Stay Safe

Derek had occasionally imagined how he would go on without Jason, when they were still together. More often than not, he chose not to think about it, because it was never a very pleasant thought, and he was so convinced it would never happen. How couldn’t he hope for that though, when they were so in love, and Derek was so dependant on his lover? No, Derek was the one in love. Was Jason still in love? Had Jason ever been in love? If he was, was he in love enough to return? Two months later, and Derek had given up hope. Still, these were the things he couldn’t help but wonder ever day.

Two months already since Jason left, and Derek had barely left the house, aside from food shopping and the occasional trip to Starbucks or a diner with a friend who would attempt to console him, or convince him that he didn’t need Jason. I do need him, Derek would say, over and over again, I need someone, and I want Jason.

He did need someone more than anything else, he thought. It wasn’t simply to support himself- he had a fair paying job as a web designer that allowed him to stay home most of the time, thank heavens. He was just so lonely, so incredibly lonely. Sleeping alone for two months, something he hadn’t had to do since he and Jason moved in together, was driving him absolutely insane. The sheer emptiness of the king size bed in his bedroom was a constant reminder that he only had himself in the oversized house he and Jason used to call home. It wasn’t home though, never without Jason. Derek wondered if Jason called his new residence home. Would he be the same without Derek?

Derek had been contemplating one idea for weeks now. He wanted someone more than anything else, so should he act on it, possibly? Wouldn’t he have to? He wanted to- he really did- but what if he couldn’t let go of Jason? If he couldn’t forget Jason, hiow could he concentrate on someone else?

He had been lying in his bed fir at least half an hour, headphones secure in his ears from the amount of time he’s had them in. Music had always helped him think; he’d assumed that to be true for most people, really. He had decided earlier that he would love to meet someone, but he could always get hurt looking for the right guy, if there even was another right guy for him. He would sleep on it, he decided, and see if he felt it was worth it when he awoke, to get out and try again.

--

Derek was scared at first, terrified even. At times during the day, the thought of being with someone other than Jason would wash over him and overwhelm him, to the point where he thought he would settle for no one but Jason, and be alone for the rest of his pathetic life. But, he told himself, every time the need arose. You have to keep going. You’ll find someone else. Jason’s not coming back, but that’s not necessarily a bad thing.

No maybe it isn’t a bad thing. He worked to convince himself of this the entire day, to no avail. He couldn’t let go of his original notion, that he would be stuck loving Jason pointlessly forever. He couldn’t decide whether he wanted to forget anymore. He could forget, and be done with Jason. He could be done with the memories forever. Somewhere along in the day, he realized this was exactly what he wanted. He would move on. And suddenly, he was glad. He would be done with the burden of loneliness. He was free to go out, to meet someone. Jason would be gone from his mind. Tonight, he would forget.

--

Derek knew where he was going to go, and he was looking forward to every minute of it. A club, a gay club to be exact, the one he met Jason at. He had been standing in front of his full-length mirror for ages, embellishing every aspect of his appearance. Flat iron in hand, he was searching for the millionth time for any single stray hair. He knew it didn’t matter much, that no one would even see in the strobe lights and occasional darkness of the club. He was a bit obsessive though, especially when it came to his appearance.

--

He was at the club, weaving through the masses of people to make his way to the bar. It wasn’t a thing like he remembered it. Maybe it had just been so long, he hadn’t remembered correctly. He could have sworn the building had been much smaller, even less intimidating to him. Now, it was like his first time here all over again. Except, it wasn’t nearly as fun. He wasn’t excited in the least now that he was there.

“Hey,” Derek said to the bored looking bartender as he sat down. Said bartender seemed to be watching the light show on the dance floor for his only entertainment. Derek figured it must be an insanely boring job during the times when no one was buying.

“Hey,” the bartender said, looking up at Derek and resting his muscular arms on the counter. “Can I get you something?”

“Oh, no thanks,” Derek said, and the bartender raised an eyebrow. “I do have a question though. I haven’t been here in years, and I swear it was a lot different. Did they re-do the place?”

“Sorry, but I have no idea. I’ve only been working here for like, a week.”

Derek nodded. “Ah, I see. I’m Derek, by the way.”

“Jake.” Jake. Sounds like Jason.

He was cute, he was pretty hot actually. Let’s see how good I still am at picking up guys, Derek decided. “Hey… do you have a boyfriend?”

“As a matter of fact, I don’t,” Jake smirked. “Why do you ask?”

“Well…” Derek started. How would he go on with this. If only it wasn’t so awkward! “I’m looking for…” He racked his brain for the right words. “Someone… to spend the night with…” He put on a mask of confidence and tried to keep a straight face, without shying away.

Jake was silent for a moment before giggling, and not trying at all to hide it. “You suck at this.” He chuckled, shaking his head. Derek’s face went bright red. Oh god, I knew this wasn’t a good idea. I just made a fool of myself in front of the hottest guy I’d seen all night. What could be worse? I don’t know. I do not know. Jake continued. “I’d tell you to go dance or get someone drunk, if you weren’t so cute.”

