'Cause I'm Broken When I'm Open And I Don't Feel Like I'm Strong Enough

I smiled at the joke my friend made it was a really corny, crap joke but one that you just had to smile at. That was the type of person Jeff was, yeah I know who really names their kid Jeff? But that’s what they did so his problem. He was tall with dark hair and quite prominent cheek bones and milk chocolate eyes, I suppose he was good looking but wasn’t really my type. I looked around my group of smiling and face palming friends, my eyes rested on the first person I saw.
Lachlan. He was tall to, although to me everyone was tall since I was a shorty. Which everyone decided to point out all the time, which was fine by me I never really cared. Anyway Lachlan was one of my best friends and he had long hair for a guy, shoulder length to be exact and it was jet black. I never knew if he dyed it or not, he wouldn’t tell anyone I’m sure I would squeeze it out of him some day. He had dark blue eyes that would melt any girls heart, and just a beautiful face. Every girl in school wanted to be with him, because unlike everyone else he was actually a decent guy and a great looker, but he loved me. Don’t ask me why, he just does and has for a while now... But I couldn’t date him. I could never risk our friendship and honestly I was afraid that I loved him too. I know stupid afraid of falling in love, but I’m not afraid of falling in love I’m more afraid of not being caught. Anyway off of Lachlan If I think about him for too long ill become depressed.
Then my eyes focused on Jessica and Bronte. Bronte is so amazingly beautiful with her dead straight blonde hair and piercing blue eyes, and with her slim but curvy figure and beautiful face, she was gorgeous, but she was shallow. I always hated that about her, she was alright some of the time and yes she was my friend but she was too bitchy sometimes, too bossy and shallow. She was that girl, down to the core. I think the only reason she hung out with us was because she was my second cousin and she was new here and hadn’t quite noticed that we were the odd ones of the school.
Then there was Jessica, good at everything she did, sport, art, academics, anything she tried the did amazingly. She was the kind of girl that smile all the time and made you feel all good inside and still make you jealous. She had shoulder length brown hair, green/blue eyes that shone with confidence and happiness and also a slim athletic body, with a smile that could brighten the whole room. She wasn’t amazingly beautiful but she was at the same time.
Then there was me. Your probably thinking all these people sound almost perfect, so that means I have to be perfect too right? Wrong. Dead wrong. I’m not saying I hate the way I look, or the person I am. In fact I love the person I am and I think I’m actually alright looking, but I am anything but perfect. Me, I’m short, chubby, grey/blue eyes and long dark brown hair, with a side fringe of course. I honestly have such an amazing life. Great friends, nice school, decent grades, and an amazing mum. I sighed happily as I walked with my friends out to the oval to eat our lunch. When an arm pulled me away from the group startled me out of reverie. I struggled against their grip before I saw it was Lachlan, and let him pull me away from everyone else. While the rest of the group looked at me quizzically I just shrugged my shoulders and followed Lachlan, not that I had much of a choice in the matter anyway.
“Hello Lachlan, you do know that you don’t have to drag me along. Right? You could always ask me if I could come with you for a second.” I laughed as he finally came to a stop at one of the benches.
“I did I asked you like five different times but you seemed to be off in your own little world and didn’t hear me. That selective hearing of yours really must come in handy sometimes.” He smiled and shook his head at me.
“Pfft I don’t have selective hearing Lachie I’m just deaf. You should know that by nows.” I replied jokingly, because I knew what was coming next and I needed to keep a joking tone.
“I do know that Ellie, I also know you are a hyperactive, bonkers crazy person. “ he smiled and then his smile faltered. Oh shit. “I also know that you and Ben broke up.”
I sighed and plopped down onto the seat, I knew it... “Yeah, and?” I replied, my nervous smile spreading across my face. Lachlan looked at me sadly and sat down next to me.
“And, are you ok? Who broke up with who and why? Come on I’m your best friend... And well honestly I’m worried about you. I mean this is what your third boyfriend in two months. I thought you and Ben were doing really well.” He said with sadness in his eyes I knew this was hurting him trying to comfort me while I go through boyfriend after boyfriend and all he wanted was for me to choose him. Sometimes I hated myself because I was doing this to him.
“Lachie you know I love you and that you are my best friend, But you worry much too much. I’m absolutely fine, and it was my fault. I don’t know Lachie it just didn’t feel right, we didn’t click ‘ya know? And I know I have been going through a few guys but it hasn’t felt right, and I don’t want to lead someone on if I feel like it’s going nowhere. Plus I can’t attach, I have commitment issues. ” I mumbled that last part. Lachlan took my hands in his as I dropped my head and looked at our now entwined hands. He bent his head down so his head was underneath mine and he was looking me in the eyes.
“Ellie I love you. I think I worry just enough even though you are fine, I still worry about that fragile little heart of yours. Plus you and your not clicking, you need to open up Ellie... And maybe...” He paused and his stare turned into a gaze “Maybe, you could attach to me Ellie...” He moved his head up straight and I thought this little talk was over when he untangled his hands. But when one reached my face I knew what was going to happen, although I couldn’t stop it. He found the button and he pushed it, I couldn’t speak I couldn’t move and somehow he did it.
He softly pulled my face up and over to face his, as his other hand held one of mine. His beautiful dark blue eyes gazed into mine lovingly as his fingers traced down the side of my face. I then realised how close we were, I could feel his warm breath flow over my face as he slowly inched closer, his eyes slowly closing mine doing the same. Then just like magic our lips connected, and I melted into him, and it was literally like fireworks and tingles. My hand that wasn’t being held went up into his hair as our lips parted and reconnected. I felt sparks fly though all my limbs as we reconnected and I knew he was feeling all the same things I was. He pulled away and rested his forehead against mine and looked at me with those eyes that could melt hearts and at that moment I could see all the love one person could give, in his eyes.
I couldn’t look away and with this beautiful boy so close to me I couldn’t resist kissing him again. Which would not be a smart idea but I went ahead and did it anyway. This time moving closer to him as his arms wrapped around my waist and as our lips mashed together. It seemed that in this moment nothing else in the world mattered but Lachie holding me. Gah what have I done!