This Must be Fiction

"Yeah we're all done for today. Are you coming back in tomorrow?" The photographer asked me.

"If you need me to."

"We'll call if we do. See ya." he waved me off without looking in my direction. I put on my aviators and lit a cigarette as soon as I walked out into the sunlight.

"Hey stranger." I recognized Benjamin's voice from behind me. I spun around.

"Oh! Hi!" I said, blushing. I was still in full hair and make up from the shoot and had only bothered to change into a white muscle shirt and black yoga pants.

"Sorry to sneak up on you like this, but I didn't have your phone number so I called Robert to ask for it and he insisted that I meet you here instead of call anyway, so here I am."

We began walking towards my car.

"That's cool. Did you.. need something?" I asked. I inhaled my cigarette and looked suspiciously at Benjamin through my sunglasses.

"I was wondering if I could take you out tonight. I've got to be honest, I haven't stopped thinking about you since Friday night."
My mental calender reminded me that it was Wednesday.

"Sure picked a hell of a date night." I said. He put one hand in his pocket and the other hand rubbed the back of his neck nervously.

"I know. It's just that I go out of town on Friday and I wanted to see you before I leave."

"Ok. So tonight?" What was I doing? Agreeing to a date? Should I bother?

"I'll pick you up around 8?"

"Sounds great."

He flashed me his model smile.
"See you then."

Hours later I was foolishly letting Robert pick out clothes for me.

"This one." He tossed on the bed. It was a practically see-through, barely covers my privates kind of dress. It was a present from a company I had posed for.

"Try again. Think like 'I may be a model but there's no chance you're getting any tonight.'"
He picked out a very reasonable blue flowery skirt and an appropriate white cotton top.

"Good work, friend." I patted him on the back.

"Now promise me you'll keep an open mind."

"No promises." I winked. The doorbell rang.

"I'll get it!" He yelled before sprinting out the door and down the stairs.
I looked at my reflection in the mirror. Was this date going to help or hurt me? Was it going to finally take my mind off of the man I had been in love with for years, or was it going to deepen my sadness? I guess time would tell.

"You look beautiful." Benjamin said the moment I walked off of the steps. I took in his appearance. He was wearing a casual white button up with black pants and a black blazer with the sleeves rolled up. His hair was slicked back, but some unruly pieces stuck out. His eyes seemed more intent on what I was wearing than anything else.

"You look handsome." I said.

"Have her back whenever. I don't care." Robert said, practically shoving me out of the house.

"Thanks Rob, I'm glad you're concerned for my safety."

"Yeah whatever." He smacked my rear end before shutting the door in me face.

"He doesn't have to worry, you know." Benjamin said. I looked at his sleek black vehicle with leather interior.

"I know. I was just joking."

We had a quiet but nice car ride to a small Italian restaurant that I had never heard of. Benjamin did everything a gentleman was supposed to. He was making it harder and harder not to like him.

"So Robert told me that you've been really busy with work lately?" He asked after we had ordered and began eating.

"It's really all I do. I just haven't been motivated to do anything else." I stuffed my mouth with salad.

"Why?"

"It's kind of a long story. It started back in... well if you want me to be honest it started back in West Chester Pennsylvania." Oh my god, why did I just say that?

"What happened there?" He seemed way to interested. I couldn't really tell him my story could I?

"Well let's just say something happened that made me never want to date again. That's all I say."
He nodded in understanding.

"I won't pry." He said. Thanks Benjamin, thank you for not making me explain that one. It would have been too much for me.

I continued to try and talk and flirt and be playful with him, but it was becoming more difficult. It seemed too familiar to moments I had with Ville.

"Is there something wrong? You're acting different." Benjamin said after taking his last bite of pasta. I shook my head and looked down into my lap.

"I'm sorry. I'm just not used to things like this."

"Molly, I don't want you to feel strange around me. Try to be yourself. Robert assured me that we'd be peas in a pod, and believe or not, I agree. I know what you're feeling, I'm not used to dating either."

