Status: enjoy.
You're the Air I Breathe
twelve.
Macy's Point of View
The next couple weeks were stressful because I had to be careful; I couldn't drink, I had to eat healthy foods, and I had to make sure I took the right vitamins everyday. But, I knew it was all for a good reason.
By now, I was becoming excited. I was happy to be pregnant, and I knew that within the next eight months, we'd have a family.
Stella was already bugging me to buy baby clothes and get the room all decorated and stuff, but I wanted to wait until I could find out the gender of the baby first. Stella always wants to buy baby things; Danielle had known the feeling. But I know that Stella's going to be a great Mom someday.
I got up this morning and made myself something to eat. Nick was already awake and was watching TV in the living room, with a cup of coffee in his hands. He smiled at me. "Good morning." He said, as he flipped through the stations. I blew him a kiss and buttered my toast. "Good morning."
The phone suddenly rang and I picked it up. "Hello?" I said. It was Stella. "Hey, Danielle and I wanted to know if you wanted to come shopping and go out to lunch?" I thought about it. "Sure, but I have to be back before 3; I have a doctors appointment." She said okay, and that she would pick me up at about 11:30.
*****
I got dressed and took a shower, and put some makeup on. I looked at my reflection in the mirror and I touched my stomach. It hadn't changed much since my last doctors appointment; I hoped it was normal.
I grabbed my things and kissed Nick goodbye. "I'll pick you up at around 3?" He said, looking at his watch. I nodded and smiled. "See you then." I walked out the door and hopped into Stella's car.
We went shopping for a couple hours; bought some things for myself, some baby things for Danielle, and I also looked at some stuff for the baby. We went to eat at a cute little cafe in the mall. I got a chicken cesar salad as did Danielle and Stella. It was good.
"So, are you going to find out the gender today?" Stella asked. I shook my head. "No, it's too early." Danielle nodded. "Yeah, I didn't find out until my 4th month in." I nodded and continued to eat. "I hope it's a girl..." Stella said, smiling. I laughed. "What, so you can dress it up in frilly pink outfits?" She smiled deviously and nodded. "Well, I mean, Danielle's having a baby boy, so we need a little girl." I smiled and Danielle laughed.
I looked at my watch; 2:45. "Ah, I better pay...Nick will be here in a couple minutes to pick me up." They shook their heads. "Don't worry about it, hun. We'll take care of the check." Danielle smiled. "Aw, thanks guys. I owe you." I grabbed my bag and headed out. "I'll text you later!" Stella said.
I waited outside for a couple minutes, until I saw Nick pull up. He smiled and I walked over to the car. I got inside and kissed Nick quick. "Hi honey," He said, starting to drive away from the mall. "Have fun?" He asked. I nodded and smiled. "Yeah, it was fun. But I'm more excited for this appointment."
He laughed. "I am too; I can't wait to see how you're doing." He said, holding my hand and smiling at me. He kissed my hand and smiled. "Me too..." I said, thinking about it.
******
We got to the doctors office and we signed in again. We headed back into the same familuar room and waited for Dr.Mackenzie.
She came in about 5 minutes later with a smile on her face. "Hello Macy. How've you been feeling?" She asked, setting up the ultrasound. I laid back on the table. "I've been great, thanks." I lifted up my shirt and she put the gel on again, and placed the wand on my stomach. Nick held my hand as we watched the screen.
Dr. Mackenzie moved the wand around, and around, moving it from place to place. Her smile soon began to fade. "Hmmm..." She said, looking at the screen with a concerned face. I looked at Nick, my heart pounding, then back at Dr.Mackenzie. "Is something wrong...?"
She looked at me. "No, well, I'm not sure. I'm trying to figure out..." She said, her voice trailing off. She sighed and put the wand down. "I'll be right back." She said, walking out. My eyes began to tear up and Nick squeezed my hand tight. "Don't worry...I'm sure everything will be okay." He said, reassuringly.
Dr. Mackenzie walked back in with another doctor. The doctor I didn't know, quickly placed the wand back on and watched the screen. Dr. Mackenzie watched from afar. He sighed and took the wand off. "Is..everything okay?" Nick said. He looked down then back at me.
"I'm sorry Mrs. Lucas, but we...we can't seem to find a heartbeat."
