This Must be Fiction

"I don't know. Maybe later." I said with a cracked voice. The tears were becoming stronger and it was difficult to even look at the bathroom door knowing that he was staring at the same door on the other side.

"Ok.. well.. I'll be out here if you want to talk." his footsteps carried off in the other direction and I assumed he was sitting on the bed. I ran out the door, grabbed my cigarettes from my bag as quickly as I could, and ran out of the room. There was a small, dirty, shallow pool in the courtyard of the motel. It was pitch black outside except for the moon that cut through the passing clouds. It was beautiful.

I sat on the edge of the pool and hung my legs down into the bowl of it, my toes barely reaching the surface of the water.

I lit a cigarette and layed back onto the cement. I exhaled and sighed, letting the last of my tears fall from my eyes. What was happening to me?

My phone buzzed from the depths of my hoodie pocket and I whipped it out as quickly as possible. It was Lizzie. Thank god.

"Hello dear." I said, composing myself.

"What's wrong?" She asked. Damn it, she always knows when I'm upset.

"Ah nothing much, just the same old emotional break-down shit. nothing out of the ordinary." I inhaled the smoke deeply into my lungs and coughed as it exited.

"Tell me about it. I miss you, I'd like to hear some stories." She said, cheering me up. I told Lizzie about how I didn't know if I really wanted to be traveling this far, and how I was getting scared about the consequences. I told her that I didn't even know who I was, I wouldn't even be able to describe myself to anyone who asked. That's what the point of this journey was, but it wasn't becoming clear to me as the days went on. I asked her if she knew who I was.

"Molly, come on, you're 19 years old, you're not supposed to know who you are. You have college and the rest of your twenties to figure that out. No one our age knows who they are."

"But I have this feeling that I'll never figure it out. I can't keep my thoughts straight and I'm just so confused about everything." I paused. "Oh god! fucking shoot me will you? I sound like a whiny little bitch. Jesus Christ... might as well put me on Dawson's Creek."

"Ok first of all don't diss the Creek like that, that's my shit. And second, you can always come home if you want. It'll always be here."

I laughed. "I guess your right." I took a deep breath and finished the rest of my smoke. I was calming, feeling better about my anxiety. "So... I kind of have to admit something. But you can't tell anyone there."

"Ha ok, let's hear it."

"I met a guy. He's kind of... traveling with me" I laughed nervously. Lizzie was silent for a minute.

"What's his name?" she asked, I guess she didn't really know what else to say.

"Ville. We met in Virginia a few days ago and he asked to come with me. I don't know why, but I let him. He's really nice and is the greatest guy. He's in some band... something like HIM or HER or something." I started speaking with my hands.

"Ville Valo?" She asked, interest peaking.

"...yeah."

"HOLY FUCKING SHIT! You're serious? Tall, dark, handsome, tattooed?" She yelled.

"Yeah I guess that'd be him." I shrugged.

"Oh my god Molly! That's Ville Valo! The lead singer of HIM!"

"Yes I'm aware. I just told you that."

"No but I mean he's really famous. Like worldwide."

There was a silence.

"Oh. I didn't know that."

"And that's why you're an idiot. But hey, I've got to go, my moms calling me. Call me soon? Take naked pictures of Ville?"

"Ummm yes, and no. Love you."

"Love you too!"

I shoved my phone back into my pocket and sighed, letting my head rest on the cement. The clouds were just thin enough to let the moon and stars peak through to comfort me. I noticed a shadowy figure come and lay next to me. He didn't speak.

"I'm sorry. It's not your fault that I'm a wreck." I closed my eyes.

"No worries love. I realize that you have pressures you're dealing with and I'm just adding to your troubles."

"No Ville! You're not! I just got frustrated is all."

"I said no worries love." he reached over and wrapped his hand around mine. He was so cold, but it felt so right. His fingers, long and graceful, covered my entire hand and found just the right place to rest.

"Thanks." I give his hand a light squeeze. His skin didn't move under the pressure I just applied, but I decided not to mention the strange consistency of his skin.

"You know you mean a lot to me, right?" He said, his voice dropping an octave. I could feel the vibrations of his vocal cords through his finger tips. After I stopped being amazed at the clarity and velvety amazement that was his voice, I focused on the actual sentence he spoke.

"I didn't know that. What do you mean?" I asked. His hand wrapped a little tighter around mine.

"We've only known each other for like four days, but you already mean more to me than most people I know. How did you do it?" Ville asked. I remained silent, aw-struck.

"Alright then." he said, feeling embarrassed. I sat up and unlocked our fingers to prop myself up on my elbow and stare at him. I didn't really know how to answer the question, but the feeling was mutual.

"It's hard for me to meet people. I'm so self-conscious that it literally pains me to speak to strangers sometimes. It is absolutely amazing to me that I've grown so comfortable with you in this little amount of time. So to answer your question I don't know how I've done anything. So how do you do it?" I asked. Ville sat up cross legged and looked me in the eye. His head was tilted down allowing a few locks of hair to fall into the frame of his face. His face went from soft to stern in a millisecond.

"I shouldn't be this close to you. It's dangerous for both of us." He started speaking with hands.

"What do you mean dangerous?" I asked. Ville had gone from being sweet to scaring the shit out of me.

"You know what happened at the bar with Bam? More dangerous than that. I mean... well I can't really you what happened that night... but it's lucky that you left soon after we did."

"You're scaring me. Are we in serious danger? Are you running from the law? Murderers? The Mob?" I felt panicked. I looked towards our motel thinking that maybe we should be hiding in there.

"I shouldn't have said anything. I thought we were just being honest. I shouldn't have told you. There's nothing for you to worry about. You've been stressed enough, and I don't want you thinking about this anymore, ok? I'm sorry."

"You really can't honestly expect me not to be worried when you practically tell me we're being fucked followed! What the hell we were having a perfectly nice conversation and you lay this shit on me." I started talking with my hands too. He grabbed them and held them between his. His fingers clenched mine so tightly I had to wiggle them to make sure the circulation wasn't being cut off.

"Don't worry. It's not your problem, it's mine. Nothing is going to happen to you, or me, so please calm down. It's not as bad as I made it seem, and I'm sorry I said it in the first place."

His eyes were crystal clear and sparkling in the moonlight. His face softened back to a warm smile and I laughed.

"Ok, well, stop scaring me. I'll try to forget about it." I whispered. I knew I wouldn't forget about it, I was still scared.

"You're still scared."

"It's hard not to be." I shook my head and looked down at our hands. They looked... right.

"Ok well, let us try to forget about this mess huh? Want to go to bed? You look tired."
I sighed. There was no way I would ever forget about the 'danger' Ville mentioned, nor would I forget the words he said before that. You know you mean a lot to me, right? No... I really didn't know that. How was I supposed to know that? I feel like a child around him sometimes, and then other times I feel like we've known each other all of our lives. But all of these emotions were wearing through me. I wanted to go to bed.

"Yes. Let's go." I glanced up to the stars once more and said a silent good-bye to the beautiful scene. Ville tugged me to stand me up and we walked silently back to the room. I changed into a tank top and pajama bottoms quickly, and came back to find Ville just about to leave.

"Just stepping out for a walk." He said. Immediately I became tense, and expressed my fear all over my face.

"Be careful." I said, but I don't think he heard it as he had already shut the door behind him.