Love Is Only True If It Hurts.

The last thing Alex expects to come home to is Jack (his boyfriend of four years, fiancé of six months) in bed with another guy.

He stares in disbelief as Jack fumbles with his words in his haste to explain.

“Lex, this isn’t what it looks like, I swear.”

“Then what is it?” Alex asks with a watery voice. “Tell me, Jack.”

Jack stutters, staring at the wall above Alex’s head and the older boy sighs desperately, knotting his fingers in his bangs.

“It’s... It’s...”

“What is it, Jack?” Alex yells suddenly, tears filling his honey eyes. He knows exactly what it is; he’s just pleading ignorance in the hope that it’ll stop his tears from falling.

Jack stays silent, clearly trying to think of a way to answer as sensitively as possible.

“How long,” Alex sniffles, “how long as this been going on?”

“About a month at most.” Jack says, guilty and quiet, and that’s when Alex snaps.

“A month?” He says, voice shaking as the tears start to fall. He knots his fingers in his bangs again and bites down hard on his lip.

“I’m so sorry, Alex.” Jack says, not looking up at the older boy. Alex just stares at him incredulously.

“How could you! How could you do this to me!” He sobs; eyes not focused enough to notice that Jack’s crying too.

“I’m so sorry.” Jack repeats, and Alex shakes his head.

“No, you’re not.” He says, turning on his heel and walking out of the room, slamming the door behind him.

Jack starts to cry harder and the guy next to him springs into action, fumbling around and getting dressed quickly.

“Zack, what are you doing?” Jack asks in a tiny voice.

“Something you’re far too scared to.” He replies, tugging his jacket onto his shoulders and leaving through the door and heading after Alex.

He finds the older boy struggling to open his car doors, sobs audible around the whole apartment block parking lot.

Alex stares at him when he notices he’s there.

“I totally understand if you want to punch me in the face or anything, because if I was you, I’d be making sure that the guy your boyfriend cheated with wouldn’t be having kids ever.”

Alex shakes his head.

“I’m not a violent person.”

“He’s really sorry, you know.”

Alex shakes his head.

“No, he isn’t. If he was sorry, he wouldn’t have done it.”

“He never told me he was seeing anyone other than me.”

This seems to make Alex cry even harder.

“Never? Not even once?”

Zack shakes his head.

“We were fucking engaged! The wedding’s supposed to be in three months!”

Zack freezes.

“I’m so sorry, he never said...” Zack starts, trailing off as Alex looks up.

“Yeah, I bet he didn’t,” Alex sniffs, wiping at his tears with his sleeve, “and if he asks, tell him I never want to see him again.”

And with that, Alex finally unlocks his car and stumbles in, fumbling with his keys as he struggles to start it.

Zack goes marching back to Jack’s apartment and throws open the bedroom door. Jack looks up at him with teary eyes but Zack glares at him anyway.

“Why didn’t you tell me you were engaged?” He says, louder than he means to. Jack’s lost for words again, tears still streaming.

“If I’d have known I’d have never done this! I never wanted to screw up someone’s marriage! That’s just fucking wrong! Do you even have any idea how fucking guilty we should both be feeling right now?” Zack’s voice escalates louder and louder as he gets angrier. Jack just stares at him, not even trying to wipe away his tears.

“I know I should’ve said, but...” Jack trails off and his lower lip wavers. He curls up into a ball and sobs hard, and Zack sighs quietly, sitting down on the bed and rubbing his back gently.

“Please don’t leave me,” Jack says, voice barely heard through his tears, “please.”

Zack sighs again.

“Okay. I won’t.”

It takes Alex twenty minutes to drive what would usually be a five minute journey to Rian’s house. Partly because of all his tears, and partly because he knows Rian’s probably eating dinner with his girlfriend now, and Rian doesn’t like his meals to be interrupted.

He feels bad, turning up on Rian’s doorstep unannounced, but this is an extreme circumstance and he really has nowhere else to go and no one else to turn to.

He knocks on the door with a shaking fist before burying both of his hands in the pockets of his hoodie. The door opens a few moments later, and Rian’s eyes widen when he sees Alex’s tears.

“What’s going on?” He asks quickly, eyes scanning the street behind him for any signs of disaster.

