Do You Remember

We just celebrated our fourth anniversary a couple of weeks ago.
It was a low-key occasion – like it could’ve been any different considering the circumstances – but it didn’t matter that we stayed in bed all day.
It didn’t matter that we were unable to make love, like we had every other anniversary, because of the pain you would’ve experienced.

The only thing that mattered was me being able to hold you all day, feeding you chocolates and only getting up from our bed to switch DVDs or to get more food supplies; being able to kiss you gently and lightly massage your body with the tips of my fingers as you leaned into my chest.
It was perfect.

But I’m not asking if you remember our most recent anniversary, am I?
I’m asking if you remember our first anniversary.

The one where I asked you to marry me.

You always told me how much of a shock it was when I handed you the small black velvet covered box.
Your eyes held confusion when I placed it in your hand as we were lying in my bed exchanging our verbal ‘I love yous’ – the physical ones would come later, after I’d taken you out to an early dinner at that Mexican restaurant we both loved and watched the sun go down as we sat near the lake I fell into so many months before.

Your fingers curled around the small box and you looked at me with an odd expression that I couldn’t quite work out.

“Josh, what –”
“Open it,” I murmured, my eyes trained on your face.

You slowly lifted the hinged lid and your eyes widened in surprise.
You glanced up at me, before looking back down and removing the folded piece of paper that sat in the middle of the pillow inside the box.

I knew exactly what it said.
I’d read over it a hundred times, making sure that it was perfectly worded, perfectly spelled, perfectly written.

Addison,

I love you, more than anything in the world.

Be mine, forever?

<3 Josh xxx

Your mouth formed the words that were written on the paper, and, when you were finished, your eyes sought mine.
“J-Josh? Is…is this…? Is this what I t-think it is?” you stuttered out, your eyes as wide as saucers.
“What do you think it is?”
“A-are you asking m-me to…to m-m-m…”
“Marry me?” I asked, opening my clenched fingers to reveal your ring, which sat in my slightly sweaty palm.
“I… was that finishing my question? Or asking me a new one?”

I chuckled lightly under my breath, placed the ring on my bedside table, and moved so that I was sitting on my knees in front of you.
I took your face in my hands and looked into your beautiful green orbs.

“Both. Addison, will you marry me?”

“I-I-I,” you spluttered out and you went red from your lack of control over your speaking. “Oh my god!” you suddenly screamed, and tackled me backwards so that I flew back onto the mattress.

You lay flat on top of me, hugging me around my bare torso and nuzzling your face into my neck.
I ran my hands down your spine a few times before they ended up on your bare ass (we were both still naked from the fun we’d had the night before) and I squeezed gently, making you squeal and remove your face from the crook of my neck.

Your lips found mine in a passionate kiss, which I immediately deepened as I moved my hands from your ass up to your neck.
Our lips moved in perfect sync for a few minutes – or was it hours?
I always lose track of the time when I’m kissing you. I lose track of everything when I’m kissing you – until you pulled away.
We were both breathing heavily, panting.
You placed a light kiss on my forehead before uttering one word – ‘absolutely’ – that made my heart soar and the biggest smile I’d ever smiled in my entire life adorned my face.

I struggled to sit up, seeing as you were still lying on top of me, but I managed to eventually and you ended up facing me with your legs wrapped around my waist.
I pushed forward more, making you end up on your back so that I could grab the ring I had placed on my bedside table.

With you still underneath me, I grabbed your left hand and held the ring up.
“S-so, that’s a y-yes, then?” I asked, suddenly nervous, and for some reason, thinking you were going to tell me you were joking before.

You giggled quietly to yourself at my nervousness. “Of course it’s a yes, Josh. I love you.”

My face broke out into a smile, as did yours, and I easily slipped your engagement ring onto your third finger on your left hand.
You looked down at your hand appreciatively for a few seconds, before sighing heavily and looking up into my eyes with a pout on your face.

“God, my present for you is shit in comparison… I should’ve got you something better,” you said quietly.

I took your face in my hands, and kissed your still-pouting lips. “Baby…” I started to say, but you grabbed my hands and pulled them away from your face and stood up, pacing over to my closet.
I watchedyour ass you in confusion as you went, wondering what the hell you were doing.
You bent down after you opened the closet door (giving me a very nice view) and dug around in the huge pile of clothes that were sitting on the floor of the closet before producing a rectangular box.

“I um, I hid it in there a few days ago cause I figured we’d be here…seeing as your parents are on a business trip… I had a feeling you wouldn’t find it there…” you mumbled, crawling back onto the bed and sitting next to me, before handing me the box.

The white text that read ‘Vans’ stood out against the black cardboard, and I ran my fingers over the top of the box, tracing the ‘A’ with my fingertip.
I looked sideways at you, questioning, as I opened the lid.
Your face was twisted into a worried grimace, and I removed one hand from the box to stroke your face quickly.

I looked back down at the box to discover a pair of what I assume used to be plain black Vans, but which were decorated with brightly coloured words and pictures, all written and drawn by your hand.

I picked one up and looked at it closely.
You pointed at one spot in particular, drawing my attention to the largest words you had written on the shoe.

“What Addison loves about Josh.”

My eyes roamed the rest of the shoe; as they discovered each new thing you had written, my heart swelled just that tiny bit more until I was legitimately surprised that it hadn’t burst out of my chest and landed on the bedspread, leaving a throbbing bloody mess that you would’ve had to clean up because I’d be in the bathroom puking my guts up…….
Uh, yeah, let’s not think about that, it’s kinda making me feel ill…

Anyway, some words stood out to me, and they made my grin stretch even wider on my face, but they also made my brain wonder why the hell you (or anyone, for that matter) would love that about me.

Still, to this day I don’t know why you would love my fear of blood and needles, nor do I know why you love my absolute insanity or the fact that I talk too much.
Or my dirty mind, for that matter, seeing as you constantly complain that I’m always zoning out while I think about doing naughty things with you…
I don’t know, but all of these traits somehow ended up on the shoes…

I looked up at you, and noticed you were frowning nervously as you stared at me.
“Do you like them?” you whispered, looking down at your hands that were folded in your lap. I placed a finger under your chin and forced you to look at me again.
“Honey, I love them. They’re amazing,” I gushed.
I put the shoes messily back into the box and placed the box on my bedside table. “But you know what’s even more amazing?” I asked.
“What?”
“You, my amazing, beautiful, boyf- uh, I mean, fiancée. God, I’ll never be able to stop saying that now. I fucking love you, Addison Sinclair. And I fucking love my present. It’s perfect. You know I’m always going to be wearing them now, right?”

You giggled, “Yeah…I hoped that would be the case. And I fucking love you too, Joshua Aaron Bates. Holy shit, I can’t believe I’m engaged…”
“Believe it, baby,” I sang as I grabbed you around the middle and pushed you so that you were lying on the bed underneath me.

My lips found yours once more in a heated kiss as your hands tangled in my hair.

Okay, so I lied at the beginning, about the physical ‘I love yous’ coming later.
Ha! As if!

That day, all up, we made love four times, each time as beautiful and perfect as the last.
And each time, I would see the glint of your ring as your hands roamed my body, and my heart would swell, knowing that I was the one who put it there, and that I was the one you’d be spending the rest of your life with.

And my shoes?
I’m wearing them now, actually.
As I told you four years ago, I always wear them.
I don’t know what it was that you used to write and draw on the canvas, but it’s brilliant.
The colours haven’t faded, even after all these years, just like my love for you has never faded, not even for a second.