Nick's Point of View
My heart sunk. I looked at Macy; her face was white as a sheet. Tears began to fall. I looked back at the Doctor's. "I...I don't get it. Everthing was fine a couple of weeks ago..." I said, not letting go of Macy's hand. She hadn't said anything for awhile...I was growing worried.
The doctor sighed. "These things are common...they happen sometimes. I'm so sorry, but in the next couple months or so, you can try again. We'll let you talk things over and you can schedule another appointment. I'm sorry." The Doctors both left and we were left alone.
Macy immediatly broke into tears. I sighed and hugged her, holding her close to me. "It's alright, Macy. It's okay to cry..." I couldn't imagine how she was feeling inside; if I felt broken, she must've felt shattered.
"I wanted this...so...bad." She said, her voice breaking. I closed my eyes, not letting go of her. She just cried for awhile. "We can...we can try again later." She held me close.
*****
The ride home was a quiet. We practically drove home in silence. She just watched as the rain fell out the window. We pulled up to the house and walked inside as the rain fell. I watched as she walked inside, dropping her purse on the floor. She walked over to the couch and laid down, closing her eyes.
I sat on the chair across the room from her and watched her. Tears fell from her eyes as she lay there. "Macy..." I said, breaking down inside. She started to cry again and I ran over, sat her up and sat beside her, rocking her back and forth in my arms.
"We're going to have a family; I promise." I said, kissing her forehead as she cried. "We are going to have a beautiful family...with as many kids as you want...and a dog. We'll get a dog." I said, trying to make things seem better.
She smiled at me through her tears. "I love you." I smiled, "I love you too. We'll try again, okay?" She nodded and rested her head on my shoulder as we sat there for awhile.
Macy's Point of View
I got up from the couch where Nick and I had fallen asleep, and I grabbed the portable phone. I locked myself in the bedroom and began to dial Stella's number. I felt tears sting my eyes when she picked up. "Hey hun, how'd it go?"
I started crying again. "Oh god, what's wrong...? I'm coming over..I'll be there in 5." I heard her hang up the phone and I sighed. I stood up, unlocked the door and waited outside for her to pull up.
When she did, she didn't waste any time. She ran out of the car and hugged me. "Is everything okay? Why're crying?" She asked, concerned. I shook my head. "Stella...I had a miscarriage." Her face went pale and she opened her mouth, but couldn't speak.
She just hugged me tight as I cried again, not letting go of me. "When...when, did this happen?" She asked, in disbelief. I shrugged. "Everything was going great..and then this happens."
"I cannot believe this. I'm so sorry, Macy. I can't imagine how you feel." She said, choking up. "How's Nick taking it?" I sighed. "He's taking it hard, not as hard as me, but he's shaken up." She sighed. "Can you try again soon?" I nodded. "A month or so."
Suddenly, I heard the front door open, then shut. I turned around and saw Nick. His eyes looked kind of tired and red. He half smiled at Stella. "Hey, I'm guessing she told you?" Stella nodded and hugged him. "I'm so sorry, Nick." Nick sighed and hugged her back tight. "Thanks Stell." He looked at me and hugged me. "How're you doing? Did you fall asleep?" I nodded.
"Well, I'll go now. I'll leave you two alone for awhile. But, call me if you need anything at all. Okay? Anything." We both nodded and she smiled and drove away.
Nick's Point of View
I cooked a meal tonight, and I served it, setting the plate down in front of Macy. She smiled tiredly. "Thanks hun," She said, kissing my cheek. I smiled and sat down beside her, eating my dinner.
"So, when we try again...are you at a risk of it happening again?" She shrugged. "I don't know...I don't think so, but it can happen. " I nodded and continued to eat.
For the rest of the night, it was pretty quiet. I had to tell Joe, Kevin, and my parents the bad news. The phone wouldn't stop ringing, Macy kept crying, and it just wasn't the best of nights we'd been through.
I laid in bed that night, wondering, why? Why us? Why couldn't God let us keep the baby and let us raise our little picture perfect family. Why did he have to make Macy so upset? I looked at Macy who was sound asleep, a sad expression on her face. I sighed. It was the worst thing; seeing someone you care so much about in such a sad state.
*****
The next morning, Macy was in a bit of a better mood. She woke up tired, but with a smile on her face. "Thank you for everything, Nick." She said, hugging me. I smiled and kissed her forehead. "I love you, and we go through everything together. And I mean everything." She nodded and I made us some breakfast.
