She Loves You

I was sitting in the hotel room waiting for Patrick. It's over 7 months now.

Tonight was going to be a difficult night. I was going to tell Patrick that I couldn't do the wedding. I needed to put it on hold. It's not that I didn't want to marry him; it was just that things with the band have really taken off. I feel lonely, and have been thinking about how my life will be once we're married.

He said he would be here at 12 midnight, yet it's already one in the morning. I sighed in defeat, and headed towards the bed. I closed my eyes slowly. I had a long day tomorrow, and I needed my sleep.

I swear I was only asleep for 10 minutes when I heard someone come in.

"Jen, are you here?" I heard Patrick's voice fill the room.

"Over here." I mumbled into the pillow.

"I'm sorry I ran late. I tried leaving the party early, but it didn't work. Baby we got a gold album!!" Patrick said excitedly. I looked over at him to see him undressing.

"It's ok." I sighed. "Congrats."

Patrick climbed into the bed, and pulled me close to him. I kissed his lips softly. I pulled away and rested my head on his chest.

"What's wrong baby?" He asked worried.

I took a deep breath. I knew he was going to know something was up. I just didn't know if I was ready to tell him anything yet. But I figured that this was my cue to say something.

"I think we should put the wedding on hold." I said softly. I was nervous about his reaction. I didn't want him to explode on me. I looked up to see his face.

He looked at me with confused and disappointed eyes. "Why do you want that?"

"I just think that we should wait until things with the band have settled. You guys are getting bigger and busier." I tried shrugging my shoulders.

"Baby, I think this is more than just my career." Patrick said pulling my closer to him. I looked away and buried my face into his chest. I didn't want him to see me cry. I wasn't going to allow myself to cry.

"Jen, I know things these past months have gotten harder on us. I'm sorry and I am trying my best to make it better for us."

I nodded in response.

"I know you're feeling lonely right now. I do too. It's hell without you here with me. You're the woman I want to marry. You're the one I see myself with for the rest of my life. There's no one out there to take your place. That I can promise you. You're always going to have me. I'm going to make more time for us, even if it means you coming out on tour with us. The guys won't mind. I want to be the best husband I can for you."

I started crying silently into his chest. "I'm sorry. I just feel really lonely without you here with me. I just started to think what would happen if we got married and I continued to feel like this. I don't want that. Maybe I'm being too selfish." I said above a small whisper.

Patrick picked up my head and smiled. "It's ok to be selfish. I'm always on the road. You never really have me around. I'm selfish with you when I see you. Look, in a couple years we'll get married. After warped tour, we're doing the Nintendo Fusion Tour, and then another headlining tour. After that we'll take a break and we'll married. Just please don't leave me."

I saw desperation his eyes. Something I never really saw before hand. I furrowed my eyebrows and shook my head. "I'm not leaving you."

"Good. I wouldn't know what I would do with myself. I think I would drive myself insane."

"I love you." I smiled kissing him.

"I love you more." He smiled pulling away. "So do we get to have sex now?"

I looked at Patrick in shock.

He looked at me with wide eyes. "What? I haven't had it in almost 8 months."

"Not tonight. I'm tired, and have to wake up early to meet Buddy." I answered placing my head on his chest agian and finding a comfortable position.

"Oh that's right. Buddy was telling me earlier that he wants you to do some pictures for the band."

"Yea."

"You're photography career is going well." Patrick commented.

I nodded happily. "Yea. I guess I'm a good photographer."

"You always were." He said kissing the top of my head.

"Goodnight." I sighed closing my eyes and falling into a deep sleep.

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"So did you talk to him?" Liz asked while we grabbed a taxi in New York city.
I nodded.

"Yea. We're thinking in about a year or so we'll tie the knot." I answered getting into the taxi Rose flagged down.

"Well at least you got it out on the table. I was getting tired of seeing you moping around the house." Rose teased nudging me in the arm.

I rolled my eyes at her. "Whatever. I just think about things when he's gone. I know he career means nothing to me, but at the same time I wonder what our life would be like if he wasn't in the band."

"I know what you mean." Liz agreed nodding her head.

"I know, but still we have to remember that he chose this. This is what he wanted." Rose added.

"Wow, aren't you wise this morning." I joked.

She rolled her eyes and smiled. "Whatever. So we get to photograph Senses Fail?" She said changing the subject.

"No, I'm doing that. You two insisted on coming along." I corrected her.

"Oh shut up! We just want something to do while the guys are off in interviews.
Besides we miss the boys." Liz said smacking me playfully on the arm.

"It's crazy how many "boys" we have." I laughed.

Rose and Liz laughed along with me.

"There's The Academy Is…, My Chemical Romance, Plain White T's, Gym Class Heroes, Taking Back Sunday, motion City Soundtrack, shit I can't even think of the rest." Liz said. "It just keeps going on and on."

I nodded. "I know."

The taxi pulled up to Central Park. I paid the driver.

"We better hurry. I only have two hours with them. Then they have to go." I explained grabbing my bags and heading towards our meeting spot.

For two hours I laughed and joked around. I really liked photographing my friends. Ever since MCR, I've been getting offers to photograph some other bands. My career is doing well, and I'm happy. I was able to meet with Patrick because Senses Fail wanted me to do some pictures for them. Since they were on warped tour, I found a nice way to be with Patrick for a couple of days.

I got to the hotel room to see Patrick sitting on the bed. He seemed deep in thought.

"What's wrong Patrick?" I asked closing the door, and looking at him worried.

"Jen, do you love me?" He asked seriously. His blue eyes staring at me for an answer.

I nodded in confusion. I wasn't sure where he was getting at with this. It was scary.

"Don't hate me." He whispered.

He got up and embraced me in a tight hug.

"Ric, you're scaring me!" I said pulling away.

"I have to leave tonight. I know we were supposed to have some days together. But when we go home and start rehearsals for the next tour, I promise that we'll have some time together." He said kissing me softly.

I felt the tears stinging the corner of my eyes. I didn't want this. This was supposed to be our time. I turned my head when he went in for a second kiss.

"Leave." I stated quietly.

"Jennifer, don't be like that." Patrick said trying to comfort me. He pulled me for another hug and kiss.

I pulled away angrily. "I said LEAVE!" I yelled. The waterworks began with me.

I couldn't hold it in any longer. I was so angry that he always had to go. We didn't even have one night together. These couple of days meant alot to me.

"I don't want us to leave like this. I'm sorry baby, but we have to get to the next city to-" I cut Patrick off.

"I don't want to hear it. Save your breath." I yelled wiping away my tears.

"Baby!"

"Don't baby me. I can't do this Patrick. I can't anymore!! I'm sorry. I can't marry you." I cried taking off the ring and handing it to him.

"Sweetheart…please, Jen, don't do this. I promise it'll be better. I promise you won't feel lonely anymore. I just have to go to work." Patrick tried reasoning. I could see the tears falling. He took off his glasses and wiped away his tears before putting them back on.

"No Patrick. I won't accept your promises anymore. I love you, but I can't fake being happy anymore. You don't know what it's like being lonely." I said walking towards the bathroom. I locked it, and threw myself on the floor. I curled up into a ball and cried my heart out.

Then I heard the door slam close.

That noise was going to haunt me for the rest of my life. He was going to hate me for all of this.