Seize the Day

The drive back to Sara’s was pretty quiet, save for me asking “You ok back there?” several times, just to make sure she was still conscious. Mostly, she just giggled when I’d ask. Matt practically carried her into the house, setting her on the couch when we got inside, then perching himself on the arm of the sofa next to her. I kissed the top of his head. “Make yourself comfortable, I’m gonna take her to bed.”

“Aw, I can’t even watch?” He grinned at himself, turning my words into an unintended innuendo.

“Ha. Nice try,” I told him. I kicked my shoes into the corner and pulled Sara off the sofa. “Up you go. Time for bed.”

“But I want a shower,” she pouted. “I smell like a tequila factory.”

“No, you smell like a bar,” I told her, grimacing under her weight. “Are you sure you can stand in the shower?”

“Yes,” she spat, right before she tripped over an invisible something, and nearly faceplanted us both on the carpet. “Maybe?” she retracted with a giggle.

“Oh come on!” Matt chuckled. “You’re going to help her take a shower? And I still can’t watch?”

“Again, nice try.” I winked and blew him a kiss. “You stay there, I’ll be back in a few minutes.”

I almost managed to get Sara undressed, into the shower, mostly lathered and washed, and out again without getting myself completely drenched as well. Almost. As she was stepping out of the tub, she tried to have a drunken I love you, man moment and hugged me. Unfortunately, I wasn’t quite prepared for the gesture, and we both tumbled into the bathtub laughing hysterically, shower still running. Of course, Matt heard the ruckus and came running to the door, knocking.

“Whoa, are you guys ok?” he called through the door.

“Uh, yeah we’re good. I’m gonna need a hand in just a second.” I reached for a towel, but Sara was still nearly sitting on top of me, and laughing to beat all. I tried to sit up, but in the slippery wet bathtub, we both slumped back down. I couldn’t even reach the knob to turn the water off. Neither of us were hurt, but she certainly wasn’t able to stand up before, let alone now. “Shit,” I muttered, through laughter. “Ok, Matt, I need you to open the door, cover your eyes, and come give me a hand!”

He cautiously opened the door, left hand over his face like a five year old watching a scary movie. I couldn’t help but giggle.

“Whatever, I’m naked, I don’t care,” Sara slurred. “Just help us up!”

Matt laughed and uncovered his eyes. “Bathrobe on the hook on the back of the door, please,” I told him.

He grabbed the robe and handed it to me, still diverting his gaze away from Sara. I managed to get it mostly around her. “Ok, she’s covered,” I said, still laughing.

He picked Sara up off of me, and holding her with one arm used the other to help lift me out of the tub as well. I turned the water off, grabbed a couple of towels off the rack and took over holding Sara steady. “Ok, going to get us dry, her into bed, and me changed. Give me just a minute.” I took yet another opportunity to steal a kiss on my way out the door. “You can shower if you want, now that both of us have,” I added with a grin.

I ushered Sara into her room, found her some comfy pajama pants and a t-shirt and got her dressed. “Bed time, for you, Miss Rockstar,” I told her.

“I had fun tonight!” she giggled. “Sorry I fell on top of you.”

“No worries,” I laughed back. “Just get some sleep, ok? You’re gonna feel like shit tomorrow as it is.” She groaned in agreement as her head hit the pillow. “I’d hug you, but I’m a little, uh, damp right now.” She giggled behind me as I left the room. I pulled the door shut and went back to the living room. Matt was just sitting on the sofa quietly. “Um, you totally could have turned on the tv or something, doofus.” I ruffled his slightly long-ish hair as I passed him, went to the corner of the room and grabbed my duffel bag.

“Nah, I just figured I’d wait for you,” he said.

“Well, keep waiting, good sir,” I chided. “I have to get out of this nasty wet dress before I start chafing.”

“That, m'lady,” he said, mocking my tone and word choice, “is disgusting.”

