Do You Remember

I remember it like it was yesterday.
I know it’s cliché to say, but it’s true, our first kiss is forever wedged into my mind.
It’s not like it was a special occasion or anything, we were hanging out like normal seventeen year old guys, chatting about all sorts of stuff – mainly the girls, and in my case, boys that we thought were cute.

You asked me with curiosity shining in your eyes, how I would describe the perfect boy for me.
I couldn’t very well answer “you”, because, obviously, you didn’t know that I was in love with you.
So I tried to describe you the best I could without actually letting you know.

Green eyes.

Black hair.

Slightly shorter than me.

Slim, but not skinny.

Someone who enjoys the same sort of music.

Someone who is cute, funny and adorable; loving and generous.

Someone passionate and caring.

Someone sensitive to my feelings.

Someone who would be my best friend as well as my lover.

Your eyes widened dramatically as I said that last one and I cocked my head in a questioning manner.
You looked like you were about to cry when you whispered so quietly that I could barely hear you. “But I thought I was your best friend.”

I nearly blurted out that I wanted you to be my lover too, but thankfully, for once in my life, my inappropriate thoughts stayed in my head.
You should be proud of me for that; it doesn’t happen very often.

Instead, I took your hands that were resting in your lap.
You were so used to me doing this now – I started doing it much more often after I admitted I was gay – that you didn’t flinch or move away like you might’ve done before and you looked up into my eyes.

“Addison, you are my best friend. You always will be, no matter what happens,” I explained to you quietly.

“But you said that you wanted your boyfriend to be your best friend…”

“No, I said I wanted my best friend to be my boyfriend.” The words came flooding out of my mouth before I could stop them.

Oh well done, Josh, I remember thinking sarcastically to myself. Now you’ve done it. Open mouth, insert foot, dumbass. You’ve probably freaked Addison out, because you’re such an idiot and you just had to tell him. Good going, moron.

While I was insulting myself inside my head (y’know, cause I’m really normal like that), you were staring at me in disbelief, as if you couldn’t quite believe what you heard.
I let go of your hands and stood up, grabbing my jacket off the floor where I left it.
You were still staring.

“I’m sorry, Addison,” I said, before heading over to your door.

“Did you mean it?” I heard quietly from behind me. I stopped with my hand on the doorknob and turned to face you. You were standing up and looking at me nervously. “Did you mean what you said? You… you want me to be your b-boyfriend?”

I nodded dumbly, miserably.
I expected you to get this cute little look of sadness on your face as you got ready to tell me that you didn’t like me in that way, and that we shouldn’t be friends anymore because you were afraid I’d try and rape you or something.
I stood up straight, ready for the words that would shatter my heart, although I wasn’t going to let you know that; I’d already put you though enough with me just telling you I liked you.

“Addison, before you say anything. Just know; I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean for you to find out and I know that…”

“Josh?”

“…you don’t feel that way about me and that’s fine. Never in a million years would I expect…”

“Josh!”

“…someone as amazing as you to ever want me because I’m pretty much clinically insane and I’m too accident prone and my brain never connects to my mouth when I need it to, especially when I’m thinking inappropriate thoughts and…”

“JOSH!”

“…you’re just perfect in every way, not to mention that you’re straight and have a million girls after you and I’m just some dumbass who can’t keep their mind off you and who’s been in love with you for five fucking years and even though I’ve been perfectly content to just dream about being with you up until now, I don’t think I can do it anymore, especially since you know and…”

“OH MY GOD! WHAT DOES IT TAKE TO GET YOU TO SHUT UP!?!” you roared, startling me out of my speech that probably would have gone for another thousand years had you not interrupted.

“Listen to me, Joshua Aaron Banks,” you said to me, rushing over to the door where I was standing and taking my face in your hands to stop me from looking anywhere else but your pretty face. “I. LIKE. YOU. TOO. If you had shut up for five, I would’ve told you that earlier.”

“B-bb-bbut?” I stuttered, and you giggled. I tried again, “I thought you were straight.”
“No. Remember the conversation we were having a few minutes ago? You asked me which girls I thought were cute, so I told you. You didn’t ask me which guys I thought were cute, though. Hello, Josh. My name is Addison, and I’m bisexual. And right now, I kinda, really like this boy I know. Maybe you know him? He just admitted that he’s liked me for five years. I wonder if he knows that I’ve liked him for six?” you said, stepping closer to me.

I’m sure I visibly shuddered when you were about two centimetres away from me.

I had no idea what to say.
I spluttered around for a bit before a “nguhh” came out of my mouth. Smooth, Josh, smooth.

“Hey, Joshy?” you asked, rather seductively, I might add.
“Ngh… yeah?”
“Wanna be my boyfriend?”

Oh my god, Addison.
You literally made that day the happiest of my life when you said that.
I never knew four little words could make me so happy.
But they did.

I had been celebrating in my head until I heard a slight cough from in front of me and I snapped back into reality.
Duh, he wants an answer, stupid, my brain told me.
I had trouble forming my mouth around the word ‘yes’ for some reason, so I answered the next best way.

I practically tackled you as I shoved my mouth on yours, not really caring whether you wanted to kiss me or not.
It didn’t matter; you were going to kiss me, and you were going to like it.

We ended up on the floor in a mess of limbs cause I kinda accidently tripped you over and you collapsed, with me falling on top of you.Oh, the things I could’ve done to you in that position. No, naughty pen, stop making me sound like a creep.

Yeah, anyway. We were laughing when I pulled away to give us the chance to breathe.
Your eyes were shining as you looked up at me with a look of lust on your face.

“I’ll take that as a ‘yes’, then?” you panted.
“No shit,” I replied, before attacking your face with kisses.

I’d dreamed of that moment a hundred times, but even in the dreams that involved much more than just kissing, it never felt as good as really, actually kissing you.

Remember I told you that I wrote a list of ‘Favourite Pastimes’ a short while after we got together, but I wouldn’t show it to you? I’ve finally gotten over my embarrassment, so here it is…

Number One: Kissing Addison.

That one’s all you need to know.