Rui's One-Shot Collection

Love.

People say so many things about it...

But I don't believe it.

Any of it.

All I know is that love is something that can't be replaced.

When you lose love, do you always gain hate?

Do you have sadness replace it?

No.

There's just that empty hole in your chest.

The hatred does nothing more than rot around the ends of the hole.

Sadness is only the feeling of other things that try to fill it, passing through the hole, even though they can't fit.

In my life, I've felt love... but I've also felt heartache...

And Sadness....

Even hate.

But all I can say about it, is that I don't regret a single thing.

Because along the way, I was changed.

I was made into someone I could be proud of.

And the person who made me this way...

was Kaname Kuran.

___________

"Sanako...." his velvety voice said.

My heart skipped a beat and I blushed because I knew everyone in the room could hear it. I pretended to be startled, so i jumped a little bit.

"A-ah Kaname-sempai..." I said, straightening up as I sat next to Ichijou.

~*~

At this moment you might be wondering a few things, right?

Is this girl a vampire like the rest?

Well... not really.

Then why is she there in the first place?

Because I wanted to be... It was better than living with the others like me. At least here, I could fit in... You see, even though I'm human, I never really felt like myself, especially near others like myself. I felt more comfortable living with the rest of the night class, and despite the fact that they could have killed me at any given second, they were much nicer to me than the day class ever was. There were a few other reasons....ehrm... But let's not worry about that for now...

~*~

"So how was your day, Sanako?" Kaname spoke, smiling at me.

"I-It's been normal, right, Ichi-kun?" I turned, looking at Ichijou with desperate "help-me" eyes.

Ok, so here's the truth... if you haven't already noticed.
I'm in love with a vampire....
and that vampire just happens to be Kaname Kuran, a pureblood.

Now, you'd think that I'd want to talk to a guy I like, but with Kaname, I felt so... easy to read... so naked. I felt as if he could see every fiber of my being and he could read every thought that crossed my mind. That's why I could never find the right words to say especially when he was there.

"That's right." Ichijou smiled back at Kaname.

Kaname just gave him a serious nod and he nodded back.

"That's great, Sanako," he said, starting to walk to his seat.

I quickly turned around to face him, and frantically thought of something to say.

"A-ah. Kaname-sempai, would you like to take a walk with me after class?" I blurted out.

His face brightened as a genuine smile traced his features.

"I'd love to." was all he said.

And so class resumed.

____________

"I'm sorry Kaname-sempai, but night-class students are prohibited from taking walks here, at this hour," The familiar voice of that girl rang through my ears as they appeared before us.

"Alright, Yuuki," Kaname said, getting into a small conversation with the girl. "So how are you doing tonight?"

I frowned as I watched the two of them start to chat amongst themselves while Zero, the illegitimate vampire, and I were left out of their small loop.

~*~

Now girls, [or guys] meet the two other reasons of why I chose the Night Class over the Day Class.

Yuuki Cross and Zero Kiryu.

The two most hate-able of the bunch.

Yuuki was probably the closest thing I could call a rival... because she was the only one who could touch Kaname's heart. Yes, I knew that ever since the first day I met her. The way Kaname looked at her... it felt like I was being shot by a thousand bullets, seeing his face like that. Yuuki wasn't fair. She had it all. Kaname was hers, so that meant the rest of the Night Class bowed down to her every whim by default. Heck, she even had Zero. She had everything without even trying, yet I was here, feeling broken and alone as I watched them chat like I was never even there....

And let's not forget about Zero, Yuuki's dog. At first, I had no reason to hate him, but seeing as he, too, was in love with that girl, and that he hated my guts just for choosing vampires over my own kind [which I couldn't really understand, because he was a vampire himself] brought me to hate him, just as much as I had grown to hate her.

Now, let's get back to the story.

~*~

"So it's you again, you filthy human." Zero said, from behind me. "I don't get why you choose to spend your time with these filthy beings... these people with a history covered in blood.... You're only dirtying yourself even more."

I growled at him, crossing my arms.

