Living in the Shadows

With Shadows having been gone for most of the night without even being able to go to work. In addition, I’d missed breakfast, lunch, and dinner. Needless to say, I was starving. I stood and walked to the door. I opened it slowly and peered around the corner. No one was around. I raised my eyebrows in surprise. My bare feet pitter-pattered against the hardwood floor on my way downstairs. There wasn’t a soul in the living room, making me wonder where everyone was. There was a thump from upstairs. I jumped and ran back up over the stairs. I was praying to see Shadows up there. I ran into his and my room.

There was no one in there. I stepped forward in the room. The door slammed behind me, causing me to jump and turn around. Shadows was standing in front of the door, looking at me.

“Oh, where have you...” I began.

“Shut up.” He said walking closer to me. I backed up until I fell onto the bed, feeling the softness of the sheets underneath me. My body was trembling. “Take off your clothes.” He whispered with his lips nestled in my hair.

“Why are you doing this?” I asked, my voice shaking.

He pulled a gun from his pant waist and held it at me. “I said take them off. Don’t ask questions.”

Him doing this scared me more than Vengeance doing it. I at least expected this from Vengeance. I never thought I would have to worry about this from him too. Everything was over now. He allowed me to stand. I slowly removed my nightgown, leaving me in just my underwear and bra.

“Everything.” He waved up and down me with the gun.

I unbuttoned the bra strap and let the undergarment fall delicately to the floor. We both stood there. He was staring at my breasts. He rested his free hand on my waist. His hand slowly worked its way up my ribcage and rested under my breast. I sucked in a tight breath. He didn’t make any facial expression, he just held it there in his hand, like a ball.

“Take off those panties.” He touched the rim of them with the tip of his pistol.

I bent down and pulled them down far enough for them to drop on their own. I stood back erect. I knew it would be an appropriate time to start crying, but I just couldn’t. He pointed the gun at my face.

“Belle.” His voice was shaking. “I will have your father killed if you try anything while I undress.”

He pulled off his shirt and let it fall to the floor. His chest was rock hard and covered in body art. He unbuttoned his pants and let them drop. He stood there in his boxers. He pushed me back onto the bed, tossing the gun onto the floor. He picked me up and tossed me further up so my head was on the pillows. Pushing my arms back, he hovered himself over me. He did nothing, just sat there. His hands traced down my arms and rested on my breasts. He cupped them both, rubbing them. It was like he was feeling his first pair of boobs.

Out of nowhere, a tear finally fell down my face. I wiped it away quickly.

“Matt.” I whispered to him.

He looked at me shocked. I had never said his name before ever since we’d known each other. His mouth had literally fallen open.

“Uh, yes Belle?”

“I know you. You broke down when you heard them. You don’t want to do this to me too.” I was desperately trying to get out of this.

He just stared at me. He didn’t say a word, he just stared. The awkward silence lasted forever. Neither of us wanted to be in the situation we were in. Vengeance had tried to brain-wash him and it was working.

“Matt you don’t want to hurt me do you?” I tried my hardest to whine and sound really convincing.

He dropped his hands to the sheets, but continued to hover over me. He began to sob. His tears dropped onto my chest.

“Belle.” He said. “Put your clothes back on.”

He let me back up and I proceeded to put on only my nightgown. He sat down on the bed and covered his lap in the blanket.

“Tell me why you did that?” I asked. “I need to know.”

“Because, Zack...” He stopped to correct himself. “Vengeance made me feel like I had to do this to be a man.” He looked up at me. “He made me lust for you.”

I sucked in a deep breath. “Oh.”

He took my hand in his. “I just can’t do it. I can’t hurt you.”

“Well. Thank you I guess.”

He leaned in to me. His eyes were staring deeply into my blue ones. His face inched closer and closer to mine. If I pursed my lips we’d kiss. He breathed in deeply. I knew what he was doing. I held my hand over his lips.

“What are you doing?” I raised an eyebrow.

He looked truly hurt. “Have I ruined it now? Will I never stand a chance?”

“Shadows, you’re a good friend. I wouldn’t want to ruin that with something like this. Besides, after everything that’s happened in this house, I can’t commit myself to anyone of you. Ever. I’m sorry.”

He dropped his head and looked at his bare knees. “Do you hate me?”

I placed a hand on his leg. “Of course I don’t hate you. I just don’t like you like you like me.”

I felt like I was back in seventh grade trying to turn down the boy that had just asked me to the next school dance. He looked hurt and sad, but I wasn’t going to kiss him, letting him think that I loved him when I couldn’t. It was nothing personal, it was just that he was so closely tied with this place, that it would hurt me to fall in love with him.

“I’m so sorry.”