Bright Lights

“I’m leaving, Jon.” The words echoed through his brain over and over as he watched his girlfriend, the love of his life, his soul mate pack up her belongings from their Hinsdale, Illinois home. Those three words left her mouth so simply, but there was nothing simple about the statement. The words hit Jonathan like a freight train.

“What..” his voice cracked before he could continue and Jonathan cleared his throat to hide it. “What do you mean?” Nicole stood from her seated position in the middle of their overly large bedroom floor and turned to face Jonathan. She had kept her composure, until now, that is. She could feel herself breaking, and looking at her boyfriend who was clearly torn up inside and out was not helping her keep it together. She wanted nothing more than to take it all back. To put her jeans, her skirts, her tee shirts and hoodies back into her closet. She wanted to put her suitcases back into their garage where they had been collecting dust, but she couldn’t. She couldn’t pretend that everything was okay.

Jonathan and Nicole had been together for eighteen months, though Nicole had spent the last four trying to stick it out. She kept telling herself that it would get better; it hadn’t. She was crazy about Jonathan. She was head over heels in love with him, but she despised the fact that hockey was just as important to him as she was; maybe even more so. Nicole knew absolutely nothing about hockey and that was what attracted Jonathan to her. Nearly every other woman in Chicago that he met got star struck when he was near them. Nicole was a breath of fresh air for Jonathan. She was so real that it made him feel alive again. She made him feel like he was more than just a hockey player.

“I can’t do this anymore.” She muttered as she wiped the tears off of her cheeks. Jonathan immediately closed the space between himself and Nicole. He hated nothing more than seeing her cry. “No Jon!” She exclaimed, pushing him away. “I can’t do this!” She shouted.

“You can’t do what?”

“I can’t do us! I can’t live like this!”

“Nic, baby…whatever it is, tell me! Tell me and I’ll make it better, I promise!” Jonathan pleaded, grabbing a hold of her slim hand, but she shook her head violently.

“You can’t make it better, Jon. It’s who you are.” She told him. “I love you. I love you so much, but I need to be put first!” She pulled away from his grasp and closed her suitcases. “I’ve spent most of the past eighteen months being your number two. Maybe that sounds selfish, but you know what, Jon? I did my best to be the perfect hockey girlfriend. I did! I did everything that was expected of me. I went to every single one of your events. I looked good, I smiled and I kept my mouth shut. I was at every game cheering you on and I lifted your spirits after every loss. I tried to be what you need but I’m tired! I’m tired of it Jon. I need to live my life for me. I’ve given up on my dreams to be with you. Hockey is your number one, I get that. But I am not going to let it take over my life too.” She went up onto her toes and placed one last kiss on Jonathan’s thin lips. Before she could pull away Jonathan’s grip on her hips tightened and he pulled her roughly against him. His lips crashed against hers, intent on making her stay in whichever way he could and right now this was the only way he could think of.

When Jonathan finally let her go, he watched her eyes open slowly. “Don’t go.” He begged.

“I’m sorry.” She muttered and with one quick glance back she was gone.
_____

Nicole fiddled with the key attempting to get into her Greenwich Village loft. Finally managing to get the door opened, she went inside dropping her purse in the oversized arm chair and the colourful department store bags onto the floor next to it. She hit the flashing button on her answering machine telling her that she had three new messages. As she pulled her long wavy blonde locks into a messy ponytail she listened to her mother tell her about the new cottage that she and Nicole’s father had just bought. Nicole made her way to the fridge and studied the contents, trying to decide if she was hungry or not as she listened to her boss go on about a missing file and then half way through his rant he found it and then went on with apologizing for his hastiness. Nicole pulled a bottle of water out of the fridge and cracked it’s seal.

“Nicole.” She stopped, stunned as she heard that voice echoing through her loft. There was a long pause, and Nicole hurried over to the answering machine awaiting the rest of the message with her heart beating so hard that it hurt.

“Hey. It’s me.” Nicole bit her lip. “It’s uh…It’s Jonathan.” Nicole smiled weakly. He could have left it at ‘It’s me.’ She knew who it was the minute she heard his voice. “Listen…I’m going to be in New York for a few days. I’ve got a couple of games…you know how it is.” Nicole nodded, though he couldn’t see her. “Anyways, I was wondering if we could get together while I’m there.” Nicole’s heart leapt into her throat at the thought of seeing Jonathan again. “Maybe go out for dinner. Or, you know, if you’re busy just a coffee or something.” Again there was a pause and Nicole could practically feel his nervousness radiating through the machine.

“Okay. Well…just give me a call. Let me know what you think. I’ll be there on Tuesday.” He told her. “Bye, Nic.”