Alex manages to explain the whole damn situation in two words.

“He cheated.”

Rian’s eyes widen even further and he drags Alex over the doorstep and into a tight hug.

“People fucking suck.” Rian mumbles, and Alex’s shoulders slump as he starts to cry into Rian’s shoulder.

Cassadee sticks her head around the doorway into the hall and frowns when she sees Alex crying.

“What’s going on?” She asks, and Rian bundles Alex into her arms and closes the door.

“Jack cheated on him.” Rian explains in a soft voice, and Cassadee hugs him tighter than before.

Rian sits Alex down on the couch in the sitting room and Cassadee goes to the kitchen and makes everyone a coffee.

Alex stares down into his mug while Rian strokes his back and doesn’t ask questions, which he’s thankful for.

He takes the day off work the next day, and Rian drives him back to Jack’s apartment while he’s out to collect all of his stuff.

It’s while they’re emptying his clothes from the wardrobe that Alex starts crying. He finds his suit; the one he was supposed to wear at the wedding. Rian doesn’t say anything, instead focusing on taping up boxes with parcel tape and writing their contents on the outside.

When it comes to clearing out under the bed, Alex starts off crying again, louder this time, tears coming faster and faster. He finds the box with all the wedding planning and everything inside it.

Rian can just tell that he needs to do this on his own, and so he shuffles out of the room quietly.

Alex unfolds the flaps on the box and rummages around inside, finding already addressed invitations and handwritten vows, a wedding book and the fucking rings and that’s what rips him in half.

He moves quickly then, pulling his suit from his wardrobe and folding it roughly before squashing it into the box. He then goes to Jack’s wardrobe, pauses for a second and bites at his lip before throwing the doors open and retrieving what would’ve been Jack’s wedding suit. He folds that, forcing that inside the box too. He stares at the box for a second before fumbling with his hand and taking off his engagement ring. He cries even harder as he tucks the ring into the pocket of Jack’s suit jacket and closes the box lid.

He hurries to pick up the tape from the floor and tapes the box shut before he decides otherwise.

He reads and rereads the word ‘wedding! <3’ that he’d written over-excitedly on the box just a few months earlier. It hurts more than he thought it would.

When they leave, he makes a point to leave the box in the middle of the hallway with a note taped to the top. He locks the door from the outside before pushing his keys back through the mail slot and picking up a few boxes, following behind Rian and deliberately not looking back.

“Come on,” Rian says, rubbing Alex’s back a little as they finish loading the car with all the boxes, “I’ll get Cass to make you some pancakes. They’re really good.”

“She works at IHOP, her pancakes should be good.” Alex says incredulously, cracking the closest thing to a smile he’s managed in the last few days.

Jack does trip over the box when he gets home, as Alex rightly suspected. He glares at it for a second before realizing ‘wait, that wasn’t here this morning.’

He reaches down and plucks the folded white paper from the top of the box, unfolding it carefully and brushing his hair from his eyes.

So I’ve moved out. If you hadn’t guessed. My key should be on the doormat somewhere. I’ve taken everything with me. The only box I left is the wedding stuff, because I figure you’re more likely to have a use for it than I am. Burn it, sell it, give it to your sister, do whatever you want with it. I sure as hell don’t want it. Don’t call me, don’t text me, don’t email me, just don’t try and get in contact with me, because I won’t reply. You’ve hurt me enough. So goodbye.

Alexander.

Jack’s crying by the time he’s done reading, and he sinks to the floor and pulls the tape away from the flimsy cardboard.

He finds the contents of the box exactly how Alex left them, and he pulls the suits out together and drags them over his lap, one hand still in the box as he feels around for what he’s looking for.

He finds the object he’s looking for; a small, perfectly square, velveteen black ring box. He curls his fingers around it tightly and holds it to his chest.

He plays around with his suit jacket absently, and when he feels something in the pocket he digs around and pulls out Alex’s engagement ring.

He takes off his own ring and holds them both together, because right now, holding onto the rings is the only thing keeping him from falling apart completely.

That’s how Zack finds him an hour or so later when he visits after work.