"You're not? I thought you'd be the type to date all sorts of models." I suddenly changed my train of thought.

"No not at all. I'm like you, busy all the time. Remember when I told you I'm going out of town on Friday? It's because I'm filming for a TV show in Chicago for the next few weeks. When I get back from that I have modeling shows lined up back to back for weeks. And I guess when I met you, I was thinking that you could relate to things like that." He sat back and folded his hands on the table, staring intently into my eyes.

"I didn't know that." Pause for eye contact. "I completely know what you mean though. Always doing things for other people."

"Exactly."

"In my free time I'm usually working out or planning my month's schedule. Or reading. But I work nearly every day. Not that I mind the work though. The money helps."

"It does, indeed." He grinned at me. I smiled at him behind the wine I was sipping from.

XXXXXX

"I had another great night with you." He said at my door once again. I look shyly towards him and then back towards the keys in my hand.

"Me too. If you want to call me while you're out of town, I think that'd be ok."

"That sounds good. I'll call then." He took a step towards me and took my nervous hands in his calm ones.

I looked up into his gray eyes with their long dark lashes and matching dark eyebrows.

"You don't want me to kiss you." He said softly, leaning forward. I shook my head.

"It's not that..." I looked at his plump pink lips.

"I want to kiss you." He whispered this time, his warm breath hitting my face. It wasn't as romantic as I expected it to be. I wanted the sickly sweet breath of someone else to be splashed my face with its radiant scent. Benjamin smelled like cologne and the Italian restaurant.

He pulled me closer to him and he planted a soft and caring kiss on my lips. I responded, but only to see what it was like. He stepped back. I instantly regretted the moment. It was the first kiss I'd gotten from a straight male in years, and I instantly wanted to cry once it was over. I somehow managed to hide these emotions from Benjamin, who was busy thinking of something to say to me.

"I'll call." He turned and walked to his car, never looking back at me.

Robert was waiting on the other side of the door as soon as I stepped in.

"You've got to stop being so nosy."

"Did you have sex?" He asked immediately. Only Robert.

"Yeah on the front porch just now. I may be pregnant." I set my purse down on the kitchen counter and grabbed a water from the fridge. He kept incessantly questioning me until I reached my bedroom.

"Yes I had a good time! Will you fucking calm down please?" He followed me into the room and continued our routine of him pestering me while I got ready for bed.

"I just want to know how you're holding up." His voice suddenly turned seriously.

"Do you think he'll make you forget about Ville?" He asked. I sat slowly on the edge of my bed. I looked at my floor, then towards the bottom of my bed where I knew the shirt was tucked carelessly under a box.

"All the men in the world couldn't make me forget about Ville." I layed back and allowed Robert to tuck me into my sheets.

"At least I'm trying." He kissed my forehead. He headed for the door and almost got there before I called out for him.

"Will you lay with me tonight?" I asked. He knew I only did this when I was feeling terribly depressed. Something about the night made me spiral deeper. I couldn't be expected to fall for Benjamin the way I did Ville.

"Really?"

"Yeah... do you mind?"

"Not at all. I'll be back in a minute." He left for about two minutes and came back in his pajamas with his own pillow. He turned out the light and climbed under the covers. His warm arm wrapped around my waist and pulled me close to him. I relaxed into his body.

"I love you." He whispered.

"Robert, you have been the best thing to happen to me in the past few years. With Lizzie living so far away it's been so hard for me."

He pulled me tighter.
"I don't know this Valo guy personally, but for anyone not to love you is crazy to me. He's an idiot for what he did."

"I'm an idiot too."

"I wish I could help you more. I wish I could make all this go away and you could live your life without so much pain."

"I wish you could too. But the only person able to do that is Ville, and I will never see him again."

"I don't want you living like this." He whispered so quietly it was barely audible. Tears were falling from my eyes and onto the pillow.

"This is how I've got to live."