'Cause I'm Broken When I'm Open And I Don't Feel Like I'm Strong Enough

I sighed as Lachlan held me against him and rested his head on my shoulder kissing my neck softly. I shouldn’t be doing this, I thought to myself for the hundredth time. It had only been around ten minutes since we first kissed and I already felt bad. I mean I don’t think I could be in a relationship with Lachie, I love him I really do and honestly I think that’s why we have been such good friends for so long, because we have always been close because we love each other. But I can’t commit... Not even to Lachlan. What happens if he gets over me and leaves me then I lose a best friend and the one I love. I couldn’t cope with that, but I can’t break my best friends heart not after leading him on like that. That is just unfair and cruel, but so will be leading him on for even longer.
His grip tightened around me and he whispered into my ear “Earth to my beautiful Ellie”
I frowned at his words, him calling me his beautiful Ellie made me feel even worse. What was I supposed to do tell him that I am madly in love with him but I can’t be with him because I don’t want to hurt him because I can’t commit? How is that fair I couldn’t do that to him, but I don’t want him to let me go or stop kissing me ever.
“Ellie you really need to stay in this world, that selective hearing or your deafness is really screwing up the speech I’m trying to give you.” He poked his tongue out at me and of course me being the childish person I am Poked my tongue out at him.
“Yeh well it’s not my fault you aren’t speaking loud enough to overcome my deafness” I replied childishly all my worried of before almost forgotten.
“Well now that you are on earth can I do my little speech now?” He smiled at me.
I sighed “Go on.”
“Well my dearest Ellie Cake—“
“GRRRRRRR” I interrupted him I hated him calling me Ellie Cakes and he knew it, I think he did it just to make sure I was listening.
“Okay, Okay. Well my beautiful Ellie, I love you, and I know you have commitment issues. But I know you love me, and I know that you are afraid of falling and not being caught, but I’m catching you Ellie and I will never ever drop you because I love you. You are the one Ellie.” He smiled shyly at me.
I looked into his eyes and I could see the hope, the caution the worry and the love. Honestly I don’t know what to do, I want to say yes I love you Lachie and I can’t let you go, but can I trust him?
“I...Lachie...” I dropped my head in shame I couldn’t say it.
“Ellie...” he said softly, almost a whisper dripped in pain.
“Lachie, I... I... I can’t... Lose you.” I mumbled.
“Ellie you could never lose me, I told you I’m catching you. Hell I have already caught you, I won’t ever drop you.” He said almost desperately. I looked into his beautiful eyes mine filled with love his with pain and desperation. I caved, the only way I could keep him this close is to call him my boyfriend. I could get over my issues, for our love.
“ELLA LEIGHTON AND JACKSON LEIGHTON PLEASE MAKE YOUR WAY TO THE OFFICE, IMMEDIATELY” The school speaker boomed. I got up and looked back at Lachlan gave him a quick kiss.
“I’ll talk to you later. I...” I whispered to Lachlan, I couldnt finish what I was going to say so I headed towards the office. I heard a quick bye, I love you yelled after me as I was walking and it brought a smile to my face, he could always make me smile. Maybe I could commit to a real relationship, for him...
I made it to the office still with a smile on my face, although as I walked through the door the atmosphere was different. Sullen, depressing even, which I found surprising. I quickly sat down on the couch in the waiting area with my brother Jackson, he too noticed the mood and when I looked at him quizzically he just shrugged. See it wasn’t often that I of all people got called to the office, so this was slightly weird for me.
Suddenly out of the blue and officer came out of the principal’s office and looked at my brother and I with sad eyes. I was now confused and worried, why was there and officer at our school and why was he looking at Jackson and I like we were the ones he was here for?
“Ella and Jackson Leighton?” The officer directed at my brother and I. We both nodded. “Okay I’m going to need you to both come in here, I have some news for you.”
I looked at Jackson and sighed as we both got up and made our way into the office the police officer following behind us.