Under the City Lights

Callum was really starting to worry me. Well, not him, specifically but how casual he was about the way his father treats him, like he's accept it it as normal or something.

I was so ready for him to be out of there. 13 days, now.

I was talking to Callum on skype every day for at least an hour while his dad was at work. We'd had movie dates, where we watched the same movie while on skype with each other, had breakfast while on skype... He revealed that he could sing and play guitar, and while he didn't have a guitar to play, he'd still sing to me sometimes, if I asked nicely. If Asher and Abby were over he could come online and say hello to them.

We played Twister a couple times with Callum and he'd spun for us and laughed when we fell over or Asher started complaining when we were in an awkward or painful position. Callum would tease me whenever I ended up in a strange position, wolf-whistling when my ass was sticking up or something.

But it wasn't quite enough. I still wanted to be able to hold him whenever I felt like it. He was just about to turn 18, though, and then his father had no hold over him. He would be with me in New York and then we'd be able to be together and go out like a real couple.

I was sharing these thoughts with Callum and he pulled a face, looking slightly offended. "What do you mean 'real couple'?"

"I just mean we're not really able to go out of hang out in the same room. And god, I'm dying to kiss you."

"Well..." he said. "I'm dying to be able to do those things too."

Something was wrong. He sounded sad about something and maybe a little... regretful? "What's wrong?" I asked, hoping he wouldn't be stubborn and actually give me a straight answer. But no luck.

"Nothing's wrong."

I sighed. "Callum, I know you. I can tell when something's bothering you."

"It's nothing, don't worry."

"You know, you always say that, but you never tell me what's really wrong. H ow am I supposed to know whether or not it's worth worrying about if I don't know what it is?"

"I know, I just... I'm not used to having someone who'll listen to my feelings."

"Well, you've got me now, and I expect you to tell me when something's bothering you."

"It's just... I wonder if you deserve someone who can be there with you, who you can hold and kiss..."

"Hey, don't be like that." I said. "I don't deserve you as is. You're too good for me, not the other way around."

"But I make you so worried and I just ad stress."

"I worry because I love you." I said. "And besides, you don't just add stress. The way you make me feel, how happy you make me... that far outweighs the stress and the worry. 13 more days. I can make it that long if it means I get to have you with me for the rest of our lives."

"But I do cause you stress."

"I make that beautiful speech and all you get is that I get stressed out sometimes. I love you. I don't want to give you up for anyone or anything. There is no one I'd rather date than you, even if they could be in the same room with me. I can wait 2 weeks for that."

"I just... you could do so much better than me."

"Callum, don't."

"I just want you to be happy."

"I am happy." I said, not liking where this was going. "I'm happy when I'm with you."

"But you can't be with me." he said. "Not really. I don't know. I just- I don't know if this is such a good idea anymore."

"This being... us?" I asked, shocked and hurt.

"Yeah." he said. "Maybe... maybe it would be best if we stopped going out. Just until I'm out of my dad's house."

"Are you doing this for my sake?" I asked. "Because I don't want this." My voice was coming out strained and cracking now. I felt like I was going to cry.

"Not entirely." he said, looking just as sad as I felt. "I want to be able to see you whenever I want and I want to be able to be a normal boyfriend to you. I want to not have to sneak around to see you, and only see you on skype. It just doesn't feel right. I don't feel like it's enough. I don't feel like I'm enough. The next time I talk to you, I want to be free from my dad and standing on your doorstep."

"You realize that me not talking to you will only make me more worried, right?"

"I'll blog every day." he said. "That way you'll be able to see I'm all right."

"Okay." I said, sighing regretfully. "If that's what you want."

"It is." he said. "I either want to have a full-on relationship with you or none at all. You're too special to me."

"Will you still come live with me the moment you turn 18?"

"Yeah, definitely." he said. "Why wouldn't I? Then we can start over. For real, this time. In the same city. It's only 13 days. We can do this."

"Should I send Asher to pick you up, or can I come get you?"

"Send Asher." he said. "Not that I don't want to see you as soon as possible, or anything, but I don't want to put you in danger, and Asher has a system. Plus, I have a flair for the dramatic, and seeing you again for the first time when you open up the door and you not knowing when to expect me... It'd be like something straight from a cheesy romance."

I laughed slightly, but sadly. "So this is it?"

"Yeah, I guess." he said, smile dropping off his face. "I don't want to say goodbye, though."

"Me either." I said. "You can still change your mind?"

"Nah." he said. "It's going to suck, and I'm going to regret it so much... But I think it'll be better in the long run."

"I don't." I said. "Not gonna lie, I think it's a little pointless. But it's what will make you happy... and that's all I really care about."

"You'll see." he said. "It'll be so much better."

"If you say so." I said, not really believing it.

"I don't want to hang up." he said.

"Me either." A tear dripped down my cheek, and I wiped it away, not wanting him to see that I was crying, but failing.

"And now I feel like a dick for making you cry." he said, his voice tight. "It's not like I really want to do this... I just... I need to. I can't do this to you anymore."

"I... well, I don't understand. But I do know what you mean." I said.

We sat there silently, both of us close to bursting out into sobs.

"Well, then."

"Yeah." I said. "How about we don't say goodbye? Just... see you in two weeks?"

"See you in two weeks." he said. "I love you."

"I love you, too." I said. "I'll be here, waiting for you."

And with that, I hung up, seeing Callum's face for the last time for two weeks.

For what I feared would be the last time ever.