Stay Safe
One
"Jason, Jason, please," Derek cried, the tears from his eyes staining his beautiful lips. His hair fell in unruly tangles around his face, also stained darker by the wetness of his tears. His eyes were red, and his vision blurred. "Please," he choked.
Jason somehow kept his eyes from watering, which wasn't easy at all for him. "I have to," he said simply.
"No," Derek sobbed, "No. You can't. You can't." He wrapped his arms around Jason, holding him firmly, and hoping to hold him forever.
"Derek, promise me something?"
"Anything."
"Stay safe. Stay strong. And let me know that you'll be here when I'm gone."
"I love you," Derek spoke with a strangled gasp.
"I know," Jason bit his lip, unable to stop the tears from flowing down his cheeks. He pulled Derek closer and kissed his soft hair, then leaned his forehead against Derek's.
"You don't have to go," Derek said softly, with tears in his voice.
"I do."
"No. Stay. Stay with me. Please." Derek begged, knowing it was hopeless, but also hoping to make Jason realize exactly how much Derek loved him.
"It's not that easy."
And with that, Jake was gone, the cold air from outdoors flowing through the open door.
"Don't go…" Derek said aloud, although nobody would hear.
--
Derek sat on the floor, in front of his couch. He didn't know why, but he didn't want to sit on the couch. This was something new. Something he didn't do a lot. He could get used to it. He needed to change things now.
The TV was on, but he wasn't watching. The pictures were only colors and light to his aching eyes. The noise was only mindless sound to his ears, like static. Mindless, blurry, he couldn't hear it. Static.
If asked, Derek wouldn't be able to recall anything that had happened the night before, or the nights before that. The only thing he knew was that every night, he fell asleep while writing or thinking, and never made it upstairs to the bed that he and Jason used to share.
His eyes were dry and red. They hurt, but he couldn't bring himself to do anything about it. All he could do was close them, and rest the back of his head on the seat of the couch behind him. The noise from the TV was pounding in his brain, but he didn't mind. Without it, the silence would be too deafening. He lost consciousness, slipping into one of his dreams where he never wanted to wake up. The dreams which he could never remember in the morning.
He assumed that he dreamed about Jason, because he had almost always woken up crying. He remembered everything, and wished he didn't. It was too much, but he couldn't stop remembering. He couldn't stop remembering the way Jason's stronger hand felt when it held his, the way Jason's face felt on his fingertips, the way his hips felt in the dim light of their dark bedroom.
Derek's hand dropped his pencil, falling away from the notebook that was sitting on his lap. The notebook slipped out of his grasp, and onto the floor next to him. It was filled with lines that he wrote, which must have been about million a day. The book was already quarter of the way filled, and it had only been a week. Only a week, and Derek felt like it had been forever.
Does this deafening silence mean nothing to no one but me?
Nights like this, I wish I'd said 'don't go'
I thought I could live in your arms, and spend every moment I had with you.
Too late, I'm sure, and lonely. It's just another night, another dream wasted on you.
And of course,
Stay safe. Stay strong. And let me know that you'll be here when I'm gone.
Of course.
Jason somehow kept his eyes from watering, which wasn't easy at all for him. "I have to," he said simply.
"No," Derek sobbed, "No. You can't. You can't." He wrapped his arms around Jason, holding him firmly, and hoping to hold him forever.
"Derek, promise me something?"
"Anything."
"Stay safe. Stay strong. And let me know that you'll be here when I'm gone."
"I love you," Derek spoke with a strangled gasp.
"I know," Jason bit his lip, unable to stop the tears from flowing down his cheeks. He pulled Derek closer and kissed his soft hair, then leaned his forehead against Derek's.
"You don't have to go," Derek said softly, with tears in his voice.
"I do."
"No. Stay. Stay with me. Please." Derek begged, knowing it was hopeless, but also hoping to make Jason realize exactly how much Derek loved him.
"It's not that easy."
And with that, Jake was gone, the cold air from outdoors flowing through the open door.
"Don't go…" Derek said aloud, although nobody would hear.
--
Derek sat on the floor, in front of his couch. He didn't know why, but he didn't want to sit on the couch. This was something new. Something he didn't do a lot. He could get used to it. He needed to change things now.
The TV was on, but he wasn't watching. The pictures were only colors and light to his aching eyes. The noise was only mindless sound to his ears, like static. Mindless, blurry, he couldn't hear it. Static.
If asked, Derek wouldn't be able to recall anything that had happened the night before, or the nights before that. The only thing he knew was that every night, he fell asleep while writing or thinking, and never made it upstairs to the bed that he and Jason used to share.
His eyes were dry and red. They hurt, but he couldn't bring himself to do anything about it. All he could do was close them, and rest the back of his head on the seat of the couch behind him. The noise from the TV was pounding in his brain, but he didn't mind. Without it, the silence would be too deafening. He lost consciousness, slipping into one of his dreams where he never wanted to wake up. The dreams which he could never remember in the morning.
He assumed that he dreamed about Jason, because he had almost always woken up crying. He remembered everything, and wished he didn't. It was too much, but he couldn't stop remembering. He couldn't stop remembering the way Jason's stronger hand felt when it held his, the way Jason's face felt on his fingertips, the way his hips felt in the dim light of their dark bedroom.
Derek's hand dropped his pencil, falling away from the notebook that was sitting on his lap. The notebook slipped out of his grasp, and onto the floor next to him. It was filled with lines that he wrote, which must have been about million a day. The book was already quarter of the way filled, and it had only been a week. Only a week, and Derek felt like it had been forever.
Does this deafening silence mean nothing to no one but me?
Nights like this, I wish I'd said 'don't go'
I thought I could live in your arms, and spend every moment I had with you.
Too late, I'm sure, and lonely. It's just another night, another dream wasted on you.
And of course,
Stay safe. Stay strong. And let me know that you'll be here when I'm gone.
Of course.