We went out to town to buy some groceries and we passed the baby clothes section in the supermarket. I looked at Macy's face; it was sad and she looked down, trying to ignore it. I pulled her close to me and we continued on our way.
She helped me load in the groceries in the back of the car, and we went for a drive around town; just for the heck of it. I felt like we needed a break from the house.
"Danielle's so lucky..." Macy suddenly said as we were driving. I looked at her. "Danielle? Why?" She looked at me seriously. "Because...she actually can carry the baby without it dying..." I sighed. "Macy, you can't blame yourself for something you have no control over. You have to realize that life isn't always fair; your not the only one. And you will be a mother someday. Okay?" She sighed and continued to stare out the car window.
I wish I knew how to make her happy. I wish everything that happened in the past day and a half was all just some crazy nightmare. But it wasn't; it was real life and there was nothing I could do to change it.
Macy's Point of View
Nick suddenly pulled into a random parking lot. "Nick, what're you...?" I looked at the sign and smiled. It was the resteraunt where Nick proposed. He smiled at me. "We're going out for dinner tonight. I know it won't be as great as the meal I made last night," he said winking, "but it'll be pretty close." He smiled and I laughed. He walked me out of the car and into the resteraunt.
"Reservations, sir?" The man at the front said. Nick nodded. "For Mr and Mrs Lucas." The guy crossed out our names and smiled. "Your table's this way." We followed him to the back of the resteraunt to a small table near the window.
We sat down and I sighed. "I'm exhausted." I said, rubbing my eyes. He smiled. "Your cute when your tired." I laughed. "Am I not cute all the time?" He laughed. "Of course." We looked at the menu for a bit and we ordered our meals.
Everything was delicious. We talked, ate, and drank. "Come on; let's go outside." We left our table and headed out back to where Nick proposed; in the garden area. I smiled and memories filled my head. "Wow..." I said. "This place looks the same." Nick smiled at me, and took my hands, beginning to dance with me. I laughed as we twirled along the gazebo patio.
I rested my head on his chest and sighed. "I love you." He smiled, and rubbed my back. "I love you too."
The next couple weeks were stressful because I had to be careful; I couldn't drink, I had to eat healthy foods, and I had to make sure I took the right vitamins everyday. But, I knew it was all for a good reason.
By now, I was becoming excited. I was happy to be pregnant, and I knew that within the next eight months, we'd have a family.
Stella was already bugging me to buy baby clothes and get the room all decorated and stuff, but I wanted to wait until I could find out the gender of the baby first. Stella always wants to buy baby things; Danielle had known the feeling. But I know that Stella's going to be a great Mom someday.
I got up this morning and made myself something to eat. Nick was already awake and was watching TV in the living room, with a cup of coffee in his hands. He smiled at me. "Good morning." He said, as he flipped through the stations. I blew him a kiss and buttered my toast. "Good morning."
The phone suddenly rang and I picked it up. "Hello?" I said. It was Stella. "Hey, Danielle and I wanted to know if you wanted to come shopping and go out to lunch?" I thought about it. "Sure, but I have to be back before 3; I have a doctors appointment." She said okay, and that she would pick me up at about 11:30.
*****
I got dressed and took a shower, and put some makeup on. I looked at my reflection in the mirror and I touched my stomach. It hadn't changed much since my last doctors appointment; I hoped it was normal.
I grabbed my things and kissed Nick goodbye. "I'll pick you up at around 3?" He said, looking at his watch. I nodded and smiled. "See you then." I walked out the door and hopped into Stella's car.
We went shopping for a couple hours; bought some things for myself, some baby things for Danielle, and I also looked at some stuff for the baby. We went to eat at a cute little cafe in the mall. I got a chicken cesar salad as did Danielle and Stella. It was good.
"So, are you going to find out the gender today?" Stella asked. I shook my head. "No, it's too early." Danielle nodded. "Yeah, I didn't find out until my 4th month in." I nodded and continued to eat. "I hope it's a girl..." Stella said, smiling. I laughed. "What, so you can dress it up in frilly pink outfits?" She smiled deviously and nodded. "Well, I mean, Danielle's having a baby boy, so we need a little girl." I smiled and Danielle laughed.