Nicole sat on the bar stool next to her telephone. She hadn’t heard from Jonathan in months. After she, left Nicole moved to New York intent on becoming the next big Broadway star. That, however, didn’t happen and Nicole was now living nearly paycheck to paycheck working as a secretary for a real estate office. It crushed her when she thought about how her life had turned out. She had such bright dreams and high hopes, but New York is a tough city to make it in, and it was times like these where she found herself regretting the choices she had made.

Nicole and Jonathan had talked a few times, but obviously his busy schedule made it hard for them to stay in contact and their calls became shorter and then died off all together. She hadn’t seen him since the day she left him. He’d tried. Every time he was in New York, or New Jersey for that matter, he’d tried to get a hold of her but Nicole blew him off every time. She always made up other plans or let her machine answer his calls. She felt guilty every single time, but it still hurt her. They had been apart for nearly a year now, but Nicole hadn’t gotten over their break up. She was still in love with him.

Their relationship got serious fast. Jonathan had completely swept Nicole off of her feet. She was on cloud nine thinking that she had found herself her very own Prince Charming, but the excitement eventually faded. Jonathan was the perfect boyfriend during the off season. He was a great boyfriend during pre season, an alright boyfriend during regular season, and a nonexistent boyfriend during playoffs. Jonathan’s passion in life was hockey. Nicole knew that from day one, but she didn’t like the way her boyfriend changed as the season went on. She didn’t like that the sport changed the man that she loved and that was why she had to leave. Being the captain of a hockey team was not a job that you could leave at the door when you left the arena; especially being the captain of the team that just won the Stanley Cup. It had completely consumed his life, and Nicole had let it take over hers as well. As much as she loved Jonathan, she needed to think of herself. Too bad her attempt to put herself first had been making her miserable.
_____

Jonathan unzipped his hoodie. Suddenly he was burning up. He glanced once more at the gold numbers on the door above the peephole. This was it. It was now or never. He raised his hand and knocked on the wooden door. “Coming!” He heard her call out. When the door opened Nicole’s heart nearly stopped. He was the last person she would have expected to show up at her apartment. She didn’t even think he knew where she lived…she had never told him. The minute Jonathan saw her, any doubts he had in coming here were long gone. Nicole quickly turned away from him.

“Nic.” He said, trying to get her to look at him but Nicole would have rather done anything than look at him right now. For one, she was a complete mess. Her apartment was far from clean and she was in her pajama pants and a ratty old tee shirt after a long days work. She had her hair up in a messy bun and there was zero makeup on her face. She would have much rather seen him when she looked half decent, this was the last way she wanted Jonathan to see her for the first time in so long.

“Nicole.” He stated again, this time stepping through the front door and physically making her look at him, but her eyes were glued anywhere but at him. His hand rose to her chin and he gently guided her eyes to his. Once his eyes were locked on hers once again his heart nearly leapt from his chest. Jonathan had missed those eyes immensely. The way the light found them even in the dullest of rooms. The way the golden flecks complimented the deep sapphire blue. Jonathan often found himself mesmerized by her eyes. He had been worried that Nicole had changed over the past year, but he could tell that she hadn’t. She was still the same Nicole that he fell in love with, she had just gotten even more beautiful.

“God I’ve missed you.” He exclaimed, mostly to himself, as he pulled his ex girlfriend into his arms and held on tight. He didn’t care that he shouldn’t be doing this. All he knew is that he may not get another chance to hold her.

Nicole was on cloud nine wrapped in Jonathan’s arms. It felt so familiar, so comforting, so right. When she felt his lips on the top of her head she pulled away. “What are you doing here?!”

“I left you a message.”

“I know. But I mean here. In my apartment.” She clarified.

“I called your sister.” Nicole groaned. She should have known that it was Aly that had led Jonathan to her. Aly made sure that she let Nicole know just how stupid she was for leaving Jonathan. She was the first person to tell Nicole that she had made a huge mistake. “I wasn’t going to let you blow me off again.” He told her truthfully. Nicole’s cheeks flamed red. She didn’t know that he didn’t believe any of the excuses she had given him in the past.

“You should go.” Nicole told him, but made no effort to enforce her statement.

“Why?” Jonathan asked, a smirk forming on his lips. “You don’t have a boyfriend. If you did this wouldn’t be here.” He stated as he picked up a framed picture of Nicole and himself after he had won the Stanley Cup last year. It was sitting on the end table in the living room right next to where they were standing. Nicole studied the picture. It was one of the happiest moments in their relationship.

“Jon..”

“And you certainly wouldn’t have that.” He carried on, pointing to the picture on the fridge of her kissing Jon on the cheek.