“He’s gone, Zack. He’s gone.” Jack explains in a tiny voice, holding out the letter in a shaking hand. Zack takes it gently and reads it carefully a few times, the guilt that had only just begun to subside washing back over him.

Alex tries to forget about Jack and all things related to him for the next few days, and he does an okay job, right up until Zack comes walking into the branch of Starbucks he works at.

He tries to get Dan to serve him, but he refuses on the pretence that he’s on a cigarette break. So Alex goes back to the counter and Zack gives him a sad smile.

“Good morning, what would you like to order?” He says in a quiet voice, not looking up at Zack.

“I’d like someone to come and talk to Jack, but if that’s not possible I’ll take a latte.”

“Sorry, we’re all out of compassion today. Try again next year, maybe.” Alex says bitterly, turning around and making Zack’s drink.

“We have him on fucking suicide watch, Alex!” Zack hisses, and Alex whips around, eyes wide.

“You think I wasn’t? Rian wouldn’t let me leave the damn house or drive the damn car because he thought I just wouldn’t come back!” Alex retorts.

“Look, Alex, I know how much this must be hurting you, but-” Zack starts, but Alex cuts him off.

“No, you don’t. You have no idea how much this hurts! I don’t want to wake up in the mornings, and on the rare occasion I feel even close to happy, I realize that I’m not getting married any more and I’m not with him because he’s not interested!” Alex is nearly crying by the time he’s done talking, and the coffee machine stops right on time. Alex turns, fumbles with the lid of the cup and slams it down onto the counter in front of Zack.

“Alex, please.” Zack replies, digging out a few dollars to pay from his coat pocket. “He needs you right now.”

“I needed him then,” Alex replies in a watery voice, “and he wasn’t there, was he? Why should I be there for him now?”

“Because, Alex,” Zack continues with a quiet sigh, “he loves you. No matter what you think or say, he still loves you.”

“Yeah, right.” Alex scoffs. “If he still loved me, he wouldn’t have cheated on me.”

Zack purses his lips, sets his coffee down on the counter and grabs Alex by the hips, lifting him quickly over the counter.

“What the fuck are you doing? Put me down!” Alex yells as Zack sets him down, holding his wrist tightly and pulling him out to the car.

“I can’t just leave! I’m in the middle of my shift!” Alex protests, but Zack ignores him and pushes him into the car anyway.

“Let me out of the car, dammit!” Alex yells, hitting at the car door, but Zack ignores him and drives anyway.

He pulls the younger man from the car when they reach Jack’s apartment, and Alex is reluctantly dragged up the few flights of stairs to Jack’s door, which Zack pushes open with ease.

“Talk to him. Now.” Zack says, pushing Alex into Jack’s room.

Alex sees the younger man curled up on the bed, eyes wide and filled with tears. The wedding box sits empty on its end at one side of the room, its contents scattered everywhere. Both sets of handwritten vows are stuck to Jack’s wardrobe, the stack of invites on Alex’s long since vacated nightstand. Alex’s break-up letter is on Jack’s nightstand, with the two engagement rings sitting on top of it.

The actual wedding rings are still held tight in Jack’s hands, the box barely visible because of his vice-like grip.

Jack notices Alex and his eyes start to fill with tears. He rolls over and buries his face in his pillow, slowly starting to cry. Alex bites at his lip, sits down on the bed that seems so foreign to him, even though he helped to pay for it two years ago now.

Jack rolls over, so he’s not looking at Alex.

“I’m so sorry. I’m so, so sorry.” Jack repeats, over and over and Alex wants to do something, he really does, but he just can’t.

“I’m so sorry. Zack’s sorry too. That’s why he’s trying to fix things even though I know you don’t want me back. You won’t ever want me back.” Jack continues, voice barely audible. Alex sucks in a breath, pausing for a second as he rests his hand on the small of Jack’s back.

“Give me time, Jack. Time. Because right now, sure, I might not want you back, but somewhere, deep down, I still love you, and you’re still the man I was engaged to, the boy I fell for when I was eighteen. But now, all I can see is the man that cheated on me with someone he went to college with.”

Jack starts to cry again, and Alex lies down beside him and spoons him, nose buried in Jack’s neck.

“We can fix this. Maybe not right now, but we can fix this. I promise.”