Do You Remember

We had always said, for as long as I can remember, that after we graduated from high school, we would move out of home and live together in an apartment in the city. Of course, when we began planning this move – when we were maybe 10 years old – we imagined living together as friends and nothing more. But then, when I fell in love with you a couple of years later, everything changed. I wanted everything to be perfect. I had huge plans. We’d get a spacious apartment with at least 2 bedrooms (in case we ever adopted kids) in the centre of the city. We’d be able to walk to our jobs and to anywhere we needed to go – restaurants, shopping malls, the cinema – and share a car for the places we went where it was just that bit too far to go on foot. We’d have fantastic neighbours who would totally accept us and we’d spend lots of time hanging out with them, partying in each other’s places and babysitting each other’s kids…

I had it all planned out in my head. Me and you, living happily ever after.

But of course, like everything I ever hoped and dreamed, it didn’t work out that way.

For one thing, we didn’t have a huge amount of money saved up and our jobs didn’t have fantastic pay, so we couldn’t get our dream apartment right off the bat. Maybe in a couple of years after we moved out of our parents’ homes we’d have been able to afford something more like I dreamed. But for an 18 year old and a 19 year old, the apartment that we ended up getting was pretty good.

One bedroom was fine for us at the time, because obviously we didn’t have kids and I wasn’t going to let you sleep by yourself, because I’m an Addison-hog and I need to have you next to me in bed, otherwise it takes me an age to fall asleep and you hate it when I’m grouchy in the mornings due to lack of sleep. So therefore, getting back to my point, a one bedroom, one bathroom apartment with a living room and a kitchen (and a communal laundry) was absolutely perfect for the time being until we could afford to have anything more extravagant.

So yeah… the apartment wasn’t amazing, but it was ours, and it was home. And it meant that we could have a lot of privacy to … do stuff that needed to be doing… like each other.

Ahem.

Anyways. It took us what seemed like an age to move all our crap into our new home. It’s funny how you never know how much stuff you have until you have to move it. In all our lives together (apart from the very first few years of your life when you didn’t live next door to me), we’d never really had to go through every single piece of shit we had acquired over the years, because neither of us had ever moved houses before.

But yeah, the point I was making was, it took us forever to move all our stuff into the apartment, and then even longer to put it all in place so that we wouldn’t have to have it sitting in the middle of the floor for the whole time we lived there.

I know I drove you absolutely insane with the amount of complaining, leering and butt grabbing I did while you were trying so hard to organise it all so the place wouldn’t look like a bomb hit it. But seriously, Addison, can you blame me? I had to watch you, you, with the perfect body, the perfect ass, work topless and shaking your ass to the dance music you’d always have playing when you were putting all our stuff where you wanted it. I mean, seriously. Come on. You had to have known by then that I found – sorry, find – it hard to keep my hands off of you when you’re acting so sexy like that… and even when you’re not acting sexy and just being your normal sexy self instead. So basically, I find it hard to keep my hands off of you all the time. And you must’ve known that.

So I can’t see why you were always so bitchy at me when I begged you to stop trying to organise the glasses in the kitchen cupboard or folding the bed sheets to fit in the linen cupboard so that we could go “test” out the bed. Unless you were just being bitchy to tease me. Which wouldn’t actually surprise me. Because, in the end, I always got my way, and let me tell you, that bed, it has got to be the best “tested” bed in the world.

But anyway, after about a solid month of first of all, deciding what to bring with us, and then actually bringing it with us, and THEN getting it all organised within our apartment, everything was all done.

I’m looking around the apartment at the moment as I’m writing this, and it looks almost exactly the same as it did when we moved in that few years ago. The only thing that’s missing is your presence, your smile. The pile of magazines you always had lying around the place. They’re all with you, so that you can read them when you’re bored when I’m not around. There’s only one plate, one set of cutlery, and one glass in the sink: mine. One set of shoes at the door: mine; the ones you decorated for me.

The apartment was much more perfect when you were living in it with me. But the doctors said that it wouldn’t be a good idea for you to spend too much time away from the hospital these days. You can come home for a couple of hours during the day, but your side of the bed has been consistently made for weeks.

But you know, Addy? If I could spend my entire days and nights with you, I’d sell the apartment right now, along with most of our belongings (everything, apart from the most special items), and live with you at the hospital. I know it’s getting hard for you to come home at all; the car trips are getting too painful for you now.

I only go home these days because I have to. And I wish I didn’t. I want to spend every second of the rest of my life by your side. The nurses just make it so difficult for me to do that, and, sometimes I hate them for it. But I know you need your rest and I guess I do as well. I suppose I’ll just have to stick it out in our empty bed without you for now. At least I still get my kiss goodnight before I leave. You know that I live for that, Ad? It’s the only reason I’ll leave without security physically throwing me out. And a kiss good morning from you is the reason I wake up so early to be there right on the dot of visiting hours. I crave your kisses, baby. I need them. Like I need you. And like I need your love.