Under the City Lights

He couldn’t be serious.

He had to be joking.

Nothing this good ever happened to me. Ever.

He was so perfect and I was just ordinary.

He was so strong, dealing with his father, and I had it easy.

I reread the email to make sure I hadn’t been hallucinating and a smile broke out on my face.

He was willing to risk it all for me. He said before that he hadn’t met anyone worth the trouble he would get in because of his father.

I can’t believe he would do that for me.
“Callum-
The question isn’t so much could I see myself with you, it’s how often do I imagine being with you. You can ask Asher- I’m always daydreaming and it’s most often about you. Either that or something ridiculous, like flying.
But I’m really worried for you.
I know your dad hurts you. I can just tell. I want to make sure you’re safe and it kills me not to be able to do that. Just… promise you’ll tell me when he hurts you? I want to be able to make sure it doesn’t get too bad.
I’d love to video chat with you again whenever you can. I can’t wait to see your gorgeous face again. I understand if it takes a while, because of… certain circumstances. But I want to be absolutely sure you’re okay.
I guess it’s my turn to ask you something that I’ve been scared to ask for a while as well.
And feel free to say no. I mean, it is quite a step and you’re so much better than me in every way…
Question: Will you, maybe, possibly, be my boyfriend?

-Bridger”

I clicked send before I could start regretting my decision.

If I didn’t send it now, I never would.

But then the moment it sent, I started panicking.

What if that wasn’t what he was trying to get at? What if I was moving to quickly? I have no clue what to do, I’ve never done this before.

I called Asher, almost hyperventilating as I waited for him to pick up.

“BRIDGEY!” Asher said. “Is Callum okay? Did you hear from him? What’s wrong?”

“Callum is fine, but I might have just fucked up royally. Can you come over?” I asked.

“Can I bring Abby?”

“Yes, just get over here! I need advice and I need to not hyperventilate!”

I tried to calm myself down as Asher ran across the street, dragging Abby behind him by the hand. I watched them run across to my house and in the door and heard their hurried foot steps up the stairs.

“Bridger, what’s wrong?”

Of course Abby would be the one to pick up on it.

“Honey, can you go get Bridger’s meds and a glass of water?” Abby said, calmly, but with a hurried tone. “I think he’s having another panic attack.

Yeah, I get panic attacks.

Kind of like this one.

I was gasping in air as quickly as I could, trying to get enough oxygen in my lungs. I was starting to feel dizzy and it was getting harder and harder to stay focused on Abby’s calming words.

I’ve been having panic attacks since age 6, and they’d gotten better as I got older, but I still have them sometimes, mainly when I’m scared or stressed, but they happen very rarely.

“Bridgey!” Asher said, leaning down in front of me with a glass of water and some pills. “I have your meds. Calm down, everything’s okay. Just swallow these for me, can you do that?”

I nodded and took the pills and water from his hands, starting to feel their effects almost immediately. I focused on breathing normally and I eventually felt my heart rate slow down to a normal speed.

“Bridger, what’s wrong?” Abby said. “What caused the panic attack?”

“Email.” I managed to croak out.

Abby and Asher rushed over to the computer monitor and I held my head between my hands. The routine headache was setting in. I need some Advil or something to get this pain out of my head.

“Here.” Asher said, handing me a second set of pills that I hadn’t even noticed. “For the headache.”

I croaked out a thank you and swallowed the pills quickly; Asher and Abby were still reading the email.

“Oh, my little Bridgey’s growing up!” Asher crowed. “Callum likes you, Bridgey! He said so! Why are you freaking out?”

“I think it’s ‘cause of the email he sent back, hun.” Abby said, pointing to the screen. “You’re worried he’s not going to say yes, aren’t you?”

I nodded, sadly.

“Well, that’s just stupid of you.” Asher said, shaking his head at me. “Like I just said- Callum likes you. He said so. There’s nothing to worry about.”

“Wait, did I miss something?” Abby said. “Have you even spoken to the guy? You can’t go out with someone if you haven’t even heard their voice.”

“We video chatted right before this. Then his dad kicked him around a bit, but he came back and emailed me to let me know he’s safe and that’s when this happened.”

“His dad’s abusive? That’s terrible!” Abby said. “I can’t believe it! I know how terrible it is for the one person who is supposed to take care of you isn’t doing their job.”

Abby was abused until she was 10, then she was put into foster care and ended up here. Her foster parents were absolutely wonderful. Her birth parents? Not so much.

“Sorry for bringing it up.” I said. “I know you don’t like hearing about it.”

“No, it’s okay.” Abby said. “It’s not that I don’t want to hear about it when we can help someone escape it, it’s that I don’t want to hear the horror stories, ‘cause they make me relive my own.”

Asher was by her side now, rubbing comforting circles into her back, holding her close to his chest. He always got so loving around her, especially when it came to her past. I don’t think I’ll really understand everything Abby went through, but he sure does. She hasn’t told me everything that happened, but Asher knows the whole story from start to finish and is the best boyfriend ever for the way he protects and cares for Abby.

“But yeah.” I said. “I’m just worried about him living in that environment and I’m worried about asking him out. He told me that he’d never gone out with anyone before and didn’t want to risk his father finding out, even if he was asked out. I’m so stupid. He practically tells me he didn’t date and what do I do? I ask him out.”

“Bridger, calm down.” Abby said, patting my shoulder. “He likes you, a lot. Even if he says no, which he won’t, it won’t be because de doesn’t like you. But look, if he brought it up, then he’s obviously considering it. So he’s most likely just waiting for you to ask, because he isn’t sure if he’d be rejected. He put himself out there in a small way, hoping you’d do the same.”

“But what if he says no?” I whined.

“What if he says no?” Asher said. “He likes you. Just because he won’t go out with you because of his father, doesn’t mean he rejects you completely. It means the circumstances aren’t right. He won’t stop talking to you or anything like that.”

“But how do you know?”

“Remember last time I told you what he’d do?” he asked

“It was 10 minutes ago, of course I remember.” I scowled.

“And was I right?”

“Yes.” I mumbled, not quite ready to admit that I was right to ask Callum out.

“Trust me on this one.” Asher said, beaming.

“Guys?” Abby said from over by the computer.

“Yeah?” we replied in unison.

“New email.”