"And I don't get why you think you're so high and mighty when you don't even like yourself. " I said, "How's Yuuki supposed to like you when you don't?"

Zero's eyes widened and I could clearly see the rage radiating off of him, as he picked me up, harshly, by the neck. I began gasping for air and shaking his hand off, but he was just too strong.

"Sanako!" I heard someone shout, right before I saw a white blur flash across my vision.

As I fell into someone's arms, I grasped my free neck, coughing as I wheezed for air. I looked up at my savior and met with Kaname's liquid crimson irises. At that moment, I no longer felt afraid of his eyes, because he was no longer just seeing through me.... He was looking right at me.

"Sanako, are you alright?" Kaname said, standing up, while he cradled me, so that our faces were only inches away from each other. His sweet breath intoxicated me, and I began to feel a bit sleepy as he spoke on.

"I'm... fine..." I said, in between slow blinks.

Kaname smiled down at me as he continued to walk past the two prefects.

"We're going home, so you can sleep now." Kaname's voice soothed me.

I nodded slowly, as my eyes began to shut, while I entered that peaceful sleep...

But before I shut my eyes for good, I could have sworn I saw Kaname's murderous glare directed right at Zero.

__________

I rubbed my eyes as I got up from my soft bed... only, it wasn't my soft bed. I jumped a little as I saw those familiar crimson eyes staring at me intently. When I awoke, Kaname flashed me a smile of relief. I nearly fell off the bed, but he caught me before I could reach the ground.

"How was your sleep?" he whispered into my ear, almost seductively.

"O-o-okay," I stammered. "Th-thanks for saving my last night, Ka-Kaname-sempai."

The blush on my cheeks were now fully visible; I knew before of the look of amusement in his eyes.

"That's good then," he said, leaning towards me.

I could feel his warm breath as we grew closer and I took a deep inhale right before I forgot how to breathe. I shut my eyes quickly, but I was startled by a warm feeling in my forehead. Once his lips left my forehead, I blinked myself out of my stupor and blushed harder when I heard him chuckle.

"Call me Kaname," he said, taking a strand of my hair and moving it to my ear.

When the hair flew back into its place, we both laughed and I huffed out a breath upwards, my hair following the direction of the puff of air. I followed it as it settled back down on my nose, and I quickly looked at Kaname's gentle smile before I looked at the piece of hair again.

"Alright, Kaname..." I smiled at the sound of my voice saying his name.

He suddenly began to get up, and I followed him up, so that we both stood.

"A-ah, Kaname-se-... I mean Kaname, where are you going?" I asked.

He smiled a true smile at me, and I could feel my heart melt as he did....[even though what he was about to say would have the opposite effect...]

"I'm going to meet Yuuki," he said, picking up his white jacket, before flashing me another smile, and then leaving me in his room, all alone.

___________

Heartbreak.

This is what I felt every time I looked at Kaname Kuran and that pet of his, Yuuki. Every time I saw his face, I almost broke down in tears. In fact, I did, whenever I got back to the dorm. I would go to Ruka, who still happened to comfort me, despite the fact that we were in love with the same person... I guess you could say that our hatred for Yuuki made us grow closer...

"Sanako?" I heard Kaname's voice ring in my ears as I walked through the halls of Cross Academy.

Pang.

And there it was.

That hole.

"K-k-kaname...!" I said, spinning around to see Kaname with Yuuki sleeping in his arms.

My eyes saddened as it went from Kaname to Yuuki repeatedly. I couldn't help but think that Kaname was doing this on purpose... Like he was trying to drive me to the point of suicide. He gently cradled her. Oh how I wished to be in his arms like that girl.

"Sanako... are you alright?" he asked, with concern that almost tore me in two.

Before I knew it, my tears were starting to blur my vision. I no longer wanted to see him, or that stupid girl.

So I ran.

I ran, not to class.

Not to the dorms.

Not even to Ichijou.

I had already decided.

I had already decided that if I couldn't have Kaname, then I would rather die, because my being was useless, unless I belonged to him.

I wouldn't be able to live seeing him with someone else.

