This Must be Fiction

I arrived back from my short day of work feeling fulfilled and comfortable with where my life was headed. I was guessing that I would be staying California for a while. Nathan agreed to set me up with an apartment, and he said he would waive the first two months rent because of my circumstances. He put on an act of being important and unemotional, but underneath he was caring. Nathan was understanding when it came to how I ended up in California, I left out the parts about Ville, and he laughed when I told him how I was living out of my duffel bag in a hotel.

"I'll move you into an apartment I rent out in the next couple days. Get your stuff together." He
said as I shook his hand gratefully.

"You have no idea how much this means to me." I said to him. He smiled at me and I noticed his laugh lines and how deep they were, an instant sign of his true nature.

I walked home slowly that day, taking about an hour and a half to get there.

"Have a good day?" Ville asked when I bounced in the door.

"Lovely. Nathan's setting me up with an apartment sometime soon. The job seems kind of... high profile. I saw two super models today when I was just sitting at my desk. I'm really excited." I beamed at him.

"That's nice." he said without much emotion. I decided to ignore his lack of expression and change into a comfortable pair of pajamas. Ville was still lounging when I came out of the bathroom with my hair tied up and my sleepy clothes on.

"You seem... a bit off." I said, sitting down close to him. I immediately was hit with a feeling of intense sorrow and something I couldn't quite name.

"Oh." I said, knowing that it was Ville sending me this strong emotion. Our heads both whipped towards the door as a powerful knock came to it. Ville rose slowly, and I felt a combination of both our anxieties. He opened the door slowly, and I saw Bam's shaggy hair and impeccable porcelain skin as he took a few steps into the room.

"Don't go near her!" Ville's voice boomed from the doorway. Bam smirked and looked at me then back towards Ville.

"I won't. I'm just here to talk today. I want you to go home. Ville, you have so much to do, and you're wasting your time here. You've known all along that you'd eventually have to come home soon enough." Bam spoke with his hands much in the way Ville did when he was focused on what he was saying. Ville shut the hotel door and crossed his arms in front of Bam.

"Bam. It's too soon." He said. I let my eyes wander over to Ville's bags. They were neatly organized as if he'd been packing.

"It's been too long! No one knows where you've gone, people assume you're dead. I've been lying to everyone saying you're taking a vacation in Hawaii and Midge has considered flying there twice to get you back! Don't you see how insane this is? You're risking all of our lives," Bam stopped to look over to me and then back at his friend, "and you don't even seem to have a concept of that."

"Are you fucking kidding me Bam? You think I don't know how dangerous this is? I'm not fucking dumb. I know what this means for everyone, I just have faith in the fact that Molly won't say a word to anyone. As long as she does that, we don't have anything to worry about."

"We always have something to worry about. I've had something to worry about since 1914 and you've had something to worry about since 1892. There's been humans before her, and there will be humans after. This is getting ridiculous. Stop spending time running around with this girl, and start being responsible for you actions and come home." Bam's voice had gone from furious to caring in only a few moments. He still scared the living hell out of me, though.

Ville turned around and gazed at me with his beautiful green eyes. I could see the sparkle looming in them, and I wanted to tell him how much I loved staring at him the way I was now.

"Maybe..." I started, but then stopped while I looked at Bam momentarily.

"Hmm?" Ville said, somewhat impatient.

"Maybe he's right. Maybe you should go." I looked at the floor, hoping to avoid Ville's stare.

"Do you really feel that way?" His voice was icy. I nodded.

"You've spent too much time with me. You've got a life to get to, and I'm starting a life here." I wanted to finish with "And I'm holding you back, you deserve more than me." But that would have brought me to tears. I looked over at his bags. He was thinking the same thing as me, but he wouldn't admit it to himself.

"Then let's go." Ville turned slowly back around to Bam, who was smiling uncontrollably. My heart was in the pit of my stomach. Did I really tell Ville to go? Why was I going to let this happen? I needed him with me. What was life without Ville? I didn't remember.

He walked over to his bags and took both of them on his shoulder. I stood up and held back tears as I looked at Ville with desperation in my eyes. He knew what I was feeling, so of course he knew how heart-breaking this was for me. I walked over to the door. Bam had left the room and was waiting in the hallway for Ville.

He took long careful steps strides towards the door.

"You're sure?" He asked. I looked at his shoes and brought my eyes slowly towards his face. The face I had gotten accustomed to, the face I had fallen for, the face that was going to make it hard to say good-bye. A single tear fell from my cheek.

"Yes. You need to go." I said with as much force that my weak voice would let me. Ville's bags dropped to the floor as he embraced me with the deepest hug we've shared. I did my best not to cry, but a few sparing tears escaped. Ville pulled away from me, and looked down at my face. He smiled weakly and sent a wave of loving emotion towards me, letting me know he felt just as terrible about this as I did. His hand reached around my waist and he brought his face close to mine. I closed me eyes and let out a deep breath, trying to regain composure.

I remembered the crisp coolness of his lips on mine, this time there was more force behind them. I took in a sharp breath, not expecting this. My hands slipped around his midsection and pulled him closer to me. Every emotion was flowing between us, neither one being able to hold anything back. There was pure passion enveloping us. His lips pushed aggressively on mine. I pushed back, not wanting this moment to end. It felt too right.

He pulled away reluctantly and we were left staring at each other from a foot away. Ville slung his bags over his shoulder again, and walked out the door without another word.
I dropped to my knees. How did I let the most amazing person to ever come into my life, walk right out of it?

XXXXXX

I had never known how empty my life could be. Here I was in Los Angeles, five months later, still trying to enjoy my life. Trying was the key word. Everything about it was fulfilling. I had a great job and a great apartment and had met some amazing people, but there was always a part of me that needed more. His face had gotten fuzzy in my mind, that always happened to me when I really cared for someone. My father and brother's faces had even gotten blurry in my head too, and it took countless recalls of specific memories to bring back their clear faces.

I needed the coolness of his touch, the low vibrations of his voice, the way he made me feel so loved. Ville Valo had gone out of my life, and I was left as half a person. It made me sick that I depended on him so much, and I felt terrible for letting this ruin my life. I was slowly, but surely, recovering from his departure, but it was taking it's toll on me.