“Yeah, tell me about it,” I said shuddering. “I’ll be right back.” I took my bag into the bathroom and shut the door, shrugging out of my dress immediately, and hanging it over the shower curtain rod. I proceeded to clean up the water we’d splashed all over the bathroom floor before digging through my bag for some dry comfy clothes. I found some clean underwear, my black stretchy yoga pants and the only clean tank top I had left.

You’ve got to be kidding me, right? I begged myself, pulling everything in the bag out to make sure there wasn’t something else in there somewhere. Great. Nothing. The tank top that was lying on the sink was a grey Avenged tank, with a purple deathbat and lace around the neckline. Way to be a fangirl, idiot. I had planned to do some laundry while Sara was at work in the next day or so.

After I’d changed, made sure everything was cleaned up and put away, and brushed my teeth, I went back to the living room again. Matt was sitting a little more comfortably, but still just sitting in the silent room. I crossed my arms over my chest, trying to hide the logo emblazoned on my shirt.

“Is that?” he started to ask, chuckling again.

“Don’t even go there,” I hissed. “I feel stupid enough already.”

“Why would you feel stupid?” He pulled me onto the sofa next to him. “It’s cute.”

“You still didn’t turn on the tv or anything?” I asked, changing the subject.

“Honestly,” he said, “the quiet is nice. I don’t get that much, you know.”

“But you live by yourself. Isn’t it quiet there?” I snuggled up closer to him.

He put his arm around me, pulling me even closer. “Yeah, but I’m not there much. Rockstar, remember?” He tapped my nose with his index finger.

“Ah, yes. Rockstar.” I traced my fingers along the arm that wasn’t wrapped around me. “So, please tell me you’re not planning on disappearing into the night and driving back to the other side of the world tonight.”

“I sure as fuck didn’t want to, but I wasn’t going to invite myself to stay.” He squeezed my shoulders. “My mama always told me that wasn’t nice.”

“Your mama’s a smart lady,” I said. “But believe me, you can invite yourself anywhere, anytime. Oh, and there’s just this couch. No extra bedrooms or anything. I guess we’ll have to cuddle.”

“Damnit!” he huffed sarcastically. “No deal. I was ok until the cuddling part!” Of course, all the while he was saying this, he pulled me even closer so I was pretty much laying in his lap. I gave in and laid my head on his thighs, and he started stroking my hair. “So, did you have a good time tonight?”

“No,” I deadpanned. “It was terrible, especially the part where that weirdo lead singer of that last crappy band sang a stupid line to a stupider song directly at me. It was awful.”

“Ha.” He flicked my forehead with his middle finger. “Fine. I’ll be sure to pass that along to the weirdo lead singer of said crappy band.”

“Yeah, and then he even tried to talk me into moving across the country! The nerve!” I returned the flick to his chin. “You’ve got to be kidding me.” I laced my fingers into his. “This was without a doubt, hands-down, without thinking, the best night of my entire life.”

“Is that so?” he asked, not letting my hand go.

“Abso-fucking-lutely.” I grinned at him from my place on his lap. “I mean how often does a girl get to not only hang out with her favorite band, but is literally begged to move closer to them?”

“Hey,” he scoffed. “I have a little dignity. I didn’t actually beg.” The hand stroking my hair switched to mussing it up.

“Ok, fine. You didn’t beg.” I emphasized the word with air quotes, as best as I could with his fingers still intertwined with mine. “But in all reality,” I changed my tone. “How serious were you about that?”