I wouldn't be able to live, knowing that he could never be mine.

I couldn't...

And that's why...

I decided to run.

Right into the town.

____________

The moon shined down on me as I found myself walking down the town's stone road.

I was shivering, but I couldn't feel the fear.

I felt like a souless life form, roaming around the streets.

In fact, I felt less than that... because right at that moment, I couldn't feel anything. I was numb.

So numb.

All I could do was think... and think... and think.

Because I knew, in a few seconds, I was going to be vampire food.

"SANAKO!!!" I heard Ichijou's voice scream as I faced the old run-down house, full of glowing red eyes.

I did nothing but continue to walk towards my doom.

Before I could move any farther, I was tackled down by something hard, and I felt my head hit the hard, cold ground. The last thing I saw as I drifted into the darkness was that face of the girl I hated with all of my being.

Before I drifted into unconsciousness, I knew I had lost.

I wasn't going to die.

I wasn't going to get Kaname.

I wasn't going to get my happiness.

Damn, I thought, sinking into the depths of my mind.

________

I woke up, again, not in my room, but in Ruka's room.

I saw her sitting above me on the bed, softly combing my hair, like she always did when I would cry on her lap. When she looked at me, her eyes widened a bit and she stopped stroking my hair.

"She's awake," she said, in a normal voice, and seconds later, the rest of them began pouring in.

"SANAKO! ARE YOU ALRIGHT!?" Aido shouted at me, taking my shoulders and shaking me, "WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT?!"

Ruka smacked him across the head and smiled at me.

"Everyone was worried about you... Even Kaname-sempai couldn't sleep." she said.

Pang.

And there it was again.

I fought the hand that wanted to grasp the heart that was shattering and spreading the pain throughout my body.

I didn't want to hear about him anymore.

But that was an impossible wish.

Thankfully, Ruka saw my tears and began to shoo everyone out.

Once we knew that everyone was gone, the tears started to fall like rain. She comforted me by stroking my hair, and we stayed like that for a long time. Once I felt like I was able to control myself, I got up and sat myself next to Ruka. We were silent, because we were both waiting for me to find my voice.

"Ruka," I croaked. "...What do you do, when you've kept your feelings in so much that it's made you so unhappy and made you wish like you were dead?"

Ruka quieted, looking for the right words.

At the same time, I was trying to think of the answer to my own question.

What am I going to do, I thought. How am I supposed to live like this...

Then, in that same comforting voice she said those words.

"Well, then, shouldn't you just tell him how you feel?"

__________

Kaname and I stood in a clearing by the dorms. It was sunset, and we were about to go to class, but no one was out just yet. It was only Kaname and me for the mean time.

There was a bit of a tension between us, but when I looked at him, I knew that this would be my only chance.

"Ka-Kaname," I called out to him.

He looked at me with a forced smile.

"Sanako," he said, walking closer to me.

"Stop," I said, putting my hand out in front of me, "I have to tell you something... before it's too late, and I won't have the courage to say it anymore...."

He paused and looked at me with saddened eyes.

"Kaname... I... I've always loved you." I said, finally looking up to meet his widened eyes. "I just wanted to tell you that... because even though I know you might never be mine, I want you to recognize my feelings... And still, I want you to be happy..."

The bell started to ring as the clock struck that time, and the doors of the night class dorms started to open.

I moved closer to Kaname so that our faces were inches apart.

With the largest smile I could manage, I looked at him straight in the eyes.

"I just hope that someday, You'll come to love me too."

And then came the kiss of goodbye.

The kiss that I put all of my pain into.

All of my suffering.

All of my jealousy.

All of my love.

Then, it was over, and I ran back towards Ruka and Ichijou, who welcomed me with open arms, while I left Kaname there by himself.

That was when I let Kaname go...

_________


At that time... I let go.

I let go...

Because I knew that someday was not so close in the future...

That our paths had to split before I was to return to his side.

That the someday would come when I was ready to become the person he would be able to cherish with his life.

But until that someday comes...

I can only dream of staying by his side.