good, actually,” he said. “Got a lot of things situated and taken care of. On my way home right now.”

“Ok, good. I'll see you in a few minutes then,” I said, trying to keep cool.

“Love you, babe,” he said.

“I love you too.”

I planned out how I was going to calmly ask what was going on, and why he and Val had been together at lunch. I was going to be the good guy, and it was going to be an even-keeled discussion. Unfortunately, as soon as he walked through the door, I lost all that planning.

“Matt!” I nearly screeched. “What the hell is your problem? Why were you with her?”

He stepped back, eyes wide. “V, I don't know what you're talking about.”

“Oh, I'm sure,” I scoffed, still yelling. “Would you like to tell me why you went out to lunch with your ex-wife? And more importantly, why the fuck were you kissing her?”

“Wait, wait, wait,” he said. “I still don't know what you're talking about. I really need you to just calm down for a second." Matt was pleading, still trying to take hold of my hands.

I succeeded in staying just out of his reach. "Why? I don't get it. I thought you were done with her. I thought I was enough for you."

I could tell he was starting to get irritated with me, but didn't care. “Seriously, tell me what you're freaking the fuck out about?”

“Matt, Jamie called me. She was at the restaurant, and saw you with Valary,” I hissed. “She saw Val all touchy-feely with you, saw you flirting with her, and then saw you kiss her as you left.”

"Oh my fucking god,” he growled, his voice starting to raise. “I will absolutely kill Jamie the next time I see her. Vivienne, listen to me, right goddamn now.” His eyes glinted with either guilt or rage; honestly, I couldn't tell the difference right now.

“Stop,” I sobbed. “Just stop. I don't even want to hear your bullshit right now.” He dropped his head, stopped trying to touch me, and avoided eye contact. “Will you at least look at me?” I screamed.

“I can't.” He didn't even try. “I can't look you in the eye.”

"I cannot believe you've done this to me!"

-------------

"So, anyway," I said, wiping tears from my eyes, "and now I'm here." I was splayed across Zack's couch, my head in his lap and legs across Jess'. Both of them were petting and soothing me.

“I'm sure there's got to be another explanation,” Jess said, searching for one herself. I didn't miss the look she shot Zack. A look that begged There is another explanation, right?

“There is,” he said, answering her unasked question. “I need to have a talk with him.” He gently picked my head up and kissed my cheek. “I'm gonna call him, is that okay with you?”

“Yeah,” I croaked. I was suddenly too tired to breathe. “Whatever.”

“V, I know it's not what you think. Matt wouldn't do that to you,” Jess cooed, swapping seats with Zack as he left. She picked up smoothing my hair as he had been.

“Can you think of another reason?” I asked. “I didn't think so,” I sighed when she'd been silent for too long. I let out a huge sigh, and tried to disappear into the leather sofa. I don't remember how long it was before I fell asleep.