“Very,” he said, his eyes almost glowing green. “I know it seems crazy, but the time I’ve spent with you this week is the first time in a long time that I’ve felt…” He hesitated. “Well, that I’ve felt.” He made the word a statement on its own. “The first time I’ve felt anything in a long time.” I noticed that his gaze had relocated to a blank spot on the wall. He was talking to me, but not really to me. “After Val and I split up, I was ridiculous. No one even wanted to be around me I was so mopey.” I kept squeezing his right hand with my left and using my right hand to trace the tattoo lines on his arm while I just listened, intently. “It got to the point where I didn’t even want to be around myself. Finally I noticed what I’d been doing, and that no one had called me for anything in almost three months. I was able to snap out of it a little bit, but it wasn’t until I started talking to you at the bar last Friday night that I was able to actually feel like I’d snapped out of it, rather than acting like it.” He stopped talking, and finally looked at me again, but didn’t say anything else.

“I already told you, I’ve been divorced too,” I said softly. “I know exactly what you’re talking about. When I went through mine, it was retail season, so I just worked. All the time. Before I got my new place, I was staying with friends, but I never even saw them. I’d go to work at one job at 7am, go to one or the other of my part-time gigs, get home about midnight, go to bed, and manage to get about an hour and a half of sleep, total. Then I’d get up and do it all over again. Even the people I was staying with got worried about me, because they never saw me. The people I worked with acted like they didn’t know me anymore. They probably didn’t.” I brought his hand to my lips. “It’s hard. I know it is. Three of my tattoos came in that year afterwards. I was just trying to remind myself that I actually could feel. I know exactly what you mean.”

He leaned forward and kissed my forehead. “You really are amazing, aren’t you?”

“Nope,” I sighed. “I’m just me. It just so happens that I‘ve been through the same shitty situation you have. I made it through it, but I’m still just me.”

“Exactly,” he said. He smiled that perfect smile once more. “You’re you. And you are pretty amazing.” He pulled me up to a sitting position and kissed me. Really kissed me.

After what seemed like another lifetime, he pulled away softly. “Oh,” he breathed. “You asked me a question, didn’t you?”

“Did I?” I really had no idea. The only thing I could think about was that kiss.

“About how serious I was, suggesting you stay out here on the West Coast.”

I rested my head on his shoulder. “Oh, right,” I said. “I did ask that, didn’t I?”

“Yes.” He went back to stroking my hair. “And I’m really serious. Really fucking selfish, too, but really serious.”

“It’s not selfish,” I told him. “Not at all.”

“Even the guys have noticed that I’m much more here than I was even just a week ago.” He blushed slightly.

“Aw, have they been giving you shit since last Friday night?” I asked. “I’ll kill them all!”

The blush disappeared and was replaced by dimples. “Yeah, they have. But they’re excited, too. Like I said, they’ve all noticed how much happier I’ve been since then.” He ducked his head. “That’s stupid though, isn’t it?”

“What’s stupid?” I asked him. “Knowing that there’s something in the world that makes you feel like a person again?” I put my head back onto his shoulder, as he just looked at me, not quite able to form a reply. “There’s nothing at all stupid about that.”

“But I’ve only known you a week,” he sighed finally. “How is that even possible?”

“Beats the shit out of me,” I replied. “I’m completely not worthy of all this attention I’ve been getting.” It was my turn to sigh. I closed my eyes tightly.

“Stop that,” he said. “If you weren’t worth it, would I be sitting here, on your friend’s couch, while she’s asleep in the other room, making out with you?”

I just stared at him. With that, the talking ended, and the making out began.

I finally noticed that the room had become lighter. I disconnected myself from him and pointed this out. I looked at the clock on my phone. It was nearly 6:30am. We’d been up talking, kissing, talking, and kissing some more literally all night.

“Hmm,” he mused lightly. “Maybe we should get some sleep, huh?”

“But if we sleep, I’ll wake up,” I giggled. “It’ll all have been a dream!”

“I promise you,” he said, kissing my forehead. “It’s not a dream. I’m right here.”

“Ok, well stay right there. I need to go to the bathroom.” I kissed him again as I got up. “Don’t move!”

When I came back to the living room, he’d shrugged out of his jeans and t-shirt and was wearing only his boxers. He’d already sprawled out on the (thankfully) large sofa. It took all I could muster to not gasp as I came into the room. Even so, he heard my breath catch. “What?” he grinned, propping his head up with one hand.

