Just A Day

Together in that field, I felt the warmth of the sun hit my face and the sweet smell of lilies flow through the air. The grass around us danced in the light breeze and together we were one, combined by the arms, wrapped up in each other. Laughing we tumbled to the soft ground just taking in this time we had together. He was the love of my life, and I was his.

With a bright smile falling from his face he whispered into my ear, “Do you remember sophomore year, that English class with Arleen and Anna, oh and Bianca too?”

“Of course I do,” I laughed at his stupid question and I placed my hands on his, letting our fingers intertwine “It’s where I first saw you.” I stared off into the distance as I recalled that year. His hands held mine and I turned back you him, “You had mono for the first three weeks I even went to that school.” I laughed, I had switched school my sophomore year.

His playful slap had me in a fit of giggles, “That’s not fair,” watching his lips form words was like watching magic, “I had no idea what I was missing.”

“Well I did, I knew all about you. You were Ben, the one everyone was friends with,” I mentioned, putting emphasis on Ben, “I was so intimidated by you, I was happy to have time to adjust before you came into my life.” My smile couldn’t mask this lie; in truth I was sad he hadn’t been there my first day.

“Well, if Arleen or Jenna had told me what a great person you were, I would have made a move sooner. You now I didn’t even know you and Jenna were friends?”

“How ridiculous, we’d been best friends since seventh grade.” This was true, and she had told me about Ben, even before I was him I knew he’d be special. “You wanna know something funny?”

Without skipping a beat his head bobbed yearning for an answer, but he had something to say. “Now how could there be anything about you that I couldn’t already know?” Shying away from this question, I closed myself off from him. “C’mon, I was kidding, please tell me.” I hadn’t moved when I felt his lips touch mine. They were the food of my love for him; I needed them.

“God, I wish you didn’t know that would work.” We laughed together at what a crazy situation we were in; sitting in the reservoir by my house just living our lives for once. “Anyways like I was going to say, that year in English and even in lunch, I would sit there and Mr. Ross talked about writing a 208 level paper and stare at you. Id love the way the sun would hit your hair and your face, and every time you spoke your voice send butterflies jumping in my stomach. You’d smile to those around you and I’d wish I was sitting there. You would talk to Anna, Arleen, Nina, Bianca, or Jess and I’d die for it to be me. I was new and afraid and I couldn’t come up to you, you were Ben.” Hearing me actually say these built up words made me uncomfortable. The breeze had picked up and the sun was nearly down. The grass didn’t seem as soft and lilies not as sweet.

“I can’t believe that,” That stung, how could he not believe me? “You shouldn’t have felt that way, because the truth is, I would stare at you. You looked beautiful everyday even if you wore sweats or dressed up. I’d see you sitting there laughing with Arleen and Anna and Nina, and want to sit in that empty seat next to you. I would come over to that area and talk to those girls hoping you’d join in and we could talk together.” Now he was looking off into the distance. I was silent, I didn’t want to ruin the peace he seamed to be in, but then he smiled. “And then at homecoming, I saw you in that beautiful champagne dress and you took my breath away. I knew I had to be friends with you.”

I remember that day; I was in a huge group, so happy that I had become friends with the popular group. I wore a short champagne dress, I was surprised he remembered the color, and silver heals. My hair was plane, curled and let down to cover my shoulders. It was cold, mid-October cold. I laughed, “You would remember that. But hey, you were quite hot yourself. I remember seeing you there in your tux that I knew you had just rented. I laughed cause it was obvious they weren’t your thing. You were nominated for homecoming court and actually won, I voted for you by the way.”

“Did you really? I didn’t even want to win that thing.”

“Yeah I did, and im happy you did, cause you were so cute up there.”

“Oh, that was the day we kissed wasn’t it?”

I burst out into a loud laughter, “Oh my god you’re right!” The sun was literally on the edge of existence now and started to shiver slightly. I felt his hands come out from under mine and wrap themselves around my body, my butt slid into his lap and I leaned against him like those girls do in movies. “I remember we were out in the fields playing truth or dare with like five billion people and you got dared to kiss me, what a day.” I laughed.

“Tell me about it.” And with that it was like that night all over, his lips brushed past mine with such caution that I felt like I was in high school again having a crush on the boy who just made my life. “I was happy I kissed you, I would do it again and again if I could, everyday if I could. You know that.” His words were like poetry, they were perfect together like he’d spent hours thinking of how to place them on paper. He was effortless and loving him was too.

“I love you.” I closed my eyes breathing in his sent not knowing how long it’d be before I smelled it again, or touched, kissed, hugged, or laughed with him again. I turned around and kneeled on the grass diving into him for a hug. I felt the tears coming but I wouldn’t let them show, I wouldn’t let him see that it hurt me.

“I love you to,” that pause killed me, I knew what came next, it did every time, “and I’ll miss you like crazy.” He pulled away to look in my eyes. “Don’t you worry about me okay? I promise to come back, I always come back.” Pulling our bodies into a hug again we ended up on our sides holding one another.

Our time together was always limited, always timed. “I’ll always worry, you can’t tell me not to. I love you.” We must have said I love you a hundred times more that night in the field. We held and kissed each other grasping for time.

“It getting cold c’mon lets go. You can spend the night.” Ben stood up and brushed the grass off him followed by reaching down to help me up. His long limbs hung perfect from him body and my small frame fit into his tall one. The drive home was quite, our hands held in between us. This was our last night together before he was sent away on duty again, a last night we would not waste.

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I woke the next morning to Ben stroking my hair out of my face, “I love to watch you sleeping.” He spoke, his words not meant to be sad.

“I know you do, I’ll miss this. Laying in bed together, just smiling.” I placed my hand on his and stared to feel sad. I put my face in my soft feather pillow and began to draw tears from my eyes.

“Please, please don’t cry.” He moved over to hold me close. “We have nothing to worry about, I’ll be back and we’ll be together forever. I’ll always be here for you and we’ll get married and have a family once this stupid war is over. I would never have joined you know that, but drafting isn’t a choice.” He couldn’t hide his tears; they fell just as mine did.

We stayed there for a little while and then got ready to leave. Driving to the airport was worse than the drive home the night before. Dead silence as our hands squeezed tight together. We pulled up to the parking and I walked him inside.

“I love you” I said before he had to turn his back on his life he in the suburbs of Chicago.

“I love you too, I always will. I’ll write you I promise.” He kissed me one last time and held me tight. I felt something slide into my back pocket as he whispered to me to read it when I got home.

Like in the movies our hands slipped apart as he followed the other army men dressed in the US army uniform. 2018 was so different from when I was kid, I never thought my life would be this way, I never thought there would be a war where I would lose the love of my life. I remember his boots dragging against the tile floor, his bag hanging from his back as he looked back one last time before the corner. I read the letter he wrote me, the second he turned the corner.

Sweety, I love you and I want you to know what ever happens over there, I will come back. We’ll be together I promise. I swear to you I’ll give you the life you deserve. We can get a house, get married and have a family. We can have uninterrupted months and years together forever to come. I promise you my feelings wont change, promise me yours won’t either.

And promise me…you will be happy someday married with a family.
Love, Ben.

I cried.

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That last sentence played in my mind everyday until I got the call. When you get a call from the US army, you never know what it’s going to be about.