Cute? I’m cute? “Oh…” he trailed off. So, was that a yes? “Okay?”

“Yes, I’ll sleep with you, because you’re sexy as fuck, but you really need to get out more. Really. You suck.” Jake laughed. “And what are you wearing? Why? Come on, let loose.” He reached across the counter and undid the two top buttons of Derek’s shirt, his fingers gently brushing against the skin of Derek’s chest. “I’m off work in twenty minutes. Think you can wait that long?”

“I think I’ll be alright.” Derek smiled and leaned against the counter while Jake went off to serve someone. He couldn’t believe how easy that was. A bit embarrassing, sure, but he finally had someone, at least for the night. He wouldn’t have to be lonely tonight.

--

Jake’s job hadn’t yet presented anything interesting, aside from the occasional guys fucking against a wall, which no one else ever seemed to notice, or at least mention. That was always a sight. The job was boring usually though, and he was rarely paid any attention to.

Someone had approached him, and tried to strike up a conversation. He was unbelievably awkward and clearly nervous. First timer here? Jake assumed. He asked if they re-did the building. Jake didn’t know. How would he know? The stranger figured he’d probably worked there for some time. This, however, was not the case at all.

Hw introduced himself as Derek. Is he flirting with me? Jake wondered, deciding it was impossible. There are so many more flirt-worthy guys here than me. Why me, anyway? But maybe Jake was hoping he was.

Yes, yes he was, because he asked Jake if he had a boyfriend, He did not, and he let Derek know. It was a surprise though, when Derek asked Jake to spend the night with me. Really? Jake wanted to say. No clever pick up lines or attempted sexual assault? Well, at least he’s blunt and to the point.

Jake was going to say no, that he’s busy, that he’s not fucking a stranger, but he could see in Derek’s eyes how much he wanted it. He didn’t want it in the usual horny, sex-crazed way, like the majority of the guys here, but he wanted someone and it was apparent that he was lonely. And he was cute, and maybe a relationship would come out of this. Poor kid, Jake didn’t want to reject him.

--

Derek didn’t want to wait at all. Sometimes, twenty minutes could feel like a lifetime. And oh, how they did. The anticipation Derek was bursting with made it seem so much longer, but somehow her had managed. He kept glancing at his watch, waiting and waiting. He wanted Jake with every fiber of his being. Not as he wanted Jason of course, but he chose not to think about that.

Twenty minutes had easily passed, Derek stared as Jake walked around the counter and took Derek by the arm. “I don’t suppose you want to dance?”

Dance? Could Derek dance? No, he couldn’t because he would only further make a fool of himself. He wasn’t a particularly sexy dancer, nor was he an impressive one. He had nothing to prove to Jake anymore, so why should he?

“Pleeeeeease?” Jake whined, tugging on Derek’s shirt sleeve and giving him the sweetest puppy dog face. That’s why Derek should. He couldn’t resist those sparkling brown eyes that pleaded so obviously. And so, he did dance. He had to.

“Fine, I’ll dance with you,” Derek sighed, smiling slightly. “But you have to promise me something first.”

“And what’s that, babe?”

“Promise not to laugh at me when you see how much I suck at dancing.”

“I can’t promise a thing,” Jake chuckled, not bothering to give Derek time to protest before grabbing his hand and whisking him off to the dance floor.

Twenty five minutes later, they had given up, mostly because of Jake’s laughing at Derek’s attempts, not to Derek’s surprise, or, needless to say, content. It had been fun though, and neither would have disagreed.

They were soon in Derek’s car, finally going to leave, to go back to Derek’s house, his bed. He could have collapsed from his eagerness, and felt no uneasiness whatsoever in letting someone he’s just met into his house. He should have been nervous about that particular thing, he knew, but he trusted Jake already, as clichéd as it was. Besides, it was too late now to change anything.

Soon, they’d found themselves in front of the house, then inside, the bedroom, finally the bed. No one had ever slept in this bed aside from Derek and Jason, and to Derek it seemed that this would be an important step in letting go, once and for all. Jake was posed above Derek, who was lying on the mattress, a strong hand tangled in the other’s soft, brown hair. “Can- Can I kiss you?” He asked softly but quickly, his lips moving closer to Derek’s but still, waiting for his response.

“Derek nodded shakily. “Yeah,” he breathed slowly, and wondered why Jake would even think to ask, but as the other’s lips brushed against his own, he felt guilt, for he still felt like he was cheating on Jason. He knew it was ridiculous, but the clear truth could never stop what he felt, especially since he hadn’t kissed anyone but Jason in years, and he was so definitely cheating. Jason is gone. He told himself. He’s gone! He left you! He’s not coming back and you don’t deserve to suffer because of him! You don’t need him!

As Jake’s hand wandered to the button on the front of Derek’s jeans, Derek held his breath and thought, I’m finally here. I can do this. I need this.