I looked at my watch; 2:45. "Ah, I better pay...Nick will be here in a couple minutes to pick me up." They shook their heads. "Don't worry about it, hun. We'll take care of the check." Danielle smiled. "Aw, thanks guys. I owe you." I grabbed my bag and headed out. "I'll text you later!" Stella said.
I waited outside for a couple minutes, until I saw Nick pull up. He smiled and I walked over to the car. I got inside and kissed Nick quick. "Hi honey," He said, starting to drive away from the mall. "Have fun?" He asked. I nodded and smiled. "Yeah, it was fun. But I'm more excited for this appointment."
He laughed. "I am too; I can't wait to see how you're doing." He said, holding my hand and smiling at me. He kissed my hand and smiled. "Me too..." I said, thinking about it.
******
We got to the doctors office and we signed in again. We headed back into the same familuar room and waited for Dr.Mackenzie.
She came in about 5 minutes later with a smile on her face. "Hello Macy. How've you been feeling?" She asked, setting up the ultrasound. I laid back on the table. "I've been great, thanks." I lifted up my shirt and she put the gel on again, and placed the wand on my stomach. Nick held my hand as we watched the screen.
Dr. Mackenzie moved the wand around, and around, moving it from place to place. Her smile soon began to fade. "Hmmm..." She said, looking at the screen with a concerned face. I looked at Nick, my heart pounding, then back at Dr.Mackenzie. "Is something wrong...?"
She looked at me. "No, well, I'm not sure. I'm trying to figure out..." She said, her voice trailing off. She sighed and put the wand down. "I'll be right back." She said, walking out. My eyes began to tear up and Nick squeezed my hand tight. "Don't worry...I'm sure everything will be okay." He said, reassuringly.
Dr. Mackenzie walked back in with another doctor. The doctor I didn't know, quickly placed the wand back on and watched the screen. Dr. Mackenzie watched from afar. He sighed and took the wand off. "Is..everything okay?" Nick said. He looked down then back at me.
"I'm sorry Mrs. Lucas, but we...we can't seem to find a heartbeat."
Nick's Point of View
My heart sunk. I looked at Macy; her face was white as a sheet. Tears began to fall. I looked back at the Doctor's. "I...I don't get it. Everthing was fine a couple of weeks ago..." I said, not letting go of Macy's hand. She hadn't said anything for awhile...I was growing worried.
The doctor sighed. "These things are common...they happen sometimes. I'm so sorry, but in the next couple months or so, you can try again. We'll let you talk things over and you can schedule another appointment. I'm sorry." The Doctors both left and we were left alone.
Macy immediatly broke into tears. I sighed and hugged her, holding her close to me. "It's alright, Macy. It's okay to cry..." I couldn't imagine how she was feeling inside; if I felt broken, she must've felt shattered.
"I wanted this...so...bad." She said, her voice breaking. I closed my eyes, not letting go of her. She just cried for awhile. "We can...we can try again later." She held me close.
*****
The ride home was a quiet. We practically drove home in silence. She just watched as the rain fell out the window. We pulled up to the house and walked inside as the rain fell. I watched as she walked inside, dropping her purse on the floor. She walked over to the couch and laid down, closing her eyes.
I sat on the chair across the room from her and watched her. Tears fell from her eyes as she lay there. "Macy..." I said, breaking down inside. She started to cry again and I ran over, sat her up and sat beside her, rocking her back and forth in my arms.
"We're going to have a family; I promise." I said, kissing her forehead as she cried. "We are going to have a beautiful family...with as many kids as you want...and a dog. We'll get a dog." I said, trying to make things seem better.
She smiled at me through her tears. "I love you." I smiled, "I love you too. We'll try again, okay?" She nodded and rested her head on my shoulder as we sat there for awhile.
Macy's Point of View
I got up from the couch where Nick and I had fallen asleep, and I grabbed the portable phone. I locked myself in the bedroom and began to dial Stella's number. I felt tears sting my eyes when she picked up. "Hey hun, how'd it go?"
I started crying again. "Oh god, what's wrong...? I'm coming over..I'll be there in 5." I heard her hang up the phone and I sighed. I stood up, unlocked the door and waited outside for her to pull up.