“Oh, nothing. It’s just that there’s a gorgeous, half-naked man laying on the couch that is supposed to be my makeshift bed this week.” My smile turned to a pout. “And it doesn’t seem like he’s left any room for me!”

“We’re cuddling, remember?” he said. “There’s plenty of space to cuddle.” He scooted over minutely.

I grabbed the blanket and pillows Sara had loaned me that were stashed in the corner of the room and sat on the edge of the sofa with him, letting everything sink in.

“You just gonna sit there?” he laughed.

“Maybe?” I said. He laughed again and pulled me down next to him. He wrapped both of his arms around me, and snuggled into the pillow. Both of us sighed contently, at the exact same moment, leading us into a fit of giggles. When we finally stopped laughing, we both fell asleep almost immediately.

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I awoke when I heard Sara come out of her bedroom. “Damnit,” I heard her say, trying to whisper. She’d run into the table or the counter. “Ow, fuck!” she hissed, bumping from one thing into another. I felt Matt chuckle silently, letting me know he was awake as well. His arms were still locked around me, as if holding onto me for dear life.

Well, I guess it wasn’t a dream, I thought to myself, elbowing him lightly for laughing at Sara’s misfortune. “You ok, over there, sunshine?” I asked through to the kitchen.

“Thank Christ, you’re awake,” she spat, rubbing her hip where she’d banged into an inanimate object. “Sorry if I woke you. I’m trying to find the fucking Excedrin.”

“Hm, I’d help you look, but it seems that I can’t really move right now,” I said, giggling. She looked over to see that I was securely fastened to Matt himself and rolled her eyes. In turn, he just squeezed me tighter, burying his face in my back. His breath tickled, so I squirmed and giggled again.

“By the way,” she growled, pointing a finger our direction. “You two better not have done anything on that sofa that involves bodily fluids, or you’re paying to have it cleaned.”

“Oh, hush,” I told her. “You know I wouldn’t do anything like that. I’m not a ‘give it up on the first date’ kinda gal.”

Finally Matt spoke, looking over my shoulder at Sara. “Oh, really?” he mused, winking. “Maybe I should have tried harder.”

“Gross!” Sara wailed. I hid my head under the covers. Of course, this meant the blanket was covering both of us fully now. “Guys, cut it out!” Sara said, trying to sound disgusted rather than entertained. “You’re like a couple of high school kids!” I could tell she’d found the Excedrin, as I head the bottle hit the floor. “Goddamncocksuckingmotherfuckingsonofawhore!” she shouted.

Matt couldn’t stand it any longer. He burst out in a huge belly laugh at Sara’s string of obscenities. “Wait, what was that again?” he asked, between laughs.

“Shut up, fucker,” she hissed. She was smiling, though, so the hiss didn’t quite have the effect she was going for. She poured out a couple of Excedrin, got a glass of water and stormed off back toward her bedroom. “I am so not awake enough for this,” she scoffed as she pseudo-slammed the door.

“Aren’t your arms like numb or something?” I asked, trying to wiggle free of Matt's boa constrictor grip.

“Yep, completely,” he said. “That’s why I can’t move them. Sorry, you’re stuck here.” With that, he snuggled back into the pillow and pretended to go back to sleep.

“But I, uh, kinda have to use the bathroom, you know,” I whined, struggling against his hold. The only response I got was a faked snore.

Ok, you asked for it, I thought. Time to play dirty.

“Fine.” I relaxed, and cuddled back into him, letting my body form against his. As soon as he nuzzled back, I started lightly grinding my hips against his. I felt him tense for a split second, trying to figure out what was going on, but that was short lived, as he was soon returning the motion. After only a few moments, he started to relax. That’s what I was waiting for. “A-ha!” I shouted as I jumped off the sofa.