“What’s your point?!” Nicole exclaimed out of frustration. She didn’t need him pointing out the fact that she was still, after all this time, unable to get over him. Nicole had given up a lot of things that had sentimental value and that held memories of her relationship with Jonathan. Pictures were one thing that she could not and would not make herself part with.

Rather than answering her question, Jonathan grabbed a hold of her and pushed his lips against hers passionately. Nicole, out of shock, pulled backwards. “What..”

“Shut up.” He ordered, again placing his lips onto hers. This time Nicole didn’t fight it. She let Jonathan kiss her and she kissed him back with just as much emotion. When Jonathan broke the kiss he rested his forehead to hers.

“Come home with me.” He stated barely above a whisper, but the confidence in his voice told her that he truly meant it. Nicole had stepped away from him. She was having a déjà vu moment. She had heard those words before…read them, rather. Shortly after she had left Jonathan had sent her a text. I hope you find what you’re looking for in New York, but if you don’t…come home. Just come home, Nicole. It was one thing to read those words, but having him here with her saying it was pulling on her heart strings. She turned and paced away from him. “Nicole.” He called, following her into the kitchen. “I want you to come back to Illinois with me.”

“You can’t just come in here, kiss me and then tell me that you want me to leave with you!” Nicole exclaimed.

“Why not?!” Jonathan shouted, he was now the one that was getting frustrated. “You were the one that decided to end us. You took it upon yourself to change MY life. You didn’t even try to fix it. You just ran away!”

“I told you the day I left that there was no point in me staying. There..”

“There was no point in you staying?! BULLSHIT! Point number one I loved you. Point number two you loved me!”

“Jon..”

“Point number three I still love you and I KNOW that you still love me.” As tears began falling over her cheeks she shook her head. “You don’t?” He questioned, again Nicole shook her head. “Then why are you still so upset?” He asked her quietly as he tucked a piece of hair behind her ear. “I’m leaving on Thursday at midnight. Think about it.” His lips pressed against her forehead. Nicole closed her eyes, reveling in the feeling of being close to him again. His lips left her soft skin and when she opened her eyes all she saw was his back as he left her apartment.
_____

Nicole sat on her couch as she watched the minutes go by. She had chewed her bottom lip to pieces and she couldn’t sit still to save her life. It was eleven forty five. Fifteen minutes until Jonathan’s flight was set to leave and Nicole was a nervous wreck. She had been pacing her apartment for hours trying to decide on what to do. She got to her feet and went to her fridge, pulling out a small bottle of apple juice. When she closed the fridge door she saw the photo of her and Jonathan.

"Five! Four! Three!” Nicole grinned up at her boyfriend as the countdown to the new year was being yelled out through the full house. “Two! One! HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!!!!” Jonathan’s lips connected with hers in a long, incredibly passionate kiss. Nicole grinned happily up at him as music blared in the background and people were kissing one another all around them.

“I love you, Nicole.” He confessed. “So god damn much.”

“I love you too, Jon!” He pushed some stray hair out of his beautiful girlfriend’s eyes.

“We’re going to have such an amazing year.” He promised.

“Yah?” She asked.

“Of course! How could it not be amazing when I’ve got you?” Nicole smiled happily as she went up onto her toes and kissed her boyfriend. She then wrapped her arms around his waist letting her head fall against his chest thinking just how lucky she was. She couldn’t ask for more. She and Jonathan were perfect for each other. He was all she wanted and he was all she needed.

Nicole allowed her fingers to trace over the photo. She smiled at the memory. Quickly she turned and headed for the door. She now only had five minutes to stop Jonathan from leaving. She grabbed her coat and pulled the door open as she started to throw her coat on. She stopped immediately as she saw him on the other side of the door.

“Hi.” He said in a sad, miserable tone that matched his equally dismal dark eyes. “I sat at the airport waiting for you. Then when I realized that you weren’t coming…I couldn’t leave without seeing you once more.” He told Nicole. A smile spread across Nicole’s lips. She was ecstatic that he hadn’t left. She threw herself at Jonathan, wrapping her arms around his neck. Jonathan, caught off guard, wound his arms around her waist pulling her tight to his body.

“I’m so happy that you’re still here!” She confessed. Jonathan smiled down at her.

“Of course I’m still here.” He told her, yet again brushing hair from her eyes.

“You’re right, Jon. I love you! I love you so much. I’ve never stopped. Never!” As her confession ended, Jonathan’s hands found the sides of her face.

“You have no idea how long I’ve waited to hear that.” He told her in a hushed voice as his lips found hers.

“What now?” She asked. Jonathan grinned at her, and she felt all warm inside. Nicole adored his smile, she just had no idea how much she’d missed seeing it.

“Well…first things first. We need to get you out of here and get you back home.”