When she did, she didn't waste any time. She ran out of the car and hugged me. "Is everything okay? Why're crying?" She asked, concerned. I shook my head. "Stella...I had a miscarriage." Her face went pale and she opened her mouth, but couldn't speak.
She just hugged me tight as I cried again, not letting go of me. "When...when, did this happen?" She asked, in disbelief. I shrugged. "Everything was going great..and then this happens."
"I cannot believe this. I'm so sorry, Macy. I can't imagine how you feel." She said, choking up. "How's Nick taking it?" I sighed. "He's taking it hard, not as hard as me, but he's shaken up." She sighed. "Can you try again soon?" I nodded. "A month or so."
Suddenly, I heard the front door open, then shut. I turned around and saw Nick. His eyes looked kind of tired and red. He half smiled at Stella. "Hey, I'm guessing she told you?" Stella nodded and hugged him. "I'm so sorry, Nick." Nick sighed and hugged her back tight. "Thanks Stell." He looked at me and hugged me. "How're you doing? Did you fall asleep?" I nodded.
"Well, I'll go now. I'll leave you two alone for awhile. But, call me if you need anything at all. Okay? Anything." We both nodded and she smiled and drove away.
Nick's Point of View
I cooked a meal tonight, and I served it, setting the plate down in front of Macy. She smiled tiredly. "Thanks hun," She said, kissing my cheek. I smiled and sat down beside her, eating my dinner.
"So, when we try again...are you at a risk of it happening again?" She shrugged. "I don't know...I don't think so, but it can happen. " I nodded and continued to eat.
For the rest of the night, it was pretty quiet. I had to tell Joe, Kevin, and my parents the bad news. The phone wouldn't stop ringing, Macy kept crying, and it just wasn't the best of nights we'd been through.
I laid in bed that night, wondering, why? Why us? Why couldn't God let us keep the baby and let us raise our little picture perfect family. Why did he have to make Macy so upset? I looked at Macy who was sound asleep, a sad expression on her face. I sighed. It was the worst thing; seeing someone you care so much about in such a sad state.
*****
The next morning, Macy was in a bit of a better mood. She woke up tired, but with a smile on her face. "Thank you for everything, Nick." She said, hugging me. I smiled and kissed her forehead. "I love you, and we go through everything together. And I mean everything." She nodded and I made us some breakfast.
We went out to town to buy some groceries and we passed the baby clothes section in the supermarket. I looked at Macy's face; it was sad and she looked down, trying to ignore it. I pulled her close to me and we continued on our way.
She helped me load in the groceries in the back of the car, and we went for a drive around town; just for the heck of it. I felt like we needed a break from the house.
"Danielle's so lucky..." Macy suddenly said as we were driving. I looked at her. "Danielle? Why?" She looked at me seriously. "Because...she actually can carry the baby without it dying..." I sighed. "Macy, you can't blame yourself for something you have no control over. You have to realize that life isn't always fair; your not the only one. And you will be a mother someday. Okay?" She sighed and continued to stare out the car window.
I wish I knew how to make her happy. I wish everything that happened in the past day and a half was all just some crazy nightmare. But it wasn't; it was real life and there was nothing I could do to change it.
Macy's Point of View
Nick suddenly pulled into a random parking lot. "Nick, what're you...?" I looked at the sign and smiled. It was the resteraunt where Nick proposed. He smiled at me. "We're going out for dinner tonight. I know it won't be as great as the meal I made last night," he said winking, "but it'll be pretty close." He smiled and I laughed. He walked me out of the car and into the resteraunt.
"Reservations, sir?" The man at the front said. Nick nodded. "For Mr and Mrs Lucas." The guy crossed out our names and smiled. "Your table's this way." We followed him to the back of the resteraunt to a small table near the window.
We sat down and I sighed. "I'm exhausted." I said, rubbing my eyes. He smiled. "Your cute when your tired." I laughed. "Am I not cute all the time?" He laughed. "Of course." We looked at the menu for a bit and we ordered our meals.
Everything was delicious. We talked, ate, and drank. "Come on; let's go outside." We left our table and headed out back to where Nick proposed; in the garden area. I smiled and memories filled my head. "Wow..." I said. "This place looks the same." Nick smiled at me, and took my hands, beginning to dance with me. I laughed as we twirled along the gazebo patio.
I rested my head on his chest and sighed. "I love you." He smiled, and rubbed my back. "I love you too."