He just stared at me. “That was not fair!” he said, eyes wide.

“Sorry,” I said. “That wasn’t not fun, but I told you I had to pee! I’ll be right back.” I quickly kissed the tip of his nose, jumping back out of reach before he had time to react. I did my business in the bathroom, including brushing my teeth, and returned.

“Ok, where were we?” I cooed, retaking my spot on the couch. He hadn’t moved.

“No where we weren’t while you were asleep this morning,” he replied, dimples shining.

“Oh,” I started. “Wait, what?” I exclaimed, sitting bolt upright. “Please tell me you’re joking. I tried to rape you again?”

He laughed. “What was that you told me last night? About being cute when I’m panicky?” He poked my stomach. “I second that.”

I stood up and walked the other side of the room, plopping into Sara’s armchair. Arms crossed and pouting, I stared at him from across the living room.

“Aw,” he laughed. “You’re even cuter when you’re pouty!” I pouted even more. “Now cut it out and get back over here. I’m pretty sure Sara’s got the thermostat down to like twenty. I’m freezing!” Of course, I couldn’t say no, even if his temperature statement was the furthest from the truth. He turned to lay on his back, and I snuggled up against his side, resting my head on his arm as he cradled it around me. “That’s better. Now, where were we?” he said, mocking me.

“Cuddling,” I said. And we did.

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Sara’s sleeping hangovers don’t last as long as mine, apparently. She was up and at about 11am. Matt and I had been awake for a bit, still curled up on the couch, flipping through tv channels, but not really bothering to watch anything.

“Mornin’,” I called to Sara as she emerged again from her bedroom.

She answered with a grin. “Glad to see last night wasn’t a dream,” she said with a wink.

“Yeah, you and me both.” Matt had literally taken the words right out of my mouth. I looked up at him, and he squeezed me. “What?” he asked. “You think I wasn’t worried about that too?”

Sara just looked at us. “You guys are so fucking cute, it’s disgusting.” She took a seat in the chair on the other side of the room.

“I know, right?” I answered her with a grin. “How’s the head?”

“Eh, I’ve been better,” she said. “But I’ve certainly had worse hangovers.”

Over the next couple of hours, the three of us talked about the previous evening’s festivities, how much Sara had enjoyed her first A7X show, the stories she’d told Zack and Brian and how much I was going to hear about that later. When I’d finally convinced Matt that I wasn’t going to do anything crazy, like leave the state without seeing him again, he decided he should be on his way back to Huntington Beach.

“Be right back,” I said to Sara as I walked out the door to see him off. I looked over her shoulder to see her making a couple more of her trademarked obscene gestures with her hands. I simply flipped her a middle finger.

At the car, Matt turned and leaned his back against the driver’s side, and pulled me to him. “You promise I’ll get to see you again before you leave?” he pleaded.

“Of course,” I said, resting my head on his chest. “I couldn’t do that. To you, or to me.”

“And promise me you’ll think about staying here,” he said, so softly I almost couldn’t hear him.

“I already did,” I said. “And I’m already thinking about it, and you know it. More than thinking about coming here, I need to think about what to do about back home.”

“Ok, good. Which reminds me,” he said. “I can give you an email address to send your resume to, if you want to try for that job. Then I can go and, uh, put in a good word for you.” He looked at me hopefully.

“That would be perfect, actually,” I said. I felt him relax, even though I hadn’t felt him tense up.

“Good.” He kissed the top of my head. Now that I was barefoot, not wearing my heels, I was back to being shorter than him again. “I’m still not ready to let you go.”

“Good.” My short reply made him chuckle. “I’ll be sure to call you again before I go, ok?”

“Ok,” he said. He wrapped me in his arms again.

I guess maybe I could get used to this, I caught myself thinking, but I let it go. I mean, who am I to ruin M. Shadows’ plans? That thought caused a giggle that I tried unsuccessfully to stifle.

“Now what’s funny?” he asked.

Shit. Caught.

“Nothing, just my own twisted inner monologue,” I replied with a smile.

“Well, as long as the joke’s not on me, I’ll let it go,” he said, hugging me tighter.

“Nope, just me,” I answered.

“Well, I’m not letting you go,” he said, flashing me that smile again.

“Good,” I sighed. “I don’t want you to.” With that, we were kissing again.

Apparently, our goodbye was taking too long for Sara’s liking, because after a couple of minutes, I heard the door open.

“We really need to get some less nosy friends, you know that?” I whispered.

He laughed. “You’re right. Or just go somewhere where they can’t find us.”

“HA!” I exclaimed. “I don’t know about the guys, but with this one,” I said, jerking a thumb over my shoulder in Sara’s direction, “there’s no such place. She’d hunt me down in fucking South America if it came to that.” I kissed him again. “I’m coming, I’m coming, sheesh.”

He looked up at Sara as well. “Fine, you can have her back,” he laughed. “Just remember, I’ve got dibs on her for the next visit.” He winked at me.

Of course you do, I thought. And the visit after that, and the one after that, and...

“Be careful, and I’ll call you later,” I said.

“Bye,” was all he replied. Well, “bye” and another kiss, that is.

I went back into the house, where Sara was standing in the doorway. “Ok, I know you guys got, um, close, before last night, but what the hell did I miss?” she trilled. “You weren’t totally making out, last I remember. So what happened?”

I told her the whole story, about what happened in the dressing room after the show, before Brian came to find us, how he’d asked me to think about moving here. I told her about sitting at the table while everyone else was drinking to near passing out stage, talking the whole time. I told her about the bathtub incident, since she didn’t remember, and couldn’t figure out why her shins were bruised. I just showed her the matching ones on my elbows and laughed. Then I told her about the conversation about how I made him feel again, and that he was really wanting me to stay here.

She listened to the events of the entire evening, with little to no input, until I was finished. “Whoa,” was all she could say. “He really wants you to pack up and move across the country for him?”

“It looks like it,” I answered.

“Well, you told him you would, right?” she exclaimed.

“Not quite, no,” I said.

“Are you kidding me?” she hissed. “Dude, I remember dickface. I never once saw you as happy with him as you were with Matt just now, and I always thought you two were just about the happiest couple I knew.” She looked away for a split second. “Until all the shit went down, of course.”

“Yeah, I know,” I said. “I just need to think about it, is all.”

“I know, but think about the rest of it, too,” she said. “It’s been, what? Three years since your divorce? And you’ve been out with how many people?”

“Well, counting Matt, like three.” I hung my head. This is why I said I knew what he meant about not feeling, I thought. I still don’t feel anything most of the time. Except when I'm around him. “But I’ll need to find a job, and a place to live, and...”

“You’ll get a job, that’s easy,” she cut me off. “Apartments are almost easier to find in LA than hookers.”

I laughed at her. “He told me about a job opening at their management group,” I told her.

“He’s even job-searching for you?” she squealed.

“Looks like it,” I said. “But what am I supposed to do back home?”

“I know what you’re getting at,” she said, her tone turning serious. “You’re afraid to move out here for him and then have it turn out that there’s nothing there. You’re still afraid of being hurt, afraid to trust someone again.”

I just looked at her. She knew exactly what I was feeling, she always did. All I could do to reply was nod.

“Well, I’m here, remember,” she said, “so it’s not like you won’t know anyone.” She hugged me. “Of course, you’re going to do what you want, but I’ve got a little personal stake in this matter as well.” She grinned at me. “If you come out here, I get my best friend back!”

“True, very true,” I agreed. “Can I use your computer? Looks like I need to build a resume.” Just then, as if on queue, my phone buzzed that I had a text message. “It’s like he can hear me!” I giggled. Sara just looked at me, thoroughly confused. “It’s Matt, with the email address to send my resume,” I explained. She grinned.